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Just lost my brother and my best friend


DJMtopper

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Hello all, this is my first post and I am not really sure how this works, so I thought I'd give it a try. I heard about this website and heard that there are some really good people on here. First of all, I feel like talking about my brother's loss has really helped me, but I was looking for some advice from people who have gone through a similar tragedy. Just 2 days ago, I lost my brother (who was also my best friend) at the age of 18. We were only 3 years apart so we were incredibly close. He was suppose to have surgery to have his spleen removed because of his ITP blood disorder. The surgery went terribly wrong and the surgeon went straight through the spleen and hit the aorta. They could not get the bleeding to stop and he died on the operating table. My parents called me and my sisters into the hospital and told us what had happened. This became the worst day of my life as Ihad cried the entire day thinking about how simple the surgery should have been and how he should be in the recovery room at this moment. At first, I was in denial and then I became very angry. I can't sleep and never feel like eating. I would never result to drinking because I know that would disappoint my brother. I looked up to him and saw him as my hero even though he was younger than me, since he never complained about having to go to the hospital every week to have blood work done. I always promised myself I'd get a tattoo if something like this ever happened, but I want it on my forearm so that I can always see it. I also wake up at night and check his bed, hoping that this entire ordeal was a nightmare and that I would see my brother fast asleep.

I pray to God that he would just rewind time and bring him back from a successful surgery. I only wish I could have at least said goodbye. I have always believed in heaven, but until that day I can't stop worrying that there is no afterlife and he's just wandering around in lonlieness. I hate that I cannot be there to protect him anymore. What I really want to know is, have any of your deceased loved ones ever made contact with you or gave you a sign that they were ok? I've just been waiting and hoping we would get some kind of sign that he was safe and happy and it hasn't come yet. My friends have all been really supportive of me, but I felt like joining this website and being able to talk to people who have suffered a similar loss. I apologize if any of this sounds ridiculous. Any help or support is really appreciated and thanks in advance for taking the time to read this.

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DJMtopper,

I am so very sorry about the loss of your brother. I lost my brother 34 years ago, today. I can tell you that it does get easier, but it takes time. When my father died, I had a panic over whether he was just wandering around alone. I completely believe in Heaven, but I guess I had a moment of shakiness. While I've never heard from any of my lost relatives, I have had dreams in which they come and tell me they are okay. So, I believe them.

If you want to say goodbye, try writing your brother a letter and tell him what you are experiencing. Some people choose to leave their letters at the cemetery, light them up in a candle ceremony, send them floating down a river or any numerous celebrations. Many people say it helps, so feel free to add your thoughts if you decide to write one.

How is the rest of your family doing? Are you all talking together about your brother? We will be here to support and encourage you. We are glad you found us.

ModKonnie

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Thank you and I appreciate your help and I am sorry about your brother. And yes, talking really does help. I have had my share of tears over the last few days and today was his viewing. Ironically, seeing him there made me feel much better than I thought it would. He didn't look good when the hospital let me see his body so I was glad to see him at peace. Having friends and family there to talk to was also very helpful. In a way, I'm happy because I met all of his friends and they became my friends today. My teammates on my lacrosse team are going to honor him with personalized decals and my family is setting up a scholarship for him in his name. I never would have thought that the funeral would be so relieving. Again, I thank you for taking the time to help me.

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so sorry for your loss.

I can promise you that soonyou will not be getting up to check his bed,and be able to eat some and quite possibly you will "see him".Iwould go for long walks by the river the first month after my sister death,sept 2012,and at some point on the walk she would accompany me.I would cry buckets when she would leave.

Sometimes I sense her presence.which i do right now as i am writing to you.

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JD's Mom, Becky

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