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I Am Just Grieving...


chinmc

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Hi I thought I was doing better but when I think of my daughter it just plain hurts so bad I just set and cry. I've taken on three jobs so I'll be so tired I won't think about her anymore. I don't have anything to live for anymore shes gone. I had dreams about her dying about four years before she did and it makes me think if I hadn't had those dreams she may be alive. I feel like I'm just a shell and I can't enjoy anything. She shouldn't of died Hodgkins is cureable and pneumonia doesn't kill theres medicene for it, but she died from both of them. I can't quit crying I'm so heartbroken her dad don't hurt for her anymore he gave up the his will to live it should have been me. My other daughter doesn't need me she has her boyfriend. I'm at the the end of my rope.

Deb

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For bbarbie55~ I am so sorry about the loss of your sweet daughter. This is such an AWFUL place to be, and I have no answers, as I too HATE the fact that my Danny is not here. I do, however, know that he is in a place where there is none of this stuff, no way can a pain like this ever touch him, and God only knows what he would have ever done if life had taken me first...!!! It seems that when all of the should haves turn into did nots, I do thank God that he did not have to get a call like I did, perhaps...I grasp at anything to help soften this blow, but there were many, many days and nights that just NEVER gave me one moments peace. This may sound a little crazy, and please forgive me if it does, but do you have any pets? We have 4 daschund doggies, and while they are aging, I have "passed the love of the breed" on to another grieving Mom. She has just gotten 2 little puppies, and it has helped ease her pain some... I do not know where I would be without ours...Her only daughter passed away 2 years ago, my Danny 3 years ago, and these little creatures are OBVIOUSLY seprate from our pain, but DEFINATELY a sweet, funny little breed, and they do their best to help...Just a thought. Please email me if I can help you and know that I will try to. I am Betsy, at huntross4@aol.com

LOVE,

mamabets

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4everjoeysmom

Dear Deb, I agree with Mamabets. I found great healing and comfort in having a little furry friend at my side. One month after Joey died, my husband gave me a shih tzu puppy, and he has been at my side ever since. We have since added a mini schnauzer to our family, and the both of them are wonderful companions and bring lots of smiles and even laughs. However, working three jobs isn't so conducive to having pets, because they do appropriately need our time, love and attention. I think sometimes we try to run away from our hurts and fears, and often that makes it much worse, because we avoid facing the darkness head on. We have to walk through the valley to get to the mountain peaks in life, and that is not easy or comforting most times. I received the following as a daily devotion this morning, and I just wanted to share it with you in the hopes that maybe it would encourage you to journey beyond instead of hiding away. God bless you and give you the courage and strength to journey onward. Love and Hugs, Claudia

The people remained at a distance, while Moses approached the thick darkness where God was. - Exodus 20:21

Like the nation of Israel, we are each called to the mountain of God, but few are willing to pass through the darkness to get there. God wanted to reveal His glory to the children of Israel, but they were afraid to enter into His presence. They only wanted to know about God, rather than know him personally like Moses did. This grieved the heart of God.

Why wouldn't the people of Israel risk entering the darkness if it meant being in the presence of God? What did the people fear?

Perhaps they had fears like each of us. The fear of the unknown. The fear of what might happen. The fear that God might not like what He sees. Or, perhaps even the greatest fear: the fear of darkness itself and what lies behind that darkness.

Many of us have been satisfied to hear about God from God's messengers. But there is a greater calling for each of us-a calling to enter into His presence. Sometimes entering into His presence means we enter through an unexpected door-a door that appears to have nothing good behind it.

We do not need to fear entering the presence of God even if it means entering through a period of darkness. Above all else we must believe that God is a God of love. If He calls us into darkness in order to enter His presence, then that darkness will become an entry to new levels of relationship with a God who longs for fellowship with you and me.

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Claudia&Betsy thanks for your posts I know that I have a long road in front of me and its only been four months shes been gone. I have a cat and he used to love my daughter he climbed on her when she came over. I think the hardest part is everything goes on as if she never existed and that hurts. I remember from the day of her birth till her death. The devotional was very good and it helped me I'm going to copy it and keep it to read.

Deb

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For bbarbie! I KNOW!!! I remember saying to myself..."What in the hell is THIS??? Hey, I'll do my best to go with the flow, but are you trying to tell me, LIFE, you have just picked up and gone on, and my Danny is not here???"

I am not a resentful person by nature...However,I was, and still am, completely in awe of how so many people do not embrace Danny's memory on a continual basis... God carries us through, for sure, and our angels are part of His greater picture, but it makes for a VERYYYYYYY confusing state for those of us left here... And, a more painful one when so many just leave us holding the bag and act like his departure isn't a part of Danny's greater picture... His life mattered...So too, has his death...

"Whatever, dude" to quote him...

I have now added a few "Whatever, dudettes"

I hear him speak to my heart..

It is impossible to accept what has happened, so I just have just resigned myself to the fact that I never will, nor do I ever want to. To accept that he is "gone" would mean that he never "was"... I do what I can to maintain a happy sort of sanity, but I will never accept the sadness that is thrown at the good people here on this Earth...{ His name is SATAN...!!!} What is worse is how so many make it seem easy that they to chose to forget the nightmare...YUK!! I talk about Danny in each and every grocery line, each and every time I get my haircut, each and every time I am given an opportunity. I do it , exactly how he does it still. I am honored, for he was riddled with compassion, and I have "inherited" some more from him... We take the good with the bad?? Well, our angels are REALLYYYYY good, and their leaving here has been REALLYYYYYYY bad, but you know what?? Each day that passes is one day that we are closer to being with them in our eternity...

LOVE,

mamabets

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4everjoeysmom

Dear Sidvis, I am grateful that the words of the devotional have touched you. When I read the words myself I was reminded that no matter what good or bad life brings, God is always drawing me nearer to him, and as I step closer and deeper into his fold I find he always shows me something that brings enocuragement and light sealed in his love. He is a good God and faithful God.

Blessings and love, Claudia

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Hi I thought I was doing better but when I think of my daughter it just plain hurts so bad I just set and cry. I've taken on three jobs so I'll be so tired I won't think about her anymore. I don't have anything to live for anymore shes gone. I had dreams about her dying about four years before she did and it makes me think if I hadn't had those dreams she may be alive. I feel like I'm just a shell and I can't enjoy anything. She shouldn't of died Hodgkins is cureable and pneumonia doesn't kill theres medicene for it, but she died from both of them. I can't quit crying I'm so heartbroken her dad don't hurt for her anymore he gave up the his will to live it should have been me. My other daughter doesn't need me she has her boyfriend. I'm at the the end of my rope.

Deb

Hello Deb. Let me start by saying that taking on three jobs will not make you stop thinking of your daughter. It will only run you down and make you too exhausted to face the hurt that you are confronted with everyday. Your daughter is a part of you always, and you have reason to live by being a human being and deserving to be alive. Although our loved ones seem to have "moved on" and "don't need us" anymore and it seems like you are the only one still grieving, remember things aren't always what they seem. Sometimes we think our families have other people and don't need us, but in actuality I bet this is far from the truth. Your husband and other daughter I think are just not dealing with the hurt, for it is a huge loss you have all experienced. I doubt very much that they don't need you, but I am sure that they may act like they don't. Having others in our lives never really makes us stop needing our family, in fact it always draws us ever nearer in learning that our family is always there for us in ways others cannot be. I think you have to realize that you are not alone, and that your family needs you but likely are not saying it because of the pain involved. When we grieve such a great loss, we often pretend we don't remember it or don't think about it just to prevent having to work through the horrific gap that is left in our lives. Fill that gap with love and remember that your daughter is always a part of you. It should not have been you who died, you are meant to be here on Earth. You are loved and cared for more than you know. Please check back and let us know how you are doing. There is a reason you are still here. Hang on and know you are not alone.

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Brujablanca,

Thank you so much for your insightful, sweet and kindly post....Tho' it was offered to Deb, I gleaned much positive encouragement from your wise words and painful heart-felt experience....Tho sometimes I'm still angry and even self absorbed, I'm on my way.... That's all for now...blessings to you, and your family in this long, but promising journey back to health and well-being.

Here is a little verse I found today:

To receive true spiritual guidance

one must deal with the past,

have faith in the future,

but live in the present.

Gramma Martha

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I am taking my dog to the vet tomorrow. We will ake decision if we should put her down.I am so sad, my stomach is in knots. She is ready to go she seems content, but I don't. I know it is selfish of me, but I have to let her go. She is not gone yet and I already miss my "sweet baby" luna.

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Hi Gramma Martha. I am glad that my words were able to help you. The verse is beautiful and true. The most important thing is to live in the present and appreciate what we do have here no matter how much we've lost. Life is a circle and will continue to give back to us no matter how much was taken away. Blessings to you too and your loved ones. I am glad my words reached you in a positive way. Remember you are not alone. Thank you for your post. Always, Bruja Blanca

Brujablanca,

Thank you so much for your insightful, sweet and kindly post....Tho' it was offered to Deb, I gleaned much positive encouragement from your wise words and painful heart-felt experience....Tho sometimes I'm still angry and even self absorbed, I'm on my way.... That's all for now...blessings to you, and your family in this long, but promising journey back to health and well-being.

Here is a little verse I found today:

To receive true spiritual guidance

one must deal with the past,

have faith in the future,

but live in the present.

Gramma Martha

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I am taking my dog to the vet tomorrow. We will ake decision if we should put her down.I am so sad, my stomach is in knots. She is ready to go she seems content, but I don't. I know it is selfish of me, but I have to let her go. She is not gone yet and I already miss my "sweet baby" luna.

Search deep within your heart and you will know the right thing to do. Memories last forever, and your dog's love for you transcends time and all boundaries. Hang in there and let me know how you're doing. This is a decision that we all have to face when we have animals we love, but you are a better person for having opened your heart to your dog knowing someday this time would come. It is always worth it in the end to have our hearts open for our animal friends, and their love for us will never stop, nor will yours for your dog. Sometimes our pets actually know that their time has come, and that is okay too. She knows you will carry her essence of life and love with you always. Hang in there. There is sometimes nothing else for us to do at times like these, but you gave your dog a wonderful life that she never would have had anywhere else. -Bruja Blanca

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I have a question that I hope someone out there can help me with today. I lost my best friend 2 and 1/2 years ago to cancer and she was just 39. She left behind a daughter who is now 11. I have helped her and her dad daily through these past few years and am extremely close to them both. Recently her dad has gotten involved in a very serious relationship (she stays there most nights) and has just now been ready to remove his wife's items from his bedroom, pictures and a closet full of clothes. The daughter is heartbroken and grieving more than she has in two years. She wants to keep all of her mother's things and is willing to box them up and keep them elsewhere so her dad can have the closet space but the dad says (after speaking with a counselor) that he is bagging up all of the things and taking them to the Goodwill. My question is what should I do? The daughter keeps calling and crying and my heart is breaking listening to her. The dad asks that I support his need to move on and to tell her that it is his decision entirely. Help please!

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I think you should have a talk with her father, maybe if not everything she can keep a few boxes of things.. It will harm her tremendously not to have any of her moms things, and will surely cause much resentment towards this new women in her fathers life.... I don't blame her, I have keep practically everything of my daughters, and will until I am gone.. I can't imagine someone telling me it was all going to goodwill.... that could really have a permanent effect on this child..

Will pray for this situation... Shes so fortunate to have you for support. God Bless YOU

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I have spoken with the dad and offered to keep the boxes here but he is insistent that the clothes be removed from the house and says his daughter can keep a few items that she holds dear to her. He says the counselor says that this is the process of grieving for the child and that the clothes should be removed. It seems awfully harsh to me and it breaks my heart to hear her sobbing.

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4everjoeysmom

I would call every goodwill organization and thrift shop in your area and try and explain the situation.. and then I would intercede and pick up the deliveries he makes-- if that's possible, fo rthe sake of this child's well being. Perhaps the stores would be willing to help you recover the items and you could agree to leave what the daughter chooses to discard. This is so proposterous, and that counselor should not be in the business of counseling. How horrid for this child! A true outrage...

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I think if I went behind his back he might just not let me spend time with his daughter. He says that many people have told him that he should have cleaned out his bedroom a long time ago and I don't disagree, it's just that I think she should have the right to keep her mother's things until she chooses or feels the need not to keep them. I too, cannot imagine a counselor saying to do this but he insists that the counselor has and that it is just going to be difficult for the child as she opens up new grieving. This is so heart wrenching.

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4everjoeysmom

I think I would take the risk anyway...for maybe a few things out of the bulk. What's more harm? 1)The child never being able to retrieve anything of her mother's that he tosses out casually, or 2)Him getting angry for an undetermined amount of time and restricting visits. The 2nd obviously is harder for you, but which is harder for the child. Both options will hurt the child, but I believe the first is something she could never get over. Not that she would get over you. That isn't my point. She will one day soon enough be old enough and wise enough to make her own choices, but for now she apparently isn't getting emotional nurturing from her custodial parent, and that is life wrecking. BUT, if that's not an option you feel you can accept, why not suggest that before making that final decision, he take the daughter to the counselor with him. Is she even seeing a counselor? if not, why? He is!! If she has a seperate couselor, maybe they can all meet. If that's not an option, what about talking to the "girlfriend" to see if she can relate and talk some sense into him. If she cares, she should also be concerned for the daughter. And if that doesn't work, by that time you've intervened enough to that end, maybe he will shy away anyway and all efforts were lost including the ability to go and retrieve stuff on her behalf and best interest. I don't mean to sound pushy or negative, but I strongly feel an intervention is needed for the sake of the child. And if the dad doesn't have enough brass to see that he has potential to destroy his daughter's healing journey in grieving process.... well, anyway, It's such a sad situation. I pray that I don't see her on this site in the future with deep anger toward her father for what he did, does, or intends to do.

When my son died a year ago I was forced into deciding within a week after his memorial what to do with ALL of his things. They were at his dad's house, adn his dad was too crushed to deal with any of it--couldn't even walk in the room and never wanted to with all the stuff there. I live in another country, and could not take much. We ended up keeping small sentimental things, pictures and such, taking clothes to Goodwill that we didn't give away to his friends and some family, and burned just about everything else--all ofthose precious years of hard work and study in his collge classes, all those papers, things that mattered to Joey but to no one else but perhaps me and I couldn't keep them... My point, it was awful and I will never have complete peace about that, because I couldn't go through any of it later, after the fog lifted. Additionally, if "I" fee that way stemmed by my own (although forced somewhat) actions, how in the world will she feel if her own father does something similar to her, and THERE WAS a choice?

Maybe the only thing you can do at this point is PRAY...

"Sensitivity is extremely hard to possess when people are wrapped up in themselves. Everyone is guilty of such from time to time, whether it’s with words or deeds. Sometimes people can’t see through their own issues long enough to recognize they are hurting someone else. The hope for all of us is to one day be mature enough to recognize how what we do affects others, and perhaps care enough to make the courageous effort of change in ourselves."

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Hello Guest. To be perfectly honest, sometimes counselors say things to make people feel better without realizing that other people are affected by this decision, and affected in many ways! Try telling him that grief makes everyone react differently and that his way may be letting go and moving on, but add that once he gets rid of his daughter's things to Goodwill there will be no way of ever getting them back, as he may someday change his mind. The 11 year old daughter is lucky to have you to talk to about her feelings and it is great that a child that young can be so open and honest with those difficult emotions, so you are doing something right! You a part of her family in your own right, therefore you should all have a say in it. I will be praying for you for a peaceful resolution, and I hope he listens to you. Hang in there. Let us know how it works out for you.

I have a question that I hope someone out there can help me with today. I lost my best friend 2 and 1/2 years ago to cancer and she was just 39. She left behind a daughter who is now 11. I have helped her and her dad daily through these past few years and am extremely close to them both. Recently her dad has gotten involved in a very serious relationship (she stays there most nights) and has just now been ready to remove his wife's items from his bedroom, pictures and a closet full of clothes. The daughter is heartbroken and grieving more than she has in two years. She wants to keep all of her mother's things and is willing to box them up and keep them elsewhere so her dad can have the closet space but the dad says (after speaking with a counselor) that he is bagging up all of the things and taking them to the Goodwill. My question is what should I do? The daughter keeps calling and crying and my heart is breaking listening to her. The dad asks that I support his need to move on and to tell her that it is his decision entirely. Help please!
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Hey, 4everjoeysmom I just wanted to tell you that you did what you had to do at the time, and it is understandable if you couldn't go through every scrap of his old school work. Sometimes it's the little things like that which can be so hard to look at after a loved one passes on! Photos remind you he is always close to your heart, and remember you did what you felt was right at the time. I don't know anyone else who could have dealt with things the way you did. I pray you find peace soon. I am sure your son doesn't mind, and he knows you love him and he is forever a part of you. I am praying for you both.

I think I would take the risk anyway...for maybe a few things out of the bulk. What's more harm? 1)The child never being able to retrieve anything of her mother's that he tosses out casually, or 2)Him getting angry for an undetermined amount of time and restricting visits. The 2nd obviously is harder for you, but which is harder for the child. Both options will hurt the child, but I believe the first is something she could never get over. Not that she would get over you. That isn't my point. She will one day soon enough be old enough and wise enough to make her own choices, but for now she apparently isn't getting emotional nurturing from her custodial parent, and that is life wrecking. BUT, if that's not an option you feel you can accept, why not suggest that before making that final decision, he take the daughter to the counselor with him. Is she even seeing a counselor? if not, why? He is!! If she has a seperate couselor, maybe they can all meet. If that's not an option, what about talking to the "girlfriend" to see if she can relate and talk some sense into him. If she cares, she should also be concerned for the daughter. And if that doesn't work, by that time you've intervened enough to that end, maybe he will shy away anyway and all efforts were lost including the ability to go and retrieve stuff on her behalf and best interest. I don't mean to sound pushy or negative, but I strongly feel an intervention is needed for the sake of the child. And if the dad doesn't have enough brass to see that he has potential to destroy his daughter's healing journey in grieving process.... well, anyway, It's such a sad situation. I pray that I don't see her on this site in the future with deep anger toward her father for what he did, does, or intends to do.

When my son died a year ago I was forced into deciding within a week after his memorial what to do with ALL of his things. They were at his dad's house, adn his dad was too crushed to deal with any of it--couldn't even walk in the room and never wanted to with all the stuff there. I live in another country, and could not take much. We ended up keeping small sentimental things, pictures and such, taking clothes to Goodwill that we didn't give away to his friends and some family, and burned just about everything else--all ofthose precious years of hard work and study in his collge classes, all those papers, things that mattered to Joey but to no one else but perhaps me and I couldn't keep them... My point, it was awful and I will never have complete peace about that, because I couldn't go through any of it later, after the fog lifted. Additionally, if "I" fee that way stemmed by my own (although forced somewhat) actions, how in the world will she feel if her own father does something similar to her, and THERE WAS a choice?

Maybe the only thing you can do at this point is PRAY...

"Sensitivity is extremely hard to possess when people are wrapped up in themselves. Everyone is guilty of such from time to time, whether it’s with words or deeds. Sometimes people can’t see through their own issues long enough to recognize they are hurting someone else. The hope for all of us is to one day be mature enough to recognize how what we do affects others, and perhaps care enough to make the courageous effort of change in ourselves."

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Dear wazzucougers

It's probably pretty pointless for my input because it sounds as if the father is going to do what he thinks he needs to do and that is probably what he needs to do for himself, but perhaps you could explain to him how people grieve in different ways and time tables. I have already begun giving things of my parents away to my children, but I would not depart with anything of my brothers. It is in my attic. We did not clear his apartment for 6 months because my older brother and I could not bear to deal with it, even when we did we clung to every piece of paper (literally, I still have a gum wrapper that I retrieved from the trash can at the hotel where he was last). Claudia still has Joey's chap stick that she opens occasionally. I still wrap the arms of my brother’s shirt around my shoulders and pretend he is hugging me. You simply cannot dictate how a person grieves or take away the things that mean something to them.

I applaud you in your promise to watch over the young girl, she is very fortunate. Even if her father does remove everything you can promise the little girl that you will be all those memories, reminding her of some of her mother's favorite outfits and such. May God bless you for what you are doing. Peace and blessings, Jackie

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I appreciate everyone's imput regarding this situation. The dad has removed everything from the closet and let the girl keep one item for every year she has been alive. She seems to be ok right now. I gave her a big hug yesterday and she knows I am here if she needs me.

Thank you everyone for letting me "sound off" and for also offering up such sage advice. I think I may tell the child about this site, it may be comforting, it has been for me

May all of you find some peace.

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Hi, sorry to jump in here, but i feel weird. I've been talking to the photo of my mum, and i've realised i'm talking to the photo and not her. I find that when i say or do things that would normally involve her, i get a yucky feeling that this 'only talking to her photo' thing will go on. i miss her presence. I feel empty.

Sue

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Hello everyone. I lost my boyfriend and soul mate recently in a car accident. Him and his best friend both died in it. I hate how none of my friends understand how I'm feeling. None of them will talk to me anymore for fear of saying something wrong, another one told me 'its been 3 months maybe you should move on and get over it' how can i move on when i lost the 1 person that i loved, that meant the world to me. only 8 years ago my dad passed away suddenly from a heart attack and to have to go through this all over again is even worse. i just wish people would understand that i need them around me and i need to take my time with this. I cry so much i just wish there was a way i could bring him back or see him for 1 more day. i'd switch places with him in a minute!

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I feel for this child.  I lost my mother young.  My grandmother came over within days and started dictating to my dad what she felt we needed to get rid of.  It was really hard.  My dad finally told her that we were grieving in our own way and that she was able to get rid of all of what she wanted to at her house of the things that reminded her of my mother, but we weren't ready to give her up yet.  I hope her father gets help to understand how children grieve or the child may end up with damaging mental anguish. 

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Have you concidered talking to a counselor?  Please don't think I think you are crazy, because that is the farthest thing from what I think of you.  I think you are a deeply caring person that needs someone neutral to talk to.  Sometimes work places will have a worker's assistance program with a local or reginal mental heath facility.  It is anonamous to your work and usually the first 8 sessions are free.  Sometimes all it takes is to have the right person hear you.  If this is a good counselor, he or she may be able to help you get a new life started.  It will never be the same without your son.  I have a son.  I know I would have to start a new life if something were to happen to him.  I am NOT say run away!  I am saying there are ways to cope with the new life you have been given with out your son.  A good counselor can help you get startd.  That is there job.  Gook luck and God Bless yo in your time of need.   

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Misque

 

i am so sorry

i lost my mom Jerri on June 6th of last year from CHF and lung failure.. she died at home. i am in pain too and feel your loss. your arent wrong for grieving a long time. i still am. i may always grieve who knows ? i take dexadrine for my depression.. it helps me so much.. i dont know where i would be without it.

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Hey Sue, it's been a while since I logged on and I hope you still read this forum. I want to tell you that it's normal to talk to the photo of your mother. It's like you are looking her in the eyes and telling her what you feel. There is nothing wrong with that. If you feel empty while doing it then maybe you should try talking to her heart to heart, visualize her standing in front of you and asking you how your day was. She is always with you and is a part of you. Grief will make you feel strange in ways you never before realized but it is just a part of dealing with your loved one being "gone" and having to go on with them in a different part of your life. Hang in there and please let me know how you are doing. Does this help at all?

Always, Bruja Blanca

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Hi Bruja,

I've just logged on after a while of being away from here, I've just read your message aboiut me talking to my mother's photo. I do still talk to her photo, and sometimes I feel as though she is there listening to me.  I'm feeling a bit down actually.  I used to live with my step-mum while my mum lived in a Nursing Home, and because of my mother's unbalanced past when I lived with her during my childhood (ill health etc), my step mum dosen't feel that much compassion towards my mum. I hope that makes sense by the way!

It's coming up to Mother's Day (next Sunday) and I was visiting my step mum, and she said 'no, it's not 'oh, no', I think you're at the stage now where you need to get over it, it's been 5 years, start being grateful for the things you do have.  There's people out there who are in the beginning of grieving, starting now, yours is quite the way the down the line'.  I didn't know what to say to that, I was tempted to walk out.  Is it wrong to feel the way I do, and put the pain of my loss behind me?  I have to get Mother's Day things for my step mum, and I ususally go to church for my mum (and dad who died in 1993, I do the same for him on Father's Day), say prayers and light candles etc.  Sometimes I struggle with my feelings.  My step mum is quite opinionated and she has her way of dealing with things, which I'm trying to accept.  She said she dosen't want me to go into a slide of depression (I get low moods sometimes), but I said to her that I don't feel the slide of depression, it's just grief.  I miss my mum and my dad.  I just find it hard sometimes. Not sure if I'm doing the right or wrong thing, whatever they may be.

Sue x

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Guess who is traveling the farthest to our reunion?

It's Trudi.

Trudi is traveling all the way from Australia to Minneapolis, MN for our Beyond Indigo reunion in August!

If Trudi can make it, so can you! 

Come check our reunion page: http://www.beyondindigo.com/reunion/

Hope to see you there!

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Hi I have not been here in quite a while it has been two years since my husband passed away and I still am grieving.

I have met a man online and I really care for him but he has many problems, I hate being alone and having a significant other.

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i totally know how ur feeling i loss my bro in fatal car accident i relive everday like when i found out gosh you sound like me i can totally relate to you.my bro was my hero,security, blanket,hero,protector,father figure,guidance my everythang now hes gone im loss puppy now my gpa just passed 3wksa go from cancer he only suffered 5months are loss there gain....i would like to talk to u more

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It's my dad's anniversary tomorrow, monday 12 july, he's been gone for 17 years and i'm in a lot of pain, i'm not sure i can go through with it. i don't know what to do, i feel numb inside. i know he'd want me to carry on but it's really hit me this time, i don't feel good. 17 years is a long time, people are going to say 'oh look how far you've come etc', i dont care about that!!  well maybe i should but i'm hurting because my dad has gone and it's getting stupidly long.

it's just really hard at the moment, i'm just looking for help. im wondering if it's easier to just stop everything, i don't know if my dad knows what he's putting me through. it's not fair.

sue

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Dear Members,

We are excited to mention that we are moving to a more new and improved message boards on MONDAY MORNING AUGUST 9th! The boards will be done for a few hours while we are making the conversation. Remember we posted information about this move a month ago. For some of you this might seem a bit sudden,  but when we were reviewing the site we determined the current message board you are using is out of date and the company that designed it is no longer in existence. The good news is this new message board will have new features that have been requested in the past like more fields we can add to your profiles and a chat room up to 20 people at one time. If we find the chat room is bursting at the seams we will add additional room for extra people. All your old posts, private messages and such will be migrated to the new message board. You might have to put up your profile picture again but not sure. The new company will be doing the migration for us. Here is a short list of some of the new features on the board:

- Custom Profile Fields

- Users can customize their profile pages by selecting a background color or background image, with tiling options.

- Facebook and Twitter Integration

- users can respond to multiple posts at once with "mini-quote"

- Pinned discussion threads - like welcome to our board etc.

- Announcements made across some boards or the entire message board

- Search: Users can easily find all content generated by a particular member, by clicking the 'Find Content' button that appears on the main profile page, or in the Mini Profile Popup which can be accessed throughout the board. The results page allows content to be filtered by application, as well whether the member created it or merely participated in it.

- Privacy: allows users to sign in anonymously, hiding them from the online users list. Users also have the option to disable personal conversations and user-to-user emails, as well as ignore other users if necessary.

The next exciting piece of news about the new message board is it will have a new domain name of www.grieving.com for search engine optimization purposes. It will still be apart of Beyond Indigo and can be found through www.beyondindigo.com. We will be redirecting your current URL's to this new domain name but we might miss a few. If that is the case simply go back to www.grieving.com or www.beyondindigo.com to find your message board thread. We will try to make the transition as seamless as possible.

The bottom line is the new board will give us room to grow our community and more options to interact better with each other.

If you have any questions please direct them to feedback@beyondindigo.com.

Kelly Baltzell, MA

CEO/President

Beyond Indigo Family

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Grief is a normal reaction over the loss of a person you dearly love but this affects you negatively if this feeling engulfs you're whole being.we spent a lot for my dad's treatment and long term care needs her but she died after 10 years.

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lungcancersucks

I have been searching for something I am missing but I still haven't found it. I searched my mom's house several times thinking it was there, but it wasn't. The house was empty, but I still felt it was there. The day we sold it I walked through still searching. I searched again when I brought out the christmas decorations. Christmas was her favoriter time of the year. I looked especailly careful through the ornaments my mom made, but nothing. I have finally realized the thing I am searching for is gone forever. My mom. I don't know if I will ever stop searching.

I was always very close to my mom. She was my best friend. I lost her to lung cancer last January. She was the thread that keeped our family together.

I lost my step-father to a fatal heart attack in January of 2006. He was my dad, he walked me down the isle and I miss him very much. But I feel that I dealt with his passing much better. I don't know why. He was always saving birds and I starting see alot of hawks after his death, so I always feel that he is around. I just don't feel that way with my mom. I always think of dophins, but I don't get to see dolphins very much. Maybe that's what I need. I just needed a place to write, so thank you for listening.

My God Bless you.

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I lost my Mom over 3 years ago and there are still times that I wish I could be the little girl on her lap being comforted. I still wish I could talk to her. My Dad was married to her for 58 years and he still talks to her picture.

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Hi - just got in here and the FB page. I lost my wife slightly over three months now.

And I have been readjusting my life without her by keeping myself with my business.

Have been spending quite a bit of time researching and writing.

What I missed most are the things we used to do together like playing golf , exercising , shopping , travelling.

It is great to have this forum to talk about how I am coping with the loss of my wife .

Chin M C

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