Lost my brother suddenly--R.I.P Frankie

[frankie61]

Hi, My name is Linda and this is my first post. On March 22nd my mother called me at work and told me that she was at my brothers house to check on him and he was dead. I quickly went into denial, thinking "Mom is over reacting" she said that the ambulance was in it's way. So I stayed at work trembling all over but still in denial, I kept telling myself that when the ambulance got there they would find him alive. She called me a second time and wanted to know why I wasn't there yet, I asked her "Did they say he is or he is not?"  She responded, "I already told you he is dead" She's a very strong woman and raised six kids all by herself. Mom has always been a "matter of fact person" No sugar coating or denial. Anyway, My brother apparantly died in his sleep of a heart attack. he just turned 47 years old on Feb. 1st. We are 2 years apart in age, he being two years older and have always been very close. We understood each other without even speaking and went through a lot of tough times together. I loved him unconditionally and he loved me the same.

 

One of the hardest thing that I am dealing with is that according to the coroner, he died on Feb. 17th, which means that he was there, on the couch dead for 6 days. My brother lived alone and it was not  uncommen for us to go for a week or more with nothing more than a voice mail or e-mail saying "Call Me"  I know I am rambling on but there is just too much to post here. I miss my brother terribly and don't quite understand my feelings. I go to his house and look around, I look at the couch where he died , I keep a picture of him in my car, I keep a picture of him in my living room, I go through his things as it is my responsibility to handle it all.

 

I feel like he is with me. I don't know if I am still in denial or if these feelings are normal. I have cried, but just a few times. Everybody thinks that I am doing so great, especially being that we were so close. Anyway, My Father-in -law passed away the next week and I don't feel like I have mourned his death either. We were called to the hospital out of state for my father-in-law the day after we buried my brother. My husband and I both seem to be doing well, We went back to work after dealing with death and burials for 2 weeks and seem to be okay. I just wonder if it will hit us both really hard later on. Thanks for listening to me. I am a "talker",  so it helps me to put my words down for anyone who will Listen.  

[diane1234]

Linda,

I'm sorry to hear of the loss of your brother & father-inlaw. I lost my older brother unexpectly a year & a half ago. I had NO idea what grief was and if there was a right or wrong way to feel,be,act,etc..). I found this website and discovered the loss of sibling thread. I read EVERYONE's posts, and it helped. I also connected w/ several of the other women on the thread & we walked this walk together! I was a MESS the 1st year after Harvey died(surgery gone waaaaaaaay wrong). I am now just begining to kinda feel like my old self again(he died @ the end of '06..holiday time).

Please come share your story or the loss of Sibling thread and join this unique walk we have all had to do. You are in the right place:( and I will say a prayer for you and your family in this difficult time.

Blessings,

Diane

[jackiewitter]

frankie61, Please first let me tell you how sorry I am about your brother.  Also welcome, you have come here so soon, I wish that I had.  I hope that you find here a little support in the earliest stages.  It's a tough road, there were times that I was sure that my sanity was gone, and sadly there were times that I just didn't care that my sanity or soul were gone...I just wished at times that I too was gone.  You just somehow try to continue to muddle through.  Ironically our ages are so close, my brother was 43 & I was 46 when he died suddenly in a work related accident. 

There are several here who have been of so much support.  Prayers and just good listeners, it's amazing.  I truly don't know where I would be without this support.  I just wanted to let you know that there is an amazing amount of compassion and understanding here and there is always someone to listen, so you are always welcome to join us.  Also there are private emails on here if there are some things that you do not wish posted for all, I don't use it often, but I have before. 

My thoughts and prayers are with you.  Peace and blessings, Jackie

[frankie61]

Jackie, Thank you for your kind words. I am new at this site so I hope I am replying to you and not to my own post!

 

I wanted to clarify that My brother was found dead on February 22nd, not in March. My days and months have been so confused. The coroner says that he actually died on february 17th but my mother did not find him until Feb. 22nd. I so wish we had found him earlier. I don't think we could have prevented his heart attack but I wish he had not been in his home dead for 6 days, that haunts me! My husband says that it was just his body and that I shouldn't beat myself up, My brother was never married and never had kids, I always hated the fact that he was alone and for him to die that way hurts me so much! I have always felt very protective over him.

Thank you again, Your post was the first one that I read on here and made me decide to stay. I know your brother will always live within your heart the same as mine. Take care and keep your brother's memory alive forever.  Linda AKA Frankie61

 

 

[jackiewitter]

Hi Linda,  Sorry so late to reply, I have not been on line in a few days.  For some reason this has just not been a good week.  This grief thing is so crazy, it seems that there are days that everything seems fine and you think you are about to get over that hump, then bam it just knocks the wind out of you.  Right now I am just grateful that there are more happy days than sad ones. 

I understand so much what you mean when you say you wish that you had been there earlier.  I believe no matter what the circumstances, you would always wish for something more, that you could have done more, been there sooner, said one more thing, gotten one more hug...you know what I mean.  I cursed myself because Sunday 2 days before Jeff died I did not return his phone call.  Not only that, when he kept sending me these silly text messages I said to myself "Jeff...get a life..."  what a thing to say right?  I never talked to him again and how I wish that I had picked up the phone on that Sunday. 

It's kind of pointless to say don't blame yourself, because you will.  I guess it's like one of the only things that you can hang on to and have some control over.   Anyway, I am glad you joined us.  Sad as it is that we have to endure, at least we have some friendships with understanding people here.  It does make it easier.  Peace and blessings, Jackie