Jump to content
Forum Conduct & Guidelines Document ×

JD99501

Recommended Posts

  • Members

So here it comes another anniversary. I prep for things like a prize fight. Gotta get my head in the game. Notify friends get support and prep for a day fighting the champ. My nose will be broken and my body bruised in the end. Allot like the movies of images that flash by of your apponent and the beatings you recieved before but this time your ready...right? You got everything in place. Friends on the way, meal planned out, and I have my hands taped. Beating up the bag that is my soul hoping I can strengthen myself. Bright lights the bell is going to ring and then I will open the door to my first guests that day. I move to the left avoiding jab after jab as I go from friend to frined who is trying to console me. Them not realizing that all the punches I am revieving is coming from thier memories of my son. Suddenly a right hook comes in the form of a flashback. I am winded and knocked down the countiung begins1....2.....3....4....5...... I stagger up. My frineds hold my hand as I begin to cry and scream at the horror........ Will I make it to round 2?

That was last year..........Nov. 19th comes soon....am I ready?

post-301964-0-22171500-1353183429_thumb.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

So I started this topic to allow myself and others who are having difficulty with grasping the longevity and the turmoil that comes from this loss. Here it is all this time and I still beat my head on the wall that is this grief. I have the unique experience of having found my son dead. A vivdly shocking image.

So there is a home here for the werewolf you will or have become living two lives and when the moon is just right you become this confused enraged monster. thrashig about hating everything and yourself mostly. Thinking you wasn't smart enough or fast enough or good enough. That only if you did this and that and so forth. So you nash your teeth and howl out at everything and everyone that has betrayed you. So you move around trying to fill this hunger for answers and realizing this beast will never be satisfied.

And then there is the hunters with thier silver bullets of you should be over it by now or get your head out of your a**. And the snake salemsan with thier empty cures filled with alcohol, drugs, and mysterous ingredients. In the end the hunger is all the same. And nothing will stop you from becoming what you must. Denying the creature inside of you will only make it hungrier and stronger.

Some come here and howl and nash I will understand I know what is happening. Be honest with how you feel yell scream blame be angry be confused be whatever it takes. And hope by being with others it will offer some relief to know someone "gets it"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

I am here for some reason. It is Nov. 17. Your anniversary is on the brink. My son was born on the 5th of this month. Murdered 18 years later by a jealous girlfriend. But she called it suicide and blamed me. I believed her and it was hell. Never really lost the notion that it was all my fault even after she finally told me she'd lied to the police. Never will, I think. She was never clear about what actually happened...her last version still had him turning the gun on himself and ending his life. He was on life support, a thing he'd told me he never wanted. I believed he'd put the gun to his own head when I signed the paperwork to end his life support and donate his organs. I believed it was my fault he was perishing when they wheeled his still, warm body from me that last time to mine his organs and save others. It was his wish, to be an organ donor. I honored it. It haunts me still, what they did to him. What haunts me more are all my final words to him...guided by the lie that he'd pulled the trigger and sent that fatal bullet into his own brain. Those, and all the "motherly" things I did that denied him this and that during his short life...always trying to keep him SAFE. I feel your pain. You write with such intensity and color and I can see the turmoil you live. What a nightmare to have found your son. I hope your planned event goes as well as it can and that you can honor your boy's life in some way through your pain. My son was a truly good person. A loving and compassionate boy. I revel in remembering his beauty and have found some means of forgetting the turmoil of his death. I will pray for you that you find some semblance of peace on the 19th and Beyond.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

This site uses cookies We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue. and uses these terms of services Terms of Use.