Want January to be here

[Daffodilfun]

This is my first holiday season without mom. We were partners for over 20 years. Longer than a lot have been married.

This is the first for me..Surgery on my shoulder the 17th, mom's birthday Dec 24, She told us she was almost baby Jesus so we had to respect her LOL (she had such a deep faith),

Christmas...since my mom died in February of this year one of my brothers has decided to not be part of this family...one of my other brothers have invited me to his place for Thanksgiving..big surprise.

My aunt, mom' sister, told me I was going to stay at her place Thanksgiving night. This was not an invitation...it was a demand. She doesn't realize that this arrangement makes me almost sick. . She is one of the most controlling women I know. She came to my house yesterday and demanded me to get a haircut before Thanksgiving. She said it 6 more times before she left. That is just a tame request that she asks of me. She questioned the pharmacy I go to. She asked for a list of How much I spend on lunch out during a month, my power bill expenses, food, est...She asked me for my entire expenses for the year. She demanded to know my monthly expenses for her "will". She throws up her will in my face all the time. She does not ask my brothers any of these questions (there are four of us.) Did I say she is wealthy? Did I say tension??? If I question her or yell at her, or question about why she needs this information she says she will cut me out of her will. She tells me she has not asked my brothers any of these questions and has cut them out of her will and then turns around and tells me that she wouldn't do that. .She tells me I cannot yell at her, OR…...she never finishes that sentence. Oh, there is so much more I could write about but the anxiety is great.

Some may say leave her and tell her what you think...I can't as I am broke and she if very rich. She gives me money every month. I truly love her and want her in my life, but these demands (and there are MANY) makes me want to tell her to get out of my life...but than again it is the will. I do need the money and I pray hard that I will get myself out of this situation...I have been unemployed for 3 years..Great economy we have. I have surgery on the 17th...my Christmas is basically gone. Now with surgery and all the "special" days I just want to wake up in January.

Please God, let me be my own person. One that I have not been anytime in my life. I need to be free of my family drama.

Thanks for reading this. This is really the ramblings of a person that has so much on her mind she can't sleep.

Blessings.