Members Mdanielson4 Posted November 16, 2012 Members Report Share Posted November 16, 2012 Six monthsSix months since my love left this world. I miss her more and more every day; there are no words for the pain that is still here. I went back to councilor and she has told me that I need more help and referred me on to the Psychiatrist for meds. I am not someone who likes to admit I have a problem let alone admit I need medication so this is very difficult for me. I am also not the type of person who shares any of the information that I put in this forum. I have accepted since I do not have family near I share with all of you. My life use to be very sheltered and hidden, now it seems I have made it an open book. Not really sure how I feel about that. I guess vulnerable and afraid. Anyway today marks the 6 months of Mary going to heaven. Not sure what I will be doing at 1:30pm today but I know It will be a time of pain for me. I cannot get it out of my mind. Mike Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members gunnerswife Posted November 16, 2012 Members Report Share Posted November 16, 2012 sorry Mike Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members lost and numb Posted November 16, 2012 Members Report Share Posted November 16, 2012 thinking of you today Mike. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members JimboRick Posted November 16, 2012 Members Report Share Posted November 16, 2012 So sorry, Mike. You're in my thoughts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jane A Posted November 16, 2012 Members Report Share Posted November 16, 2012 Thinking of you today, Mike. I do hope it was less painful than you thought it would be, and also that the psychiatrist sill be able to help you to get you on a more level emotional path. I don't mean by that that you are not normal, but the grief seems to have built into major depression, and I know for me that I couldn't work on the depression without first bringing down my anxiety level significantly. Now at least I am able to talk about the problems and without tearing up every time, and I was able for the first time in 4 years to actually talk (instead of just making polite conversation) to my sister-in-law about 3 weeks ago, which resulted in some greater understanding on both sides and left me feeling more hopeful about maybe getting our relationship back to something better than it is now, with more talking and working on it.I feel for you today and do hope that it will pass relatively easily and that it brings you at least some peace. Know that the people here love you and are thinking of you!Jane Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Silvergirl61 Posted November 16, 2012 Members Report Share Posted November 16, 2012 Keeping you in my thoughts today, Mike. It takes a great deal of strength to ask for help when you need it. I finally found a therapist, who understands what I'm feeling, and talking to her helps! One step at a time..we'll get through the days, and we'll eventually be ok. Hang in there- it's only six months, compared to all those years, and if a little medication will help, it might be worth trying. Right now, I'd try anyhting that could knock it down just a notch. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mgilbertson Posted November 17, 2012 Members Report Share Posted November 17, 2012 Dear Mike, I know today is a painful one, but just know your loving Mary is with you every step of the way. Take some time and just sit and think about some of the best times you had together. Feel her LOVE! It's always there. We will make it through, just maybe not as fast as we would like. Your in my thoughts, Marti Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mdanielson4 Posted November 17, 2012 Author Members Report Share Posted November 17, 2012 Thank you I appreciate the kind words. I made it through the day, numerous times I could picture Mary in my mind and she always had this giant smile on her face. I have not really experienced this before so it was different. I think because I was focused on it being exactly six months and watching the clock so closely is why I could picture her in my mind so clearly. It was always her with a big smile and nothing like the last day of her life with all the pain. That helped me today that she was on my mind and it was positive. I had many breakdowns. I had to deliver Chemo to the Cancer Center today and Mary’s Doctor came over and asked me what I was doing for Thanksgiving. I told him I was going to hide. He smiled and asked if my kids could come be with me. I told him no they all work and have family they live so far away. I started crying so I had to get out of there fast. I also had to go make a delivery to four west in the Hospital that is the cancer floor and they all know me and took care of Mary so well. I had a very stressful day and I am exhausted. Now I cannot fall asleep. I hate this feeling. I hate not having Mary here. I hate feeling sorry for myself. I don’t want it to be like this. At 1:30 today I stopped in my tracks and it was hard to imagine what things were like 6 months ago on the worst day of my entire life. I’m sorry I wish I had some positive. I just miss her so much.Mike Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members kendi Posted November 17, 2012 Members Report Share Posted November 17, 2012 THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS ARE WITH YOU!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.