Members Rms1977 Posted November 13, 2012 Members Report Share Posted November 13, 2012 I am not looking forward to the Holidays at all!! September 18th, 2012 will forever haunt me, since losing Mama!!! I am having panic attacks, and all I want to do is cry lately. It dawned on me:I have no DadI have no MomThis is the FIRST year in my life, I will NOT eat my Mamas dressing!! I didn't even get the recipe from her, before she died Why oh why, didn't I get it??? I just want to throw the covers over my head, and sleep right through the Holidays. I know that is not fair to my fiance' and my kids, so I will be strong. I just seem so lost, and alone. While everyone is enjoying their families this Holiday Season, I have a meer "handful" of people to share it with. I have no extended family. Just my fiance', who has no family left, my children, my brother, and sister. SAD!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members star2000 Posted November 13, 2012 Members Report Share Posted November 13, 2012 I understand where you are coming from. I went to a meeting last night for people grieving and the lady who was holding the meeting said that we have to allow ourselves to celebrate the Holidays or we will not be able to face them in the future. I am truly sorry for your loss. I feel awful and wish that I had some great advice but sadly I am at a loss of words. I still have my dad and 2 brothers but Im starting to feel like my husband and his family is all I have left. It doesnt mean I dont love my brothers or dad but im just mostly frustrated right now. My brothers are ok with everything and have been for a while now. My dad last night on the way to the meeting asked me how I would feel if he started dating someone who is not yet divorced. I feel like everyone in this world has lost their minds. I hope that you are able to celebrate the Holidays with your fiancee and kids. I can't promise that I am going to be able to be 100% during the Holidays but like you I still have my husband and kids and so I still have a reason to celebrate life. I am trying my hardest to be strong and there for my family. I am here for you, you can send me a private message any time you need to talk. Together and with the support of our loved ones, we will be able to make it through the Holidays. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Rms1977 Posted November 13, 2012 Author Members Report Share Posted November 13, 2012 If I had only knownYou were going away,I would have pleaded with GodI’d begged him to let you stay. If I could have saw the futureA glimpse as to what was to come,Maybe I could have better “prepared”Just maybe, I wouldn’t feel so numb.Time has no limitsLife so very precious and dear,Each day taken for grantedAssuming we’ll always be here.Raw emotions sting my beingA cut no bandage can heal,There is no medicine availableI am hurt, and forever will.Living life without youWhat a heartache it has been,Replaying all the memoriesTrying to remember “ when”.I’m only half a beingAs if an empty shell,Day terrors, nightmaresMy life without you Mama, Is my living HELL. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Rms1977 Posted November 13, 2012 Author Members Report Share Posted November 13, 2012 I understand where you are coming from. I went to a meeting last night for people grieving and the lady who was holding the meeting said that we have to allow ourselves to celebrate the Holidays or we will not be able to face them in the future. I am truly sorry for your loss. I feel awful and wish that I had some great advice but sadly I am at a loss of words. I still have my dad and 2 brothers but Im starting to feel like my husband and his family is all I have left. It doesnt mean I dont love my brothers or dad but im just mostly frustrated right now. My brothers are ok with everything and have been for a while now. My dad last night on the way to the meeting asked me how I would feel if he started dating someone who is not yet divorced. I feel like everyone in this world has lost their minds. I hope that you are able to celebrate the Holidays with your fiancee and kids. I can't promise that I am going to be able to be 100% during the Holidays but like you I still have my husband and kids and so I still have a reason to celebrate life. I am trying my hardest to be strong and there for my family. I am here for you, you can send me a private message any time you need to talk. Together and with the support of our loved ones, we will be able to make it through the Holidays.Oh honey, I am so sorry!! I cannot imagine the abandonment you feel from your family. I can relate!! I hold a huge grudge for my sister, who was not there for Mom at all when she was alive, but who is now driving her car around... Thank you for the kind words. All I can pray for, is that we can each learn to deal with this the best way we can, and be OK. We can even do pretty good at "faking" it sometimes, can't we?? Be blessed you have your husband's family, to help heal you during your time. I don't have that. His family is pretty much gone too... Good luck to you, and know that someone is in the same boat as you. May you find peace and comfort!! HUGS! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members star2000 Posted November 13, 2012 Members Report Share Posted November 13, 2012 We can even do pretty good at "faking" it sometimes, can't we??Your saying that reminded me of something someone last night said. They said Fake it till we can make it. I understand your grudge. I feel the same way about different things over the years with my brothers. I am just going to try to face forward because looking back is only hurting me. It doesnt mean that im not going to keep the good memories from my mom because those are with me always but I have to make sure I am still being a good mom to my sons and a good wife to my husband. There was a book that was read last night, it is a kids book but it is so cute and I cried because it sounded like something my mom would say to me. It is called "The Invisible String" by Patrice Karst. It was adorable and so cute. I plan on finding it to read to my kids. I sent my dad a message asking him who this woman is that isnt much older then me. He said I dont know her and that she has a kid who is 13 or 14. I was hurt badly by this considering my son is 10 and will be 11 in February but yet I know my dad is a grown man and has to do what he feels is best for him. I dont know if this relationship is going to work or not but I am going to try my hardest to be supportive of my dad. I know that my mom wouldnt want us to not live life. I just feel like im on an emotional roller coaster but yet I feel a little better after the meeting last night. I feel like I can finally face things a little better. I dont expect things to be perfect but ready to see what the future holds for me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members nopeace Posted November 13, 2012 Members Report Share Posted November 13, 2012 I understand your pain so clear. Last year's holidays was my first without my Momma and even now I am not looking forward to the upcoming holiday season. I have NO one; just me. Count your blessings you have a fiance', kids. I keep strong but I have nightmares, anxiety attacks, crying a lot, staying in bed most all day and the list goes on. I just joined this site last week from the cemetary owner's suggestion. I still go 2+ times a week to my Momma's gravesite. I am so lonely and hurt. Crying now while I am writing to you now. I wish I had at least one someone.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mdanielson4 Posted November 14, 2012 Members Report Share Posted November 14, 2012 Ronda,I am so sorry you lost your Mom; it is very hard thing to deal with. I understand the anxiety during the holiday season. I can barely comprehend the amount of anxiety it will stir up in me. I am very scared to spend my first Holiday alone. I have three children that are all grown and have their own families. The closest one lives five hundred miles away. My sisters also live that far and everyone has invited me but I cannot imagine myself celebrating anything right now. Take it one day at a time, or one hour at a time. Do what you have to do but at your own pace. My prayers are with you.Mike Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Rms1977 Posted November 14, 2012 Author Members Report Share Posted November 14, 2012 We can even do pretty good at "faking" it sometimes, can't we??Your saying that reminded me of something someone last night said. They said Fake it till we can make it. I understand your grudge. I feel the same way about different things over the years with my brothers. I am just going to try to face forward because looking back is only hurting me. It doesnt mean that im not going to keep the good memories from my mom because those are with me always but I have to make sure I am still being a good mom to my sons and a good wife to my husband. There was a book that was read last night, it is a kids book but it is so cute and I cried because it sounded like something my mom would say to me. It is called "The Invisible String" by Patrice Karst. It was adorable and so cute. I plan on finding it to read to my kids. I sent my dad a message asking him who this woman is that isnt much older then me. He said I dont know her and that she has a kid who is 13 or 14. I was hurt badly by this considering my son is 10 and will be 11 in February but yet I know my dad is a grown man and has to do what he feels is best for him. I dont know if this relationship is going to work or not but I am going to try my hardest to be supportive of my dad. I know that my mom wouldnt want us to not live life. I just feel like im on an emotional roller coaster but yet I feel a little better after the meeting last night. I feel like I can finally face things a little better. I dont expect things to be perfect but ready to see what the future holds for me.I understand how hurtful that must be too. I think everyone greives differently. My Bestfriend's mom passed away a few months before my mom, and her parents were married for over 30 yrs. Before you knew it, her dad was remarried- (like 3 mths later), to their family friend! He didn't even have the nerve to tell the girls! They found out through the grape vine. I guess what I am saying, is at least your father gave you the courtesy to tell you, and try to prepare you for it. I know that doesn't make the pain any less, but he seems like he's seeking approval from you. Also keep in mind how lonely he must be. Sure we are lonely, but you just said yourself, you have wonderful extended family, and most importantly your husband and your children. Put yourself in your dad's shoes. Coming home alone day in, and day out. I'm sure he doesn't love this other woman right now. She is a replacement, his "need" for companionship. I hope and pray for you. HUGS! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Rms1977 Posted November 14, 2012 Author Members Report Share Posted November 14, 2012 I understand your pain so clear. Last year's holidays was my first without my Momma and even now I am not looking forward to the upcoming holiday season. I have NO one; just me. Count your blessings you have a fiance', kids. I keep strong but I have nightmares, anxiety attacks, crying a lot, staying in bed most all day and the list goes on. I just joined this site last week from the cemetary owner's suggestion. I still go 2+ times a week to my Momma's gravesite. I am so lonely and hurt. Crying now while I am writing to you now. I wish I had at least one someone....Sweetheart, I am SO glad you came to this website!!!! This website was a God send to me. I cannot imagine how it must feel to be completely alone. Just know that your'e not! Now you have alot of people who are here for you. Maybe not right beside you, but this definetely fills the void. I pray you have peace, and I pray you learn to live again. They say we have to, I haven't been able to figure that one out. Hugs to you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Rms1977 Posted November 14, 2012 Author Members Report Share Posted November 14, 2012 Ronda,I am so sorry you lost your Mom; it is very hard thing to deal with. I understand the anxiety during the holiday season. I can barely comprehend the amount of anxiety it will stir up in me. I am very scared to spend my first Holiday alone. I have three children that are all grown and have their own families. The closest one lives five hundred miles away. My sisters also live that far and everyone has invited me but I cannot imagine myself celebrating anything right now. Take it one day at a time, or one hour at a time. Do what you have to do but at your own pace. My prayers are with you.MikeMike, Thank You, Again. I hope we all make it through the Holidays, without tearing up too bad. I know we are all dreading this... God be with us all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members kaycee42 Posted November 14, 2012 Members Report Share Posted November 14, 2012 RMS I am so in the same place as you. This holiday will be my third without my Mum and my first without my Dad. I am married with children, but like you my husband has no family, so it is just us. At first I wanted to do something different, not even eat turkey but I have changed my mind. I think we will sing and dance play games just the same as if Mum and Dad were here. I have come to that conclusion because my kids deserve just as good a Christmas as I had when I was a child. Those childhood memories were given to me even though my parents had lost their parents. One week before Christmas my Granddad died and we had to wait for the funeral until the New Year, but that did not stop my parents and my Nan giving us a happy and fun Christmas. We are lucky we have our children to do this for, I know that if I did not my parents would be angry with me, but it does not mean that I miss them any less, I am just honouring their memory with happiness. God bless, and take care Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Rms1977 Posted November 15, 2012 Author Members Report Share Posted November 15, 2012 RMS I am so in the same place as you. This holiday will be my third without my Mum and my first without my Dad. I am married with children, but like you my husband has no family, so it is just us. At first I wanted to do something different, not even eat turkey but I have changed my mind. I think we will sing and dance play games just the same as if Mum and Dad were here. I have come to that conclusion because my kids deserve just as good a Christmas as I had when I was a child. Those childhood memories were given to me even though my parents had lost their parents. One week before Christmas my Granddad died and we had to wait for the funeral until the New Year, but that did not stop my parents and my Nan giving us a happy and fun Christmas. We are lucky we have our children to do this for, I know that if I did not my parents would be angry with me, but it does not mean that I miss them any less, I am just honouring their memory with happiness. God bless, and take careKaycee,DITTO!!! That is the only thing that is keeping me grounded right now. My kids! I know that they deserve the same memories with me, as what I got with my mom and dad. It just hurts so much, because I'm only 34 (35 December 11th). I feel like I was robbed. When my mother passed away, she still has her mother and father who are living. She spent her whole life not knowing what it's like to lose her parents. I know I cannot question, so i will trust in God. I have faith left, I just have to dig deep to find it. I hope we can both report back here, and say that the Holiday was a peaceful one for us all. I will keep each and every one of you in my prayers. I think of us all so often. As I lay my head on my pillow at night, I honestly do think of all of my friends on here who are wishing on the same star, and crying on their pillows at night, the same time I am. I wish so much I could reach out and hug you all. Ronda- Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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