Members kendi Posted November 13, 2012 Members Report Share Posted November 13, 2012 Kenny would be just sitting there watching tv, then he would say Baby, I would say what! He would say Baby then I would say what we would do this for about 10 times then he Would say Baby I would say I love you and He would say I love you to and smile with the biggest grin and those beautiful green eyes and go back to watching tv. So hard to look at his chair and not see him there, God I miss him!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mgilbertson Posted November 14, 2012 Members Report Share Posted November 14, 2012 Dear Kendi,I also lost my husband in August and seeing his empty chair and the silent t.v. is the saddest thing when I walk in the front room, as it was his favorite place to relax. My heart feels crushed most of the time but I'm glad I had him for all the time I did !Be strong and remember all the LOVE you had for one another and know you'll be with him again one day. God bless. Marti Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jane A Posted November 14, 2012 Members Report Share Posted November 14, 2012 Dear Marti and Kendi, I know how you feel! My husband lived the last 4 months of his life in a lounge/recliner that I bought him for Xmas (he could no longer lie down, and couldn't sleep sittting up. After he died that recliner started to haunt my days and nights. It was smack dab in the middle of the living room window, and every time I watched TV or had to go upstairs or to the kitchen I had to pass it. It became an obsession -- I had to look at it, even stare at it, expecting that he would be there sleeping or watching TV. It finally got so bad that I would go home from work or get up in the middle of the night to check it to see if he had returned. I finally just gave the virtually brand-new recliner away and put a table and lamp in its place. Even after 4 years I still catch myself looking in that direction and talking out loud to him, before "remembering" that of course he wasn't there and would never be there. It still hurts so much. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mdanielson4 Posted November 14, 2012 Members Report Share Posted November 14, 2012 How can this kind of pain be normal? What is the right thing to do? How is the right way to act? It truly is the small things that trigger the pain for me. I am having a very tuff time tonight. Mike Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members kendi Posted November 15, 2012 Author Members Report Share Posted November 15, 2012 I am not sure how it could be normal, I guess everyone's pain is the same yet different. I just know it can be so hard to deal with. Just like the other day, a friend was telling me about something that happened to him. And for one brief moment I thought I can't wait to get home to tell Kenny. Then it hit me I can't he is not home. Again something so simple!!! Kenny didn't go out much since he had broke his neck, so I enjoyed telling him how my day was,what was going on with friends, a little gossip lol. For a man he sure loved gossip, I would pick at him and his best friend for men to talk about women talking they sure wagged their tongue alot. Thank you all for sharing your stories, they help more than you know!!!! Prayers and thoughts with all!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jane A Posted November 15, 2012 Members Report Share Posted November 15, 2012 Mike I am so sorry. You mention "the right thing to do" and "the right way to act". IMHO, I don't think you should need to even think about it. Only you can decide what the right thing for you to do is to grieve in your own way. Fortunately my daughter caught me crying a couple of years ago,That's one of the problems I have had, because I was always the strong one in the family and I felt obliged to continue that role. She took the position that one of the reasons I was always so sad and uninvolved in many activities that I used to like to do was because I was trying to keep my feelings and weaknesses away from her. She also told me I should do what is comfortable to me. and not to worry if others weren't and if it would be appropriate for me, and the right way to "act" is to be comfortable with myself. If you aren't comfortable in your own skin, the healing is much harder to do, and will last much longer because I would hiding my real self in order to be sure that other people were comfortable. And I believe she was right. Within a month an old friend of mine died, and her daughter wanted me to go to the funeral. It made my heart drop. I certainly did not want to go as I did not know her children very well and her husband had died about 10 years ago .. to make a long story short, I called her daughter and told her that I just could not go, and why, and instead sent a donation to her favorite charity. Anyway if any of this applies to you, just know that your grief is like everyone's, and all we can do is muddle through and try to do what is natural and comfortable for you to do at any given time. I hope you will get some relief at least, knowing that I am sure everone here has wondered at one time or another what to do and how to act. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mdanielson4 Posted November 15, 2012 Members Report Share Posted November 15, 2012 I do find comfort in your words. I know I am not alone on this journey. I should be comfortable in how I act, that is a tuff one. I cannot find comfort in many of the things I do and when I stop doing them I become very uncomfortable. Shopping, walking the dog, going to church and many other things we did together. Life is so different. A friend of mine told me when my wife died I lost my identity. I have to rebuild my identity because everything I did before included Mary. Now everything I do has to be for me and Mary isn’t there. This is why I feel so lost I have no identity anymore. I am a sad case because I have no idea how or why I need to build one. My whole life was dedicated to taking care of, and loving her. I had no other purpose in my life. Now she is not here and I have absolutely no family around me. We did not socialize much so really no friends either. Guess this is just my pitty party but I am not sure how to turn it around. I like many others have good days and bad. Guess this is a bad one. SorryMike Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mgilbertson Posted November 15, 2012 Members Report Share Posted November 15, 2012 Dear Mike, I'm sorry your going through so much pain. Give yourself more time to grieve and mourn the loss of your wife as this really is a long process. Cry long and hard whenever you need to it really does seem to help. I've been told you have to move toward the hurt to eventually heal. Tears are part of the healing. I know it seems like the pain will never end but surely it has to, just not as fast as we'd like. I guess if we loved hard it hurts hard! Have a peaceful night and a better tomorrow. Marti Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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