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kaylee04

Having a bad day...

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kaylee04   

   I don't know why, but today seems worse than all the others.  I broke down in the shower this morning and haven't been able to pick up the pieces since then. Its been nearly 2 months since I lost my mother and I still miss her so desperately that sometimes I find it hard to breathe.

    Is it so abnormal, after losing someone you loved so deeply, to want to get away from everything that reminds you of that person?  I know it might sound immature, but I want out of this place.  I don't want to see her every time I look around me.  The pain is just too much. 

    I thought my best friend would back me on this.  I thought that she would stick by me.  She always said she would go anywhere I go.  That she wouldn't let me do this alone.  So, I told her come summer I want out.  I want to go somewhere for a few weeks that has nothing to do with  my mother.  I want a few days to get my head clear.  To breathe.  But now shes full of excuses.  She says shes worried about money and blah blah blah.  Maybe I'm being selfish?  Maybe I'm asking too much?

    Am I losing it?  I can't tell.  What do you think?

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Kaylee,

I feel the same way. Yesterday was a breakdown day for me and its tough b ecause our friends don't understand. Its emotional. I could cry easily right now too and its been over a year so no you are DEF NOT selfish or anything. And even if we were selfish we could deserve the chance to act a little immature at times for all we lost our mothers! you should def get aim or msn if u need to talk... or we can talk over the phone to help eachother through this. im willing to listen. let me know if u want to talk tonight.

Thinking of u

Steph

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alysonm   

I think the way you're feeling is normal. I sometimes want to get away from things that remind me of her too. I have this picture collage of her up in my room, and I don't even look at it, I don't look at that wall because I don't want to see her. I don't want to go toher grave, I don't want to talk about her, I guess really I just don't want to believe she's dead.

My friend is the same too. We've been talking about doing something for spring break.Normaly I would go home for spring break and spend it with my mom. We were planning ongoing to las vegas, it was something I was lookin forward to, something to get away from all this sadness, but now that spring break is next week, she suddenly doesn't have any money. Now I don't know what I'll do. Probably go to my sisters and think constantly about how my mom isn't there. sigh..... i hate this thing called grief.

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kaylee04   

[user=18145]alysonm[/user] wrote:

I think the way you're feeling is normal. I sometimes want to get away from things that remind me of her too. I have this picture collage of her up in my room, and I don't even look at it, I don't look at that wall because I don't want to see her. I don't want to go toher grave, I don't want to talk about her, I guess really I just don't want to believe she's dead.

My friend is the same too. We've been talking about doing something for spring break.Normaly I would go home for spring break and spend it with my mom. We were planning ongoing to las vegas, it was something I was lookin forward to, something to get away from all this sadness, but now that spring break is next week, she suddenly doesn't have any money. Now I don't know what I'll do. Probably go to my sisters and think constantly about how my mom isn't there. sigh..... i hate this thing called grief.

    I totally understand where you're coming from.  Money was the problem with my friend too.  And now she's asking me to just come stay with her for spring break.  But I don't want to be around her and her mother.  I don't want to see everything I am missing.  I wanted to go far away from this whole thing.  I don't think she understands.  Its hard to find people outside of this site who actually get it.  It's driving me nuts not to have a friend who knows what I'm going through.

    Vegas would have been an awesome trip for spring break.  That would completely take someones mind off this grief.  I'm sorry your friend bailed.  I wish there was something better I could say...maybe something that would actually help you!  But, I'm here whenever you need to talk.

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kaylee04   

[user=18056]stephysteph13[/user] wrote:

Kaylee,

I feel the same way. Yesterday was a breakdown day for me and its tough b ecause our friends don't understand. Its emotional. I could cry easily right now too and its been over a year so no you are DEF NOT selfish or anything. And even if we were selfish we could deserve the chance to act a little immature at times for all we lost our mothers! you should def get aim or msn if u need to talk... or we can talk over the phone to help eachother through this. im willing to listen. let me know if u want to talk tonight.

Thinking of u

Steph

I'm sorry you're having a hard time.  I know how you feel.  This whole thing just seems so unfair.  Thanks for being there for me, Steph.  I doubt I'll download a messenger though.  I just don't like the things.  We can talk through here or you could email me on my personal account (kaylee_b_04@yahoo.com) either is fine with me.

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alysonm   

Steph- I hope tomorrow goes ok. I know it will be hard. anniversaries always are. I will try to get on msn tommorrow and hopefully we can talk. I don't know what time zone you live in. I'm in mountain time zone. I'll try to get on at about 330 my time. and then probably about 8 my time. and then like 11 or midnight my time. Hopefully I'll catch you at one of those times. Just take time to think about and honor your mom tomorrow in some way. Hang in there I know it's going to be tough.

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I dont know what to do about tom! i hate easter now, and without mom its horrible! i just want to either sleep through tomorrow or wake up and have her waiting in the kitchen for me. its just not fair, it really isnt!

 

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