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honeybear

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hi .my mother went to be with the lord, june 23.2005. today would have been her 79th birthday, i sure miss my mother, i wouldnt call her back to suffer, but it hurts me everday thats shes gone, please pray for me , god is good, i take one day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time

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GabbiKathy,

I will pray for you! I know your heartache as I lost my dad, mom and husband all within 6 months of each other. It has been like crawling out of a hole for me. God bless you and know your mom has just "passed on" and waiting for the day you both will be reunited in heaven.

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Gabbikathy, I'm sorry you've lost your Mom. Take time for yourself, to stop and smell the roses, watch the sunset, or treat yourself to something that you enjoy. With time, this pain subsides a little, and you can once again live without constant tears and memories. I'll keep you in prayer.

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Dear JOMAREE I lost my identical twin sister March 25 2004. Doctors misplaced a coronary stent and she died from coronary tamonade.

she had 0 blood pressure. I begged for a doctor for one hour in Providence hospital in Columbia S.C. This was at 8:05. A doctor finally arrived an hour later. They began cpr at 9:25. I felt like I was in a twilight zone and noone would listen. I know what it feels like to feel like you have lost half of yourself. Until that night, I had never felt like 1 person. I had always been 2. You will never get over the loss. But with God\'s help, you will learn to accept it. Ann\'s in a much better place. I just miss her terribly. God Bless you. I do know exactly how you feel. Jan

God wil give his people strength. God will give his people peace.
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I lost my sister on July 15, 2005. She was diagnosed with lung cancer on June 27, 2005 and one short month was gone. My sister was only 56 years young. I am three years younger than my sister. I have went from always having my sister there for me to total emptyness. I have such a huge void in my heart. I am having trouble making myself realize that my sister is truly gone even though I was there holding her hand at her bedside when she took her last breath on this earth. I liked it better when I was numb, all this pain is hard to work through. Has anyone else lost a sister recently?

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GabbiKathy,

I will pray for you! I know your heartache as I lost my dad, mom and husband all within 6 months of each other. It has been like crawling out of a hole for me. God bless you and know your mom has just "passed on" and waiting for the day you both will be reunited in heaven.[/quote

My heart goes out to you in the three losses in your life. I just lost my dear sister on July 15, 2005 and am still reeling from that one loss. Any kind words to help in my loss?

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Jvicktwin, how true, and thanks.

Jleesmith, I can't say I lost my sister recently, she died so many years ago, in childhood. In July, I learned of my daughter's death, the victim of rape. I'm sorry you are in this pain and sorrow, and that your sister has passed from this life. I hope you feel welcome here, and visit often.

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Hello - I'd like to share what has happened to me recently. And maybe someone would have some insight or something to share as I'm not sure where to go with this.

About a month ago, I received a letter from a woman who said that she was my sister and that she & her father had been searching for me for a very long time. Needless to say, I was rather suprised to receive this letter.

I was raised by my dad who divorced my mother when I was a toddler. I showed him this letter about 2 weeks ago & he has confirmed that he isn't my biological father & has known this for some time. He never told me because he didn't want to hurt me & he didn't know who my biological father was & didn't know if he was a good person to have in my life. Evidently, my mother told both men that they were my father.

I'm having a hard time sitting down and writing my 'sister' back. She said that they would understand if I wanted to take it slow or if I didn't want any contact. In some ways I want to get to know them - but to be honest, I don't know if I can go through this again. (My mother abandoned me - which is why I was raised by my dad. I found out about 10 months ago she died about 2 years ago.)

I know that this isn't the same as losing someone that is physically related to you - but I feel that I have lost my dad and I no longer 'belong' to anyone.

Does that make sense?

Thanks for any thoughts anyone has on this.... Tina

I have asked

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Tina, we sound so much alike. I was told in 1997 that I was father of a girl by a woman ten years older than me. This woman needled me with heroin at a party to become pregnant - I was only 13 then. I began a search, and found a young lady last year who became close, and we all believed from the evidence that she was mine. I learned in July of this year she isn't, and that my daughter was murdered during a rape. I'm still very much attached to my "daughter," and my wife and I still love her like she's our own. A friend told me recently that being a Dad is more than genetics, it's love and commitment to a child. To continue, I still have another daughter out there somewhere, and I'm trying to find her. But, as for the girl who isn't truly my birthchild, I love her more than my own breath and pulse.

I don't know how to tell you to feel about the Dad who withheld the information. It's best to be honest with our children, and I'm painfully honest with mine. As for contact with the "birthfamily," get a post office box, please, and only let them write to you to that address. Withhold most personal information until you receive results from a DNA test. Get proof first of this man's paternity, then proceed with grace and caution. If you wish, keep us posted on how you are doing with this. I wish and pray the best for you. I'll help you all I can in this process. Mark

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To: Jleesmith

You might say I lost both my sisters on April 4, when my mother died. For, ever since my mother's death they have chosen to turn thier backs on me and ignore my correspondence I send through email. I cannot tell you why for certain, but suspect it is their feelings of guilt and inadequacy. I moved my Mother to Colorado to care for her, and I believe it made them angry that I was the one to step in and take charge. In any case, it breaks my heart and I feel so empty and lonely and truly orphaned. I feel as if I have no family or origin, now.

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To: Tiinaj1

Losing someone you love, always hurts and leaves an unbearable emptiness within. You might think that it isn't the same as losing someone that is physically related to you - but it is definitely a loss and hurts just as much. Of course it makes sense, what you write. You have lost a loved one. We all deal with grief in our own unique way, and loss affects everyone in different ways. Our response to and the amount of grief we experience from the loss depends on the relationship, the situation, your environment and many things. Nobody can truly measure the amount of pain we feel. Loss, too can be many things: loss of job, loss of dreams, loss of future relationship, loss of friend, spouse, mother, father, child, pet, money, situation, and many, many things that are dear to us. So you see, we don't have to be physically related to a loved one to experience the amount of grief, that I sense you feel. My heart is with you; may God Bless you and give you comfort.

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Scubidi,

You're not alone in losing family after a loss. When my Mother died, my father and one brother never even called me (I'm far away from the rest of them) and I was still only left with my oldest brother to talk to. Two months later, this oldest brother died, too, suddenly. I only talked to my remaining brother 2 or 3 x's, and only because I called him. I finally wrote him a long letter ( we didn't want to keep paying for long calls when he'd never reciprocate in kind ), but he never answered it.....it's been 1.5 years now. He put our father in a home (he has dementia) and stole all their money for his own use (he got P.O.A. for our father), never paid for our father's care for the home and now the Province has taken over our father's care and they haven't found most of the thousands he's stolen. Extended family also quit calling me, even though THEY were the ones who acted inappropriately towards me after each death. Not one of them even said a simple "Sorry" to me about my brother's death - they were too busy worrying about how it was affecting THEM, not his only sister. I also lost a bunch of friends who wouldn't support me on my own terms - it was THEIR way or the highway; I chose the highway. So it can be a very bumpy ride for some of us. Just wanted to let you know others get abandoned, too, in all sorts of ways, and the only help for me was to vent on these and other boards.

Yes, you do feel like you've lost your whole history, whole past, relationships to the loved ones you lost. Slowly, I'm finding my way back, but I might always feel the resentment, anger and hatred towards these blood relatives and friends....unless they apologize some fine day, which I would never expect NOW, it's already been so long and it's apparent they really DON'T care about anyone but themselves. I just got tired of taking all their crap and have walked away to take care of myself instead.

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MY HEART GOES OUT TO ALL OF YOU HERE. IN READING SOME OF THE POSTINGS, I FEEL I FOUND THE RIGHT PLACE TO TRY AND RECOVER FORM MY LOSES. MY MOM DIED LAST YEAR 2/26/04 ON MY DAUGHTERS BIRTHDAY- SHE WAS DEVISTATED. NO ONE TALKS ABOUT IT. I TRY AMD TALK TO MY SIBLINGS THEY DON'T WANT TO LISTEN. I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO TELL MY DAUGHTER. SHE IS EXTRA SAD WHEN THAT DAY COMES. I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN THERE TO TALK TO MY KIDS WHEN THEY ARE HAVING A HARD TIME . BUT THIS ONE I CAN'T HELP HER. I KNOW HER NIRTHDAY IS COMING AROUND AGAIN AND I REALLY DON'T WANT TO DEAL WITH IT. SOMETIMES I FEEL LIKE CRAWLING UNDER A ROCK AND NEVER COMING OUT.

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Livingodaat,

Oh, that's a tough one to deal with! Might I suggest you try to give your daughter's birthday priority, but then plan for your mother's anniversary the next day and do something special to honour her as well? It would be no good for her to have to go through the rest of her life feeling guilty about her birthday....that's a step beyond those folks who are born on Christmas Day, or other holidays and get overlooked. You could maybe even incorporate something as simple as wearing a single rose on your daughter's birthday, in memory of your mother, until you do your memorial thing the next day. And explain to her what you're doing and why, and emphasize that you still want HER to be the center of attention on what was always her day before, but that because she was your mother, you need, for yourself, to ALSO wear a flower that same day. Does that help any?

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Thank you Swede1 for that bit of information. I will put it on my calendar. I was really having a bad day today. I see myself with more bad days than good no one doesn't know I just put on a front. Being here on this site really helped me today. Thanks.

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HI EVERYONE, TODAY IS MY FIRST BIRTHDAY WITHOUT MY MOM, SHE DIED ON OCTOBER 12, 2004, NOT QUITE TWO YEARS AFTER MY YOUNGEST SON DIED FROM INJURIES SUSTAINED FROM A MVA. HIS DEATH WAS OCT. 24, 2002, ZACK WAS ONLY 17, THIS DECEMBER HE WOULD HAVE BEEN 21, I AM HAVING A HARD TIME TODAY, WITH MISSING MY MOM AND MY SON, YES, I HAVE DUSTIN, HE IS 24, AND HIS DAD, BUT, THINGS ARE NOT THE SAME AND NEVER WILL BE AGAIN. SOME DAYS IT FEELS LIKE IT IS SO HARD TO GO ON. BUT EVERYONE SAYS, YOU HAVE DUSTIN AND JODY(MY HUSBAND) THAT DOESNT STOP THE ACHE IN MY SOUL THAT FEELS LIKE IT WILL NEVER CLOSE AND HEAL, ALSO, MY HUSBANDS ONLY OTHER SIBLING A BROTHER, DIED IN A MVA INSTANTLY AT AGE 45, THAT ACCIDENT OCCURED EXACTLY 1 YEAR BEFORE LOSING OUR SON, SO , WE HAVE BEEN SLAPPED A FEW TIMES WITH DEATH NOW. I AM STARTING TO DREAD THE MONTH OF OCTOBER. EVERYONE SAYS IT IS ALMOST THREE YEARS NOW, YOU NEED TO START GETTING OVER HIS DEATH, DOES ANYONE EVER GET OVER THE DEATH OF THEIR YOUNGEST CHILD? I AM STILL WAITING FOR HIM TO COME HOME FROM HIGHSCHOOL YET, EVEN THOUGH HE HAS BEEN GONE THIS LONG. BECAUSE THE ACCIDENT OCCURED DURING SCHOOL HOURS. HE WAS JUST STARTING HIS SENIOR YEAR IN HIGH SCHOOL. THANKS FOR LETTING ME VENT ONLINE, MY HUSBAND DOESNT REALLY WANNA GO THERE. I HAVE POST TRAUMATIC STRESS SINCE THAT DAY. WHEN WE WERE AT THE ACCIDENT SCENE , UNFORTUNATELY, A 72 YEAR OLD MOM OF 7 LOST HER LIFE AS WELL. SINCE THE ACCIDENT WAS HEAD ON. ZACK LIVED FOR 61/2 HOURS, AFTER BEING LIFE-FLIGHTED. HE DIED IN MY ARMS AND HIS DADS. HE TOOK 78 UNITS OF BLOOD. ONE DAY I TRIED TO FIGURE OUT HOW MANY GALLONS THAT WAS. THE WORST PART IS I AM AN LPN, WHO HAD TO STAND BY AND WATCH HIM DYING, I COULDNT HELP HIM AS A MOM OR A NURSE. SO I JUST GO ON NOW, DAY TO DAY.

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alwaysmyjennifer

Zacksmom, I am so sorry for your losses. Please take comfort in knowing that you will never have anyone here tell you that you should be over it, or that you have other children to occupy your heart. As a father who lost a child, I have come to understand that some people mean well, but don't understand grief, ecpecially the pain of losing a child. We don't get over losing a child, even though in time the pain softens a little. Your grief is your personal journey, and only you choose how and when to negotiate each step of it. Be gentle on yourself, and treat yourself to those little things you enjoy. You did well in caring for your son so sweetly after the accident. Please feel welcome and free to write anytime. My thoughts and prayers are for your peace and comfort.

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TODAY IS MY FIRST BIRTHDAY WITHOUT MY MOM, SHE DIED ON OCTOBER 12, 2004, NOT QUITE TWO YEARS AFTER MY YOUNGEST SON DIED FROM INJURIES SUSTAINED FROM A MVA. HIS DEATH WAS OCT. 24, 2002.

Zacksmom,

I know how it is with these clusters of important dates...and funnily, my Mom's birthday was close in Oct. to your mom's death, so Oct. is a hard month for me, too....plus my other clusters in Jan. and Feb. (from 3 passings). If I could send you a birthday card, I would, because I've found that others need to pick up the slack on behalf of our lost loved ones on days like these. But if no one does, it makes it TWICE as tough to get through them. So I, too, will wish you a 'Happy' Birthday online ( I know they're not really happy now, but that's the saying ). I think Hallmark ought to start making appropriate cards for people like us...."Have a Decent, Reflective, Not TOO Teary, and Supported Birthday..." or something like that! They'd make a fortune, and we'd be more recognized in our struggles with these tough milestones. For future reference, there's a thread entitled " Special Events and Anniversary Dates" under the Loss of a Parent forum. I hope it went as well as can be expected, and maybe even that something UNexpectedly lovely happened for you as well.

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My fiance lost his mother about 4 months ago. Things were rock between us before that but we had agreed to work on them and things were looking up. Since her death we have been on the battle field. I've tried to be paitient and understanding, love him where he's at. But he has done everything in his power to destroy US. From messing around to abandonment,isolation, completely shutting me out of his life. The kicker is that 2 weeks after his mom passed I found out that I was pregnant. I had a miscarriage about 2months after we were dating 2 years ago. He thought that he could never have any kids due to a bad case of the chicken pox at 21 yrs. old. I'm very high risk. So far the pregnancy is great. But we split up/ I broke up with him 2days ago. I just couldn't take it anymore. Now I feel like crap for leaving him. Not only for him but I need his emotional support right now as well. Where do I start to heal the damage of not only our broken relationship but the loss I feel. I feel like I've lost my life love. He lost his mother and I lost the love of my life.......anything would help!!! Scared and confused HollyC

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alwaysmyjennifer

Hollyc, I'm sorry for all the sorrow you are facing, and all the painful things happening. I'm not going to go into the things pertaining to him, but stay with you. Do you want to try to reconcile this relationship? It may be best to have a neutral person act as mediator so emotions don't get out of control and your heart isn't wounded more. To heal of these wounds, it may be good to look at the situation almost like the same pain froma death. You will feel anger, fear, sorrow, rejection, and numb. Take it easy on yourself, and give yourself plenty of time to deal with the feelings. The pain does ease with time, that is if you don't reconcile the relationship. If you do, there will be a whole set of emotions and things to face. Either way, I'll help all I can. And Congratulations on the beautiful baby!

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Zacksmom, I am so sorry for your losses. Please take comfort in knowing that you will never have anyone here tell you that you should be over it, or that you have other children to occupy your heart. As a father who lost a child, I have come to understand that some people mean well, but don't understand grief, ecpecially the pain of losing a child. We don't get over losing a child, even though in time the pain softens a little. Your grief is your personal journey, and only you choose how and when to negotiate each step of it. Be gentle on yourself, and treat yourself to those little things you enjoy. You did well in caring for your son so sweetly after the accident. Please feel welcome and free to write anytime. My thoughts and prayers are for your peace and comfort.
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I am new to this discussion, but I lost my dad on Sept.8, 2005. He died of emphysema. Iam in shock and am very sad that my mother will be alone after being married 44 years. She is being strong for me and I hope she is able to greive. I need help. He wasn't supposed to die. He should live forever, right? YOur dad is supposed to walk you down the aisle on your wedding day. Mine will not be here to do that for me.

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alwaysmyjennifer

Mpettus, I'm so sorry you have lost your Dad. Yes, a Dad is supposed to be able to walk his beautiful daughter down the aisle, and he's supposed to kiss his first grandchild. I am sorry it can't be this way for you. The feelings you wrote of are all a normal part of our grieving process. In this message board, you will find friends who are caring and willing to help you through the grief, who understand the pain and sorrow. Please feel free to write as much as you wish, and we hope you feel welcome with us. May your heart find the peace you need. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

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My Dad was murdered Aug.3rd of this year. He was taken away from me by my own brother who by his own choice was my dad primary caregiver.My Dad didn,t need constant care to the point that he couldn't function on his own,but he did need someone to be there to assist him if he became ill.He was still driving at the age of 88,and was still paying his own bills and basicly doing everyday things which I was very proud of.My brother on the other hand,was 39,barely held down a job,nevered got married,or had Kids and was very self centered and selfish,and made sure that everybody knew he was babysitting my Dad(his words)when in fact my Dad was still providing for him,something my dad and I spoke about often.Everything my brother did was to keep me and others from getting to close to the sitution,so that we wouldn't ask questions.At the same time I was married and raising my children having moved away,but not to far where I couldn't be there or be reached by phone.I also had other family members check on my Dad as often as they could.Something my brother didn't lie or appreciated.He Killed my dad while he slept,but only after he stole my Dad's SSI check and removed my Dad's pistol from my Dad's bedroom,and became angry when my Dad missed the missing items and confronted him,knowing how violent my brother was and still is my Dad backed down and went to his room to lay down. My brother being the coward that he is shot my dad in the back of his head while he slept,dragged his body through the house out the back door and put him in the trunk of my dad's own car.He then went and committed 3 armed robberies,driving my Dad's car,with Daddy all the while dying in the trunk. 2 or 3 days later my Dad's car was found in Birmingham Ala,near the airport,(a place that my Dad loved to visit).a week later he was caught(his motive,according to Police,he hated my Dad,and didn't want to take care of him anymore).What about me?.I would have more than happily took care of my dad,I would have been Honored and Blessed to be privilaged to take care of my Dad,But that was taken away from me as If I wasn't even considered,the ultimate punishment for me,because my brother and I didn't get along,was to take my Dad away. not only from me but from my children also

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alwaysmyjennifer

Jazilynn, it's so senseless when we lose someone to murder. My Jenni was raped and murdered, and all I know for truth is that she died on a beach in California. I'm so deeply sorry for your loss. I wish that words alone could make a little sense of this. Please know that I am praying for you. My most sincere hope is for your peace. Please feel free to write often. I will be here to help you all I can. I wish I could tell you a happier thing, but my family is messed up with drugs, and in the last five years, three of them have died to shootings or other violence. I truly understand your pain. I will be here to help you all I can. May your heart be filled with peace and comfort. Mark

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Jazilynn,

Oh, you poor soul! I'm so sorry you had to lose your dad in such a manner. Losses that happen in such horrid ways are much harder to deal with and I would think that your grief would fall under Post Traumatic Stress, for which there are some other good websites which I think you should check out. It's a whole other ballpark, that. I know I've also seen some sites that focus on loved ones who are murdered, and certainly when that murder was committed by someone in the same family, that would make it even MORE horrific to deal with. There is also a forum here for those lost to violence, where you might find others who you can share with most effectively. To be blunt, you must be going mental with this. Your story is like something one sees on the news, or in TV shows, knowing that it happens to people, but never thinking it might happen to you! And now this is your reality, with which you must somehow cope. Hopefully, you will also be able and willing to seek some therapy locally for this trauma, to bolster yourself through your grief and to help you understand each issue as it comes up for you, and I'd bet the list is going to be rather long.

For what it's worth, feel free to rant and rave here if that helps you wear down the grief and trauma some, as there are many caring people on these boards to share with, but for your best healing efforts, you might consider a number of different supports and education to help yourself in this vulnerable time. I wish you all the help you can possibly find, and again, I'm so sorry for the loss of your dad, and for your grieving self.

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jazilyn,

I can honestly say that I don't know what to say to you...

I'm a care giver for my dad currently...I have ALWAYS had a bad..well actually non existant relationship with him (meaning he never acknowledge me in the household all of my childhood...and adulthood for that matter too)....

However, that is a completely gruesome scene you described that no one would deserve...I hope justice is served....I can't imagine something like that...I can't imagine ever being that mad or insane to act in such a matter...and believe me I've got issues with my dad that are deep and beyond repair.

I do hope you seek counsel for what you must be going through...it's horrible.

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Hello. My name is Maggie. I lost a son in 2004.

I know that I am new here and will probably sound like a broken record replying to this message board and its man different posting areas.

But recently I read an emotionally charged, extremely comprehensive grief book that has helped me so much in dealing with my loss.

A friend of mine recommended an author friend she knew. Her name is Katlyn Stewart, and she gave me her web address- http://understandinggrief.katlynstewart.com I went to the site and clicked on the grief book she had listed there- Song Of Cy: Understanding Grief. It took me to a publishers site where I bought the E-Book.

Anyway, I am getting long winded.

This book by Katlyn Stewart has helped me to understand so much of what I was feeling as a mother. Both emotionally and physically.

The author leaves no stone unturned.

I am so thrilled with this book, I wanted to post here in regard to it (and I dont post to messageboards)

If you have a chance, and can...check out the website. Maybe buy the book and see for yourself.

I will close in saying...

Here is to our healing of a loss greater than any loss I will ever know.

Maggie

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I just wanted to let you all know that I feel very deeply for you and the pain and loss that you are going through. I myself have been very fortunate to not have had to deal with a loss scince I was five. So your probably wondering why I am on this site right? I stumbled across this site while looking for a hospice that I could volunteer at. The reason I want to volunteer for end of life care is so that I can help people throught grief and to understand death. You see about a year ago I started to develop a gift. I really want to help people understand that we do have a spirit and we do continue to exist after we exit our physical bodies. I have been finding this out first hand and would NEVER make something like this up. My heart really goes out to all of you and I really want to help. I know that this will not take the pain away, but it is really important to try not to focus on the physical body that was left behind, but to focus on the spirit that is still very close to you. The more you think of your loved one, the closer they are to you. I was really happy to read that you still talk to them. Your loved one CAN hear you through your thoughts when you direct it to them. The belief of life after death is no longer a belief for me anymore, it is now a known fact and I thank god everyday for blessing me with this gift. I have never been a religious person, I was not brought up that way, I still do not attend regular church, but I now attend a spiritual church, which is helping me to develop my gifts even more. I think it is very important to get in touch with your spiritual side especially at a time like this which I feel is the worst experience you could ever have to go throught during life. You could look up spiritual centres on the internet in your area. They focus on life after death and are held by very talented mediums. I know it is really hard to believe that there is life after death when you don't have proof, but I can tell you from the bottom of my heart that I have the gift of feeling spirits around me and am working on how I can communicate with them. The Inner Peace Movement is also a very good organization that gives people the knowledge that we need to learn more about what happens after we pass and helps you to get in touch with your inner spirit and the spirits that are around you to help guide you through this life. Once again I am not saying that this will take the pain away, but I think it would help you alot to know that there REALLY IS A GOD and that your loved one still exists in spirit and they really can hear you when you talk to them. I know it really sucks that you can't be with them physically, but you still have some more life to experience and it is not your time yet. Just know that your loved one is still around you and that you will definitely see them again when you are finished experiencing what it was that you came down hear to experience. I love you all and god bless you. Take care of yourselves.

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hi...i came from a third world country where family ties is important as life is..i lost my mom from a terrible ship accident last 1982 and i was 19 years old then...the following year, my father died of heart attack in the month of june and we discovered him at 4AM lying with the picture of my mom between his hands..it pained me alot but i realized that indeed, love can move mountains and my dad loved my mom so much that even in death, he willingly carried my mom's memory and this made me resolved that i will not ever take my relationships for granted..it made me appreciate the people who loved me and in return, i have never loved as much as i can after that incident..death can cause pain , yes, but it can also make one appreciate life much better if we only see that there is indeed , life after death....

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Care4u,

You're just the kind of person I need to hear more from. Please talk to me here about just what it is you've experienced, how it feels, etc. I've been meaning to get to a Spiritualist Church for some time now, but just haven't been able to get out yet when they hold their services. If you would, please share some more, as I need to hear this kind of thing in order to increase my belief!

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Dear Care4u,

Everything you have written hits home with me. I have been going to a Spiritualist Church since loosing my husband and I have to say it has helped me tremendously. I feel I'm being pulled to go there at times. It is a place where I find total peace and comfort. I recommend it to people who are grieving to help them with the process....it is so helpful to know our loved ones are still with us in spirit...it still sucks that we can't physically be with them, though! It a rough process but I just go through everything I feel. Sometimes I'm totally floored by all the emotions and feeling but I don't think we can get around it any other way. Blessing to all of you.

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Swede1

Hi dear,

I would be happy to share my experiences with you and let you know all that I know about the spirit world (as I call it). I am slowly starting to develop more of my gifts by attending mediumship classes through my spiritual church. I highly recommend the spiritual church, but I think you might be more comfortable if you had a good freind to go with you. They do give messages from loved ones who have passed at the end of services and I feel it can be quite overwhelming for someone who is new to the spiritual experience. I don't have alot of room here to write, but I will fill you in on my experiences as much as I can and will keep in touch. I could feel spirits gently touch my legs or pull on my covers softly. I wasn't scared because I had alway been interested in life after death and had done some reading on the subject. These gentle touches definitley got my attention, so I signed up for the inner peace movement to hopefully learn more. Well, I did. The spiritual teacher helped me get in touch with the spirit guides that were getting my attention. (I hope I didn't lose you there. It sounds crazy to me still even as I write it.) I learned so much from this group, but of course I was a little frightened and nervous. I have so much more to share with you. But most importantly, you need to know that your loved ones can hear you when you direct your thoughts to them. They are still very much alive, only they are on a higher level now then us. They have gone back home. I know this all sounds hard to believe and is alot to take in, but a spiritual centre will help you to understand it all. I am out of space, but I will definitley keep writing. Take care and god bless.

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alwaysmyjennifer

Hi Swede1, I would never try to convince you or anyone of a choice in the spiritual realm. I know what I believe, and that I will share if a person is interested. I won't shove it down their throat. It's good to be home, even though things are not yet up to speed for my wife's health. I needed to say thanks for the support and strength you have given me lately. Those things we were talking about, I was able to tell a friend in detail . . . finally. I feel so amazingly good. Maybe this is a step toward healing. Thank you for helping me break through that wall finally. You're truly one of the greatest people I've ever met. My very best to you, Mark

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I really hope that I didn't offend anyone when I wrote about the gifts that I am developing of knowing the truth about what happens when we pass on. I, in no way, meant to come across as a preacher or to try to convince anyone into believing what I know. I beleive that everyone needs to come in touch with their own spirituality at there own terms. I really just wanted to offer a loving hand to anyone who is interested in getting in touch with their spiritual side (because I know that I had no idea where to go), but everything happened to fall in to place for me. This gift has proven truly amazing to me and my heart really meant well. I just wanted to apologize if I offended anyone and I wish you all lots of love and support on your hurrendous journey through the grief process and to let you know that there are spiritual centres out there that could help you if you needed it.

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Laurra,

I am really sorry to hear of your loss and am glad to know that the spiritualist church is helping some. It breaks my heart to see people out there go through a passing of a loved one and not know about the spirit that carries on. But then again, why would anyone believe in something that they have no proof of. I find that alot of people don't want to talk about the fact of life after death and it really saddens me. I am glad to see that more people are getting in touch with their spiritual side, even though it doesn't take away the pain of a loss, it can make a big difference in peoples lives. Keep taking life one day at a time and if you ever want to share any more with me, I am hear to listen. Feel free to email me. Lots of love.

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Care4u,

Actually, I already know alot about the subject and have had a good # of ADC's from my loved ones....so no need to feel you're using 'techy' language with me! I just like to hear as much as possible about these things to keep my beliefs growing and strong. It also helps to learn about all the different ways they can come through, as I think there are probably so many, so that helps to keep one's awareness honed. I'm so glad you're here and willing to talk about it! Thanks!

And no, you certainly didn't come across 'wrongly' or preachy. In fact, on a different site, I just had a bad experience with someone who DID do just that. They posted on a thread that was all about ADC's, telling all of us essentially that we were WRONG about these things and that ONLY if we accepted the Blood of Christ, and our passed loved ones had already, too, would we ever see them again! I was incensed, to say the least! It affected me so deeply that I actually had a horrible nightmare that night that related to having beliefs shoved down my throat, with torturous consequences if I didn't comply! This post was offensive in so many ways to so many of us that it was promptly removed by admin. You didn't do anything like this, so don't worry! We're ALLOWED to write our opinions and experiences here, just as long as we're not being abrasive or intolerant to the point of ridiculousness. We can disagree if we like, but not call others names or tell them that their view isn't valid. Again, you didn't do anything of the sort.

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Those things we were talking about, I was able to tell a friend in detail . . . finally. I feel so amazingly good. Maybe this is a step toward healing.

Fabulous, Mark! I'm SO glad I took the chance and voiced my opinion! Here's to the bravery my furboy taught me time after time! He's as wise as a soul could get, he is! We were both showing courage and look at the results. Yeah!! Of COURSE it's a step, and a darn good one, too. All that energy you were using to keep it inside can now go towards a much healthier goal. Woo-HOO! And I might as well write this here, too....I'm glad you and your wife are back at home and that the initial and worst part of her trtmnt. is over and done with. Phew! Keep us all posted ( wherever ) as to how she's progressing as she gets her next doses. You sure are making a lot of progress during an already trying time and you're to be commended for that. Did your ordered book arrive yet?

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To care4u,

I certainly took no offence to your prior posts.

I think it is wonderful that you are getting the healing that you need.

Where we go to church, the services are pretty traditional. But do tell of your experiences. We all take what we need and leave the rest here.

Jeff

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Care4U,

You haven't offended me at all....I think when we have deep losses when are challenged to learn more. The Spiritual Church that I go to isn't any different from what I already believed in. I believed in eternal life, god, spirit, etc. When I lost my husband and both my parents in a 6 month time span I felt as if I was hit broadside....Yes, I think it would be normal to question faith, feel angry with the "big Kahuna" and have a yearning to experience more. I overwhelmingly felt that I had to communicate with my husband and I did thru a medium. Some people may think that is wrong but I didn't. I am not hurting anyone and it helped me with my grieving. I do think there are frauds in almost everything out there and we have to be very careful but I did my homework to find a good one. All I can say is it helped me. I have to know that they are all still with me and I do....it helps. Thanks for sharing your gift.

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Dear Swede1, just had to share this cute, well I think it's cute story. I was sharing with the art teacher at our community college because he lost his 18 yr. old son years ago and I lost my daughter last Nov. He is a Budhest through and through, done a lot of traveling in Asia, etc. He told me that when his son was killed he found SO MUCH comfort in studying life after life and then went on to say that a friend of his took him through a past life regression. Okay, I get just a little jittery here but so what. He told me that in his regression he was sitting in a chair and Jesus walked up behind him and touched him on the shoulder; that he knew it was him without seeing him. He went on to say that he felt the greatest love he has ever felt ever and that Jesus was the most non-judgemental being and loving that one could imagine. I thought it was cool that the stuffing down the throat thing never came up. I hope you don't find all Christians to be like that. I could give you some scriptures to shut them up if they bug you too much.

Is furboy an animal you had; sorry, I'm lost. I just rescued a pretty beat up dog and he is a JOY. My sister said it's the first light she's seen in my eyes in 11 months. Definitely sent from someone who loves us!

Nates mom- I'm sorry you have to endure the holidays so near the one year mark; I will be thinking about you. As for me and my family; we'll pretty lying real low this year! Take Care, Renee

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Here is a warm hello to all of you,

I just wanted to reply to the discussion on past life regression. I have never had one done, though I find them very interesting... but anyways I have to share with you the experience I felt when I joined the meditation group at my spiritual church. I was greeted during my med. by a few spirits I did not know,(but was informed it was my guides later) and all I felt was unconditional love. It was the best feeling I could ever imagine. It was the feeling of total security and warmth. I didn't want to leave them. It gave me a feeling of peace and I wish I could feel the love of the white light all the time. It's comforting to know that our loved ones are there soaking it up.

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Hi Swede1,

I have to say I am so sorry to hear of your bad experience at the other site. That is horrible. I don't know how people allow themselves to get so brainwashed(in my opinion). This is why I picked a spiritual church, I find them to be so realistic and when they are working with spirits first hand, it can only mean messages sent from the love of God, and always has been since I've been there. Working with spirits is what seperates the spiritual church from the others. Don't get me wrong, I agree church and religion is good,It's focus is on the love of God... just that some people(not all) take it too far and it becomes unrealistic.

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Hi everyone,

Now that I have seen how wonderful, open minded and non- judgemental you all are, I feel really comfortable sharing my spiritual experiences with you. So here it is. I started having Out Of Body Experiences during my sleep about 8 months ago. I knew I was fully consious, but in a sort of altered state of mind. Sometimes I could feel my body was paralized and I would wave my hand in front of me, but my hand was a very bright colour and almost see through. This happened a few times and then one night I could feel my feet being squeezed. It was so neat. I knew what it was. Oh, I'm out of room. There's lots more if anyone is interested. I hope I haven't scared anyone away.

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alwaysmyjennifer

Swede1, it's so good to hear from you. The wisdom you have shared with me, and all the support you've offered, makes me consider you one of life's great gifts. I'm upset over someone who can lash out at others in the name of faith. This only shows that person's insensitivity to humanity. You know I'm a devout Christian, yet Jenni and Christi hug me every night. Hmmmmm. If you look in the Old Testament, Samuel was returned in his spirit by a medium. Hmmmmm, again. This person's insensitivity to the truth that the spirit world is vastly different from our physical realm is sad. I know many devout Christians who are seeing and talking to their loved ones who are no longer in their bodies. The spirit world is like no other. Once again, my dear friend, I am trying to explain my own beliefs in a way that I pray won't offend you. What I believe is no great secret, but I don't shove it down people's throats. Here's a little kick in someone's pants. I'm in ministry, trained in seminary with two masters degrees.

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He told me that in his regression he was sitting in a chair and Jesus walked up behind him and touched him on the shoulder; that he knew it was him without seeing him. He went on to say that he felt the greatest love he has ever felt ever and that Jesus was the most non-judgemental being and loving that one could imagine. I thought it was cool that the stuffing down the throat thing never came up. I hope you don't find all Christians to be like that. I could give you some scriptures to shut them up if they bug you too much.

Is furboy an animal you had; sorry, I'm lost. I just rescued a pretty beat up dog and he is a JOY. My sister said it's the first light she's seen in my eyes in 11 months. Definitely sent from someone who loves us!

Renee

Thanks, Renee, for that story. It reminds me of my Mom telling me of her experience when she was in the hospital once several years earlier, where she must have been close to death and Jesus came to her. She said He was just beautiful, the place was just beautiful, but that he told her she had to go back. She didn't want to, but he said to her, " Your son still NEEDS you." She took that to mean my partially-handicapped brother, the remaining one who's broken the remaining family up, never went to see her in the hospital and dishonoured our Mother ( and me ) so badly after her death. I always wondered if He meant my OTHER brother, and she misinterpreted! In any case, she loved recounting this short but wonderful experience, and I was the only one she ever dared tell it to. I also find it very amusing and uplifting that a Buddhist wouldn't have had an encounter with BUDDHA, but with another Master instead! lol! I think that's wonderful, and points to the fact that different religions don't really matter at all - it's the fact that we're all part of the same Source that does. And no, I DON'T find all Christians are like this ( although in my neck of the woods, a LOT of them are extremely intolerant, unfortunately ). I realize this one was pretty 'out there', insensitive and arrogant...it's just really distressing to find those 'types' on grief boards, where they all post guidelines to one's sharing. This person obviously thought they knew better even in THAT! And frankly, I wouldn't mind knowing some scriptures that would counter such narrow-mindedness! It might come in handy as I seem to be a magnet for these people.

Yes, our furboy was a cat and we still have his sister with us yet, thank God. I absolutely KNOW, and no one could ever dissuade me from this, that both of our furbabies were sent to me, specifically, in order to share our lives with each other. Without going into the whole story, it was WAY too uncanny the way it happened and I'm convinced it was by way of Divine Intervention or Planning, however it works. Their appearance in our lives is NOT by coincidence, that's for SURE! And if not for my furgirl, I never could have survived her brother's passing. What I'll do when SHE'S gone, though, I don't know.

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Alwaysmyjennifer,

Thanks, once again, Mark, for the glowing compliment! I really don't think I deserve that much praise, though. :-) And no, of course you didn't offend me. While I don't know the Bible well at all, I HAVE heard others speak of passages that tell of other planes of existence existing at the same time and place as the earthly world. And modern physics is bearing this out now, too, so PPPHHHHHTTTTT!!! to all the nay-sayers! LOL! Sorry, couldn't resist!

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Care4u,

Oh, DO go on! Tell us more! I have to ask, did you GO anywhere, or were you still in your home? I should say, though, that if we're going to talk about these particular things, they might be more appropriate under the forum "Beliefs and Religions" - under the Thread " Other Beliefs", as we're not really talking directly about Coping With Loss here. If anyone else is searching for other beliefs, I would think they'd be looking there instead of here. What does everyone think?

I also would be really interested in having a past life regression done someday....I just don't really want to PAY for it out-of-pocket right now! LOL! They're supposed to be very helpful in making us see what our mission is in our current lifetime, and how we arrived at such a mission, and who we've 'travelled' with before and things like that. However, if I regressed to a life where I was maybe a prisoner in a medieval torture chamber or something, I don't think I'd be too happy!! lol.

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