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honeybear

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Hi Sorry to jump in here, I wanted to talk for a couple of minutes. I'm going through a lot of changes at the moment in health and therapy but therapy especially.  I've made a lot of changes in my life, letting go of old memories (or rather unhelpful ones) to make way for different ways of thinking.

I talk to my mum and dad via a photo (both parents passed on), but I have stronger dreams of my mum than I do of my dad.  The only thing is that even though my parents are here in spirit, it saddens me that they're not here in person to see the changes I've made.  I'm getting more feeling towards my mum cos I dream about her more and I was closer to her, even though she made my life more difficult when I was a child, so then my dad helped me out.

I feel really good about the changes and everything it's just that my mum and dad aren't here to actually celebrate with me. I feel sad about it, that's all.

Sue

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Laura - The truth of the matter is we are the only ones that know that there is no time attached to 'getting over it'.  Moving on for us is imposssible for we are transfixed to the second we lost our loved one.

The rest of the world still turns, life for those around us moves forward.  The subject of death is something that has always been taboo.  Those who suffer the first hand experience of loss, like each one here at BI find they are the elephant in the room.  Big enough to see, yet know one acknowledges we exist after a short period of time.

I am sorry for your loss, I am sorry we are here, but I am so glad that BI is here, for without it many of us would be lost to the abyss eternally.

Trudi

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jackiewitter

Trudi... Speaking from one elephant to another, you are so on target.  I know for myself personally, the early days, (the first 365) I just expected more.  I expected each day to get a little easier and it simply was not happening.  Before Jeffrey died both my parents had passed away.  I grieved and cried for a while, but I moved forward.  This was not happening with Jeff.  I remained exactly where I was on the day he died.  The emptiness in my heart, the agony of seeing other people laugh, wanting so badly to tell someone how much this sucked, but no one wanted to talk with me. My friends talked about everything else in the world but the empty place that was left behind.

I don't know that we actually move forward, I think the scenery around us just changes and we adapt to it.  I think you are right, we are forever where we were on the day that they left us.

I saw the pic of you and you mother, what a wonderful picture, and I am sure, a wonderful trip.  My thoughts are with you on this coming Mother's day.  Peace and blessings, Jackie

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Guest mrsmere66

I lost my husband of 18 years 8 weeks ago.  We have 3 children, ages 19, 18 and 15.  My 18 year old is away at college.  Anyway, I was trying to explain what it's like to someone who has not been through this kind of thing.  I said it was like swimming in an ocean of pain every day.  Sometimes, I'm close to shore and I'm treading water pretty well.  Other days, there's the break water and if I get pulled past that, I know I'm never coming back.  It's about treading water every day.  I do HATE the people that tell me how strong I am.  What do they know?  I have to turn it off in my head every day and still go to work and take care of the house, etc., etc., etc.  But there isn't a day that goes by that I don't ache for him.

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Guess who is traveling the farthest to our reunion?

It's Trudi.

Trudi is traveling all the way from Australia to Minneapolis, MN for our Beyond Indigo reunion in August!

If Trudi can make it, so can you! 

Come check our reunion page: http://www.beyondindigo.com/reunion/

Hope to see you there!

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I'm new to the forum....I don't quite know how to feel about using a forum, but after my loss a couple of people suggested I give it a try.  I lost my significant other almost 7 months ago to unknown causes....how frusterating...unknown causes.  Its the thing I have struggled with the most.  Eric was a healthy 25 year old and after his passing his father informed me he was planning on proposing....its been 7 months and I don't know when its too long to still be greiving!  I feel like it just happened yesterday and it feels like its never going to get better....such a disgusting and lonely feeling.  I thought about doing therapy but I couldn't imagine sitting in front of someone who has never lost someone special and expecting them to understand what I'm feeling...so that is what brought me here.  I want to know that I'm not the only one feeling this way...this deep sadness and lonliness; its unexplainable to those around you who have never experienced it.  Of course I have amazing friends and a VERY supportive family that have been my back bone for the past 7 months...but maybe its the anger in me and the selfishness of loosing Eric, but their advice and comfort doesn't seem good enough still because I just feel like they don't GET IT.  So, I guess I just would like to come on here and hear about others experiences and how you all have handled your loss and what keeps you moving.

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beautifulmistake

[user=35745]e4bruen[/user] Hi there I just want to put it out there that I understand deeply about how you feel. I am very sorry for your loss. Seven months to you may feel like seven days when you are in the state of grief.  Honestly there is no time limit on how long it takes to learn to make those steps to cope, to start living life, to laugh without the thoughts of that loved on in the back of your mind.

I lost my father when I was 16 years old. I took longer then some to cope with that. I know of at least two years that it took for me to make steps to move on. Now I have moved on. I remember my father in the best ways. Like his peanut butter sandwiches, and how we would sit beside each other and watch the television, and the way Mom , Dad & I  would never leave one another without saying we loved each other. I smile at those memories and I know he is in a better place.

So you are just going to have to take it step by step and day by day. You have to put effort into your own self by taking care of yourself, learning to love yourself, think of ways to make coping with your loss easier, like keep a journal of POSSITIVE things. That is what I did and it helped, along with other things.

BTW; I know you said he passed with unknown causes. I'm sorry to hear that, but one day IN YOUR OWN TIME you will learn to let go of searching for answers. I know this for a fact cause in July 28, 2009 my uncle killed himself. I searched and searched for notes and evidence. I even searched within my own heart, but I have learned that I will never know and I have to let go of that.

Lastly don't let people drag you down when you are on your own way day by day, step by step to coping because right now YOU ARE THE ONE THAT IS IMPORTANT. You are the one who is healing.

Take care and God Bless

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deathofanangel

What i meant was i should be putting all the bad things away in a box and leving the good things out so i can cherish them. i know it has been a couple of years but i am off the pills. i am fine. it still hurts. my mum is coping. in her own way. thank you for your kind words, i needed them. at that point i was at my lowest. xxxxx

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deathofanangel

[user=17130]mikesmum[/user] wrote:

[user=18668]deathofanangel[/user] - sorry that you have lost your dad.  Anytime is a bad time to lose someone, 14 just seems very young.  Your mum is right in one way, you are young to be on anti-depressants, as someones mum I think you might need a counsellor or therapist as well.  The meds on there own really only address half the problem.

The memory box sounds like a good idea.  You say you should put the bad things in too, not sure what you meant.  Would it help to have a journal to write in that you keep in that box?.  It might let you say some things that you don't want to share just yet.

Blessed be

What i meant was i should be putting all the bad things away in a box and leving the good things out so i can cherish them. i know it has been a couple of years but i am off the pills. i am fine. it still hurts. my mum is coping. in her own way. thank you for your kind words, i needed them. at that point i was at my lowest. xxxxx its now 15th march 2010. i lost my dad 19th April 2007 i am now 16. (Almost 17)

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Dear Members,

We are excited to mention that we are moving to a more new and improved message boards on MONDAY MORNING AUGUST 9th! The boards will be done for a few hours while we are making the conversation. Remember we posted information about this move a month ago. For some of you this might seem a bit sudden,  but when we were reviewing the site we determined the current message board you are using is out of date and the company that designed it is no longer in existence. The good news is this new message board will have new features that have been requested in the past like more fields we can add to your profiles and a chat room up to 20 people at one time. If we find the chat room is bursting at the seams we will add additional room for extra people. All your old posts, private messages and such will be migrated to the new message board. You might have to put up your profile picture again but not sure. The new company will be doing the migration for us. Here is a short list of some of the new features on the board:

- Custom Profile Fields

- Users can customize their profile pages by selecting a background color or background image, with tiling options.

- Facebook and Twitter Integration

- users can respond to multiple posts at once with "mini-quote"

- Pinned discussion threads - like welcome to our board etc.

- Announcements made across some boards or the entire message board

- Search: Users can easily find all content generated by a particular member, by clicking the 'Find Content' button that appears on the main profile page, or in the Mini Profile Popup which can be accessed throughout the board. The results page allows content to be filtered by application, as well whether the member created it or merely participated in it.

- Privacy: allows users to sign in anonymously, hiding them from the online users list. Users also have the option to disable personal conversations and user-to-user emails, as well as ignore other users if necessary.

The next exciting piece of news about the new message board is it will have a new domain name of www.grieving.com for search engine optimization purposes. It will still be apart of Beyond Indigo and can be found through www.beyondindigo.com. We will be redirecting your current URL's to this new domain name but we might miss a few. If that is the case simply go back to www.grieving.com or www.beyondindigo.com to find your message board thread. We will try to make the transition as seamless as possible.

The bottom line is the new board will give us room to grow our community and more options to interact better with each other.

If you have any questions please direct them to feedback@beyondindigo.com.

Kelly Baltzell, MA

CEO/President

Beyond Indigo Family

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