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Tough Time tonight


Mdanielson4

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Tough time tonight

I had a big fight with my daughter tonight, seems like the family is falling apart now. It is sad because I sit and pray God takes me now. I don’t know how to fix things, Mary always kept things together for us. She was the glue of this family. It is falling apart and I cannot stop it. Seems like every aspect of my life has been ruined. I hope God hears my prayer.

Mike

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Hi Mike, not sure if there is a sense of self defeat that you continue to wrestle with, it seems like your thoughts are always caught up in this mindset maybe.

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I'm sorry I have disappointed you lostblu, if I had the answers you are posting I wouldn't be looking for encouraging words here.

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I'm so sorry Mike. Everything seems overwhelming during this time. All sorts of feelings crop up and yours are normal. And they too will pass. lostblu, you can't play shrink in cyberspace or anywhere else, if you are not qualified. Mike has been going through enough.

Hang in there Mike,

Mandala

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lostblu you lost your father i don't think you should be on the spouse board it is a complete different loss you don't know what we are going through. Mike loved his wife and was with her constantly.

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Mike hang in there! Its so hard I know! Why we are here without the love our lives? Is the constant question. Our kids for sure have no idea how we feel their loss is different from ours! I truely understand about not wanting to be here anymore...my John was my every thing, now im here alone...very alone! Just hang in there the best way u can.

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Mike hang in there! Its so hard I know! Why we are here without the love our lives? Is the constant question. Our kids for sure have no idea how we feel their loss is different from ours! I truely understand about not wanting to be here anymore...my John was my every thing, now im here alone...very alone! Just hang in there the best way u can.

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The encouraging words, and to know there are people out there that can comprehend the pain I am going through helps me through the days. I am not sure what it is I am looking for when I post something like this but I know you all come through for me when I do. Thank you so much.

Mike

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Mike-

I am sorry you had such a rough night. I had an argument with my daughter,a few nights ago, and I felt like the world had ended all over again, and I felt the same way, that it sounds like you felt..just praying that if this is what it's going to be like, can't it please just stop now?

Of course, it didn't, and now a few days later, I don't feel so low and tired. I still feel like a stranger, in a strange place....and maybe that's what it will be like, from now on. I hope not, but it's how it is.

I'm trying to remember that all our feelings are raw, and all of us are more emotional right now. I'm trying to hold things in, and not say things that will upset people, sometimes. Sometimes, I just blurt out the first thing that comes in my head. It depends on the day. I sat down with my daughter, later, and apologized, and told her that I really didn't mean what I said to come out like it did, and that I think I struck out, because I was feeling so bad, without thinking. I also explained to her, that sometimes right now, my battered heart rules my head, and I get lost in the pain of all the things that make me hurt, and I get all defensive, and sometimes I feel attacked, when I'm not, and I feel sorry for myself, a great deal of the time. I told her, in time, it will pass, and I'll try to do better. I also asked her to understand if she could, and help me avoid any stupid confrontations for awhile. So now,maybe we will stay on the same page, a little more. I realize, she lost him , too, and she hurts, and she was just trying to help. And seeing me like this, all broken and not like me, scares my children. Maybe it does yours, too.

It's really hard to understand what those of us who have lost our mate are feeling, if you haven't been right where we are. when two people become so close, that they seem one, with the same heart...if half the heart dies, the other half is hurt terribly, and doesn't function right, and wants to die , too, in a lot of cases. That's how it is, to lose your true mate, your other half.

I have lost loved ones in the past, a father, a sister, grandparents, a young niece and nephew, etc. Some devastating, some tragic, all of them still missed, still loved, but survived. This? It isn't comparable..

Some days.. I truly do not want to live. Some days , I start out ok..and end up in tears. Some days I wake up screaming, and feel scared and shaky, weak and ill all day.Other days, I can't even sleep.

Mike, I don't know the answer, to how we get through this. I don't know why it has to be like this. I just know, we will get through it. Somehow, some way. You help me, some days. I'll try to be there to help you, some days. Others hold out a hand at times. This is a group, and we'll all stumble along together, and somehow, we'll get by. That's why we are here, so we can be a friend to each other, so we can talk to a friend who understands, even in the darkest times of our lives. It won't be easy, but we will get through it, even though we'll come through changed. Hang in there..you have friends who care about you. Hope today is a better day. Silver

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I have two sisters and a brother. I have two daughters and a son. I have 4 grandsons and a granddaughter. I have no wife or partner any more. :(

I do not live near any of them. It is so lonely

Mike

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stargazer5510

Hi, Mike. Sorry I got here late. I'll tell you a story that probably won't make you feel any better, but here goes anyway.

After my husband passed away, I was alone and disabled with six dogs. (Six dogs? A story for a later time.)

Dana, an old "doggie" friend, decided she wanted to move in. Seemed like the perfect solution. Within two weeks, she had taken over and one afternoon grabbed my arm when I picked up her jar of honey off the counter.

I called the police (first time ever).

Cops offered to take her to jail. I declined and paid $500 to move her out.

Alright. Those are the cold hard facts. The dreadful, painful part of it was she knew how close Gene and I were. She knew how sick I was. How much fun could it have been to treat me that way? I was in a sedated stupor for much of the time. The idea that I could have been any "problem" to her was ridiculous. I'll never know what was going on in her head.

The only reason I'm telling this one is because I have found that no matter what the depth of your pain or the scope of your loss, people just can't imagine how cruel some of the things they say and do can be. We are so vulnerable. It does make you just want to not be here.

I hope your daughter is a better human being than Dana. I've come to forgive her. I never told her the depths of the pain she caused and we parted on friendly terms. But dear God it hurt. I was crushed. My doctor committed suicide about 6 weeks later. He was the same age as my husband.

Mike, I hope I'm not just spilling my guts for its own sake. I hope something I've said will make some sense and at least a message from someone who's feeling the same kind of loss will help. It may seem like things are falling apart, but hopefully, they're just re-arranging and somewhere along the line a new "normal" will emerge, at least in terms of your family. Hang in there. I know your family loves you. ((((((((((hugs))))))))))

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Stargazer,

I am sorry for the pain you have been through. I know too well the hurt it causes when someone you trust turns on you. It makes it hard to trust again. I have been accused of being too trusting and people walk over me. I cannot help how I am but when it comes back to bite you it is a pain you keep ahold of so you can prevent it from happening again. How does that affect the others around us? Does it take opportunities away? Will we ever have the trust back? I know its not easy to post things like this. These are private feelings and I have no doubt you are posting to help me. I appreciate you and everyone who continues to support me through these boards. I truly find comfort here and love you all.

Mike

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stargazer5510

Thanks for your message, Mike. I don't know what I'd do without this support. Some times I visit and just look at the list of new messages. New losses and new pain and old losses and old pain. Many times that's all I can do. I send blessings and an acknowledgement of the depth and profound truth that has been shared and then I log off.

Sometimes I can easily hear someone's story and share some conversation.

Sometimes, like tonight, I come here and feel a real-time sense of shared grief and loss and it strangely gives me courage.

I love you all too. We are unlikely brothers and sisters.

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Hi mike, I hope its better today. I just wanna say that you are not alone. Don't ever forget that. Yes we feel entirely alone. Its been two months since hubby died and it still scares the hell out of me. Knowing he won't be here next week when our baby turns three is torture.

I dunno which way to go as I moved to a friend for a while. I had a great job and resigned a month before hubby died. He was an only child and my inlaws cut me off completely. Making me realise that life is sooo strange and we expect people to be considerate but I guess their loss is different to mine and I have since decided to just keep to myself.

I pray the days ahead become better for you and I pray that your relationships wth your family be mended. I know it seems super unfair and extremely lonely( hate that part) and people often make it worse but until we realise at the end of the day all we have is who we are..

Lots of hugs straight from cape town.

Leyla

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Stargazer and Leyla,

Thank you so much for the kind words, I come here and when I first started counseling right after Mary died I wasn’t sure what to expect. I had no idea how anyone could help me. I still feel beyond help. The councilors told me to write in a journal, well I knew I wasn’t going to do that so I decided to look for a website. I found this one. I was so lucky because who led me here? I know it must have been fate that brought me here to you wonderful people. Maybe Mary brought me here??? Not sure but I do believe I am suppose to share my story with all of you. Now I just hope I don’t drive you all away… really you all have been good to me and I appreciate it.

Mike

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Its only a pleasure mike. I also feel hubby led me here. I was much of an introvert due to my background but he always pushed me to go out and go to malls and eat out. The first time I got the courage was the weekend before he died. It was our seventh month anniversary. I got as far as the doors and asked if he could get take outs. He did it with a smile and he and I and our baby had a picnic at 7pm in our room. It was the best.

I know he led me here cause now I can have friends without really having to go out and all over the world at that. He knew me biggest dream was to visit disney world with our daughter.

You keep strong Mike. I know we don't like weekends anymore but whatever today may bring, just take it one step at a time.

Lots of love.....

Leyla and Meecah

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