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Every MInute of the Day?


maamgrey

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Do you all think of and miss him every minute of every day?  It's exactly 7 weeks today.  The first 3 weeks that is all I thought about and I cried most of that time.  In the last few weeks I've gone back to work and I find that when I'm working or doing other things, I forget for a little while.  Sometimes even watching TV can occupy my mind.  I still think about him all the time and some days are better than others. 

I like it when I feel better but then I have 2 problems.  One is I feel guilty if I don't think about him every minute of the day.  And I wonder if I'm "stuffing" down my felings and not grieving enough.  What exactly am I supposed to be doing to work through my grief?  I go to two bereavement groups, a therapist, 3 of these online groups, and I read books.  Is it okay to feel better some of the time?

How do you all deal?

Sue

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Yes, of course it's ok for you to feel better. There are no set rules to grieving and everybody does it differently as each person is an individual and each death is individual and unique. At 7 weeks you are still very new to all of this. A lot of people say grief comes in waves-you can be feeling ok and BAM the next thing you know you are crying. Do what feels right to you. Let your grief hang out when you feel it so you don't repress it. Like they say, the best way out is always through.

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Thanks Aurora.  I don't think I do any repressing.  I think it's just that if I feel a little better, I'm afraid I'm moving farther away from Mik and that someday I'll lose him.  I want to be close to him always.

Sue

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It has  been 11 weeks for me as of yesterday.  I feel like I can never go back to the black pit I was in those first few weeks when I constantly cried and my body constantly was shaking.  But, sometimes it does feel bad to realize you just actually laughed out loud about something.  The few times I've done that, I actually feel like my world stops and then I become aware that I actually did just  laugh and I feel bad about it because Dave is not here to enjoy life and laugh along with me. (especially since our family was always playing jokes  on and laughing with each other) I have read two good books  on losing your spouse and they both mentioned that happens so I guess it's normal.  I think it's good I have laughed a few times but I do not believe I will ever feel true joy again with out him, but I'm trying hard to act positive.  I want to make Dave proud of me.

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For me it has been 11 weeks and one day. I spent all last week crying. Then I was given a book and now that I have finished reading it i feel better. I will never stop thinking of the wonderful life that I was given and then it was all taken away. I am praying for God to give me purpose in life. I know things happen for a reason, I just wish I new what the big picture is. I hope everyone had a good weekend.

God Bless

Susan

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Two that I really found helpful were Quiet Times for Those Who Need Comfort (Christian basis) by Wright and Finding Your Way After Your Spouse Dies by Felber.

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Because Dave was so young and healthy and died unexpectedly, The one I found most helpful was "I  Wasn't Ready  To Say Good-bye".  It deals mostly with unexpected, sudden death.  I think when you are so new in to the grieving process like this, it is helpful when the book you are reading is broken up into little teeny sections so it's easy to pick up and read only a page or two and then put it down.  There is no way I could sit down a read a chapter at a time right now.

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Thanks all.  I got that one "I Wasn't Ready to Say Goodbye" and I found that helpful too.  If you think of any others, please let me know.  In the meantime I'll look for these.

Boy does this grieving suck!!!

Sue

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