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How can I deal with this pain?


star2000

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I am still hurting so bad. I dont want to do anything but yet I dont want to leave my home much. I hate being home though because it feels like a prison. Tomorrow is going to be so hard. Tomorrow is my moms birthday. She would have been 48 years old. I try to stay strong and not break down but the smallest things just set me off. Today I was talking to my dad and the funeral home sent him a packet about a local support group. I broke down on the phone crying. How am I ever going to make it through this? My dad is coming over tomorrow to show me the packet and said that he and I may have to go together because he also just cant get past this. I have hurt before losing family memebers and clients but this has taken everything out of me. I will probably go with my dad because I know it would be good for both of us plus im the oldest and im trying to be there for him as much as I can. We went to my moms Grave on Saturday. We both felt like we was going to break down but we stood there and talked and it helped us to work through it. I wish that I had my mom back. I feel like a little child wanting to scream at the top of my lungs and just have a tantrum. I am dreading tomorrow so much. My dad dreads tomorrow but he dreads Sunday worse. Sunday would have been their Anniversarry. I am going to try my hardest to stay strong for my dad but it is hard to try to be the strong one. I love you forever and always mom!

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I truly feel your pain. I lost my Mum two and a half years ago, whilst the physical pain in my chest subsided, not a day goes by without a deep sadness for her loss and now my Dad has died, so I am back to the beginning. I am afraid I have no words of wisdom, just wanted to offer you a supportive hug, take one day at a time, scream cry do what it takes, (((())))

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Thank you so much Kaycee. I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your dad as well. Hugs to you as you deal with both loss. My dad and I are going out today for my moms birthday. I dont really want to. I just dont feel like doing anything but I am going to go because I know that my dad needs me. I am lucky to have my kids and my husband because they are the only ones who know how to make things a little better. Again thank you and im here if you need to talk.

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nevergiveup20117

Sending you many hugs star

Hold on

Be strong

I understand your pain

You are not along

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Hi Star,

I hope your day went well yesterday. I know how hard it can be to deal with not only your own grief but your Dad's as well. Make sure you make time for yourself. Sometimes I felt like I simply could not breath for the weight of the grief. Now Dad has gone the grief is no less but it is different it is not being compounded by someone else's. I hope you can understand what I mean. Being the strong one is not always good, it may help your Dad if he can support you too. I am not meaning to preach I just know that the stronger I was the more leaned on I was. Anyway you take care of yourself.

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Things went ok yesterday. I was pretty emotional. My dad and I went out to eat to celebrate my moms birthday. Our waitress was so sweet. My dad explained to her the situation and she took such great care of us. We where both emotional at first and it was hard for me not to cry. My dad and I spent some time talking and soon we both felt better after talking about it. I decided that I wanted to buy a birthday ballon for my mom and attatch a note. I figured it would be something good for my kids as well. It was funny because I chose 2 extra balloons and when they got home from school they both chose the one that I had picked for them personally. They where so happy with the idea. they also wrote her a note and then we went out into our yards to release the balloons. My oldest sons took off. My youngest son and mine went and got stuck into a tree. My youngest was trapped at the top and mine was lower. My youngest son finally got lose and floated away. Mine never came out of the tree which was kind of disapointing but my kids was happy about theirs that I was happy for them. My oldest loved doing it. He was his mammys cuddle bug, and my youngest son was her love bug. I still call them that. They love it. My oldest son chose to call my mom Mammy. We had planned on calling her Grammy but when he started talking he called her Mammy and that is what she loved and stuck with. I am trying to keep my cool about things because I feel so depressed by so much going on. Part of it is the loss of my mom, I havent made it back to work since she passed and so im getting worried about bills, and christmas coming up. Plus im sad that I wont get to spend time with her for Thanksgiving and Christmas. I know that things will eventually get better but its hard seeing the future of being ok with the way I feel now. I am taking peoples advice and just taking it one day at a time. I am going to call the company that I get my clients through to see how my new clients paperwork is going. Tonight is going to be crazy because both kids parent teacher conferences is at the same time sadly. Tomorrow my oldest son has a sleepover to go to. I am ready for Saturday so that I will have time to relax and get my thoughts together.

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Hey Star glad to hear things went well. I love the idea of the balloons and may try that one with my own kids. You know you are doing real good, it may not feel like it but you are. Step by step, day by day, you can and will do this and come out a stronger lady. God bless

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Thank you Kaycee! It was wonderful getting to release the baloons. I had to take the kids to parent teacher conferences last night and I didnt realize that my oldest son would do anything that would bring tears to my eyes. He got to spend the last weekend with my mom. When he went to school that Monday, he wrote a story about it. well he started it anyways. He started writting about that weekend and it continued in to when she got placed in the hospital, and then when she passed away. It was beautiful seeing it through a 10 year olds eyes. I am making it day by day. Today has been touch and go. My kids have been a blessing through all of this. I am lucky to have such a wonderful family and knowing that I still have all of them helps so much.

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You are so right. Kids can be a blessing at times like this. Perhaps you could type up your son's story to keep for all time. Then perhaps you could write a journal about your feelings and memories it may help. I spend half an hour a day whilst waiting in the car for the kids buses to arrive. It has allowed me to express my deepest feelings about losing Mum and Dad. Dad has now been passed 8 weeks and I am beginning to think about memories that I would like to put down on paper. Anyway it is helping me I guess it may be worth you giving it a try.

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I have been working on writing a book about my mother through my eyes and other family members eyes. I haven't got anyone else stories yet. It brings back memories for me. It has been a month yesterday since my mother passed. It doesnt feel like it has been a month already. Life definetly is not the same without her. It still hurts so badly. I have more good days but I cant help but think of her and miss her. Last night is the 1st night I dreamed of her. I remember she was walking around like normal, and I was giving her a shower. I was her caregiver but she was bed ridden so that made my dream a little odd. I said, I dont really want to talk about this but how do you feel knowing that you are dieing?" Sadly I never got a chance to hear her response because someone in my dream interupted. I wish that I could have heard her response because I wish that I would have had the talk with her before. I wish I knew 100% what all she wanted towards the end. I cant help but think about this kind of stuff. Its hard because so much is going on that I wish I could talk to her about. On Tuesday I had such a scare. My youngest son didnt get off the school bus. His brother came in the house and I asked where is your brother and he said I dont know. I freaked out. I called my dad to ask him to go to the bus stop near his house to see if my son rode the bus to his house. They had the day before because I went to a concert that my mom had told me I would have to tell her all about it the next day. My son wasnt on that bus. I had called the bus b4 my dad called me about him not being on that bus. The lady at the school tried contacting the school bus but was unable to get through to them. I called her back immediately to tell her that he wasn't on that bus and she immediately called a code that made all the buses stop and check. Thankfully he was found on one of the buses. Why he got on there I don't know but I went to the school to wait for the bus to bring him home. When he got off he ran to me laid his head on my shoulder and cried. I cried with him because I was so scared not knowing where he was. Then on Wednesday it was hard because I took my kids to see my dad so he could see their costumes and it hurt knowing that my mom wasn't there to see them and tell them how cool they looked like she always did each year. I know I'm stronger in a months time but I am still not whole. I don't know that I ever will be 100% but I know that I have to focus on my kids. Yesterday my husband and I went to apply for a loan for him a motor cycle. I wish my mom was here so that I could tell her we got approved for it. We plan on paying it off as quickly as we can because we hope to eventually apply for a loan to purchase a home. These are the kind of things that I will never get to share with her and it hurts so badly. If I had any trouble with my oldest son my mother would always have a talk with him because they where so very close. I had the talk with my son and explained to him that I'm sorry that he is angry about what he is angry about but that I cant change things. I know that my mom would have told him the same. I hate that my son lost his mammy and he hurts because his biological dad doesn't come around or try to contact him or his little brother. My mom and dad both said that they where happy for me and my boys for my current husband. He stepped up to the plate and has been so wonderful helping me provide for my kids. Well he claims them as his so our kids. I love my kids and husband because they make things better for me. My family and I are trying just going to take this 2nd month like we did the 1st, just one day at a time. My dad and I may go to counseling soon. We both are still taking everything very rough. It is somewhat better but not 100% I am also grateful for this site so that I can type how I feel and hear from the people who also are going through the same thing that I am. Thank Yall so much!

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Helpheartsheal

I loss my Dad 2 years ago, 8 days before my 19th birthday. I know Im young and sometimes you dont want to listen to what someone younger has to say, but we have all been through the same thing here.

The loss of a parent is hard to take no matter what age you are, but those special and important dates are even harder to face.

Its hard for me too...I hate it when fathers day comes and my Mum isnt reminding me to send him a card...His birthday, the anniversary of his death etc.

Those days will never get easier, but remember to talk about the people you have lost. I made the mistake of not doing this until I was eventually diagnosed with depression. It took me a long time to get out of this situation in my life, and even now i still really struggle.

I dont know if you believe in things like this, but something that really helped me was going to see a medium. My Dad came through and it was the biggest relief of my life. I left that room feeling like a whole weight had been lifted off my shoulders...he removed all of my feelings of guilt I had (I never said I loved him the last time I spoke to him), and he mentioned everybody important in my life.

I knew it was him and I knew he finally had a chance to say what he wanted to.

This was a MAJOR turning point in my recovery from depression and also freatly helped the grieving process.

Consider it if you are open minded :)

Days may not get easier but you do learn how to cope...try writing a letter to your mum, tell her everything you need to. You can delete it straight away, but it really does help :)

I do it alot, espeically on his birthday etc.

Hope I help xx

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