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Loss of my seven year old son


janderson

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I miss my baby so much. I don't want to wake another morning without him. It is not fair that he is gone...I was never supposed to plan a funeral for my child.....what did I do to deserve this .

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stargazer5510

I am so sorry for your loss and the pain you are in. It has helped me a lot just to say it here. I hope it will help to spill your feelings.

(((((((hugs))))))))

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janderson,,, my son passed away on Aug.15th, 2012..He was my pride and joy...He was 30 yrs. old and had a wife and baby girl. He was my best friend. No one knows why he fook his own live...he had everything going good for him!!! Great job, great wife and a 10 month old baby girl who starting waking about a week ago. I don't get it...my son was one who held his head up high and faced the world!!!! I just miss him as each day goes on...I have no idea how to get through this!!!!

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Alexander Risten
what did I do to deserve this .

I do not think that we always do something to deserve pain. Life is hard and cruel, and sometimes we experience pain when we do not deserve it. Most of us will know that life is not fair, and I believe no one really knows why that is. I am thinking of you.

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I miss my baby so much. I don't want to wake another morning without him. It is not fair that he is gone...I was never supposed to plan a funeral for my child.....what did I do to deserve this .

I m so sorry to learn abt yr loss....May yr child be with God and be there to receive u when it's ur time to go....we r all waiting for that day... Take care.

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I have just lost my three children lewis 8 beth 7 and jamie 5. Its so painful so hard to describe, iv cryed so much that I worry I will never stop. My heart aches for them back. I'm finding it hard to do anything just brushing my teeth is giving me pain. I don't feel human right now,my head feels like its going to explode I have so many thoughts in there my arms are shakey and right now I can't look and any of my childrens things, I want to just fade away. I havnt slept woke up after dozing off and cryed myself back to sleep I'm finding some comfort in rocking myself to sleep. Has anyone got any suggestions

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I have just lost my three children lewis 8 beth 7 and jamie 5. Its so painful so hard to describe, iv cryed so much that I worry I will never stop. My heart aches for them back. I'm finding it hard to do anything just brushing my teeth is giving me pain. I don't feel human right now,my head feels like its going to explode I have so many thoughts in there my arms are shakey and right now I can't look and any of my childrens things, I want to just fade away. I havnt slept woke up after dozing off and cryed myself back to sleep I'm finding some comfort in rocking myself to sleep. Has anyone got any suggestions

I dont know how you lost your children...but it has to be horrible for you!!!

My son passed away at 30 yrs. old 2 months ago.August 15th, 2012 is when he passed. I miss him so much. He was my best friend. I still feel like I'm in a daze and just wanting him back!!!! Having our children gone is such a bad feeling. I feel I want to wake up and Dustin will be with me...No it's not going to happen!!! I love my son so much...He had a wife and baby girl, 10 months old. Some days I don't know how I will make it, but I guess I have to. So sorry for your loss!!!!! I'm so angry with god for taking me son!!!! I may not have good answers for you except to know that you are not alone. I have pictures of my son on my profile. I think about Dustin from the time I wake up til the time I go to bed. I thought I would go before any of my kids. Boy, was I wrong!!! Just keep posting cos when i read all the posts on here it may not help me losing Dustin, but it helps to know I'm not alone!!!!

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My heart feels so heavy....I miss my son and I want him back . I feel angry, sad, numb.....will I ever feel somewhat happy again? I feel like I'm breaking...

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My heart feels so heavy....I miss my son and I want him back . I feel angry, sad, numb.....will I ever feel somewhat happy again? I feel like I'm breaking...

So sorry for your loss...we are all here for the same reason...to try to deal with our loss and for friends on here, which I have found. My son, Dustin passed away on Aug. 15th, 2012. He was my only son and we were best friends. I don't know how he could end his life, there were no signs of anything being wrong. I never got to say I love you son one more time. he didn't get to see his baby girl walk and her only word is DaDa. It kills me everyday that I'm awake. Beinng in a daze, angry with God...I don't know how to put it. I stopped drinking for a long time, but after my son passed i started drinking. i have 2 daughters and my oldest has cancer. iff I lose her too, I fear of what I will do. I do not want to see another child in a casket!!!! What did we do to deserve this???? I don't have that answer!!! Just stay and post on this site!!!! A great friend was shot 3 days ago and i couldn't go to the funeral. Now I feel guilty for not going!!! I truly believe If i had gone I would have broken down. I didn't need to see him laying there and then see the image of my son!!!! Just stay here....please!!!!!

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My heart feels so heavy....I miss my son and I want him back . I feel angry, sad, numb.....will I ever feel somewhat happy again? I feel like I'm breaking...

What to say..... all of us r sailng in the same boat....hugs..take care....one breath...one step...one hour...one day at a time...Do not think abt beyond today.... Its 130 days without my son....I feel i m closer to him by that many days...((((Hugs))))

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I have just lost my three children lewis 8 beth 7 and jamie 5. Its so painful so hard to describe, iv cryed so much that I worry I will never stop. My heart aches for them back. I'm finding it hard to do anything just brushing my teeth is giving me pain. I don't feel human right now,my head feels like its going to explode I have so many thoughts in there my arms are shakey and right now I can't look and any of my childrens things, I want to just fade away. I havnt slept woke up after dozing off and cryed myself back to sleep I'm finding some comfort in rocking myself to sleep. Has anyone got any suggestions

Oh my God....if ever there is ever one.....lost all of them in an accident.... I know another person in india....who lost her 3 children to tsunami....but then adopted 30 children who lost their parents to the killer waves... but this is unfair...the whole issue of parents losing children....what did we do to deserve this....I keep thinking....did i do anything wrong...... any thing I said... then think.... the world is becoming a very bad place and waiting for the world to end in 2012..... I ll be happy to go...and be with my angel...take care

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It's been a little over 2 months since my 30 year old son passed away. I miss him and love him so much. He was my best friend. My life will never be the same without him. he has a wife and baby girl who just started walking and I cried just knowing Dustin wasn't here to see her walk. As of now this nightmare hasn't ended. I wake up thinking about him and go to sleep thinking about him!!! I found this site and please don't leave here...lt's helped me so much, but I don't think anything will make it go away. i never thought I'd be losing my son before myself. It hurts so bad and I stay in a daze and not really focused on anything but my son. We are all here to help each other. It's helping me being here. So, keep posting!!!!! Susan

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I hate it when people tell me they understand how I feell, so, I'm not going to say that. Everyone is different.

My Son was two and half when he died. It was very sudden and unexpected. He was my only child and my reason for living. When you have a young child they're part of your everyday lives. Everything you do reesolves around them. When to leave for work, what to make for dinner, what you're going to do this weekend. When they are taken away it leaves a hole. A gigantic crater in the middle of our lives that can never be filled. Even getting up in the morning makes no sense because we're not getting up for them. I don't know if this will help but just know that no one understands your pain and it will not get easier, the struggle will just become the new normal.

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You know Lora!!!

That's exactly how I feel.. I m praying to God that I get some serious illness for which there is no cure..and be dead... My son passes 3 days after yours... Drowned....I feel like a robot...no feelings...numb.... At times I am going thru the motions as if it's all I have to do...wake up another day and feel..'oh my God'...I am not dead yet...another day to drag on... Just one day..one moment... One breath at a time... Nothing will bring back the glitter in my eyes... The joy... All gone with one stroke ..... Why God had given us this punishment is not known....

I am sorry for all of your losses. My daughter had just graduated high school and passed away in a car accident. I also dislike, even if you lost a child, to say you know how I feel. I would never say that to anyone. We are all so different, our relationships with our children, age. how they passed away, etc. I also think that no matter what age the child, the pain is undescribable for all of us. I have no word or words that can describe the pain that I felt. I would also never say that my loss and pain is worse than anyone else here. If I have learned anything from this, is what not to say to people when there is a loss.

I am a strong person, but with that being said, I was not sure or did I want to survive the first couple of months. I wanted to die, instead of getting up and have to live another day without her. The simplest tasks in the early days of my grief brought me to tears. I also have no fear of dying, I have said I would be the only patient smiling if I was told I was dying, it was how I felt.

I am almost at 5 months. I had to go back to work 3 weeks after, it was not enough time. What works for me is that I take one step at a time, sometimes baby steps. One day at a time. At first I just functioned, went through the motions of everyday life. Beside work, I isolated myself from people, because I could not stand to see everyone going on with their life, having a good time, when I was devasted. They would say stupid stuff. I think a lot of it was what grief puts in your head. For me, as time goes on, the okay days are coming more than the bad, when I get the bad days I just let it happen. I will never be the same. There will never be a day that I don't miss her, there will always be a sadness. I will never understand why this happens to such beautiful children.

I think how you cope and get through this is okay, as long as it works for you. I know this site has been great for me.

I am sorry for all of your losses. My daughter had just graduated high school and passed away in a car accident. I also dislike, even if you lost a child, to say you know how I feel. I would never say that to anyone. We are all so different, our relationships with our children, age. how they passed away, etc. I also think that no matter what age the child, the pain is undescribable for all of us. I have no word or words that can describe the pain that I felt. I would also never say that my loss and pain is worse than anyone else here. If I have learned anything from this, is what not to say to people when there is a loss.

I am a strong person, but with that being said, I was not sure or did I want to survive the first couple of months. I wanted to die, instead of getting up and have to live another day without her. The simplest tasks in the early days of my grief brought me to tears. I also have no fear of dying, I have said I would be the only patient smiling if I was told I was dying, it was how I felt.

I am almost at 5 months. I had to go back to work 3 weeks after, it was not enough time. What works for me is that I take one step at a time, sometimes baby steps. One day at a time. At first I just functioned, went through the motions of everyday life. Beside work, I isolated myself from people, because I could not stand to see everyone going on with their life, having a good time, when I was devasted. They would say stupid stuff. I think a lot of it was what grief puts in your head. For me, as time goes on, the okay days are coming more than the bad, when I get the bad days I just let it happen. I will never be the same. There will never be a day that I don't miss her, there will always be a sadness. I will never understand why this happens to such beautiful children.

I think how you cope and get through this is okay, as long as it works for you. I know this site has been great for me.

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I am so sorry for all of you who lost your precious children. I am a divorced dad who lost his best buddy, my 7-year old son, to leukemia August 23 this year. My ex-wife and I (we remain great friends; as a matter of fact, she's asked me to move back in with them, most esp. when our son got ill almost 5 years ago) have become closer and we talk about our son all of the time. I am in so much pain, but I know my ex-wife is hurting even more, having been with him most of the time. I miss him telling me out of the blue that he loved me, and that he'd take care of me when I'm old...We have two other children, both in their teens now, but our youngest was our favorite. Now that the holidays are upon us (it is actually my bday Oct. 30), I feel more and more devastated. Our lives revolved around him for the last 5 years. Now I wish we had been brave enough to ask his doctors how long he was gonna live (they never told us either; probably they couldn't bear to break our hearts) so that we could've spent more time with him, given him all the toys he wanted, taken him to places he most missed being in and out of the hospital.... It gives me comfort that I always told him how much I loved him, said sorry to him if I'd ever hurt him (he said I never did), told him I'd take care of him forever, as long as I lived...

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Alexander Risten

I am so sorry for all of you who lost your precious children. I am a divorced dad who lost his best buddy, my 7-year old son, to leukemia August 23 this year. My ex-wife and I (we remain great friends; as a matter of fact, she's asked me to move back in with them, most esp. when our son got ill almost 5 years ago) have become closer and we talk about our son all of the time. I am in so much pain, but I know my ex-wife is hurting even more, having been with him most of the time. I miss him telling me out of the blue that he loved me, and that he'd take care of me when I'm old...We have two other children, both in their teens now, but our youngest was our favorite. Now that the holidays are upon us (it is actually my bday Oct. 30), I feel more and more devastated. Our lives revolved around him for the last 5 years. Now I wish we had been brave enough to ask his doctors how long he was gonna live (they never told us either; probably they couldn't bear to break our hearts) so that we could've spent more time with him, given him all the toys he wanted, taken him to places he most missed being in and out of the hospital.... It gives me comfort that I always told him how much I loved him, said sorry to him if I'd ever hurt him (he said I never did), told him I'd take care of him forever, as long as I lived...

I am so sorry for your loss. I am glad however that you and your ex-wife have each other for support. Grieving is a lonely experience and it is good to have someone close. I am thinking about you.

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My son passed away a few days go, the feeling is so raw, the hurt and pain so heavy. I keep thinking his going to come into my room and tell me its OK, but it just doesn't happen. I also ask myself the same question, am i not a good person? did i do something wrong or offended the powers that be? i look to faith and ask the gods why? he was 5 years old and innocent, he made my universe make sense, gave my day purpose and made me look forward to the future. one moment I'm planing on how i would cope when he goes to camp and is away from me for a few days, but then found myself planing his funereal. All i have left are memories, all i can touch are his photos and all i can hold are his soft toys, but none of them make it OK. I'm so lost without him, i look forward to nothing, my hopes and prayers hold no meaning and i am left soulless, and empty shell a void. Help me! i don't know what to do...

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I feel your pain, my daughter passed away Oct. 25th. She was 14. She would be 15 in January. We are struggleing everyday just to make it through that day. Some people think we should be on some kind of time schedule. But I think it will always feel somewhat empty and painful. I homeschooled so I was with her almost every single day of her life. Even though my 6 year old helps me some to do everyday, I still feel empty. I'm sooo sorry for your loss. Twice I thpught I saw Emily sitting on our love seat, where she always sat. I had to do a double take. I don't know if that was just me, knowing that sha always sat there , and remembering, or what. I just know that we can't understand why and we are in more pain than we have ever had before, that we miss her sooo much, and we are empty without her.

Debbie

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I am very sad for this. So dear you dont worry and recall the past you will faith on god god must help in another way.So you dont worry I think about you I found the Solution.

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