Losing ex-wife and have three children with her.

[Doss]

I am not even sure where to begin here. I have three beautiful children. Unfortunately their mom is in hospice and has very few days left. She is dying of cancer. I am a disabled veteran and wow... I am not sure what I am suppose to be doing. I take the kids to see their mom every day. They are having bad dreams, crying.. mad.. I am looking into counseling. I currently have no support where I am at, no friends of family and they are far away. Has anyone been through this before?

When I go I cannot stand the smell, and seems to be on my hands, clothes, hair. I have seen so much death when I was in the military, and have been through this with her father when we were together. Any advice?

[val]

Dear Doss: I can understand the pain you are going through. i lost my husband 7.5.2012 but he died suddenly in his sleep, no time to prepare myself. I did have a closse friend w ho died of cancer,was in hospice. i would visit daily, rubbing his hair , holding his hand and reading to him from the Bible. it is what he wanted. that's all.

It sounds like you are doing the best you can do under the circumstances. it is good that you take the children to see their mother, you didn't mention how old they were. counseling might be a good idea for you and them both. As a disabled vet, would grief counseling be available to you? i know my counselor helps me through the rough patches. I don't know if I could go th rough what you're going through; i hope someone with more wisdom than I replies to this post. I am glad you joined this site; it has been very helpful to me. Keep posting, use the chat room and God Bless You, val

[ModKonnie]

Dear Doss,

Hospice offers follow up grief counseling services for families, so you may want to check with the care giver of your ex-wife. It is great that you are taking the kids to see her. They will understand later as they get older how thoughtful that was.

Just keep talking to your children, and ask them how they feel. Perhaps they could even draw a card for their mother (if they are school aged). If they are teens, talk to them about the dying process; hospice has much information available for them.

We will be here for you,

ModKonnie

[jasmine.gwen]

My dad is experiencing something very similar. My mother just passed in December and her and my dad had 4 kids together. While they are long divorced and 're married, I still know my dad struggles. My siblings and I all live apart..2 of them in different states, my dad being out of state as well, and my mom was almost 160 miles away from where I live. Being on the opposite side of your situation, I would continue just what youre doing....being there for them and supporting them....but make sure you respect your own boundaries as well. There were certain situations my dad didn't feel he could be in when my mom passed, but my brothers and sisters and I respected that because he was grieving also...just like you. It seems to me you're doing exactly what you should be and I'm sure your children value that. Hope this insight helps.

[rox411]

So sorry. As a special ed. teacher, I know that most public schools have social workers, school counselors and psychologists that provide counseling, as a regular ed. intervention. Parochial schools often have religious counselors. Hope it helps.