Members val Posted October 12, 2012 Members Report Share Posted October 12, 2012 I am really going through it this morning. I found myself running outside to make sure Jerry's canna lillies did not freeze overnight, it is 37 degrees here in PA. Jerry died july 5, during the heat of summer. Fall came with the leaves dropping and I sensed a change in my grief. I notice keenly the environment around me, so much more now that he's gone, the plants the animals he so loved. i listen for his whisper in the waters of the creek nearby where i work. i throw flowers there everyday to remember him, watching till they flow out of sight. i say prayers. i am grieving. somedays are better than others. i do not know what winter will bring. winter feels like everything dies to me, especially all the plants and i cannot stand to lose anything more of the man that i love. my home is exactly as he left things. all his clothes, ties, shirts, shoes. i have moved nothing of his. yet i sense that i have moved, if only a little both spiritually and emotionally. i do not know why i am having such a bad morning. one day okay, the next a mess. it is difficult to work under these circumstances. jerry, i love jerry. i will always love you jerry. we went through so much together to come out to the other side, and we did that together. we will forever be tied together. the formalities are done, the friends are less frequently appearing. i spend much of my time just getting through work, then coming home to read and sleep. jerry, i want you to know i believe you are my Angel now and I look for signs of you daily. May you rest in peace and look over me for all my days to come. I need you baby. love, your babypuddinhead Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members gunnerswife Posted October 12, 2012 Members Report Share Posted October 12, 2012 Oh Val i know what are you going through. I dread winter, i dread driving in the snow and ice i havn't done that in years. I dread Jeremy moving out. I dread going on without Scott. We must continue trying to help each other through this miserable time in our life. I guess they went at the best time if they had to go i don't think i could had made it if he died in the winter.I don't like winter. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stargazer5510 Posted October 13, 2012 Members Report Share Posted October 13, 2012 Big hugs to you both.val, my username is Stargazer because that was Gene's favorite flower - the Stargazer Lily. He planted them everywhere. Winter is tough. The holidays are tough. We had a long extended later summer/early fall until today and the rain set in. I could feel my mood shift.It helps to hear your stories and know there are other people in the same sad boat.Hopes for better days ahead. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mdanielson4 Posted October 14, 2012 Members Report Share Posted October 14, 2012 Val, I’m sorry it is so tuff. I certainly wish I had the answers. All I can say is I know the empty feeling you all have. I hate it. I have never been alone as long as I can remember. I wish I could feel her presence as many of you feel your lost loved one. I get up in the middle of the night and search for any clues. Anything where she could have left me something to know she is looking out for me. I am so lonely. I would give anything for one more moment. I was holding her when she died and she looked so scared. I am so scared…Mike Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members lawnranger Posted October 14, 2012 Members Report Share Posted October 14, 2012 To everyone here. I'm dreading winter coming. I've been watering Su's flowers in the hanging pots she planted this spring. I'm going to keep the going as long as I can. But know that its coming time to take them out and store the pots for the winter. As the days get shorted and darkness become longer my mood will become darker. I think we all have good and bad days. Last week-end I was ready to get some pain pills. But I worked thru it with the help from you guy's here and a call to NA. Together here we can always help each other get thru the bad days........ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Alexander Risten Posted October 15, 2012 Members Report Share Posted October 15, 2012 Hi guys, Counselors talk of "Grief Triggers". These are experiences that trigger the grief again, like lawnranger having to store the pots for winter. What Stargazer said is so true, when these experiences come closer our moods shift. It is normal, but can be painful. One woman told me how a simple phone call wrecked her healing process for weeks. A telemarketer phoned and asked to talk to her father (who died 7 months prior). Just hearing his name and knowing she cannot call him to the phone triggered the whole grieving process again. Thankfully she soldiered through it. But these things are bad. I am thinking about all of you, and I am so thankful for this forum where we can openly talk and support each other. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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