Girlfriend Grieving - Need Help

[lilkev64]

Hello,

About two months ago my girlfriend lost her grandmother to a long battle with Alzheimer's. Since the time she found out she was passing away until now she hasn't been herself. She was really close to her grandmother (who raised her); a motherly figure and she took care of her daily up until her passing at the end of July. Once involved in our relationship, she's been very withdrawn. She's been sleeping on the couch and seems to "clock in and clock out." Last week I sent her an encouraging text about her grandmother and she seemed to be her old self for a little while although she talked about being tired. Afterwards I confronted her about the situation and she told me she has a lot on her mind now and hasn't felt the same since her grandmother's passing, even in terms of our relationship; in which me, her, and her 5 year old daughter live together. So she broke up with me last week on the basis of her feeling empty inside and needing time to figure things out. She's been really random with her decision making as of late, not herself. Once very methodical, she's been very indecisive. It got so bad last week, I had to go to my father's for the night to refocus myself, to prevent myself from saying something I would later regret. I talked to her aunt about the situation in confidence and she told me about how several days ago she spent one day crying along with her trying to get back to being herself. When I returned the next day she talked about how even when at work or hanging out with her friends she stills feel bad, she even thinks that her grandmother's passing is her fault. I've been reading about how difficult grief is for a person and those closest to them. I word like some advice on how to handle the situation. I love her and her daughter, but I'm a little fearul of what she's going to do next because her decisions will impact all three of us. What can I do to make the grieving process less impactful on the mood of the house as a whole.

Thanks.

[widower2]

I'm sorry I didn't see this sooner - how are things going now? First and foremost I would say that her reactions and feelings are understandable and that above all you need to give her time - LOTS of time - and remember it's about her (and her daughter) above all, not you or anyone else. Allow her to grieve in whatever way she needs to, even if that means distancing herself from you or whoever for the time being. Just be there for her in whatever way she'll allow and let her know that, but don't push. Best to both of you -

[dsmurph]

Patience... she was very close to her grandmother. There is no clock on grief. If you hang in there with her and try to support her she will probably appreciate you more than you realize.