Loss of a Grandparent

[mofirefly]

Sharyn - Trying to decide what to do in this situation is extremly difficult, and it just shows how family should discuss the possibility of this happening and what each person would want before...but that isn't always possible. Since you probably weren't part of the decision making it is going to trouble you even more. I had to help my mom decide if we wanted my dad to have a feeding tube. It was very hard, but we choose not to because we were told it can be difficult to change that decision later and remove the tube. My dad stayed with us for a time, but he had fought his battle for so long, I think a feeding tube would have kept him with us longer than he wanted to stay. There is no right or wrong way to make such a difficult decision. Losing a loved one is never easy. Just keep on talking to your grandmother as I strongly belive that hearing is the last of the five sense to leave a body. Please take care, and try not to let this decision trouble you any more than need be.

[MVanessa]

My grandfather is dying..and even tho he is not dead yet, I am lost. My dad died almost 4 years ago. I need some friends. He had a stroke a few years ago, and is in heart failure and fluid in lungs.

[4everjoeysmom]

MVanessa, you've come to the right place to find some friends that will walk with you so you might not feel as lost as if you were to journey through your pain alone. I am so sorry you are going through this pain of loss. I'll be praying for you. Love & Hugs, Claudia

[Guest Guest]

my grama dies last week, im so sad about it. no one told me so i did not get to say good bye. i am from Texas where she lived but i live in california. i was not even told when her funral was. i fill so sad mad and i dont even have the words. thats all thanks for lettin me express myself

[4everjoeysmom]

Guest, I am so sorry for your pain and loss in the passing of your Grama. I feel very sad for you that you were not told about her passing or her funeral services. I can only imagine the pain, anger and betrayal you must feel from your very own family. I can't say why your family did not tell you. Many times people go into automatic pilot in their grief and loss, and they think they are doing their best to protect their children and the younger ones in the family. Sometimes there are strains in relationships that cause people to respond very oddly or porrly, especially when we are clueless to what that situation is. But none the less you are hurting because you didn;t get to say goodbye. Here's what I would do. Maybe it could help you. I would sit and write a letter to my Grama, saying all of the things that I would have said to her in person in that one last visit. Then I would go to a private place, maybe my room or out in a garden, and I would say a prayer and ask God to deliver this meesage to my Grama. It would mean so much since you didn't get to say goodbye. After you are finished, find a safe place to light the letter with a match, and let it burn as a goodbye memorial offering to your Grama.

I believe your Grama where she is now knows how very much you love her, miss her, and how very much you wish you could have said goodbye. Maybe it's ok this way, because your Grama knows someday you will see each other again.

I said a little prayer for you as I wrote this. I hope you are able to find some comfort and peace, and know how much your Grama love dyou and always will. Blessings, Claudia--Joeysmom

[Kelly]

Good Afternoon,

Beyond Indigo is undergoing a redesign and upgrade. We have been working on this project for many months now and have a few more updates to make before it will go live. One of these updates or new features is an e-card program. People will be able to send out I am thinking of you cards, birthdays, anniversary of the loss cards, etc. We are looking for people to submit e-cards they have created to be included in this program. We do have the ability to send out the cards with a watermark on them. The artist would retain the copyright unless we purchased the e-card or it was given to us freely. If you have some e-cards you have created and want them to be considered please email them to Kelly@beyondindigo.com.

Thanks!

Kelly Baltzell, MA

President

Beyond Indigo

[Guest Guest]

Hi everyone,

i lost my grandad,a year and a half ago. Even after all that time i sill miss he loads he was my dad to me as i didnt really know my dad when i was younger i always classed him as my father figure.

I remember the last time i saw him, he was really ill with pnuemonia (sp)but he still manged to joke with me. I left and that night he passed away i never saw him again, the funural place he was at was supposed to let us know when we could go see him before the actual funeral but they never notified us and the next time i was near him he was in his coffin and it was the day of the funeral so i never got to say goodbye how i wanted.

Now, with my nan and mom still mourning i have to be strong for them so i cant not mourn for myself.

[Guest Guest]

My grandmother was killed last September and it seems like I just can't "get over it" or "put it in the past". I know that it will always hurt, but recently it has been rough for me. I was pregnant when it happened and I am now sad that she will never be able to hold her first great grandchild, or be there for me in other ways. I don't really have anyone to talk to because most people just don't understand. That's why I am here.

[mommakitkat]

My Step-dad just died on Tuesday morning. we were spending the night at my mom and dad's house at the time. he died suddenly of a massive heart attack. my 6 yr old has been taking it hard because she was papaws life as well as him being her life. they were inseparable from birth. how can i help her cope with the loss of her best bud. she has been acting out worse than ever lately and i am so worried about her. PLEASE HELP

[Guest Guest]

I recently lost my grandmother (5/20/07) and it has been very hard. I was very close with her when I was a child because she lived in our basement apartment. We weren't as close after a family situation occurred and she moved out but last year when she went into a nursing home we reconnected.

I visited her every Monday and Friday and took her to Bingo and frequently did her nails. We knew she was dying and we were all blessed when she made it past a month than the doctors said she would. She went pretty quickly and she wasn't in suffering, and she still knew who we all were.

I just miss all that time I spent with her. I have been trying to keep myself busy so that I won't fixate on thinking about her and her not being there anymore and it is helping except for the situation that I am now in with my husband.

His grandfather died about a month before my grandmother. His grandmother can no longer live in her house alone. We've been there almost every weekend helping his mom clean out the house. My husband and I went with his mother to look at the new senior home where she will move into next week. I get upset when I do things with and/or for his grandmother because I am jealous that she is still here and mine isn't. My husband tells me I don't have to do what I am doing to help them but I know that I can help his family out more than anyone because I know what it's like to have to care for an elder person. I also feel closer to my grandmother when I am doing these things for them. (I was thinking of volunteering at a nursing home anyway) But I still miss her and seeing any old person gets me crying again.

I'm not mad at myself for the time I missed with her. I cherish the time I did spend with her. I was the only person who took her to Bingo and I have that to feel connected her.

I know grief takes time. But any support or advice you can give is greatly appreciated. Thanks.

[Guest Guest]

I\'ve recently lost my Grandmother and I\'m finding it very hard to cope but don\'t want anyone in my family to know. Most of my family is in Ontario, it\'s only me and my brother and his wife here in BC.

I was thankfully able to take time off work to be with my grandmother from when she went into the hospital to when she passed, so I got to say my good-byes, but I\'m still hurting - A LOT! Nothing is the same since I came back to BC. I hate my job, my boss, my friends and I barley socialize with my work friends anymore, and I find I cry a lot when I am at home alone and thinking about her or if something triggers a memory.

This is the first time I have ever lost someone close to me and I don\'t know how to deal with it. Any advise that anyone can give would be very welcomed.

[4everjoeysmom]

Dear Guest, I'm so sorry for your loss. It's so hard to realize our first major loss in life and to go on from there, because it changes us. Those changes are in part the grieving process, such as the anger and bitterness. Our hope is always that those bad feelings won't last long and that soon enough we are able to cling to good memories we made with our loved ones that have gone. Those good memories in time will become stronger than the pain of the loss itself, but it does take time. Our hearts have to heal, and that takes time. It helps to let those aorund you know when they are trying to help us that we need to have space to grieve and that we may not be quite ready for their ideas. They tryuly just want to help us to feel better. Whenever someone we care about is hurting and sad, we just want to help ease their pain. many times people don't know what that takes, so they just try whatever they think will help, not realizing sometimes that it isn;t yet what we need. I remember my first real loss, my own grandmother and how sad I was. It has been years now that she's been gone and since I have had many losses, including my son last year. I try not to let my bad emotions rule me, but sometimes that's hard to do. When I feel a burst of bad energy I try to do something that helps me through it, and always try to make a little space for myself so that i don't take it out on others, like going for a walk, or just going someplace to have a good cry alone. I wrote a lot and that helps me to get my feelings out. Over time I've read back on some things that I've written and I can truly see how I have come through with greater strength and compassion for others that experience loss and pain. I also listen to comforting music, although it makes me cry sometimes. But sometimes the tears that fall bring us closer to healing as well. Try not to bottle it all in, write, share with others who know and understand what you are going through, and take time outs for yourself. Just take care of you and your emotional health as well, eating well, resting, and having quiet time to reflect n your thoughts and feelings. It never feels good to unravel in front of others. Coming here and posting has been helpful for me in addition to journaling my thoughts. Again, I am so sorry for your loss and pain. I hope and pray in time loving memories will bring you more peace and comfort, and sunshine after the rain. Blessings and Hugs, Claudia

[squishy]

(AKA GUEST)

Hi Claudia. Thank you for your kind words and thoughts. I know I will have a tough time ahead of me and it seems to be only getting worse. I seem to be unraveling and my wall is coming down, which is probably a good thing. I can't be strong forever. Last night was the first night where I actually cried on my own for no reason. I was watching a movie earlier in the day and a song in it reminded me of her and then last night I just lost it. My Grandmother was more than a grandmother, she was my best friend. Before moving to BC, I saw her everyday of my life - she used to babysit me, we would go for daily lunches or shopping etc.

I've decided to seek out a grief group here so that I can talk with other who have gone through the same things as myself. But I think, talking, posting, and reading other peoples stories will help me as well.

Thanks again for your thoughts and kind words.

Krista

[4everjoeysmom]

Krista, I do believe in time you will find comfort, strength and healing among friends who can share your pain. We here know pain and we aren't afraid to walk alonside others who are hurting. Your grandmother I am certain is very proud of you for looking toward a future and hope, and in time I belive you will be strong in giving comfort and hope to others who have lost. HUGS, Claudia

[nini820]

I lost my grandma on my birthday this year - August 20, 2007.  She was my angel, my whole world, my everything.  She and my grandpa were the only two people in my life who have never hurt me, lied to me or let me down.  My grandpa passed away on July 14, 1997 and I'm not sure I've even processed his death yet.  The thing is I absolutely cannot accept my grandma's death.  I live just around the corner from where she lived.  Sometimes I tell myself she's still there - inside the house doing crossword puzzles - because it's easier than dealing with the hurt.  I was incredibly close to my grandma.  She was, literally, the only sunshine in my life.  I lived for her.  I can't even talk about her without crying.  I've been having a lot of angry outbursts lately too and I know it's related to the grieving process, but they're out of control.  I live only eight minutes from the cemetery, yet I can't bring myself to go there.  Seeing her gravestone would make it all too real for me.  I can't face that - not yet.  She was never supposed to leave me.  Never.  We went to dinner once a week or I would go there and have dinner at her place.  I still wait for her e-mail to pop up inviting me over.  I start to call her to tell her news in my life.  I get halfway through the phone number when I realize she's not going to answer.  Part of me knows she's gone and then there's this huge part of me that doesn't.  I'm shutting myself off from family and friends.  I just can't bear to be close to anyone right now.  My boyfriend (we live together) is trying to be understanding, but I know he's struggling with my behavior.  I don't feel any happiness anymore.  I just want my grandma to be here.  I need to feel her hugs again. 

[leruinsa]

It is hard. Last year, December 20, 2006 my great-grandmother died. And ok, yeah she was my great-grandmother but she was my grandma to me. When she died from her heart problems I was devestated, I went into a major depression, hurting myself phyiscally to stop the inner pain even if it was only for a while. I know it's hard, but the fact is life looks up. It's starting to look up and yeah I'll have bad days and I even had pne day where I just wanted to die after I was getting better but the point is just because your loved one is gone does not mean that they are truly gone. They will always be with you, watching over you, loving you and you will always love them. I hope that you can find the strenghth in you to carry on. God bless.

[harrington5]

I lost my grandfather last saturday febuary 9, 2007 I still can't  believe he is gone he is on my mind constantly, the last year he was alive he depended on me for a lot of things he would call at all hours of the night for me to come check on him and I would go. I know it sounds crazy but I miss those late night calls I haven't been able to return to his house yet because I don't want to face the fact he's not there. When will this empty feeling go away.

[kittylady]

I just found out that my grandmother died on 4/30/2006.  Not one person called me to say that she passed away.  I talked with her on the phone, and I wish I could have seen her again.

[kittylady]

I just found out that my grandmother died on 4/30/2006.  Not one person called me to say that she passed away.  I talked with her on the phone, and I wish I could have seen her again.

[kittylady]

I just found out that my grandmother died on 4/30/2006.  Not one person called me to say that she passed away.  I talked with her on the phone, and I wish I could have seen her again.

[dodabby]

My grandmother died this morning. She was like a mother to me, having raised me since age four. We knew it was coming, as she stopped eating and drinking which lead to her going to hospital, but we knew the drip was the only thing keeping her going. So we let her die in peace at a lovely frail care nursing centre and she died in the early hours of this morning.

I thought i was coping as it came as a relief when they phoned to notify me, but now i am not so sure. Just feels like i am empty right now.

Will it get better? Will the funeral help?

[nostalgic]

I lost my grandma almost two years ago. I thought the grief would be short lived, but I was wrong. I realise now that I've been feeling apathy for a long time.

[dodabby]

Nostalgic, i have realised i am the same now. Its been 7 months almost and i seem to be in this world where i just dont care anymore. I keep trying to lose weight as well, but i sometimes wonder if i actually care enough to do so.

[DawnFisher]

Hello -

I am posting Kelly's original post from the home page of www.beyondindigo.com/forums under the "Please Tell Us" thread "Beyond Indigo Reunion."  I thought that many of you might not have seen it there.  If you are interested in atteding a Beyond Indigo Reunion - or would like to help us in the planning stages...please post on that thread.

Thanks!

Dawn

Beyond Indigo

 

 

Hello all,

We are thinking about hosting a Beyond Indigo Reunion in Peoria, ILL next spring. It would allow people to meet other Beyond Indigo members in person. Could you please let us know if this would be something that would interest you? We would have social events by type of loss (child, parent, spouse etc). If this is of interest for people we would also be looking for "hosts" for each type of loss to plan events for that loss group. Please chime in!

Thanks

Kelly

Kelly Baltzell

President

Beyond Indigo

[fire1411]

Hello,

I lost my grandfather it will be 3 years Nov 12 of this year 2008 I'm still having a hard time coping with it especially when the 12 of every month comes around it just really hits me hard and it hurts my fiance too when i don't talk to her about it and with our wedding coming up in Feb 2009 its really starting to get too me really bad with all the memories of me and him still going through my mind and anytime I talk about him I just start crying and wishing he was still there with me I don't know what too do I have talked to many people and they say that I should go to his grave site and just talk too him until I'm ready too leave I don't know if that is true or not but I haven't even had a chance to even go to where he is buried the last thing I remember is It was the opening day of deer season and I had just got back from hunting that evening and my mom said we had too call all of the family in because grandpa wasn't going too make it through the night so we called all of the family to the house and then I went next door too talk with the friends and cousins that were down hunting for the weekend and they asked how he was doing and I told them he wasn't going too make it through the night so I went back up to the house and was meet outside by my uncle who said he had just passed away just before i got back there and I have never forgiven myself for not being there too say goodbye before he went on I never really got to say anything too him that night or at the funeral. So I don't know what I should do.

[angelbabies]

Hey

I lost my Grandad on 29th November 2007 and I also lost other family members during that year. When I found out that my Grandad was ill, I felt really guilty because I hadn't really spoken to him for a few years because I was too busy listening to my aunt rather than listening to what my Grandad had to say. It was only when I saw him for the first time that I realised that he was just a lonely old man who wanted to be loved. From that day on in August I saw him as much as I could, depsite the fact that he didn't know who I was...I stuck by him and then when he was taken into hospital I was there every day sitting by him, took my turn doing the night shift when he deteriorated. I was so scared that he was going to die when I was with him but I kept going. On the night of the 28th I had gone home to get changed and to update my sister, I fell asleep on the sofa and when I woke up I went straight to the hospital to find that it was too late and my Grandad had died five minutes earlier. I was devastated and to this day I regret leaving the hospital, I wish I'd have done more for him and not listened to my aunt.

I'm sure both of our Grandad's know that we were there for them in spirit and that we love them and miss them. I'm sure you're Grandad will be there watching over you when you get married in Feb and I wish you all the luck with it. Hav you thought about doing something for him at the wedding? When my cousin got married she kept her flowers for my Nan's grave (Grandad was still with us then)

Take care

 

xx

[Kelly]

[align=center]SAVE THE DATE!![/align] [align=center] [/align] [align=center] [/align] [align=center] We are excited to meet you!! Come join us at the Beyond Indigo Reunion!![/align]  When: August 14^th through the 16^th,   2009. We suggest you arrive the night of the 13^th.

Where: Minneapolis, MN

For Who?: All Beyond Indigo members and people healing from grief and dying journeys. This means YOU! If you know someone who is not a member invite them along!

 We will be having speakers, social networking, opportunities to remember our loved ones and just a plain good time.

 More details (schedule, pictures of the location etc) will follow in the next 7 to 14 days.

 We need at least 25 people to make this event possible. We hope to see as many of you who can make it!!!

 Have questions? Please post in the Beyond Indigo Reunion Forum at  http://beyondindigo.com/forums/view_forum.php?id=83

 

Kelly Baltzell, MA

President

Beyond Indigo

[Kelly]

Guess who is traveling the farthest to our reunion?

It's Trudi.

Trudi is traveling all the way from Australia to Minneapolis, MN for our Beyond Indigo reunion in August!

If Trudi can make it, so can you! 

Come check our reunion page: http://www.beyondindigo.com/reunion/

Hope to see you there!

[Kelly]

The family and friends of Beyond Indigo would like let everyone know that Dawn Fisher (moderator of the Beyond Indigo message boards) lost her husband on Wednesday morning.  JD's death was an unexpected complication of surgery to remove a tumor.  Our most heartfelt condolences go out to Dawn and her children.  We know that there is no better place for Dawn to receive support than through these boards.

The online obituary for JD is here: http://fisherfamilyfuneralhomes.com/obits/obituaries.php/obitID/307941

If you'd like to send her condolences, you could send her a private message on the boards, visit the above obituary and sign the guest book (starting on Friday) or send materials to

Fisher Funeral Chapel & Cremation Services

1801 Chase Road

Logansport, IN 46947

[Kelly]

Hi all,

We are getting down to five weeks to find out if we can hold the reunion or not. Could you please let us know if you will be attending and register online? We need 25 people total. This is an amazing opportunity to make something special happen. Just click the big banner at the top that says REUNION and follow the steps.

Love to hear from you.

Kelly

[angel44]

[user=25807]angelbabies[/user] wrote

I lost my Grandad on 29th November 2007 and I also lost other family members during that year. When I found out that my Grandad was ill, I felt really guilty because I hadn't really spoken to him for a few years because I was too busy listening to my aunt rather than listening to what my Grandad had to say. It was only when I saw him for the first time that I realised that he was just a lonely old man who wanted to be loved. From that day on in August I saw him as much as I could, depsite the fact that he didn't know who I was...I stuck by him and then when he was taken into hospital I was there every day sitting by him, took my turn doing the night shift when he deteriorated. I was so scared that he was going to die when I was with him but I kept going. On the night of the 28th I had gone home to get changed and to update my sister, I fell asleep on the sofa and when I woke up I went straight to the hospital to find that it was too late and my Grandad had died five minutes earlier. I was devastated and to this day I regret leaving the hospital, I wish I'd have done more for him and not listened to my aunt.

 

xx

I know how you feel i didnt have contact at all with my grand father for many years as i was busy etc - then when he came to denver to be in the nursing home here and then into the hospice shortly after i felt like i had lost so much time with him i never got a chance to know him again as he didnt live long after coming to denver to be in the nursing home etc here. he was never in the home here as he was to ill and was immediately put into the hospice and died after just a few weeks there.  my mom wanted to visit him one night and i was to tired i said lets go in the am or you go if you want to she was afraid she would get lost it was a hard place for her to find her way around. he died that night and i have always blamed myself. she never go to say goodbye. i should have been there more often - many times as soon as we would get there i would want to go etc. i feel so badly about that. i was young and bored and stupid and didnt realize that soon times would be up for them both.

i miss them both so much so.

[ns1692]

I loss my grandpa on June 29th, 2008. It was very sudden, he was gone within an hour and I didnt get a chance to say goodbye. He was not just my grandpa, but my best friend. We spent the majority of the time together.. we were partners in crime.

On June 28th he had dropped me off at my barn (i have a horse) and he told me to have fun & that'd he would see me the next day to cut the grass. I waved goodbye and watched him drive off in his red chevy pickup truck.. thats the last time I saw him.

The next morning I woke up and had a call from my sister saying he was in the hospital & she was on her way to pick me up.. I got dressed and got my 9 year old brother (i was watching him) up and got him dressed.. 5 mins passed and I got a call from my sister saying he was gone.

My whole life has fell apart since. I havent been the same since the morning of June 29th, 2008. He really was my whole life.. and I was his. I wish I could've told him how much I loved him & would miss him.. I need him here and he's not.

My heart aches day after day for him.. I still cry myself asleep. I have no one in my life that loves me as much as he did..

[hopewisher132]

Back in 2006 my Grandma died from lung cancer.  I still miss her.  To make things worse I barely got to know her.  she will always be in my heart

[nickel38]

I lost my grandfather two months ago today, and I am still devasted.  He was on of my biggest supporters, biggest fans, he was one of my best friends, he was like a father figure to me.  I miss our weekly talks. He came to me in my dreams, and I feel is presence and although that its comforting, its still not the same I still miss talking to him and seeing here on earth. Does it ever get better

To make matters worse, the family split up.  My aunt took my grandmother in.  They won't answer the phone, they won't let my mom (my grandmother's eldest daughter)or I talk to her ( I am the eldest grandchild and the only granddaughter) I am so freaked out if something happens to her that they will never tell us, that nonone will call us and let usknow that she is ill or has passed. she wasn't doing that wella my grandfather's funeral. I jsut don't understand how people can be so cold and basically gold digging. 

[susiep83]

Hello everyone,

I am new to this site and to grief support. I lost someone very special and for all intents and purposes she was my grandmother. Her name was Dessie and she died this past Thursday. Biologically she was not related to me.

Dessie cleaned houses for a living and lived less than a mile down the road for most of my life. She cleaned my grandparents house and babysat me on a refular basis. She used to pick me up from preschool and take me to my grandparents and babysit me there while she cleaned their house. After my grandparents died she cleaned my parents house and babysat my siblings and I.

My parents were gone a lot when I was a kid and so I was often left in Dess's care. My own grandmother never gave me hugs or told me that she loved me that I can ever remember. Dessie did all of these things for me. When my grandparents died she was there to help out.

Dessie basically raised me for most of my childhood and was always around. She and my mother were great friends and my mom helped her with a lot of things.

Dessie passed away this pastb thursday at the age of 79 Today was her funeral and at her request I sang a couple of hymns to honor her. She was not related to me by blood but was in and is in my heart my grandmother.

I am really having a very difficult time dealing with her death and have just cried a lot today and wondered why God lets people die when he knew in the beginning that adam and eve would mess up. It is so wrong that people have to die. I am just so heartbroken

Susie

[Kelly]

Dear Members,

We are excited to mention that we are moving to a more new and improved message boards on MONDAY MORNING AUGUST 9th! The boards will be done for a few hours while we are making the conversation. Remember we posted information about this move a month ago. For some of you this might seem a bit sudden,  but when we were reviewing the site we determined the current message board you are using is out of date and the company that designed it is no longer in existence. The good news is this new message board will have new features that have been requested in the past like more fields we can add to your profiles and a chat room up to 20 people at one time. If we find the chat room is bursting at the seams we will add additional room for extra people. All your old posts, private messages and such will be migrated to the new message board. You might have to put up your profile picture again but not sure. The new company will be doing the migration for us. Here is a short list of some of the new features on the board:

- Custom Profile Fields- Users can customize their profile pages by selecting a background color or background image, with tiling options.- Facebook and Twitter Integration- users can respond to multiple posts at once with "mini-quote"- Pinned discussion threads - like welcome to our board etc.- Announcements made across some boards or the entire message board- Search: Users can easily find all content generated by a particular member, by clicking the 'Find Content' button that appears on the main profile page, or in the Mini Profile Popup which can be accessed throughout the board. The results page allows content to be filtered by application, as well whether the member created it or merely participated in it. - Privacy: allows users to sign in anonymously, hiding them from the online users list. Users also have the option to disable personal conversations and user-to-user emails, as well as ignore other users if necessary.

The next exciting piece of news about the new message board is it will have a new domain name of www.grieving.com for search engine optimization purposes. It will still be apart of Beyond Indigo and can be found through www.beyondindigo.com. We will be redirecting your current URL's to this new domain name but we might miss a few. If that is the case simply go back to www.grieving.com or www.beyondindigo.com to find your message board thread. We will try to make the transition as seamless as possible. 

The bottom line is the new board will give us room to grow our community and more options to interact better with each other. 

If you have any questions please direct them to feedback@beyondindigo.com.

Kelly Baltzell, MA

CEO/President

Beyond Indigo Family