Members LadyMinuit Posted September 24, 2012 Members Report Share Posted September 24, 2012 Hi everyone. In about 20 minutes (4:30 AM EST), my grandmother will be deceased for a day. Already this has taken such a toll on me because it's the first time I've lost a close family member. The day before she passed, she was just as happy and active as she could be for the state of her health. She would have been able to come home today if she got better. When I dropped off her supper, something in my brain kept telling me to take a moment with her. I told her that no matter how much we fought or how much she thought otherwise, that I loved her so much. And she said she knew. And I am hoping with every part of my soul that she took it with her when she passed in her sleep. Mainly, I'm just needing advice because I've never dealt with it and I'm so scared to ask for help from anyone else because my family is grieving too. And I don't want to take away from their right to grieve over her. I'm still awake because I'm scared to sleep and I don't understand why. I can't be in the dark right now. Sometimes, I think im going to see her poke her head into the doorway and ask why I'm awake. It's all so unreal and I know it's probably a lot to ask but I just really need help and I'm so desperate to stop feeling this way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ModKonnie Posted September 25, 2012 Members Report Share Posted September 25, 2012 Hi everyone. In about 20 minutes (4:30 AM EST), my grandmother will be deceased for a day. Already this has taken such a toll on me because it's the first time I've lost a close family member. The day before she passed, she was just as happy and active as she could be for the state of her health. She would have been able to come home today if she got better. When I dropped off her supper, something in my brain kept telling me to take a moment with her. I told her that no matter how much we fought or how much she thought otherwise, that I loved her so much. And she said she knew. And I am hoping with every part of my soul that she took it with her when she passed in her sleep. Mainly, I'm just needing advice because I've never dealt with it and I'm so scared to ask for help from anyone else because my family is grieving too. And I don't want to take away from their right to grieve over her. I'm still awake because I'm scared to sleep and I don't understand why. I can't be in the dark right now. Sometimes, I think im going to see her poke her head into the doorway and ask why I'm awake. It's all so unreal and I know it's probably a lot to ask but I just really need help and I'm so desperate to stop feeling this way.LadyM,I am sorry about the loss of your grandmother. Of course you are afraid and feeling all sorts of feelings. It's okay. Grieving is so hard, no matter how many times you go through it. Your family is probably worried about you, too. Can you talk with each other? Lots of times talking to each other can eases some of the anguish. We will be here for you,ModKonnie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LadyMinuit Posted September 25, 2012 Members Report Share Posted September 25, 2012 LadyM,I am sorry about the loss of your grandmother. Of course you are afraid and feeling all sorts of feelings. It's okay. Grieving is so hard, no matter how many times you go through it. Your family is probably worried about you, too. Can you talk with each other? Lots of times talking to each other can eases some of the anguish. We will be here for you,ModKonnieI was able to speak with them a little about it. I just feel selfish at the thought of asking them for comfort when they are grieving as much as I am. It has always been hard for me to open up to some parts of my family. I think that's a big reason that I miss my grandma. In her way, she was always able to open me up and help me. Last night, I caught myself sitting up in bed, looking into the hallway at her old room and expecting to hear her motorized chair come on or hear her call for me to come help her because she had an accident. I'm going to miss her kisses and her hugs. Even times where she would yell at me. I miss every bit of it. Right now, I wished time would stop when you grieve. So you could take all the time in the world and not lose any time of your life or have to face some responsibilities. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Redium Posted March 22, 2013 Members Report Share Posted March 22, 2013 I am so sad for your situation.So you have dont worry about this.One thing remember God will help you in another way.So you have to keep self confidence in your self. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Kittykatsam Posted April 3, 2013 Author Members Report Share Posted April 3, 2013 Lady MI lost my grandmother 11 months ago. Everyday has been a roller coaster for me. She was my best friend and the one person I could tell everything too. Now almost a year later the pain is still there. I just take it one day at a time and try and what feels right that day. In the beginning I would write her letters, it helped me feel close to her. I talk to her sometimes when I am having a bad day. I've come to realize that for me grief is like a foreign object stuck in my heart. It has become a part of me. Loss has changed the way I look at life. Be kind to yourself, you are learning how to live again without your grandmother. It will take time and a lot of Kleenex. Wishing you the bestTara Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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