Lost Him 9/2/2012

[drinwi]

I finally figured out how to post.

I lost my husband on 9/2/2012 at 10:39pm. We had been married 4 months to the day. I am 51, and this was my second marriage. He was my heart, my true soul mate, he restored my faith in being loveable, and was part of my healing after the devastation of divorce after a 30 year marriage. He was the light, the laughter, the best gift ever given to me.

He had some surgery Friday, Aug 31, it went extremely well. Once he was out of recovery and in his regular room we chatted, kissed, and then he had 2 massive strokes. He never regained consciousness again. I stayed with him for the next two days, my family, and closest friends joined me. On Sunday night, my brother, and his closest friend stood with me as he took his final breath. I wept and thanked him for loving me so well, for always telling me I was his number 1, for keeping his promise to always pursue me, protect me, and love me. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to do but I won't ever regret being there with him as he crossed the finish line.

Today I am an emotional wreck, I have cried rivers, I am anxious, I am not sleeping well, and I hate all of this. I want to hurry it up, and I want to be able to breathe without a shudder, and I want my brain and my body to realize and accept that he won't come through the door anymore.

All of that to say, that I hate this. So because I don't know how to make an original post, I replied here. I hope to gain some support and some courage from those of you that have gone before me on this journey.

[kendi]

Hey I am so sorry you are going through this, I to have just recently lost my husband August the 7th. He was my Fairy tale come true. Our story is sorta of similar my husband was in the hospital and he went for a minor procedure and had a cardiac arrest as he went to the recovery and never regained consciousness. He held on as long as he could til God decided he needed Kenny more than we did. We were together for over 11 years and will be married 3 years on Oct 16th. Every day is a struggle and it is hard, and I wanna say it will get better that is what everyone tells me. Sometimes it still feels so much like a dream that I will not wake up from. Some people tell me it is because I am still numb from all of it, I had to go back to work not to soon after it because of the kids and bills. I wish I had the right words to tell you and make you feel better, I can tell you if you need to talk or express your feeling in anyways, I will try my best to help you in anyway. My prayers and thoughts are with you

[drinwi]

Thank you Kendi for your reply. We were together for 9 months total, 4 months married, and he died on our 4 month anniversary of Sept 2nd. It was 2 days after the strokes, but he didn't regain consciousness after them so our last words were in his hospital room and I am so grateful that he was lucid for a bit and was able to say I love you and ask me for a kiss. My family has been so supportive, even my 4 children who were not too sure when I got remarried. They all came for the service, and my oldest daughter has been here for over a week, she has been such a blessing.

I still cry at random moments, my heart feels so lost, and my mind is on overload. I can't concentrate on anything at all for very long. I have to go back to work on Thursday and in some ways I am glad to have my mind occupied, but in other ways I am nervous that I won't be able to keep it together.

I'm real glad to have found this site. I just don't know anyone here where I live that has been down this road. I did find a grief support group in my area and plan to attend next Monday night. I never thought I would be a widow at 51.

It just seems so surreal. The love of my life is not going to come through the door ever again. Now what do I do?

[kendi]

I do wish I could tell you what to do or how to act but not sure myself. I never thought I would be a widow at 43, I can tell you that you just have to take it one day at a time. Cry when you feel like crying, and laugh when you feel like laughing. No one can really tell you how to handle this although everyone of us are going through the same thing everyone is different. I get by mostly remembering every moment we had together and how happy he made me. Out of the 11 years we were together we never argued maybe had disagreements but not enough to remember why or even when we had them. We had a connection like few have if I thought it he made it happen and I would never have told him I wanted it done, If he wanted something I got it and he would ask how I knew he wanted it. He was great my Knight in Shining armor. I am happy and grateful he did not suffer and know he believed in God. Like I said the only way is to take one day at a time and remember all the happiness He gave you. Because if he worked hard at making you smile then that is what he wants from you and he will never be away from you as long as you keep him in your heart and memories. My prayers and thoughts are with you

[val]

Hello, my name is Val. I am so sorry for your loss. I don't know what you feel personally but I can relate to you my story and how it has and I have changed over the last two months, My husband died July 5 2012,suddenly and in his sleep. I found him. We had been together ten years. He was my supporter, best friend, and like kendi said Knight in Shining Armor. We supported each other through some bad times and had come out to the sunny better times. he was only 58. i am 52. After his death, i cried incessently for days. I went to my doctor and he gave me something to help me sleep because I wasn't sleeping. I wasn't eating. I had only three days paid bereavement from work. I took a whole week extra time off because i simply could not function. I am back at work now and two months later still have days i have to leave early. Honestly, this website has helped me a great deal. I have moved a tiny tiny bit past that ultimate shock, pain, surrealistic stage. I haven't accepted his death yet and know enough about grieving to know it will take time. Everything in your grief process is on your timeline and no one else's. No one can tell you how to feel, I can offer this: the pain lightens a little everyday, a day at a time. i struggle through a day of work at a time. I try and connect with people going through the same thing i am. I talk about it and cry about it. I allow others to support me with daily chores. I read through articles i find on grief. i subscribe to a digest called DailyGriefShares.com, it's free and it guides you through the process. I felt very out of control when Jerry died. It was sudden, unexpected and it rocked my whole wolrld. I hope you can find some hope from someone who has just walked in your shoes my dear. It gets a little easier a day at a time. And with Faith in God, Lean on God for strenght, I hope anything I've said brings a little hope your way. I still miss my Jerry terribly and I cry as i write this, missing the love, safety and sanctuary he built around my life. I cannot believe i am alone yet. Kendi posted a beautiful poem. Please accept my sincere condolences for your loss, Val

[gunnerswife]

I am so sorry. i to am going through this. I am having a rough time and mine has been much longer i found him in bed june 21.there is some wonderful people on here that is very helpful, they leave you cry with them.just im any of us and we will cry with you or try to talk to you. plus it does help to talk you might wabnt to find a counsler, i thought i can't get another bill but i fouund a free counslor through hospice. i thought i had hubby had to been with hospice for them to help me but i was wrong. the lady is very nice, plus i have talked to my pastor plus a retired preacher friend. everything since he died has been his death, nothing fun.

[drinwi]

Thank you Val and Gunnerswife for your kind responses. I am trying to be patient with the process, at times it is hard. I don't like process, never have. Hate needlepoint, don't like jigsaw puzzles, much prefer microwaves over crockpots. But this is one time when I know I have to allow the process to happen or I will jeopordize my mental, physical and emotional health.

I go back to work tomorrow. I have had a week and a half off, and the day of his original surgery so I have had a total of 9 days off. I have an extremely supportive work environment, and in some ways I feel the need for some routine. I know they will be patient with me as I travel this path. I have a very supportive church family and they have been amazing, bringing meals, calling, offering to do errands or just sit with me but knowing when to allow me space.

I found a grief support group in my community, not far from my home, I am going to try it next Monday night. I just want to sit with others that understand this gnawing sense of loss and the ache in my heart.

I have so many good memories, and I know that he left me, loving me 100% with his whole heart. That is both comforting and then makes me angry cause we deserved to have more time than 9 months. He was the greatest gift I have ever been given and I just wish for more time.

Anyway, I am very glad to find you all here. It is hard to really explain how I feel to someone that has not experienced a great loss. I know you all understand and I am grateful for your insight, words of comfort and letting me vent.