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Death of Cat- can't think straight


rox411

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M. Sarge,

I am so very sorry about the loss of your precious Zen. I know it's difficult now, but in time, the sharp pain will subside and become a dull thud. It sounds as though you are a real champion of fur babies, and I love the names of your fur kids. 

 

We will be here with you,

ModKonnie

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My Condolences to everyone.

 

Losing a pet, no matter what the circumstances are, are never easy.

 

On Saturday, 23 January 2016, my loving kitty Redman, who was 17 1/2 years old had to be put to sleep, due to kidney failure.

 

This was the hardest and most heartbreaking decision in my life. I feel so guilty for giving the okay to euthanize my Redman, but I also know that he was in a lot of pain, and it would not have been humane to put him through more treatments/pain.  According to the vet, another treatment may have only giving him another two days. My heart was breaking and I couldn't even talk right.

 

Like in Heartnsoule's story below about her little angle Daisy, it seemed like my kitty Redman as I knew him was already "gone" that morning before I made it to the animal hospital. It's like his soul already started to "cross-over", and only his body was hanging on for a little bit longer. He didn't even respond to his name anymore, and he couldn't stand up on his own anymore either. Poor little Redman lost a lot of weight in the last couple of months. He used to be overweight, well not towards the end, his appetite decreased and got skinny.

 

He whole week before his passing I had a gut feeling that something wasn't right, but I was hoping I was wrong. Due to this I started to give him more attention, gave him treats and whatever he wanted. Plus his appetite seemed to be good at the whole week, but then on Friday I noticed that he didn't really eat all of his morning meal after I returned from work, nor did he eat any of his snacks. Then I went to the store and bought a rotisserie chicken, because a piece of that chicken was one of his favorite treats --- but he didn't even smell at it, nor his catnip, or his other kitty treats.  --That's when I knew, that something was totally wrong and brought him to the vet.

 

I guess that sad thing is, that I know it was coming, but hoping my little Redman would live on forever.

About seven months ago, the vet who treated Redman, had already told me, that giving his age and the kidney problems, that I need to come to the acceptance, that he may not have that much longer left. At that time I didn't want to accept that, because a couple months earlier his sibling, kitty Salem passed at 16 years of age.

Redman was the last "kitten" out of four, who made it to be 17 1/2 years old. I miss him, his siblings, and his Mama Cat Tiger (who passed in Sep 2012) very much.

It hurts so much that they are no longer here.

Thank you God for bringing the little angles in my life, who brought me a lot of joy, and helped me in so many ways. I hope they forgive me for not always having as much time for them due to work and for taking them for granted at times.

I pray to God, that one day we will be all reunited, until then my little angels, rest in peace, I will always carry you all in my heart. In loving memory to my little angles: Tiger, Puss in Boots, Puma, Salem, and Redman, as well as Kitty Math, Muschi and Lutzi.

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About 7 years ago my niece, who lived in Pennsylvania, moved to Utah where I live. She'd pick up a 9 or 10 year old feral cat that had lived in the neighborhood. She found the cat, Corky, walking on the sidewalk, in a bad way, needing help. She brought Corky with her to Utah, asked if I would watch Corky and her other two cats while she found a place. Corky was a wild cat, didn't get along with the other two, and when my niece found a place and took her cats, I kept Corky. I'd never had a cat before, and she was a handful. I had no idea that she was feral when I took her, and had to teach her to use a box. The first medical problem was asthma. First she was on steroid pills, then later, an inhaler which I'd give her twice a day. The steroids in the asthma medicine make her diabetes apparent and she needed two injections each day, 5 am and 5 pm. I had to keep her inside because she wouldn't have survived even a minute outside, and she was ill all those years. She was a tough little cat, and I know she looked at me as a resource, and just wasn't a people cat. But I loved her very much anyway. I had to put her to sleep 3 weeks ago. She greeted me like always that morning at 5 wanting her food and insulin shot, but there was something else going on and I knew it was time. She kept collapsing and was looking for a place to hide. She was asking for help like the first time I saw her. I called the vet, and being her doctors they knew what was happening and had me bring her right in. I hugged her the last time.

I'm 65 years old and she was all I had. I felt part of me go when she died. It felt like my heart was pulled out. I wanted to give her love, a safe place, things that she'd never had, but she was wild, and I feel so guilty. I know there was no other choice. I don't feel like I put her to sleep too soon. But I feel like I may have kept her alive with all her medical problems because I couldn't stand to let her go. I got sick within a week of putting her to sleep, a combination of flu/pneumonia/sinus infection, and am still sick 2 weeks later. I can't sleep, can't eat. I've always been able to overcome things, but this one is very difficult. I'm not a religious person, maybe spiritual. But I want to believe, have to believe, that I will see her again in another life and she'll understand, and forgive me.

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Hi everyone,

I'm at a loss and just need to talk to other cat lovers about what I'm experiencing. I'm absolutely heartbroken. On Tuesday just gone (22/03/16) I lost my best friend Suki. She was nearly 14 years old and seemed fine when I left to go for work. I only left her for 3hrs but came home to find her not greeting me at the door like usual. I called her and waited to hear her come downstairs yet no sign. I then went upstairs to see if she was where I left her before going to work and she wasn't there. All of a sudden I had a terrible feeling, I then went to my bedroom and found her laying on her side. I literally dived to the floor only to find that I had practically just missed her. She was as warm as she was when she was alive but rigor mortis had already started to kick in. I then noticed a lot of blood and assumed she had a seizure and bit her tongue hence the amount of blood but upon further inspection I think otherwise. I remember her being slightly sick in the morning but she seemed to get over it however, when figuring out what's happened I noticed a small sick spot and then a small sick spot with a faint hint of blood. When I moved her her eyes were wide open and her tail was bushy and back legs straight. I can't help but think she was sick and ended up rupturing something internally and bled to death. I feel so guilty that I wasn't there for her in her final moments and not there to help her if I could. I keep thinking about how scared she would have been. She's been there for me through thick and thin for 14years but the one time she needed me I'm not there. I keep thinking I wish I had come straight home instead of stopping by for some shopping and cat food. I buried her today and although it happened Tuesday I can't stop getting upset. It keeps coming in waves of emotion, some stronger than other but all I know is I'm going to miss her forever and just hope this gets easier.

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Sad"Sunday

Hi, everyone!  It's over a week that I'm avoiding to get here because I want to avoid feel the pain. You  see, last Monday, 16th May, I lost my beautiful white male cat Prue, at the age of 2 years old! I never ever would have thought that he'd been gone!

Prue, named after the purring  he made, was and is like a child, like a son to me! He came into my life , when I found him alone, at the side  of a street, scared, hiding under a car, a few weeks after I had a greatly traumatic experience with Blinky, a greyish male feline  who seemed more like a tiger. That's when I found this site, two years ago, when I had to lay down the pain I felt, cause Blinky was hit and run by a car, severely injured, I had to euthanised him, otherwise he would be suffering till his death, his internal organs were smashed, said the vet. So, back then, I took the decision, it sucked, I've been crying for days and days, until the pain eased and  now I remember Blinky  with love, I can see in my mind his glorious days, when he was jumping  around the walls of my yard, playing with other cats, fighting with them, then coming home to eat, rest and off he's gone again,  as I  also remember that  hideous day of his death!

It is true, time heals wounds and no matter the horror of the end, every memory comes back with sweetness!

Now, comes the difficult part for me!......The loss of Prue! I feel a great emptiness inside me, I'm devastated and feeling guilty once again because I didn't help him the way I was supposed to do!  

Prue got sick a few weeks ago but I refused to read the signs. He was a very energetic male cat and also the kindest and gentlest of any feline I've ever met in my life, a true companion! I love him so much!

Every day, when I woke up  I used to go outside to call him, shouted his name and there he was. Prue was the type who didn't stay indoors much. Likewise Blinky! Prue had the habit to sleep on my chest or around my neck, he never stroke me with his nails or bite me.

One day, he came home, obviously having his nose scratched by another cat, dirty and tired!  I didn't pay much attention! Two weeks later he is sitting on a chair and my daughter says: Prue isn't well, something's wrong with his eye, should we call a doctor?.....But no, I, the egotistical person didn't want to go through what I've experienced with Blinky, so, never made the call. Then, ten days later, Prue wouldn't come home, he was edgy! But I wouldn't search to find him, I let things go by! Three days later, he was outside the door, very weak, meowing! That's when I decided to bring the doctor who said that Prue was suffering from serious anemia, due to a bite of a tick or that could be an even worse case of leuchemia or cat aids. He then told me to treat him at home because he didn't have the time to treat him in his  clinic. So, I did. I thought that would be best, to feed him on my own, at home, give him his medicine and have him in the environment he knew. The thought of a second vet's opinion  crossed my mind, but....didn't do it. On the fourth day of having him home, whilst I've been feeding him and giving water with a tube, I could clearly see Prue was breathing heavily, sighing. So, now I took him to another vet's, and I can see that he is being in agony and under stress. People there took any measure they could to stabilize him but it was too late, then next day he had two epileptic seizures and that was the end. Yet, the last 24 hours of his life I left him at the vet's, I never saw his ending, he never saw me again.

What's that making me? He was flickering his tail to me, even when he was very weak, he spoke to me with his purring and he was crying. What did I do? I cannot understand how irresponsible  I reacted against the illness of my dearest, the one feline I never wanted to lose and expected to live many-many years with him until he was old!

Prue, I  love you little buddy! I'm so sorry for mistreating you! I'll never forget, neither you, nor the way I behaved during the time you mostly needed my help!

Thank you all for putting up with me, sorry that was too long but I needed to share. I could have written much more but at the moment, I don't have the courage to!

Be all blessed! I really care for your losses!

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Rocky and Ginger's Mom

Sorry this is super long.I'm so deeply sorry to all who are grieving over the loss of your pet. I unfortunately know the pain too well from as recent as 5/28/16. My Rocky 10 1/2 was so smart,friendly and was more like a dog I swear. I feel like I let him down. Last year it all began with ear infections and bumps in his ear which I brought him to vet and he gave medicine . My Rocky never overcame his ear problems and developed 3 abscesses from chronic ear infections which were drained under anesthesia last Tuesday. He remained in hospital till Friday. He was on liquid and pill antibiotics and still looked weak when we picked him up but we were told he was clinically ok. Up until his final day he was eating but I noticed on discharge paper it said poor appetite and drooling for that day. The tech would not administer pill before we left as she said he needed food first and to give it at home. So we went home gave some food which my cat didn’t eat much and 1/2 hour later my husband put the pill in his mouth, closed it and stroked his neck and I blew on his nose. My cat layed on side and I noticed right away he was breathing heavy and got on phone with tech and was told it was normal cause he was anxious, an hour went by I called again and the guy that answered thought my cat was in pain so I gave him his liquid pain medicine. My cat looked sleepy which I thought was from pain medicine,eyes half open (looking back at pics he looked terrible don't know why I didn't see that)
but still breathing heavy and later breathing thru one nostril and mouth which I now know is an emergency.Needless to say he passed away several hours later and I regret not taking him to an emergency clinic and wish I didn’t listen to techs and wasn’t so blind of the symptoms. I have no idea what caused this. Maybe he shouldn’t have been released from hospital but I will never have these answers. I cry everyday and have a lot of guilt for not bringing him to emergency clinic, something I have to try and live with and its very hard. I will never forget his eyes looked wide open and petrified look in his eyes. Maybe cause I screamed when I realized he was dying as he kicked his hind legs up towards stomach.God I hate to think that was his last thing he heard. I can only pray we get to be with our pets again one day, 

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Hi 

I'm really sorry for everyone's loss.

I got my beloved Dasha when I was just 6 years old and desperately wanted a kitten. She was my best friend as far back as I can remember myself and the only pet I've ever had. I didn't have the easiest of times when growing up but she was there for me every single step of the way and was the one that I cuddled whenever I was upset.

I'd moved abroad to study 3.5 years ago and I would visit as often as I could in order to see her. Sadly, over the last year she just kept getting skinnier and skinnier. Me and my parents took her to the vet but they could not find anything - old age, they said, it's to be expected for a cat who's almost sixteen. She was much less energetic when I saw her last Christmas, but she was still okay. And now when I got back for Easter when I saw her she was just skin and bones - I could feel every single one of her ribs when I petted her. My poor baby could barely move anymore and hardly had the energy to do anything. I spent my whole week at home crying by her side. But still, I couldn't bring myself to put her to sleep.  What if she got better? I wouldn't have been able to live with myself.

Turns out my mum had spoken to a vet a bit before I got back home (they didn't dare bring Dasha in because she was too fragile) and they thought it was stomach cancer - inoperable but painless to her. 

I flew back to the UK the Monday after Easter - saying goodbye to her was the hardest thing I'd ever done because I knew I wouldn't see her again but I still kept hoping that I would. Dasha passed away 4 days later, on a Friday. My parents were both at work when she passed away and I still can't stop feeling guilty about not having been there for her. I really should have been there, she was always there for me and I couldn't even be there for her when she died. The guilt is killing me.

It's been 2 months since she died and I still cry about her all the time. I don't even want to go back home anymore because I know everything there will just remind me of her and I won't be able to stop crying again.

My friends really don't understand what I'm going through and honestly I don't even know who to turn to anymore. All I know is that I'll never love anyone else half as much as I loved her. I'd fallen out with my best friend over this as all she said when I told her that Dasha died was that "that sucks" and she didn't understand why I couldn't leave my bed or stop crying for days after. 

Again, I'm really so sad for all of your losses. Your kitties were all lucky to have such loving owners. I'm not religious but I do hope more than anything that somehow we'll be reunited with them once again.

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Rocky and Ginger's Mom

Dasha is beautiful and I am so very sorry for your loss. Many don't understand our grieving but I know everyone on this site does. Our pets are part of our family and I can honestly say it hurts just like it did losing my niece, sister and mom. Same guilt feelings, same what if's. Really no difference in pain in my heart. I know I neglected signs of my Rocky dying, I don't understand why I didn't see it. I also have guilt for not getting his ears taking care of last year to prevent the abscesses that occurred. I did bring him to the vet but it didn't solve the problem. Your beautiful cat knew you loved her I'm sure,that week you spent by her side shows the love you have. I still have a female cat Ginger that I call Rocky's wife. They did everything together, (as I'm typing this her paw is on my cheek) i will never get over the what if's and a piece of my heart will always be with my Rocky. I honestly don't know how I got thru the first week. I wanted to die as crazy as it sounds. It's been 8 days and still so hard I still find myself calling out his name. I pray for you that you will find peace knowing your beloved Dasha knew your love for her.

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I'm so sorry, Rocky looks like such an adorable fluffy kitty and it breaks my heart that he's gone.  However, I'm glad to hear you have Ginger to help you cope - cats make the best therapists, I found.

You shouldn't feel guilty, there was no way you could have known that he was dying. That's the problem with cats, they're too good at hiding illness and you don't know until it's much too late. And honestly, I don't think it's crazy to be that upset. I wanted to die too when I found out, I felt like nothing mattered anymore and genuinely couldn't imagine my life without Dasha in it. But it does get better.

Still, I wonder if there will ever come a time when I can remember random things about her without breaking down in tears. I was almost fine for a few weeks but just today I remembered how the very tip of her tail had been broken since before we got her and honestly I've just been crying ever since. Before that, it happened when I remembered how I knit her a sweater back when I was 8 because I was scared she'd get cold in the winter (Dasha wasn't having it and kept wiggling out of it like a worm whenever I'd put it on her).

I don't know if it helps you at all but the one thing that does reassure me is that if there is a heaven or anything of the sort, there's no one more deserving of it than our kittens. They've done nothing but bring joy and unconditional love into our lives.

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I am sorry to hear all the sad stories about our beloved dear cats. It is truly heart breaking when we are so close to our special cats and then have to say goodbye.

It has been 4 days since I had to let my precious cat Sapphire go. She was a lovely blue tip Ragdoll who lived to a great age of 20 years and eight months. She was given to me as a kitten when I was 12 and has been my baby since. We had a connection right from day one. I chose her from her litter of other kittens to be part of my life. Starting out as a timid little kitty in a busy family with kids and a dog, she was often on the sidelines, but participated from a distance. When I got older and moved into my own house, she came with me and the bond grew stronger. She became the soul of the house. I was devoted to her like no one else and she trusted and loved me. We were best friends. I made sure she had the happiest adulthood life that a cat could receive. No matter how tired or fed up I felt, I never got angry at her, even if she continued to pine for my attention. I was lucky to be able to work from home a lot of the time, so we got that quality time together. She loved her life and I loved her so much that I wonder if that is why she went in so long living to such an old age.

Although my cat slowed down over the years, she was always strong and her vet was amazed at her steady health. Besides a few sick episodes and her slowly declining kidney function, she was a healthy girl. It was only the last week when things got worse and she started hiding, and eating less. It was so heart breaking to see her like this. She quickly became lethargic and lost total interest in her food. I took her to emergency where the vet recommended putting her down. I couldn't take the shock and pain, and asked if there was anything they could possibly do. I wasn't going to give up so quickly just because she was old. 2 days later after iv treatment and tests, I found out she really wasn't going to make it much longer. She had lymphoma in her liver and her kidneys were already weak. We had to say goodbye to my lovely girl after one last night at home together. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to do.

I am sad and feel so lonely without her. The house is quiet, but as I look at photos of her I remind myself about how beautiful of a cat Sapphire was on the outside but most of all on the inside. She was my precious baby who can never be replaced. Time will heal, although hard to believe right now. It also helps to know others are going through this too. My heart goes out to all the cat lovers out there who have lost their lovely cats, and I wish you strength to move forwards, but to never forget.

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Like a lot of you I have recently lost a beloved pet. I lost my best friend of over 15 years, Smokey, to chronic kidney failure just 3 days ago. He was an adorable little mutt of a cat that my family adopted from a shelter when I was 12 and my brothers were 11 and 9. We had been pestering our parents about getting a pet for years and they had finally relented. When we got to the shelter we all thought it would end up being a long drawn out argument in picking our cat, just like everything was when we were that age. How wrong we were. We all knew Smokey was going to be our cat the minute we saw him. He was the smallest kitten in the shelter and the adoption team told us that they had found him eating out of a trash can in an alley nearby. He was loud, insisted on being held like a baby, and wouldn't back down from anything. We took him home and quickly fell in love. Smokey loved humans to the point where we all joked that he sometimes acted more like he was a human than a cat. His favorite thing in the world was to immediately leap onto the dinner table just as we would all be sitting down and then try to position himself as close to the food as possible while also trying not to draw our attention to the fact that he really wanted to steal a bite. He would lay on top of our VCR next to the television both because it was warm and also because I think he wanted to think we were watching him when we were watching television. As my brothers and I got older and moved out of the house for school/new jobs etc. the highlight of our trips home was always opening up the door and having Smokey race up to it and greeting us like we had never been gone. I went back home last month when I heard he was sick and seeing him weighing only 5 lb (he used to be between 12-14) and having trouble standing up and walking straight nearly broke my heart. I googled everything imaginable about his disease, and I know the rest of my family did too, but it just didn't seem like any options exist for a cat in his advanced stage of failure. I said my goodbyes and prayed that he would last until Thanksgiving so that I could see him one last time. Unfortunately his condition only deteriorated and when he had a seizure, or something similar 4 days ago, the decision was made to bring him in immediately. I still cry thinking that I should have been there with him when it happened. I miss him so much and it is hard to imagine loving any animal as much as I loved him. I don't know whether I am more scared of the thought that time will pass and my memories of him will begin to fade or that I will never be able to forget our time together and the pain of his loss will never fade. I just know that I miss him so much, as does his whole family, and that I would trade anything I have in this world for the opportunity to see him again and pet him and hold like a baby, he truly loved being carried around the house like a little king, again.

I'm sorry if this has been rambling, I just had to write this down.

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I'm so sorry...it is so hard.  My Miss Mocha has been gone since June 3rd, I still miss her, she always slept next to me at night, pushing on me.  My other cat wants to perch an arm's length away, no taking Miss Mocha's spot!

We hold them in our heart and never forget them...

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I have read all the posts on this blog.  My heart breaks for each and every one of you.  I pray that you will all find relief from your heartache and pain. We had to put down our 16 year old orange tabby yesterday.  Lucky was his name, we used to call him moo moo.  My wife and i are just completely devastated  We both just want to die with him.  I am glad that we are not the only one's struggling with the loss of a beloved pet.  I mean really, what is wrong with me?  He lived a full life and i do not believe too many cats were more loved than he was.  Logically i understand this.  Yet when i walk around and I do not see him i just break down as i am know as i type this.  I cannot believe how much i hurt.  We had to put down two of my cats back in 1980.  I decided then that i would never allow myself to go through that kind of pain again.  We found him in 2000 by our then apartment.  My wife did actually and she called out to him.  He came, was declawed and belonged to someone else.  I took pictures of him and posted them around the neighborhood but no one responded.  We fell in love with him and took him in.  People should learn to love like these animals do.  Completely unconditional.  We had been battling high blood pressure and diabetes with him for years. .  The vet guessed that he was between 1-3 years of age.  Last may he had a stroke but did rebound well.  This September 9  when he was not eating well we took him in and found out he had CKD as well.  What is sad is that the test does not let you know your cat has a problem until they lose 2/3 of total kidney function.  We figured then that we were in trouble.  We did the sub q hydration. potassium supplements, and the science hill k/d diet.  Also tried the royal canin diet as well.  The emotional roller coaster was horrific.  He seem to do well in September but in October his eating changed.  We tried so many different cat foods to get him to eat.  He did like the Cubed Turkey entree by wellness. Last Thursday we took him to the vet and one number improved but the other was slightly worse.  The vet did not seem that concerned and suggested that we up the sub q's to once a day from the previous every other day scenario.  He liked the hydration process.  Many times he would purr while we did it.  I believe it probably made him feel better.  We had to be careful because too much fluid can put pressure on the heart.  We told the vet he really was not eating enough.  We asked the vet about syringe feeding and the vet said that to get him to eat was the most important thing we could do.  So we did.  He did well.  He weighed 11.11 at the vets office that was what i weight him to be at home on our baby scale.  Friday was a slightly better day and right before we went to bed after feeding him with the syringe he ate 10 grams on his own.  We thought we had turned a corner.  By this time he was still with us but weak and lethargic. Saturday came and he seemed to be doing worse.  Very weak and his breathing was labored at about 35 breaths a min with abdominal breathing.  Got through Sat but we were very concerned.  Sunday came and we did all the same things.  Now it seemed like he was not with us.  He would walk a couple of steps and then just stop.  I did some reading and late Sunday night i noticed that maybe he was dehydrated.  I did the sub q earlier.  He cried out to me in a way i had never heard before and lost control of his bodily functions.  I put him in his litter box and he just laid down.  He also shook a little and i did the test for dehydration by grabbing the scruff of his neck,  It did not come back like it should so i did another hydration and it seemed to help.  But we were so freaked out that we took him to the emergency vets office.  They checked him out and told us to get him into the vets the next morning for IV treatment.  His potassium numbers were higher than they should be and they tried to check his urine but could not get any from him.  I should have known then what was coming but the vet did not make me think that this was it.  So we sat up with him from 2:00am until 8:00 am and called our usually vet.  Now here is what is really unusual.  That cat would fight to go into the carrier because he knew we were going to the vets office.  While there you open the door and he would go back in on his own because he was ready to go home.  The cat had not moved more than 2 steps over the last 10 hours.  I brought his carrier over to him and when i opened the door he got up and hurried in.  Unbelievable. Not one time in 16 years did he ever do that.  I thought at the time he wanted to feel better.  God works in ways we will never understand.  We were actually hopeful when we went to vets office figuring that the severe dehydration was probably the problem here.  The vet checked him out, said his heartbeat was very slow, high potassium levels can do that and his body temperature was 95 degrees when it should be between 101-103.  Then it dawned on me, the reason they could not get any urine from him after i hydrated him twice was probably because his kidneys went into total failure.  The vet explained to us that we could still try the IV and because his heart rate was so slow it would probably take three visits.  They do not keep the cats overnight so that would require picking him up and then coming back the next day.  And trying to manage CKD with Diabetes is a nightmare.  When we fed him the KD diet the sugar in there is at 10%  but the wellness is at 3%.  Fixing one makes the other worse.  We really believed we could help him to continue his life.  Our vet explained that he might rebound if the kidney function was working at all.  Her cat seized when she did this to her in a very similar situation.  However, each cat is different and there is no way to know for sure what will happen.  She was most concerned with his low body temperature. The last couple of days our cat was not really our cat.  The thought of him going through this with out us was unthinkable.The emotional side said do whatever you have to do to keep him The logical side was somewhere in there but emotions had the upper hand.  It was my wife, who loved this cat so very much, said that maybe we need to do whats best for him and not us.  And though I understood this i did not like it.  I had had time to prepare for this and i knew that there would never be a good time to be gone. I want this cat in my life.  His love is hard to live without.  I know those of you who have posted in here really understand how we are feeling.  So we did what was best for him and we stayed with him until he fell asleep.  Completely peaceful.  Utterly devastating.  And though i know death is part of life, and i understand that this cat really did live a full life, i cannot imagine my life without him in it.  This could not suck worse.  I included a video shot on 10/20/16.  Lucky let me know he was not happy with going to the vets that day. Things were looking up at that point.  This is so hard.  I will pray for all of you to feel better

Irritated_Moo-10-20-16.MOV

Moo 7-30-16.JPG

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6 hours ago, Himit said:

I mean really, what is wrong with me?  He lived a full life and i do not believe too many cats were more loved than he was.

Nothing is wrong with you.  The more you loved him, the harder you grieve. I had Miss Mocha 10 1/2 years, but have no way of knowing how old she was.  She'd had a litter and been fixed and was an adult before she came to me.  But even sharing 10 1/2 years with her, it seemed premature and caught me off guard.  I didn't see her aging, she was still healthy, got around well, ate well, so I didn't have a chance to prepare for this emotionally.

I'm very sorry for your loss.  He's beautiful and I can see how easy it'd be to love him, your Moo.

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Himit,

That's almost exactly what happened to my old girl 2 months ago.  She had diabetes and CKD, which had gotten bad enough that we were giving her aranesp shots to get her to make red blood cells.  The last time she quit eating I took her to the emergency vet and her heart rate was only 100 (half her norm), and her body temperature was several degrees low, and she was very weak, to the point I could hear her heavy breathing after a short trip to her water bowl.  It was so hard to let go of her.  Your post helps assure me I did the right thing.  I'm sorry for your loss.

 

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It has been very difficult.  It is hard to be at home.  I have to remember to be thankful for the time i had with him.  16 years with a cat who was between 1-4 when i found him was really a blessing.  Mentally i understand this.  My heart wants him back in my life.

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Dear Erin, I read your post today with a broken heart and sobbing, I dont think Ill ever get over this. I understand  completely how you feel the guilt at having to be the one to make the choice. My boy wasnt the same he was going downhill he was 12 years old, I managed to get the vet to come to my home, but it was very stressful sudden and brutal  none the less. My cat Bellagio was in my arms when he injected him. It was brutal and then the second injection into the heart when he stopped twitching. I dont think that feeling will ever leave me, but it was still better that putting him in a cage ( he wasnt used to it) and taking him to the vet to be put down there in anxiety  died in my arms at home, but I still feel awful tonight that I made the choice.  I wont be able to sleep tonight knowing he wont be waking me up tomorrow  with his meow as he always did. 

I have cried till my heart hurts. Still cant believe hes gone, the silence is deafening. I was fortunate to have a small garden to bury him in today the garden he loved and played in everyday. He was the love of my life, more like a dog in character than a cat. I love him so!   I feel your pain and if you ever need to share and talk I would be pleased to share our grief. I feel so alone.  message me anytime 

I wrote a poem to him My Bellagio. 

 

It is with deep sadness that I must say that this afternoon the love of my life my 12 year old Bellagio the Chartreux the apple of my eye, my constant companion. Going out and coming in he was always there to greet me. He woke me each morning by gently meowing at my door so that we could go out into the garden together, He taught me everything I know about love, faithfulness,  pleasure, patience honor and grace.
When I was impatient with him he forgave quicky, The highlight of his day was always when I finished working around nine and lit the fire and finally he would be able to sit on my lap. The silence is deafening tonight. my Prince has gone over the bridge. 
I was so honoured to have such a beautiful creature in my life, this house was his he made it a home. When I travelled he made such a fuss on my return he would let me pick him up like a baby to kiss his silky ears, and gaze into his magnificent green eyes. Everyone who ever met him fell in love with him, he loved everyone and was so playful and gentle.  I found him in Bellagio when he was a tiny silvergrey kitten with azure blue eyes. He blessed my home with his beauty.
Im lucky he was at home in my arms when the executioner came.

There was no cage, no sterile vets rooms.No strangers , he died at home with me holding and stroking him. He lay on the table  at home wrapped in his favourite blanket, I wanted him to be warm. I stroked his minksoft coat and silky ears for the last time. I was fortunate to have a garden to bury him in among my roses, I dug his grave  through streams of sobbing tears digging through rocks and roots and laid him to rest wrapped in soft white  shroud with  white tulips and a lotus flower at his head.  When I had covered the grave with many stones I lit candles to stay on the grave through the night. 
There under a star filled sky on a cold January night I stood Under the cherry tree I planted 8 years ago that he watched grow to 25 feet. He inhabited every corner of the garden, it was his domain. I dont think the garden or my home will ever be the same again 
I said goodbye to my Prince and felt the silence so acutely. 
Without his chirps and meows.
He was my north, my south, my evening sky. 
My heart is broken 

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Amanda--It has now been just over three months that we had to put our Lucky to sleep do to kidney failure.   It has been very difficult but it does get better slowly.  I still see him coming around corners in the house.  My wife and I do not cry as much as we used to.  I even dream about him.  It is very easy to second guess decisions you made near the end.  Try to not do that.  He knew how much you loved him.  They have a way of just making your life better.  The unconditional love they provide is very hard to live without.  My wife and I both will be praying that God helps mend your broken heart.  I really does get better with time.  If you need to cry then cry.  You cannot cry too much or too little.  It is important you mourn they way you need to.  Do not let anyone tell you how YOU need to do this.  It will happen your way in your time.  Some suggest creating a memorial that show cases his life. Many people report that it does help.   We wish you the very best and we are so sorry for what you are feeling right now.   

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Amanda,

That is a beautiful poem, and what a gorgeous cat!  My heart goes out to you as you are missing him.

Himit,

You are so wise to realize it is okay to grieve, cry if you need to, in your own way and own time.  I hope each day that goes by lessens your pain some.

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I just want to say, firstly, so sorry to you all - i know exactly how you are feeling. XX

Life, for me now has changed - a part of me has died and will never NEVER come back.  Words alone cannot describe the pain, suffering I'm in.  Tears cannot display the suffering I'm in now, and the suffering I will have for the rest of my life.

I lost Barns this week - he was 16 years old, three weeks ago he was running around, attacking things - talking to me.  Now he is gone and I'm sitting here alone. I feel like my world has dropped from under me.  Everyone thinks their cat is special, I get that, but Barns what more human like, than a lot of humans I know.  I could tell him to go to bed, he would walk upstairs. I could say to him to go sit over there and stop bothering me, he would go. He would litterally talk all the time, always make this lovely little noise when he came in from the outside, or what when jumped to see me.

This is Barns;

Barns-1.jpgBarns4.jpg

Barns3.jpg

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https://drive.google.com/open?id=0BwfMc-FII3vwLXBKNDVlR2pnaXc

https://drive.google.com/file/d/0BwfMc-FII3vwZHFwSGNWX0xmd1E/view

I worked from home basically for 9 years, I would spend every day with Barns, while studying while doing web work.  To have a break from work I would go find him 10 minutes, every hour.  Sometimes he would be the only contact I would have apart from my partner.  He was the most loving cat you could ever meet, he would head bump anyone, he would lick any cat that came near, he would conform me all the time - I have lost both parents, lost loads of poeople, but nothing comes close to this.   About 3 weeks ago I noticed him getting thinner, I new he had to get his teeth done, it was booked in, so though this was because of that.

Well, on Sunday he just stopped eating, drinking and starting acting really weird - running about, not sitting down.   The time I knew something was up, was when he jumped on the bed, looked me straight in the eye for 5 seconds, then jumped off again.  I could see it in his eyes, his expresssion that something was seriously wrong.  About three weeks ago he went for his boosters, and I asked them should we give him a scan and a blood test to make sure everything was ok - they said nope, hes ok.

Well, he was going in on Tuesday to get this teeth done l so I said please do a scan; so they did a scan and found 6+ tumors in his stomach!  I mean, WTF.  He was fine up till Sat/Sun - he must have had this cancer for ages but never showed a sign - he was happy, energetic.  We tired Chemo, but it didn't work. 

If you want to read through these horrible few days, go to this thread;

http://www.petforums.co.uk/threads/barns-has-cancer-but-also-needs-his-teeth-done.441143/

This details the suffereing he went through.

Why am I posting this, to try to feel better - to try to come to terms, like you all, with this loss.  I feel for each and every one of you; this is truely horrendous.  I will never know love like this again.  We had him for 16 years without a single visit to the vet, apart from his teeth, then in the space of 4 days, he's gone.   I have not stopped crying, the void in my stomach keeps shooting out pain, suffering and there's not a thing I could do.  I have saved loads of cats, I love animals, I LOVE BARNS!!  :'(   I just want him here, I want to cuddle him, to kiss him... Never again will this happen, I feel like I want to end my life..

RIP to all, but RIP to Barns, my best friend, my son.  Let the pain and suffering begin.

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Spencer,

I am so sorry you lost Barns, he is beautiful, and I understand how devoted you were to each other.  I've had cats and/or dogs all my life and I understand the amazing connection, some more so than others.  I've heard it said that cats are smarter than dogs, that their vocabulary is tremendous, but who would know?  Most of the time they choose to ignore us.  It sounds like your Barns is different.  16 years is a good long life, I know we always wish for more.  I had a 19 year old cat I had to have put to sleep because his cancer was way too far gone before it was diagnosed, I didn't want him suffering any more.  It's amazing how stoic they can be.  That was the family cat I raised my kids with, it was really hard losing him, he was my "greeter" when I came home from work.  He used to greet me at the driveway, then the edge of the patio.  Towards the end when I'd come to the patio I wouldn't see him but I'd see the top of the porch swing swinging back and forth and I knew he'd jumped down and was laboriously making his way towards me...even with so much suffering he was still my little greeter.  I miss him still and it's been 10 1/2 years.

I hope this will be of comfort to you as it has to me as I've lost too many furry family members over the years, "The Rainbow Bridge":
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZcQvYh_3Atw

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This is a wonderful site and it is helping me feel not so alone in my grief for my sweet little girl Maliboo.  I had to put Maliboo down 2 days ago and I miss her so.  My home feels empty and quiet and my purpose (taking care of her) has been deleted.  I feel so lost and so guilty for making the final decision. Maliboo had kidney disease and had stopped eating and was losing weight rapidly.  She was constantly drinking water from the bathtub faucet and I could tell how miserable she was.  I just feel this guilt like a weight and I feel I've failed her.  In truth, her body failed her.  She was my absolute pride and joy.  She was with me for 10 years and I spoiled her with hugs and love.  I feel lost, but I'm so glad to read all of the other posts because I see that so many other people feel exactly as I do.  These little creatures find their way to our hearts and souls.  Maliboo was the sweetest kittie in the world.  Rest in peace my beautiful little friend.  Your mama will miss you forever. xoxo  Thanks to EVERYONE on this page for sharing your grief and words of inspiration.

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Babs,

I am struck by what a beautiful picture of this cat you shared, she looks like my Autumn, who has been gone many years now.

It is so hard to say goodbye to our furry companions, we have lived with them and loved them and it doesn't seem possible when we lose them.  My heart goes out to you in your loss.

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Today I lost my other half, Zeke.  He was more than just our cat.  There is no word or words in the English language to describe what Zeke meant to me, nor to describe how much I truly cared for this handsome, dignified, magnificent creature I was blessed to have as a companion for just over 13 short years.  My sorrow is immeasurable.  Everywhere I look, sit, walk, or go - it seems darker and less because he's no longer there by my side, not in the bed, not on my desk, no longer in the window, no more waiting to greet me when I come home, nothing.  It is all just sadness and tears at this point.  I feel as though my heart is literally breaking in half.  It is the absolute worst day ever.  How do people move on?  How do you ever smile or laugh again?  How does the sunshine ever look bright again?  I just miss him so much.  I would do anything, give anything to bring him back as a healthy, happy cat again.  I just want my Zeke back.  Nothing will ever replace him; nothing will ever be the same.

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My heart breaks for all of you.  In the early days of losing your pet it is incredibly hard.  I will praying for Babs and Felix.  We had to put our Lucky down on October 24,2016,  We were blessed to have him for 16 years.  It is so difficult.  I could not eat for 2 weeks.  And as i write this my eyes are welling up.  It does slowly get better.  But the process is hard.  Grieve anyway you need to.  Maybe creating a memorial to your pet will help.  I have videos of Lucky that even after this much time i still cannot watch without crying.  But the crying is not as gut wrenching as it was before.  We(my self and my wife) can now speak about him and remember him without crying each time.  We still have a way to go but we are better now than we were before. Many have suggested getting another pet.  My wife is not at all ready and i do not believe i am either.  So not really sure what the future holds but i do know that many(as my sister lost her dog in a hit and run accident) feel better sooner by getting another pet right away.  She did two weeks after the incident.  So this is different for everyone.  Let your feelings be your guide and do not let anyone give you a hard time about the way you need to deal with this loss.  I will continue praying for you.

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Babs---Maliboo is beautiful. She looks a lot like my kitty. I am so sorry that you had to help her to the rainbow bridge. Just about 11 years ago, we had a dog that had kidney failure. We had to help him on his spirit journey. It is devastating when we lose our fur friends. Please do not feel guilty. Maliboo is grateful to you for ending her suffering. She gave you unconditional love and you gave it back to her in her time of need. Kidney disease is painful, but our fur friends are unable to tell us how they feel. You did right by your best friend.

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I'm so sorry for everyone and their losses... I just had to send my kitty, Mowe, over the rainbow bridge yesterday 9/6/17... She was 11 1/2 years old. I got her when she was a baby, my best friend had rescued a beautiful petite calico cat and she gave birth to my Mowe. I met her about an hour after her birth and instantly knew I had to make her mine. My entire family is allergic to cats, so I begged for her. Every time I went to my friend's house I would carry her everywhere with me. She was gifted to me for my birthday that year. 

She was a feisty thing, and definitely not petite like her momma. She swatted at everyone except me. We were inseparable. I took her everywhere, even camping with us (in a trailer). Not once, but twice, she had accidentally poisoned herself once by eating a mushroom and the other by eating a Lilly. She ate EVERYTHING! Among her favorite things were string cheese and cheeze-it's (just like me). She grew to be overweight and her heaviest at 23lbs and was eventually diagnosed with diabetes. I immediately switched her food and together we went on a weight loss journey. She came down to a good 14-16lbs while I shed 70lbs myself. She came to college with me, traveling over 300 miles in the car one way. We would come home for breaks and even just the weekend. 

Once I graduated, we moved back home until we moved in with my then boyfriend (now husband). They definitely had a love/hate relationship... and it clearly went both ways... I swear she just jumped on him in the middle of the night to scare him senseless... then the next morning I would find them cuddling on the couch under her favorite blanket. She dished out the trouble as much as she could - she figured out that if she pretended to vomit in the morning we would launch out of bed to only find her wanting food. Through all the trouble she had caused, tonight I found myself watching the kitchen counter just waiting and hoping she would jump up on it to help herself to the bag of cheese... that she would be in the window... or lounging on the couch. I can't even control my emotions when I look for her and I find myself calling out her name in agony just hoping she will show up with her little meow.

On August 15th I took her into the vet because the night before she had peed blood. Her being her usual self was unable to be handled, so we were sent home with "loopy" drugs so they could do a physical on her. I dropped her off and got a call a couple hours later asking if they could give her a stronger sedative and I just laughed and said I was surprised they were still alive! Later that day, we came home with antibiotics and a new food to get her diabetes under control. About a week on the meds, I had noticed she wasn't eating like she used to (this cat could consume her meal in less than 5 minutes) and she wasn't finishing it. Slowly she stopped eating... I took her to the vet again when she hadn't hardly eaten for about a day... VERY unusual for her. We switched her antibiotics. That was on a Saturday. Monday, I found myself back at the vets with her still not eating. They suggested we take her to the emergency vets or put her down... out of fear she had fatty liver disease and pancreatitis... we took her in and I could hear her crying in the back. They wanted to do a bunch of testing, but we couldn't afford it and she would have to wait until the morning. But the look in her eyes told me she wanted to fight, just like she always has. We took her home. I brought her back to her normal vet and we came up with a plan... more meds, syringe feeding, insulin injections. I kept logs of her glucose readings, when she pooped, peed, how much water she drank, her behavior, food intake, everything. She was getting better! Then on the 5th day of doing this, she hit a plateau... she wasn't jumping up into her bed... she just lay on the tile near our fireplace... wasn't spying out the window... she was becoming jaundice... I continued to care for her around the clock... then yesterday, I went to run some errands myself and I came home to find that she had vomited and she looked right through me like she was done. I brushed her and washed her paws and called the vet. I took her in her carrier where she just curled up. When we got there, she jumped down off the table, but was weak and may have hurt her paw. She laid in the corner and he vet tried to get her  with a blanket and she growled and hissed at them. When I approached her, she innocently meowed at me... I burst into tears. She passed in my arms. I'm having her privately cremated and getting her ashes back so she can come home with me.

I am so distraught without her. I have never felt this way before about the passing of another animal or a human being. I feel that I have lost a piece of me. I even cried when I gave the last bit of her leftover canned food to the dog today. She was such a special part of my life. I know deep down we both lived lives where we felt so misunderstood, but her and I we understood each other. And for that I am eternally grateful. 

Rest In Peace, Mowe Frances ("Hen", "Hennie", "Hennip")

May 18th, 2006 - September 6th, 2017

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MoweFrances---I know how hard this time can be.  What a beautiful kitty.  It is going to be hard for awhile.  There is never a good time for this kind of thing to happen.  It has been almost a year since we lost our orange tabby Lucky(affectionately  referred to as Moo)  My wife still tears up when we speak about him.  I struggled because he was 16 and we found him so he could have been 20 years old.  My brain beat me up.  We lost him due to kidney failure but he had had diabetes for years as well.  Logically i felt i had no right to be sad because he lived a full life with problems.  We did all we could and had an excellent vet facility that was wonderful with him.  Did not matter.  I could not sleep or eat.  We were so utterly depressed.  The heart wants what it wants and these animals provide unconditional love unlike many people we know.  They love us for just being us with no judgments whatsoever.   He used to sleep in the crook of my arm on the couch.  Just writing this is bringing tears to my eyes but i am so thankful that he was such a big part of our family for the time we were allowed to have him.  I would not trade that time for anything.  My wife and i will be praying for you.  It will get better.  Take all the time you need to grieve.  My sister lost her dog in a tragic accident and she got another one one month later.  She said it helped her.  Some on here agree.  My wife and I are still not ready.  So i guess it is different for everyone.  This site helped me because i really felt like such a big baby when this happened and many on here feel the same way about their pet as i did mine.  My heart breaks for you.  It will get better.  And when you feel horrible, try to remember all the wonderful times you had with her. 

Himit- Moo-011.JPG

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MoweFrances,

I love the picture of your cat laying like she is...such a vulnerable position for a cat, it shows she trusted you.  I am so sorry for your loss.  I know how hard it is, they are our family and its very hard to lose the.  You sound like a wonderful mom, you were lucky to have each other...I'm just sorry it ends too soon for any of us.  Diabetes in pets is very hard.

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Himit,

What a beautiful and thoughtful post!  You are right, it is different for everyone.  One does not replace another, but sometimes it helps fill some of the void.  I usually give myself time to mourn the one before getting another, but I think we know when it is the right time.  I can't imagine having no one to love, no one to come home to, and since my husband died 12 years ago, my dog and cat are everything to me.  My cat is 21 so I know I won't have her many more years, my dog is also older, it scares me.  Unfortunately it seems to be part of signing on to be their mom, which I wouldn't trade for anything, no matter the price of losing them.

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Himit -

thank you for your kind words. I'm just so glad that others feel the same way about their cats and their passing. Until I got her, I had always considered myself a dog person, but Mowe filled a gap in my heart that I never knew I had. When my husband and I got together, we brought our pets together as well and they were the same age... we still have Sasha a German Shepherd mix who is also 11, and we may only have a few years left with her. This morning I woke up to her searching for Mowe. They were never particularly close as both animals "needed their space" so we always let them be on their own terms when they would come to us. But she was going to all of Mowe's popular spots and sniffing.

I'm hoping time will heal, I still haven't brought myself to clean out her litter boxes. I can't wait to bring her home again.  I'm not sure when I will get another cat... I always thought I wouldn't after Mowe, just because of the special bond we shared. I'm sure within time, Mowe will send me the next cat that I can share another, but different, special bond with.

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KayC -

Yes - she loved to lay like that! It was merely a "you can look, but can't touch" pose! We had an unbelievable connection with each other and I cared and spoiled her so much. She was the queen of queens. I loved that about her. She was very sassy and feisty and everything was on her terms. She particularly only loved chin and head scratches and when she passed in my arms, she was getting her beloved chin scratches for the last time.

This has been so helpful for me to be able to write things out and express my feelings for her. I read what I wrote to my husband and he began to cry as well. I have a hard time speaking my thoughts, so writing is a much better way. He knew she meant a lot to me, but had no idea she was my world. 

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MoweFrances, what a personality. I am so sorry for your loss, you lost so much more than a cat - you really had a best friend and companion. You will need to give yourself time to grieve because not having them around is a gaping open wound. (I love your "connection" line, I felt I had the same. Our cat would come to bed with me and be there right when I woke up.) We lost him four weeks ago today in a sudden awful way. We are heartbroken. A small consolation, but at least you were there and she passed in your arms. I hope you are doing okay.   

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22 hours ago, MoweFrances said:

She was very sassy and feisty and everything was on her terms.

That's how my Kitty is.  Kitty can be quite demanding and grumpy, but she's fine as long as everything is going her way.  :)
I think I would have liked your cat, I like that spirit.  It IS good to express your feelings, it helps to restore some of the power we feel we lost when through no desire of our own, we lost someone we love very much.

Hoping each day brings more peace for you...

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15 hours ago, AJWCat said:

MoweFrances, what a personality. I am so sorry for your loss, you lost so much more than a cat - you really had a best friend and companion. You will need to give yourself time to grieve because not having them around is a gaping open wound. (I love your "connection" line, I felt I had the same. Our cat would come to bed with me and be there right when I woke up.) We lost him four weeks ago today in a sudden awful way. We are heartbroken. A small consolation, but at least you were there and she passed in your arms. I hope you are doing okay.   

AJWCat - I am so sorry for your loss. Yes, I am extremely grateful I was able to be present for her, so many others aren't fortunate to have that experience. I'm slowly making it. Today was the first day that I haven't cried. I've teared up a little, but not a full on cry. I started to make a shutter fly book of all of her pictures that will help me remember all the precious moments we had together. Again, I am so sorry for your sudden loss. 

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13 hours ago, KayC said:

That's how my Kitty is.  Kitty can be quite demanding and grumpy, but she's fine as long as everything is going her way.  :)
I think I would have liked your cat, I like that spirit.  It IS good to express your feelings, it helps to restore some of the power we feel we lost when through no desire of our own, we lost someone we love very much.

Hoping each day brings more peace for you...

I love it! It makes them seem like they are their own little person in a way. Sassy and feisty kitties are the best, in my opinion! 

It has made such a difference finding this forum and reading other forums about others and their losses. Although tragic, it is so healing at the same time. It has brought a small light into my life right now that I need. I don't have anyone particularly close to me that has experienced this type of loss from a beloved pet. 

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Today I had to say goodbye to my 19 year old cat - my buddy, Lucky. He was a super great friendly loving cat. He had a growth in his abdomen that ruptured and was leaking blood internally, so he was euthanized this morning. I posted here when his sister passed 4 years ago, and wanted to also recognize him here since I promised him I would ;) This forum really helped me, twice. Thanks for reading about my beloved kitty cat. This pic was taken just before we left for the vet.

lucky2.png

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@calee607 I am so sorry, your beautiful cat.  It's the hardest thing in the world to lose our furry companions, my heart really goes out to you. Keep coming here and posting, it helps to express your feelings and we're all animal lovers here, we get it.  (((hugs)))

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