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      Hi all,  I'm sure you've noticed some changes in the forums. We've again had to do some updates, so that's why things may look a little different. Nothing major should have changed.  Also, we are going to start adding advertisements sensitive to our community on the boards. This is something we are experimenting with, and we will certainly make sure they are in the best interests of everyone. We want to make sure our forums continue to stay accessible and cost free to all of our members, and this is a way to ensure this.  If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to privately message me or email me at Konnie@beyondindigo.com.  As always, we will be here with you, ModKonnie
rox411

Death of Cat- can't think straight

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jts   

Around 24 hours ago, as is my custom, I gave my two cats treats and changed their water before going to bed. Susie, my 12 yo Abyssinian Mix female, accepted the treats easily, and there appeared nothing wrong. She was, I thought, unusually healthy for her age. This morning, about 12 hours ago, I found her comatose. Two vets' prognosis was a likely stroke, which also created massive liver damage. She died about five hours later. Now I have not only my own grief to deal with, but that of her adopted brother, who periodically cries, realizing in his way, that his sister/playmate/gf isn't coming home alive.

 

Susie was a bit timid and skiterrish as a kitten; she belonged to my late mother. I moved in to look after mom when Susie was about a year and a half old. With time she came out of her shell. She loved people food, but only certain kinds (like sour cream and onion potato chips!). She would greet me when I sat down in my chair in my home office every weekday morning by jumping up on a box of files I keep nearby and patting me with her paw until I returned her attention. Once I did, she would lay down on the box quietly until I left the room. My other cat, a Maine Coon, outweighed her by maybe 10 pounds; neither was able to bully the other. She had big, soulful brown eyes, and a high-pitched squeak. The grief will dissipate in time, I'm sure, but right now it's pretty intense. A family member has been lost.

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It's been a week and an hour since Callie died. In some ways it feels like an eternity. In others it's gone by so fast. I still find myself looking for her, seeing something and thing that she'd like it. It still hasn't truly sunk in that I'll never see her again. Every day is hard but at least the last couple nights I've been able to sleep.

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Callicat,

It is odd how time changes when you have a loss, isn't it? I'm glad you are able to sleep again. :)

 

ModKonnie

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Hi everyone. My name is Susan. I wasn't planning on joining an online discussion, but I have been so depressed lately. I have had my cat 17 year old cat, Precious, since I was 5, I'm 21 now, and losing her completely destroyed me. June 16 was the day I realized that my baby girl was gone :( A few days before June 16, I realized that my cat kept staying downstairs, which was weird for her because she was always next to me. Looking back at it, she wasn't eating her soft food a lot. We thought she was getting tired of eating the same type of food (she was always very picky), even though we always switched the flavors for her. She was under a bed and she wouldn't come out for me. We were extremely close!! So when she didn't come out for me, I knew something was wrong. I had to take her out from under the bed. Then I felt how weak she was :( It was the worst feeling ever. I started crying so hard while holding her in my arms. We couldn't understand what was wrong. She has always been extremely healthy. She wasn't eating or drinking her water. She wasn't using her litter box either. So we decided to see how she felt in the morning. She wasn't better. We took her to he vet immediately and the vet thought she had a tumor in her stomach. The vet discovered that she was backed up and she couldn't make a bowel movement. The vet also said that she was VERY VERY sick and what ever the problem was would end up taking her life soon. They did all kinds of tests on her blood and they gave her fluids and shots. They told us that she is anemic, borderline hyperthyroidism, and borderline diabetic. They told us they would call us the next day with the results and we took Precious home. She actually felt a little better, but we had to give her pills to increase her appetite. The test results came back and they couldn't find anything so they said they were going to do further tests with her blood. A few days later, she continued to get better. I slept with her every single night just to make sure that she was okay. Then, that Sunday evening, me and my boyfriend went to get something to eat and we came home and not even 5 minutes after we got back, my beautiful princess had a bad seizure. She was so scared and confused. It was the worst thing I ever seen. I couldn't do anything about it. She looked like she was lost. That was not my hyper little baby I once knew. My parents, my boyfriend and I took her into the living room and we all talked and cried and decided that it was best to put her to sleep. We took her to the vet, and she didn't even put up a fight. She ALWAYS put up a fight. I told my best friend goodbye and I love her. It was so hard to see her go but I know it was the right thing to do. Now, it has been 3 and a half weeks and I don't feel any better. I am a only child and she was all I ever had since I was 5. I feel lost without her. I have her ashes and I have a locket with her ashes inside it too, which helps, but I want my baby back. I miss her sooooo much. I know all of you understand what I am going through. It has been 3 weeks and I just wish it would feel a little better already. :( Me and my baby were so close. We did everything together. She acted like a dog. She followed me everywhere and always wanted to me near me. When I came home, she would run and greet me. I just don't know what to do without her. Everything is so sad. 

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lilypuk   

MY cat, Duke, is 18 years old. I have had him since I was 32 and he has been family to me as well as a pet. He has seen out all my boyfriends and my late partner. He has been through all my house moves and the death of my other cat five years ago. We have been through so much together and now he has been diagnosed with cutaneous lymphoma.

 

He has hard lumps all over his poor, little body. it happened really suddenly.

 

For the past year he has been blind, deaf, arthritic and had a heart murmur but I just couldn't accept the fact that he might not keep going another few years. I love him so much. When I wake up in the morning he is there. when I come through the front door he is there. when I go to bed he is there. he is more like a dog in that he is so affectionate and loves to sit on my lap and be groomed and stroked and made a fuss of. He has the loveliest, fluffiest and sleekest coat I have ever seen in a cat. He really is special. A very strong character and everyone who meets him falls in love with him.

 

 I work from home so he sits in my study during the day and during the evening he watches TV with me. I am devastated. Now he can't even sit on my lap and he has weeks to live. The minute I think he's in pain I will arrange the vet to come over for euthanasia. but the most I can do is keep him comfortable and love him for as long as I've got him. the thought of life without him is overwhelming but I have to stay strong for him. By the way, he is still eating small meals - i'm giving him salmon fillets and prawns, etc -  and he seems to love the smell of my sandals.

 

what am I going to do without him? I adore him. He is my darling.

 

I have another cat who is a rescue cat. But she is excessively timid and reclusive. She is affectionate but only for about five minutes a day. I will have to stay strong for her as well but life without Duke will be bleak and empty. I hate to sound so negative but he has been the greatest and most constant source of joy and unconditional love I have ever known. god bless him.

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keryl101   

5 days ago my kitten, Sparkles, who was only ten months old, started puking and not eating or drinking a little while after licking the outside of a dish washing detergent bottle. I told my dad and he wasn't too concerned (he thought it was temporary, he thought it would just pass). The next day my Mum saw her spewing and she became very frightened. So, the next day (2 days after she started spewing) we took her to the vet, the lady there wasn't very concerned and she thought that she would be eating and drinking on her own by the next day and we could take her home (by now she hadn't spewed for a long time). The next day at around lunch Mum got a phone call letting her know that Sparkles would have to stay there again that night. The next morning Mum got another phone call letting her (and me) know that my beloved kitten had passed away.

This was my first pet... R.I.P Sparkles 16/9/14 - 14/7/15

My birthday is on the 29th of October and that is International Cat Day.

On the 4th of July (10 days before the death of Sparkles) is International Hug Your Cat Day... Long story short, I never got the chance to hug Sparkles...

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Stan065   

Sorry if this is really long but I just need to get this off my chest.

 

Today my family had to say had to say goodbye to our cat Merlin. We got him about nine years ago from a cat rescue at the age of around five. We took him in because he seemed so sad and lonely and we always tried to give him the best life we could, despite his health problems. Over the years he was always friendly and affectionate and I really believe that he loved us as much as we loved him. In the past few months, a worsening autoimmune deficiency led to the growth of a large and painful infection in his mouth, and though he rarely showed his pain, it became increasingly obvious that his quality of life had diminished greatly. I thought I had prepared myself for this day, but when I heard that he had to be put down I was devastated. Since I no longer live with my parents I couldn’t be with him right away, and I had to wait two agonizing days until I could see him and attend his euthanasia. He didn’t seem too thrilled at the prospect of being at the vet’s office, but he remained calm throughout the entire procedure as my sister and I cried. When the vet pushed the plunger down and I saw his head slowly sink, his eyes still half-open, I felt like someone was tearing me up.

 

Seeing his still little body and his empty eyes made me want to die. I’ve been through this procedure before with other family pets but nothing can dull the pain of seeing a pet you love so much just lying there lifeless. I cried and cried, unwilling to look at him but also unwilling to leave him. In the end I went out to the car and yelled as loud as I could, hoping that it would wear me out, and for a while afterwards I just felt empty, almost as though nothing had really happened. Now the pain is coming back and I’m sitting alone in my apartment thinking about that experience and trying to come to terms with the fact that the friend I loved so much isn’t out there anymore. I’m hoping that writing this will bring me some kind of release.

 

Goodbye Merlin, I don’t know if I’ll ever see you again but someday I’ll die too and in that sense we’ll be together again. In the meantime I’ll love you and honor your memory just like all of our other pets that have passed away. We did what we had to in order to ease your pain and be with you while you passed, even though it tore us up inside. It was the least that we could do to repay you for all the joy that you brought us.

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Hi Stan605, I am so sorry for your loss. I recently lost my beautiful princess, precious, five weeks ago. I had her for almost 17 years. I understand the feeling you had sooooo much. It was horrible having to see my baby just laying there after the euthanasia. That is when the realization hit me. It hurts and it has gotten a tiny bit better, but I believe that all pet owners take a very long time to get over the loss of their friend. I am an only child and I have had her all my life. It just really sucks. But like you said, you will see your cat again. We will all see our beloved pets again one day. If you haven't already read the poem called Rainbow Bridge, you should. It might help you a little. Again, I'm sorry for your loss.

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Jrocker   

My story differs from all of yours. My story lasts 3 weeks... I never wanted a cat. I'm a 26 yr old guy and my girlfriend wanted one... bad. I've never had a pet so I guess I never knew what I was missing also I'm pretty damn alergic to cats and dogs.Anyway I found a stray 7 month old kitten outside of work and we clicked. He even let me pick him up! A stray,letting someone pick him up?! He was so friendly that I thought he might be a good pet. Against my best judgment my Co-workers called up animal control and had him entered into a shelter.. I went home told my girlfriend about the cat and she was immediately interested. Well the shelter kept him for a week (as was standard) and we set up adoption papers.I couldn't believe I was going to take this leap but he seemed so kind and my girl was so excited. Anyway he gets a respritory infection while at the filthy shelter. They pushed back our adoption date... then since he was still sick they only let us foster him because we couldn't officially adopt until he got better..so we bring him home he is dreary and sick at first but after a day of nuturing he turns in the most entertaining, fun, friendly, kind, intelligent cat you ever met. I'm not kidding and I'm not a cat person also keep in mind he was a stray! Well we bond, he sleeps with us, he follows me, we talk to him.. we felt bonded over this cat. But a few days later the poor sweet little guy starts pooping red.. hes eating well but we take him back to the clinic. They say not to worry,barely look at him and order us to give him antibiotics (keep in mind he's still not our cat officially). Well the antibiotics make him worse. He vomits twice the next day and craps pure red.we take him to the clinic again. They wait til the vet comes in, diagnoses him with distemper.. say its bad and put him down... just like that! No consideration, no second opinion.. nothing because we were only foster parents.We loved him, we really loved him... these people just don't understand how much he meant to us. Oh and to top it off he got the distemper during his initial stint at the clinic! Damn cesspool!He was fine as a stray... didn't get a respritory problem until the clinic which is the first sign of distemper.Now I feel like something I never thought I wanted BUT realized I needed got striped from me. Totally disenfranchised now. Mad.Heartbroken.I love you BK.To add insult to injury we were told we cant get another cat for an entire year because the virus lingers.. Not that we would want to but talk about feeling totally defeated by this virus he got from this filthy ass clinic! So to end my rant We are heartbroken and cat-less for at least a year!

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kimmaske   

I can't go home i just lost my persian cat 4 yrs of age she is my baby the death was sudden d drs can't even explain why. The dr even had a hearth attack and was sent to the hospital.:( she bloatedbwhen they tried to put a tube in her to supply her oxygen since she can't breathe. I am nso sad i can't stop crying i can't even go home.

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Hi there everyone,

I am so sorry about everyone's loss. And it is comforting to find others who deeply loved their cats & are finding it very hard to cope with their death.

I would too like to share my story as I believe it would help me during this terrible time.

My poor kitten/ only 6 months has lost her life today. I truly feel like I have lost a child and a huge chunk of my soul & very being.

Bit of a backstory to how I came about meeting my baby girl, Dory.

I grew up in a "DOGS ONLY" household. My parents would go on and on throughout my childhood/teen hood how bad cats are and how they'd hate to have one. Knowing that I was truly a cat person, I would always imagine what it would be like to have one of my own & would often talk about how amazing they are etc.

Fast forward , I am now 18 and coming home from a late night shift to find a gorgeous grey/white short haired tabby kitten sitting on my bed. My parents got her as a surprise.

I end up falling in love with her, working my ass off to pay for all her medical bills, getting her fixed up and what not.... Researching as much as I can so that I can give her the best life !!

My family end up falling in love with her nature, and praise how great having a cat in the house is.

This is my baby girl, you know. She is so close to me... Often waiting outside my door for cuddles and jumping on me to wake me up. I actually felt a deep love.

My eldest sister decides she wants a pet too and gets herself a full-bred pitbull (without telling the family). There was a lot of aggression between the animals and we kept the dog out back while Dory remained a house cat, often watching the dogs play outside from the window.

After one my late night shifts, I dose off and often sleep til 12PM. My mother opens my door to let dory out and assures me that the dog is outside !! So, I dose off again happy to know dory will be getting a runaround.

I wake up to the sound of a dog and immediately run to get my kitty, only to find that the dog had mauled her and she was lying there catching a few breathes of air and bloody. I wrap her up and take her to the vet hoping for a fight.

My poor baby had suffered a broken leg, lung puncture and so much more!! I told the vet that the cost was no problem and she sent me home for an hour to get water etc and will call me once they assessed the situation.

I get the dreaded call that my baby had stopped breathing.. I collapsed to the ground and it felt like the world was closing around me.

My family are crying and hugging, saying they're so so sorry for keeping an illegal dog. (Australia)

I have had a rough day of tears but find some peace knowing my baby will be cremated and placed in a beautiful urn.

I can't stop crying, can't sleep or eat. I miss my baby girl & I don't know if I'll ever be able to love so deeply again.

Rest in peace my beautiful angel!!

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lmezzulo   

Hello Everyone, I lost my cat of 16 years last night and I am heartbroken. She was best friend and loyal companion. I miss her jumping up on my bed and laying right next to me so I could rub her. I feel a huge loss and part of my soul left with her. I am empty and reeling....   

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I lost my cat Cammie to a tick bite, 6 months ago. I won't ever stop missing her. I loved her with all my heart. I still think of her and cry when I'm driving home at night. I've had many cats and loved them all, but I had a special kind of bond with Cammie and I don't think I ever will again. I think one of the worst parts of all this, is that I didn't go to see her one more time, when I know I could have. I won't ever forget her looking up at me for the last time. I wish I had kept her here with me and helped her and loved her through her sickness.

I'm sorry for you all and I understand what you're going through.

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Yesterday 11.11.15, 8.45 pm my soul, my soulmate and best friend Giz left this plane.

He was the most amazing animal I have ever encountered and been blessed to have in my life.

Giz died @ 15 yrs old after suffering for many months with sebaceous cysts which never stopped him from being the most loving kind beautiful soul.

He has attempted to heal me throughout the years with my own emotional issues and upsets, and it was my turn to take over.

Our connection was usually 50/50 but during his last few days I tried my uttermost to help him as much as I could and give back all the healing and love he gave me over the years.

Giz was a tenacious cat who had his own mind he was demanding, liked his own way, cuddly, warm, loving, intuitive, fun, loved his food and loved me soooo much. He followed me everywhere, that is when he wasn't sleeping. I miss my buddy so much I haven't slept, I can't eat, I haven't stopped crying since he died yesterday.

I keep seeing and replaying in mind what took place after he had a seizure before he died. I felt it was quite an awful way for him to go. I feel helpless guilty sad and so angry for such an innocent being to be taking from this world in such a brutal way. We can never expect death to be a wonderful experience but wow! I hope I will never have to see man or animal go through that again.

 

My daughter misses you and loves you my mother misses you and loves you I miss you and love you and my 9 yr old granddaughter who nicknamed you Gim is trying to stay strong for all of us, She is happy that before you passed she made a video of you to keep your character alive.

Bless You Giz, Gizmo, Puppy. Gim, Bubbles, Prince, Baby, Bubba. Everyone who met you loved you even if they didn't like CATS.

I will have your ashes to keep with me for ever after your cremation. RIP

 

For anyone who is grieving after the loss of there Cat let us all collectively stand together knowing we are not alone.

Bless.

 

 

 

 

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Am707   

Yesterday I lost my cat of 15 years and I miss him so much. I cannot remember my life without him as I got him when I was 5. He wasn't just a cat he was a member of the family, I feel sick I can't think straight I just feel like crying. It doesn't feel real. It's comforting to know there are other people who feel this way and understand this pain. Soon we will be receiving his ashes and I am hoping this will give me some closure as we can build a resting place for him. X

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Carrie!   

Early Sunday morning at 2am my beautiful cat Rascal passed away. We believe she was around 18 years old, when we moved into our house 14 years ago they had a lovely black cat that I immediately fell in love with and jokingly (but serious) said to the owners if you want to leave her here on this 6 acre property I would love to have her. They were moving to an apartment. I was 12 at the time. They said no and took her with them. A few months later they brought her back and said she wasn't settling in with the apartment living, so that is how I got my beautiful girl! I am assuming she was 3 or 4 at that time as she was fully grown and just had a wiser feel to her than a younger cat. We live in Sydney and a few years ago I moved to Perth because my now fiancé is from there. I go back and forth a lot and spend as much time at home as I can. The best part about coming home was getting to spend some time with Rascal and having her sleep with me every night. Every time I came home she seemed to be getting older and older and 2 weeks ago I was over and I really felt like she would be leaving me soon. I didn't get to spend as much time with her this time as I normally would as I was here for a wedding and running around doing things most days and evenings. But I did say a proper goodbye to her as I always did the last few visits, just incase. Then less than 2 weeks after flying back to Perth, Mum had woken up during the night and she was meowing so she went and sat with her, put her on her lap and gave her a cuddle. A few minutes later Rascal went to step off Mum's lap and collapsed. She had died. Mum didn't ring me until the following morning and because I am in the middle of uni exams everyone told me not to fly home. My mum and my brother buried her that Sunday and I watched via FaceTime. Two days later I ended up driving to the airport and jumping on the next plane out. The grief and anxiety of not being there for her was eating at me. Its almost a week later and I still feel extremely upset and anxious. Even though she had an amazing long life and had no pain and suffering (as far as I know and I hope and wonder if she did in the last moments before she died) but I just can't seem to be at peace with it. The thought of her not being at home when I go back now scares me and I even thought I saw her walking up the hallway the other night. I keep thinking silly things like I should have cremated her or I hope I picked the right spot to bury her. The people around me have been very supportive but I feel like they are thinking I should be getting over it by now. They just truly become such a big part of your family and the love you have for them is so special. Just wish she could live forever!

 

 

Reading everyones posts on this forum has made me feel a little better, just to know that its not just me feeling this way helps. I am sorry for all your loses, especially those of you who lost their cats suddenly from an accident or sickness and I hope that anyone who is reading my post may find some peace in it also.

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I was only 9 years old when I got my dear sweet cat named Pumpkin. A family member had found him, abandoned and crying in a parking lot. She took him home and he didn't get along with any of her pets. Christmas Day I was at her house with my family, and we got to meet him. All night I found myself making my way to the basement where he was hanging out. I begged my parents to have him. I even promised the little cat that he would be mine. Now here I am, 23 years old, and he only has a few days left. I am completely heart broken, sick to my stomach, and not sure how to think. I don't even want to celebrate thanksgiving. He is in the final stages of kidney failure. He don't eat, sleeps all the time, and I just don't see life in his eyes anymore. I hate the thought of putting him to sleep, it saddens me beyond belief. I want this pain to go away.

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sbraga   

This is all so comforting, and comfort is something that I really, really need now.

Knowing that I am not the only one that feels like my heart ripped into pieces, and knowing that other people like me love their furry babies as much (or more) than a family member. It`s sad that a lot of people do not get how devastating it is to lose our babies, and it’s so relieving to know that you reading this feels exactly same way I do.

I am sorry for all losses I read on this thread… I hope we all find peace and start to remember our babies with smile and not with so many tears…

My baby was Squeaky, a gorgeous little girl! I adopted her a little over the years ago, back in Sao Paulo  (Brazil). I am an animal lover, and cats, oh they just melt me.

I could not go to a shelter and pick a couple of kitties (I wanted two because I wanted them to keep each other company) so I asked an acquaintance ( her sister had a little shelter). I did not go to the shelter because if I adopt two I feel like I was leaving dozens behind. I am that kind that cries with pets commercials and wish there was not a single animal without a home. That would be true happiness.

Anyway I got Squeaky and Kramer, they were rescued cats and about 4 months old.
Me and my husband were so excited, I still remembering going to the pet shop, getting them food, dishes, toys.

She always was shy, reserved and territorial. What a strong personality! But she was also sweet inside and soooo pretty.  White long hair, one eye was hazel the other was blue, and the cutest pink little nose.

Very chatty, vocal, always making little noises (that is why she was Squeaky) and those eyes…

Her voice was the very first thing I would hear in the morning, every single day ( mom where is my breakfast?). And at night she would sleep close to me, purring so loudly. Oh I miss her…

When we moved Canada I thought she would take time to adapt but in no time she was all over the house and found her favorite spot by the window. She was our princess, a crabby princess yes, but a royalty anyway.

About a month ago she started to get sick and lost weight. After several exams and visits to the vet we found out she had lymphoma… That killed me inside.

We tried for a couple of weeks to treat her but she was not responding and for the first time in my life I had to make the horrible decision… I had to let her go… I could not see her suffering L
Yesterday was her last day with us. I was not going to be with her on her final moments but when I saw my husband carrying her and crying I took a deep breath and went with them to the vet. Although this experience was extremely hard on me I do not regret being there and comforting her on her last moments.
She was so scared my poor baby…I kept telling her “ Mom is here…Your tummy will not hurt anymore… You will meet other little friends in heaven my little angel…”
 

It has been a little less than 24 hours… The pain is just excruciating… I feel sick, I feel empty, I feel sad.
I am still having my other little boys, my adorable human son, Kramer (her funny little brother) and our lovely dog Harley, but oh man… this is hard.
I have been crying almost non-stop. Had to come to the office and all I wish is to be at home crying more and more without have to pretend I am ok.

I lost pets before, and I know I will lose more and one thing is clear: it is never easy. On her last weeks we bonded even more as I was feeding her, cheering her, carrying her on my arms around the house making sure she was going to be prepared to what I knew was coming. I miss that little ball of fur on my arms…It hurts so much, words can’t describe.
Although I know time will probably make this pain bearable, I do not care.
Right now it hurts and I wanted this sadness to get out of me on this very moment.
I know was her time, I know I made the right decision, I know I was a good mom until the very end surrounding her with nothing but love.  
None of this “knowledge” makes a difference, still very painful… the usual condolence words have no effect on me.
Thank you all for sharing your stories. You helped me so much… reading this forum was the only thing that actually helped me a little.

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Max'sDad   

Hello all. 

 

I was reading through the posts here and have to say that the feelings I'm going through right now are exactly like yours.

 

My old buddy Max died today at 5:25PM in my arms. He was 18 years old and was suffering from kidney failure and a bad heart murmur. But regardless, he kept on going up until this morning when I got up. I found that he could barely stand on his feet and would simply fall over and lay on his side. 

 

I spent the day laying with him and trying to feed him and give him water and such but despite trying to eat a little and drink, he simply couldn't move much at all. It was then that I knew I had to make a decision.

 

I talked with my mom and sister since I live alone and after hearing their thoughts, I decided that I would not euthanize him and would simply stay with him at home where he was comfortable and used to. 

 

We laid together all day until finally at 5:25PM his last few deep breaths came out of him. I picked him up and help him in my arms telling him that I was here and that I loved him. Shortly after he took his last breath.

 

Shortly after I took him to an emergency clinic where they took him from me and I had him cremated. The whole way over there I rubbed his fur and found myself talking to him, reliving memories and expressing how much I loved him despite him being unable to hear me.

 

So, like everyone else here, I have spent the entire day feeling sick, depressed, saddened, and wishing Max was still here with me. But I know that his time had come being as old as he was and that life had taken its course.

 

Max is in Heaven now and not suffering in the least. Knowing this is helpful as is remembering fond memories and speaking with family members who also have pets.

 

Thank you all for this forum and I wish you all the best in your lives with your pets. I am sorry for all of your losses and I hope that the pain I feel now will dissipate and that I'll be left with nothing but fond memories of Max.

 

Rest in Peace Max buddy. 1997 - 2015.

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First of all, I want to say I'm sorry for your losses as I read your posts and I too am heart warmed to hear that my deep pain is a normal part of this process and encouraging to share both my joy in being blessed with my Sam and my heartbreak at having to let him go. I've always been allergic to cats but in 2010 I decided to give it a try. There are allergy medicines so what the heck? A friend from work had gotten Sam but as he needed to be the only cat, had to find him a new home. I decided to take him on a trial basis, and fell in love with this beautiful Seal point Siamese cat. Having no prior experience owning an animal, let alone a Siamese, I didn't know what to expect. But this confident and loving cat won me over. He loved to play fetch with his mice, and then carry them around the house to his favorite spots, often by his food dish. He loved to cuddle and would lay at the foot of the bed at night and wake me up WAY too early in the morning by laying next to me pawing my face. He was my buddy, my companion, it was just the two of us in my apartment, so he was a nice companion to come home to, got accostomed to his presence. In October he stopped eating for a while and when I took him in, he had an intestinal blockage and needed surgery. I debated but felt the benefit of extending his life another 9 years was worth the expense (he was 9). I nursed him back to health and this week, he started walking funny, so I took him in again thinking he had a sprain as he had been doing so well. He was in kidney failure and the toxins were causing neuro problems, making him walk off balance. After a few unsuccessful days of trying to get his kidneys working, I finally made the decision on Wed, Dec 30th to let him go which the vet felt was the right decision. I cried for several days prior to, but watching him suffer made the decision easier because he was in so much pain and I knew it would not get better. Everything in my apartment reminds me of him. It took me two days to sleep in my own bed as he was such a comfort sleeping with me. As he was my first pet, I didn't think it would hurt this badly, but in reading your posts, I realized I'm in good company. He felt like more than my pet, but like a good friend that no one can replace and my house feels empty.

I know it will take time and I'm grateful for a forum like this to share my story and my grief. I'm realizing imagining my life without him is too much to bear so I focus on accepting today without him, and that seems more doable, and each day it gets a little easier. I find myself talking to him at home too, letting him know I miss him and thanking him for the wonderful 5 years I was able to spend with him. How can something so small and furry wiggle his way into your heart?

I pray for comfort for you all in your time of grief and know you are not alone in this. Thanks for letting me share

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BillM   

My wonderful 15 year old male cat Nutt died a little before 3 am on Tuesday January 5, 2016.

 

He had suffered from hyperthyroid the past 2 years but still had a pretty good remaining life even though he couldn't gain weight.  In the last few months he began to decline and it was a challenge finding something that he would eat.  His last food or water ended up being 5:30 Monday morning.  As Monday progressed it was getting more obvious the end was near but it was hard to accept it.  It's a panicky helpless feeling.  

 

Something wonderful started happening late Monday morning.  Nutt started acting like he wanted to be close to me.  He was never a cuddly lap cat.  He walked up to me to get on my lap.  I took him to the den and sat on my recliner with him on my lap for over an hour.  He did the same thing later that night and we spent about an hour or two on the recliner.  After the lap time I took him to his room about 12 midnight and left him for about an hour.  When I came back to check on him a little before 1 am I found him laying in his litter box.  I had set up some steps from the bed to the litter box so he wouldn't have to jump.  He was on his side flat as a pancake with his eyes open.  He let out a sad meow.  I thought he went there to die.  There was no evidence he had used the bathroom in the box.    I took him out and put him on his bed.   He had been staying in the guest room with a full size bed.  After I put him on the bed he started messing around grabbing at things with his paws.  I was wondering, 'Is he playing?'  I began scratching his chest and he grabbed my hand with his front claws and started moving his back legs back and forth scratching my hand in a playful way.  I stood up and he rolled over on his back to his other side and I could tell he was having fun.  It was so touching because he was so weak at that point.  It was like he was filled with joy because I had returned.  I started to walk out of his room and he let out another sad meow.  I decided to take him to bed with me.  He spent the next two hours on my stomach and chest.  During that time he slid himself up to where his head was nestled under my chin.   He was perfectly content and peaceful during that time.  Around 3 am he started acting like he was about to throw up.  He had thrown up earlier.  It was more like a seizure.  This time was the same but he didn't throw up.  I slid him off my chest and he died after a few seconds.  The very last thing he did, which shook me up, was a little dog paddle with his front legs which were extended straight out.  It was only a couple of seconds but it looked like he was trying to run.  
 

I thank God for the precious final hours I had with Nutt and I thank him for sending Nutt into my life 15 years ago.  

 

Thank you guys for your stories.  They really helped me.  It makes you realize you're not alone and that you're not crazy for being so upset over the death of a pet.  Nutt was more than just a pet.
 

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Hi everyone, I came to this forum because my husband and I had to put our 17-year-old black Manx cat named Daisy Mae to sleep last Thursday night. I'm feeling lost and heartbroken since then, everything in our house reminds me of her and the pain just keeps coming in waves. I wanted to come where other people understood the pain of losing an animal that is very very special. Like Daisy and I had a special connection.

We got Daisy from a friend of mine 2 1/2 years ago when Daisy was about 15. Daisy had been taken from her mother too soon most likely, so when my friend received her she was very very tiny, and my friend carried her in her front pocket for months and months. So Daisy was kind of like a little human, she would talk to people, she was very vocal, she was very very cuddly and always wanted attention.

Daisy was very feisty and very mischievous. She had a lot of life to our household. We have two other cats, and Daisy was definitely the boss. She would always paw at my head with her tiny little paw at four in the morning because she was hungry. One of the first night that we had her in our home I woke up in the middle the night and she was actually laying on my head. But she was only 5 pounds, she was very small, so she was also very light. Daisy had no tail and her back legs were deformed so she hopped around like a bunny instead of walking like a normal cat. This made her super cute.

So basically Daisy had me wrapped around her finger. If Daisy said jump I would ask how high. I would wait on her hand and foot, I would carry her around, she always was laying on me or near me. If she needed attention, she knew that I would give it to her.

Daisy was also very feisty and would always start play fights with the other cats, if she was full, if she had just eaten she would be very excited and she would run around the house at top speed. Daisy did have some health conditions, she had kidney failure stage two, which we were monitoring. She also hyperthyroidism for which she was on medication. She was on gabapentin for joint pain and to prevent seizures, and she was also taking adequan for the last few weeks up to her death for her joints. Daisy had had several episodes in the last year that seem to be neurologically based. We knew that she had some underlying condition most likely that may result in death eventually. Something like cancer or a lesion or tumor somewhere. But the two or three other episodes that she had she always recovered within a couple days. This final episode that happened last Thursday was much more severe and was different than the others. My husband and I had already decided that because of Daisy's age we were only going to manage symptoms, because doing something like MRIs or diagnostics at Tufts would be prohibitively expensive especially for a 17-year-old cat.

I was just saying last Thursday to my coworker that I wish Daisy would live forever. When I arrived home that evening I found my husband with Daisy on the couch. He had just gotten home, and had found her twisted up on the floor meowing and crying. When I looked at her she was unable to write herself, and one of her pupils was very large and the other was small. This was really a bad sign. We put her on her special pillow and rushed her to the emergency vet. They took her and evaluated her and stabilized her, and then came and talk to us and give us our options, which were not very many. We could euthanize her, or we could have her see a neurologist who might be able to tell what was wrong with her brain.

Now my husband and I had already decided that we were not going to go down the road of neurologist because Daisy was 17. And I always thoughtthat when the time came I would be able to manage making a decision about euthanasia. I guess I thought that it would not be difficult, or something, I don't know what was wrong with me. Because as soon as I realized that it might be the choice we had to make, I started desperately grasping at any straw or option we had. Good thing my husband was there to help, because he said that he knew that it would be the right decision to put Daisy down, because when he picked her up in our home he said that her spirit was gone.

When the veterinarian brought Daisy in to the little room for us to spend some time with her before it was time for her to go, I noticed that Daisy as I knew her was no longer there. And that made it easier to continue. I'm so glad that my husband and I were both there with her. Her death was very peaceful. But even though I know that it was the right thing, that didn't make it any easier to walk in the house and have her not be here. There's just an energy in the house that's different. Her little feisty crazy personality is gone.

I've shed a lot of tears in the last three days, and I know it will get better, but right now, it's horrible to not have her here with us. There's all these empty spaces in the house where she was once. Fortunately one of our other sweet cats is consoling me. Whenever I'm crying or feel sad somehow he comes over to me and sits on my lap or lays next to me.

I just wanted to come to a place where I could share my story and I would know that other people understood how painful it is and how difficult it is to lose a beloved pet. I also want to thank everyone here for sharing their stories, so that I don't feel so alone. And I want to say that I'm so sorry for everyone here who's lost all their beautiful kitties. Thanks for listening to my story.

Daisy Mae's mom,

Kate

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M.Sarge   

Today I had to bid farewell to my amazing little boy. Zen was only about 7 months old. He was the first pet my fiancé and I got together in our first home. He started a pet phenomenon. He was so inspiring that we got another black cat and named her Zeneba, then a puppy named Zenon , then another puppy named Zenjiro, a kitten named Zenigold and a kitten named Zenith, THEN two more rescued kittens named Fat-Z and Baby-Z. And finally a dog named Max. Rescuing Zen inspired us to become ASPCA volunteers. Zen was talkative; always making sure to greet you every morning and keep you company whilst using the restroom. Lol. Zen also had the best purr. So loud and loving. I'm so broken up to see him go. He fell ill a little over a week ago and just kept getting worse. This morning, even though he could barely walk, he managed to pull himself up onto our bed and lay with us. But as the day went on, he digressed. He went into the bathroom and laid across the rugs. I knew that today would be the day I dreaded. My little boy was going to leave this world behind and ascend to a higher, more beautiful, more worthy of Zen realm. he didn't seem to want to leave the bathroom (his favorite place because he likes to drink from the toilet no matter how much water you give him) so I did my best to make him comfortable. I put him in one of my small dogs sweaters to keep him warm and bundled him up with my t shirt, his dad's t shirt, and the throw he used to sleep in as a kitten. All Zen could do was cry every few minutes as his body became weaker. I held him and talked to him and kissed him for hours. We sat there together on the bathroom floor and watched Netflix up until it was time for me to go pick up my fiancé from work. I didn't want to leave because I knew he would pass while I was gone. And he did. When we got back to the house, Zen was in his eternal slumber. It didn't hit me until just now that my beautiful boy is gone. And I'll never get to hear him talk to me again. Thank you all for showing me that I'm not in this alone. That a pet can be just as, if not more dear than a loved one. I love you so much Zen Onyx Bigham. ❤️we all miss you already.

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