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rox411

Death of Cat- can't think straight

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retrored   

Hi everyone,

On the Monday just past, I had to get my cat Henry put down. Henry adopted me when I bought my house a couple of years ago. He had left behind by his previous owners- malnourished, ill treated and alone. Being the animal lover that I am, I decided to take him in, he needed to be coaxed at first- but soon became the most loving, gentle and placid animal. He was a tom though, so he wandered unless kept inside- and seemed to get in a few scraps every now and then.

Henry had been sick when I first found him. In the beginning, I didn't realise how ill he was- it was only after a chest infection last year that I discovered he had Feline AIDS and was pretty much prone to sickness at every possibility. I read that I could keep him well though, despite having AIDS and he continued to be healthy for many, many months. He gained weight and was doing well.

Last Monday, I decided to take the next step and get him desexed. This seemed logical enough, he'd wander less and possibly go less 'crazy' around cat season. The operation went well- but after a few days of having him home he started dripping urine everywhere, all over the house- he was also agitated. I waited until the weekend to take him to the vet- at which they said he had a serious bladder infection and that he'd need an operation and a catheter inserted. I went ahead with this.

On the Sunday it was reported to me that he was doing well- he just had to urinate on his own. I believed that he'd be okay, knowing this, but it clearly wasn't the case.

Monday came and the vet said that Henry still hadn't urinated on his own. She gave me the option of inserting another catheter but she was neither here nor there about whether he'd recover. This left me floundering about what I could do. I hate that the vet was not specific about his health. I absolutely hate it, despite her being so caring toward me and my cat. She wasn't specific about what I should do- and I'd never been put in such an insane position. I had no idea what to think.

I went to see Henry that afternoon at the vet with my boyfriend- I don't know how I feel about this particular memory. I can only describe myself at the time as hysterical. Crying into Henry's fur as I stroked him and told him I loved him. He'd nuzzle at my hands and try and come to me. My boyfriend and I both couldn't stop crying. I've never ever felt a pain like it. I want to feel that this is a good memory, that I got to pat Henry, have him be that affectionate animal that I knew so well- yet, all I wanted, all I yearned for was to have him at home with me. Sitting on my lap, on my shoulder, wherever he used to lie- I had to stop myself from yanking him out of the cage and running away. I feel like I'm going to be sick every time I think about it.

My boyfriend, as did several of my family members believed that it would be best to put Henry down. In a way I agreed also, but couldn't (and still can't) help but think he could have had a chance. Even if it was small. My boyfriend helped me decide on the day- but I feel like I was rushed into my decision and that the vet was never clear enough about whether he'd make a recovery. She kept reminding me that that this cycle of things not working could continue- and that only some cats recovered if they kept pressing. Despite knowing he was in pain, I'm absolutely devastated by my choice. My 'What if''s are endless- "What if we'd tried another catheter? Kept him in one more night? What if I hadn't got him desexed...would the infection still have happened?"

I feel completely and utterly gutted. I hate being around my house now. I hate seeing areas where he should be. I hate not having him on my bed at night and not being able to feed or pat him. He was the most loving animal- he'd wait for me on my front fence to get home- follow me constantly, like a little shadow. He almost seemed to know when I was sad- he'd cuddle up to me as close as he could and press his head against mine. He only ever showed love- he just wanted to love everyone. He had a dog's personality- not a typical cats.

How can I go on if I still believed there was a chance he'd live? How will I get over my grief if all I feel is guilt? All I wanted was to have him at home and now all I have left is gut wrenching feelings. I'm hating my life at the moment.

I am numb, I've run out of tears. I'm running on little sleep and little food- I have never been in such a perfect hell.

Please, I need help, I need to talk to someone, anyone, about this.

Erin

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val   

dear erin, your story of your henry is very similar to that of my mocha. he found us, came into our home. i've never neutered him ; he doesn' t spray or do anything bad, just follows me around the house and is the most doglike cat i've ever seen. i previously owned a russian blue and they are prone to urinary crystalization. that vet wanted me to put kitsa down and i refused. i pumped a lot of money into kitsa, the russian blue - he needed catheterization twice, special diet. but he survived until last year when he too was finally put to sleep for other health and age related issues. so now i have just Mocha who i adore. What and who i adored just as much was my husband of ten years who died two months ago, this day. Jerry. I suppose this is cross posting but perhaps it will give you some perspective and hope about your situation. Trust me, as much as I adore my kitty, i loved jerry in a totally different way. I am crying as i write this because i understand your pain of loss, animals are just as attaching as humans. Do not let anyone tell you not to grieve, it is important that you do. I found hope here at this website to get through the last two months. I understand your lack of sleep and lack of eating. me too. it is all part of a normal grieving process which i've now read a lot about. in my opinion, don't let anyone try and do the 'now now , it'll be okay" stuff because for a while, it won't. i have endured two months of hell. As for your guilt, i can only suggest it but you should not guilt yourself. i did and it got me nowhere. i am still guilting myself that i could've done something to save jerry who i found unresponsive the morning , in bed, of july 5 2012. the best advice i've received is to cry my tears out wholeheartedly. they'll pop up at a moment's notice. and believe me, i've cried. this website, which i am glad you found, helps me tremendously. the chat room is excellent talk therapy. I wish you peace in your journey of grief and i hope i helped you a little bit today, as others have helped me along my path, love, val

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Sooze   

Hi everyone,

On the Monday just past, I had to get my cat Henry put down. Henry adopted me when I bought my house a couple of years ago. He had left behind by his previous owners- malnourished, ill treated and alone. Being the animal lover that I am, I decided to take him in, he needed to be coaxed at first- but soon became the most loving, gentle and placid animal. He was a tom though, so he wandered unless kept inside- and seemed to get in a few scraps every now and then.

Henry had been sick when I first found him. In the beginning, I didn't realise how ill he was- it was only after a chest infection last year that I discovered he had Feline AIDS and was pretty much prone to sickness at every possibility. I read that I could keep him well though, despite having AIDS and he continued to be healthy for many, many months. He gained weight and was doing well.

Last Monday, I decided to take the next step and get him desexed. This seemed logical enough, he'd wander less and possibly go less 'crazy' around cat season. The operation went well- but after a few days of having him home he started dripping urine everywhere, all over the house- he was also agitated. I waited until the weekend to take him to the vet- at which they said he had a serious bladder infection and that he'd need an operation and a catheter inserted. I went ahead with this.

On the Sunday it was reported to me that he was doing well- he just had to urinate on his own. I believed that he'd be okay, knowing this, but it clearly wasn't the case.

Monday came and the vet said that Henry still hadn't urinated on his own. She gave me the option of inserting another catheter but she was neither here nor there about whether he'd recover. This left me floundering about what I could do. I hate that the vet was not specific about his health. I absolutely hate it, despite her being so caring toward me and my cat. She wasn't specific about what I should do- and I'd never been put in such an insane position. I had no idea what to think.

I went to see Henry that afternoon at the vet with my boyfriend- I don't know how I feel about this particular memory. I can only describe myself at the time as hysterical. Crying into Henry's fur as I stroked him and told him I loved him. He'd nuzzle at my hands and try and come to me. My boyfriend and I both couldn't stop crying. I've never ever felt a pain like it. I want to feel that this is a good memory, that I got to pat Henry, have him be that affectionate animal that I knew so well- yet, all I wanted, all I yearned for was to have him at home with me. Sitting on my lap, on my shoulder, wherever he used to lie- I had to stop myself from yanking him out of the cage and running away. I feel like I'm going to be sick every time I think about it.

My boyfriend, as did several of my family members believed that it would be best to put Henry down. In a way I agreed also, but couldn't (and still can't) help but think he could have had a chance. Even if it was small. My boyfriend helped me decide on the day- but I feel like I was rushed into my decision and that the vet was never clear enough about whether he'd make a recovery. She kept reminding me that that this cycle of things not working could continue- and that only some cats recovered if they kept pressing. Despite knowing he was in pain, I'm absolutely devastated by my choice. My 'What if''s are endless- "What if we'd tried another catheter? Kept him in one more night? What if I hadn't got him desexed...would the infection still have happened?"

I feel completely and utterly gutted. I hate being around my house now. I hate seeing areas where he should be. I hate not having him on my bed at night and not being able to feed or pat him. He was the most loving animal- he'd wait for me on my front fence to get home- follow me constantly, like a little shadow. He almost seemed to know when I was sad- he'd cuddle up to me as close as he could and press his head against mine. He only ever showed love- he just wanted to love everyone. He had a dog's personality- not a typical cats.

How can I go on if I still believed there was a chance he'd live? How will I get over my grief if all I feel is guilt? All I wanted was to have him at home and now all I have left is gut wrenching feelings. I'm hating my life at the moment.

I am numb, I've run out of tears. I'm running on little sleep and little food- I have never been in such a perfect hell.

Please, I need help, I need to talk to someone, anyone, about this.

Erin

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Hello all, I new here. I've been on the other forum for loss of a partner. My wife passed on 8.27.2012. But my problem is her cat. He always slept with her thur her 5 years of illnesses. When I was at work he kept her company and would comfort her. Now my wife gone, and he's lost his partner too. He's not eating and getting really thin. He's AWAYS used the litter box. Now I smell pee in the basement. He can barely meow. I know he's getting weak. I don't know what to do.He's old and I know he'll be gone also. I'm still going thru the guilt of turning the ventilor off for my wife who had perment brain damage. How can I take her cat and have him put down so soon after my wife passed. I'll feel like it my fault my wife passed and then I go and kill her cat. I can't go thur this. I feel like she would look donw on me and be mad. Alone and confused...........

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Guest KackleDackle   
Guest KackleDackle

Erin

Its ok...You did the best you could at the time. When we get Pets we know we only have so much time with them and we love them so much they become our family. When it is time to put them to sleep we feel resentful, blame ourselves and feel guilt. We shouldn't as we are doing the best thing for the pet. We had a cat Ali we rescued at 4 weeks old. Someone tried to drown her. Well Ali was everything to our family. When she turned 5 she started acting wierd and biting my husbands knee. This went on for years until a lump appeared. My husband had cancer of the knee. When my husband came home from surgery Ali started to get really sick. She was fading away. Ray made a full recovery and the stronger he got the weaker Ali became. Finally Ali was diagnosed with Cancer and no treatment was available. We made her comfortable at home. A few months later she went into the bathroom and just laid down. We knew it was time. When we put her to sleep we wept for weeks and months. She was such a part of our lives. My husband died a few months ago but one thing is for sure Ali died in a much better, kinder way than my husband did. Have good thoughts about Henry and time will show you how kind and thoughtful you were for what you did. In any death Erin we all do the "what if I did this" or " maybe I should have tried that". Deep down we know we do the best we can at that particular time.

After Ali died I didn't get another cat for 2 years but I rescued another one Moe and he is 4. Named Moe after the Simpsons character because he is feral and wild but loved my husband. Since my husband died he has turned into a loving cat and I would be lost without him.

Cry erin as often and as loud as you need to and one day or night you will think I did my best and Henry had such a better life than so many other cats out there.

Take care

x

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JenBee   

Erin,

I know exactly how you feel. I just put my cat down this Saturday. The guilt is killing me. I feel so depressed that I didn't ask enough questions at the Vet. I didn't wait for my usual Vet to come in this week. I didn't prod the vet to do everything in his power to save my little cat.

The hardest part is thinking that I didn't do enough to help her. She was never sick before. She just suddenly became sick and the Dr. suggested putting her down, and I decided that it was the right thing to do as well. But, what if I would have told the Dr. to do everything in his power to save her? Would she still be here today?

That what if's are so hurtful. But, I have to keep reminding myself that she was sick. Cats are so good at hiding just how bad they feel. They will do everything to convince themselves and you that they are find, until the very end. But, they aren't living happy lives, they are just holding on. Sometimes I think that they hold on for our benefit, because they know how much we hurt when they leave us.

You did the right thing. We both did. A good parent knows that it isn't fair to let your cat continue to be in pain.

I am not a spiritual person, in fact I am an outspoken atheist. But, something inside me wants to believe that Ren and I will meet again. It is the only thing keeping me from feeling completely helpless.

I am currently reading a book called Ghost Cats by Dust Rainbolt to help me cope with the loss of my beautiful little girl. Although I have my doubts, it is helpful to hear stories of people who swear that were given one last chance at saying goodbye, by a visiting cat spirit. Maybe this will help you out too.

Don't beat yourself up over choosing to give your cat comfort, over a few more days, or weeks of pain. I'm right there with you if you need to keep talking.

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LynnA   

Friends,

I have endured 3 human deaths since July 2012 (best friend, father, and then brother). During the week our family had to take my brother off life support (late September)I was diagnosed with basal cell cancer (face) requiring some major surgery/repair. That too was a loss albeit healing is more of a psychological hurdle but it was a further test of my fortitude. (When it rains it does indeed pour.) I don’t mean to diminish these losses, but compared to the final test tossed my way.

On Oct 30th I found a large tumor (palate) on my 7 year old beloved feline, Peter Francis. Pete was an FIV+ rescue 5 years ago. My goal was to give him the best life possible—every day. Pete was my joy for getting up every day and coming home every night.

There is a long story to Pete’s oral tumor issues but I won’t belabor it here. I held his head in my hands for the last time on Nov 9th.

Bottom line, the pain of missing him HAD been compounded by guilt of euthanasia.

Sometimes I still run my 'justification' story thru my brain ad nauseam trying to alleviate my guilt. Did I do enough? What did I miss? What did my vet miss? Why? What could I have done differently? Did I make the right choice?

I’m not so sure we really expect answers to those questions because we appreciate the best choice is generally the right choice. When we chose even the most difficult, we do it out of our love and commitment to our companion’s faith and trust in us. After all, we did promise to keep them out of harms way.

Then I start the pleading with my big boy Pete, “trust me Pete, I did my best, please forgive me” and I ask him to "give me a sign I'm forgiven".

I believe they do in one way or another. Often we feel forgiveness in our hearts but we have so fallen into the quagmire of pain and guilt we discount what we feel. Sometimes our beloved come to us in our dreams in comforting images, or during waking hours we feel them near us. Still we discount what we experience. We say, it was only a dream, or I must have been feeling some vibrations or hearing something else or my eyes are playing tricks on me.

We ‘think’ too much when what we need is to feel. Love is energy, trust what you feel. Trust it and have faith in it. That is what brings you comfort. Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.

Our companions loved us in life, why wouldn’t they love us on the other side of our life?

I offer my arm around your shoulder as you weep for your loss. Weep we must, it is healthy and healing. I believe the tincture of time does help soften our pain. And we need to be alert and trust our intuition or what we feel. As much as we want our hearts to mend, to have the wounds bound, leaving the heart open makes our emotions more receptive to healing. Loving each other is what makes us human, loving our companions is what keeps us human.

I loved Pete beyond words and he is missed beyond measure, but I have faith he is only beyond the veil of my life. And I believe I will see him, along with my other companions, when I too step over to the other side.

Peace and comfort to all who come here.

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rox411   

Erin,

I had to put down 3 dogs, and have had cats as well. It is always painful to have to make that decision. He was loved while he was with you, and that is really what mattered. It sounds like his quality of life would probably not have been good. There are so many other cats that need your love and care, and I beleive that Henry would want you to take care of another. Not to replace him, but to enhance another cat's life. I wish you the best.-roxanne

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I am so grateful I found this website. I had my kitty girl euthanized 2 days ago because she was sick from feline leukemia. I'm in hell and could have written every word posted here. I'm too raw to share more right now, but I read these words & just knowing others feel this unspeakable guilt & pain has given me a glimmer of hope that I can heal. Thank you.

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So glad I found this fourm. I need to cry and scream ...to people who will understand My grief . I just had to put My 16 year old Female Tuxedo cat down a couple of Days ago. She suffered from Hyperthyroidism and the previous few Days had not been eating or drinking. She got Very weak and I knew I had to make the descion to let Her go. It killed Me inside and My feelings of guilt are tremendous . What if ...what if ....I can't think straight . I miss My baby so much . We had been threw so much Together . I feel as though it will never get better . Ive never cried so much in My Life . Everyone thinks I'm crazy for being this depressed over just a pet. To Me She was Family . I don't think I'll ever get over this. I'm going crazy.

Mommy misses You Abbey ! R.I.P fur Baby

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Hi. I've recently experienced my own loss of a pet. My little prince, my beloved Blinky. A beautiful male cat of eighteen months, whom I found five days ago, at my porch, obviously hit and run by a car. His back leg broken, had a scar on his face, restless from pain and shock, I took him to the vet's immediately.

The vet examined him, operated on him as to tell me that apart from his obvious wounds ha had his interior organs smashed and couldn't stand a chance of surviving. I saw the blood pouring out from the incision, I wanted to get him out of his agony and pain, I followed the vet's advice and put him to sleep. I couldn't stand to watch anymore for so far, I was so certain we would be able to help him recover.

I took him home and buried him at my yard, not able to stop crying!

Still, I can't help to feel I betrayed him. He came to his home, seeking for help and I gave him death? I know, this was probably the best solution for him to be relieved, still...what if I told the doctor to keep on trying, to make any effort possible to help him, would he be alive by now or I would have just postponed the inevitable?

 

He's been with us growing up like a child, he was my joy, my angel, my love. So alive, so thirsty for life he was, this was unfair, this would have never happened.

I'm in great pain because he died in pain, so unnexpectadly, so cruel, and I hell feel guilty because I decided to  cut the string of his life instead of being able to help him remain alive.

 

Now, I can see him everywhere inside and outside the house, I can't stop thinking of him and I won't forget him, my little angel, my little child, my sweet prince.

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:( 

 

Hi Sad Sunday (and to every one on the thread)

 

I have great tears at your loss.  I have lost many kitties myself and having to make that decision is terrible, terrible, even when it is "for the best".  I put that in quotations because I know the turmoil within wondering "really, was it?"  All I know is that these little furry innocent creatures deserve the spot in our hearts that they get.  They deserve a place of greatness in all things heaven and earth.

 

I really have no words of comfort but for: I know.

 

Great, huge group hug to anyone who has ever experienced this, myself included.

 

<3

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jim   

Talk to me if u want. I lost my cat 2 years ago after a 9 month illness. For the first 6 months it wasnt so bad but now it is getting worse. There isnt a day that goes by that i dont wake up crying and go to bed crying. But it seems that crying is the only way to feel his presence. When i dont cry there is nothing but a horrible darkness. I guess this is what they call complicated greif. He was the king of cats. Everyone who saw him loved him. We humans are nothing compared to the magnificant creatures in nature. Will i get over this ? I dont know. All i know is my life has changed forever.

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jim   

My sistet died. My father died. I never went thru the hell im going thru over my cat. Its the unconditional love they bring. It is the purest love i have ever felt. It is the innocence the simple appreciation of being alive. We used to sit together under our favorite tree and just listen to the world go by together. No human has done that with me. I have other cats but they are morons compared to him. He was the pure love of god in a feline form. If i in any way let him down maybe i will end up in hell. Like they say wisdom comes too late to be of any use. A good freind of mine told be to stop thinking about it. Good advice but i am not as good at that as others are. All i know is i will eendure this. I am a believer. I have been thru hard times and then found myself in unexpected happiness years later. Keep pushing ahead. Our lives are not over. We have no choice but to carry on. What will be will be.

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bluemuse   

My beautiful Son, the Prince of Kitties Blake died in my arms three weeks ago tonight.  He was my angel, the love of my life and we loved each other so much that I truly must say that I've never loved a human or other pet as much as I love my boy.  Blake was gorgeous.  He was a champion Maine Coon with sea foam green eyes.  His fur was as soft as down but more than his obvious beauty was the beauty of his soul.  He was my gentle giant.  My entire life revolved around my "Son" for 14 years.  He was 16 when he passed, (he was a show cat for a breeder before I got him away from all of that) and they tell me that is an old age for a Maine Coon but I cannot let him go.  My baby got a fibrosarcoma on his hard palate and I just don't know how they missed it!  He had his teeth cleaned one month prior to my discovering it and he had been to the Dr. for another small issue two weeks before!!  Why didn't "we" catch it in time??  He was everything to me.  I took him to U.C. Davis and they told me it was inoperable.  I researched 13 hours a day on the internet for a week before deciding and finding an alternative cancer therapy "Neoplasene"- which worked initially.  The tumor fell off.  He was improving and then stopped eating again.  They had him on a feeding tube for three months and I "fed" him five times a day for there months and never once left his side.  We did another round of Neoplasene on him and he just didn't make it... thank God he died in my arms. I just can't face the fact that he is not here with Mommy.  I spent all of my saving, $9,000 trying to keep my love alive.  I would do it all again for just one minute with my angel boy.  Blake, Mommy misses you so much.  I just don't feel like going on.  I just don't feel like I will ever be happy again.... I miss him so much.  I dream of him and tragedy at night.  I have insomnia.  I drink too much alcohol now to deal with all of this.  God, why was my baby, the one I love most in the world taken from his Mother??  Boy, Mommy loves you so....

post-395774-0-92363900-1404093541_thumb.

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Ruby   

We had to put Tigger down over a year ago.  My husband got Tigger 5 years before we got married.  That cat was his best friend.  I got to be a part of the family for 4 years and then Tigger was diagnosed with heart problems.  I totally understand the child feeling for a pet.  I have had pet feelings before for animals, but for the first time I had a four legged child.  
 
It was heartbreaking for my husband who had Tigger for almost 10 years.  Tigger slept beside him at night... for most nights anyway.  What made it bad for me... Tigger was put down on the fifth anniversary of my Dad's passing.  A date that was sad for me for five years... now became doubly sad.  We had a painful and tearful choice to make, but decided that it was better for Tigger to let him go.  My husband told me he couldn't watch Tigger go, so I chose to be with Tigger and the vet when the injection was given.  Tigger died in my arms. 

 

I find encouragement reading all the stories shared in this thread... Because Tigger was a cat, there wasn't much acknowledgement for his loss from a whole lot of people.  The Vet clinic was awesome in how they handled everything.  They understood that grief is real... even with animals.  

 

We did move on... We adopted a couple of tabbies last year.  They are a beautiful addition to our family.  We have pictures of Tigger all over the house.  He is still very much missed.  

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CGRMOM   

20 years ago my husband died suddenly leaving me with 3 children to raise.  My youngest was 8 so I thought a little kitten would help him through the grieving loss of his dad.  Simba became a part of our family when he was 6 weeks old and my hope of a great bonding between him and my son was perfect.  As years went on Simba and my son were never to far apart.  He slept under the covers with my son and every morning when my son left for school or work Simba would walk around the house crying Ray Ray..which is my sons name.  Saturday was my sons 28th birthday and we celebrated at the beach..on our way home my son said he bought a gift for samba but forgot to give it to him in the morning..they shared birthdays.  When my son went into his room that night after his birthday at the beach he found Simba lifeless on the floor.  He was breathing but could not stand and we rushed him to a animal hospital where they gave us 3 options, put him to sleep, keep him for a few days and run a bunch of test, or just give him some fluids and a antibiotic and see what happens?  We let them give him fluids and took him home because the Vet was not very compassionate and seemed annoyed at us for taking up his time so no way were we leaving him there and no way were we putting him to sleep on my sons birthday..so in tears we left and went home and the next day samba was no better..he ate and drank some cat milk but my son had to hold him to feed him. Around 3:00 that afternoon as Simba layed on a blanket not moving we made the decision to bring him into a different animal hospital that thank God was opened till 5:00. When we got there they scooped Simba out of my sons arms and brought us into a room to wait.  When the Vet came in she said that Simba could have multiple different problems but she believes he had a stroke and being 20 years old it would be very dramatic for him to put him through a series of test.  She said he lost his quality of life and that we needed to make a choice.  Of course we chose to put our Simba to rest.  Four sobbing adults held him and talked to him as they gave him the injections.  We have not stopped crying and I am worried about my son who at 28 years old is a total mess over this and wont even sleep in his room.  He was a member of our family, a brother to my son and another son to me.  I know time heals all wounds but this is so difficult.  I thought of going to get another kitten and just start over loving another pet but that won't work right now..that pet will never be our Simba : (

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I just had to put my kitten of 4 months,Silver, to sleep. He got hit in the head with a shoe. He seemed fine fot awhile. But when we woke up his whole body was stiff but his eyes were wide open. He was still breathing but he was having back to back seizures. We took him to the vet but they told us that unless we could invest thousands of dollars into treatment, there was nothing that they could do. His brain had swollen up too much. We finally took him to the SPCA for a second opinion and they said the same thing. My heart is so broken. I have only had him for 4 months but he was my little sidekick. I've never dealt with or seen anything happen like this before. I couldn't stop crying on the way to the vet and the SPCA. I'm glad that he's not suffering anymore but I never thought that I would lose him so soon. :'(

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Selia500   

I'm so thankful to find this site. Today I had to say goodbye to the best cat I have ever known. I'm sure those of you in this site know the pain I'm experiencing. I'm just devastated. My "pecky" had a great life, I just miss him.

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I just had to put Tazzy down. Best cat, and one of the best friends I have ever had. After 12 wonderful years, I will miss you dearly my friend, but I take peace in knowing you won't suffer anymore.

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jones   

It has been over a year for me . . . but at the time, in my grief, I wrote a poem at Lightning's graveside.

There wasn't time to take him in to put him down . . . he took his last breath in my arms.  I held him a long time.

 

I do not write regularly these days, but I am a pro musician and have written a lot of songs in the past . . . and a couple of days later, also solely to try and deal with my grief, with no intent to do so, the poem became a little song, a requiem for my lost friend . . . 

Not selling or promoting anything here . . . but if it can be of use to anyone, it can be found here . . . .

 

White Lightning (requiem for a little lion) - YouTube

 

As a pro musician, I have always written tunes with the intent of entertainment or some commitment to communicate something, to create something marketable, even when writing something that is personal to me . . . this one was different.  It is personal in a way that none of the rest are, and with no other agenda than me saying goodbye to my dear friend.

 

It seems we all know that the pain fades, but somehow that knowledge is so remote that it does not seem to help in the throes of grief . . . . like a storm, we just weather it as best we can.

 

I think it may have been Ray Charles who sang, "I might get better, but I'll never get well".

 

Strength and Light to everyone . . . .

 

Namaste

 

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An Odd-Eyed Turkish Angora, with one very yellow and one very blue eye.

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Yesterday, I lost my bestfriend,my brother, my everything. He died from Kidney failure or Urethral blockage, he had a painful death and all I could do is to cry while listening to his last breath. My heart is broken. I am in great pain and grief. But atleast he's not suffering now. You'll be missed,my buddy, I'll never forget you.

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I'm so sorry. I do understand.  How do you feel now after this time has passed? 

 

I lost my Isis 2 years ago. November 26, 2012 and still grieve for her. She was 19 and was with me through my darkest hours. Helped me through the grief of my husbands death, "who was the love of my life" 12 years ago. It was just the two of us Isis and I for so long until I remarried. My new husband fell in love with her and cried as much as I did when we lost her. Confiding in me that he had never loved a pet as much as he loved her. 

 It hurts and grief like this is not something one ever gets over. We just get through it with our fond memories. 

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ichiro   

I just lost my beloved cat Ichiro to lymphoma. I had to put him to sleep. I miss him so much. In the end, I feel guilty that I held on to him a little longer when he was suffering. I know he is in peace now. I will forever love him as he loved me unconditionally for last 10 years.

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I lost my Kitty this evening, my neighbor accidentally drove over her,  my heart is broken and I feel like its being ripped from my chest, this pain and loss I am feeling is indescribable I feel like this is just a horrible nightmare, my baby is gone

 

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