Loss of a Father

[56fowl]

So sorry for all the loss and pain, I feel alot of you have had a tougher time than we have,other times I feel no other person has the kind of difficult situation my 5 siblings and I have. Dad died Nov. 5-04. Everyone has dealt with it in their way. Mom is a rock even though she has had a very hard time. They were next door friends and were married 58 years.Dad was a tough Marine and I was so happy a week before he died we were on the back porch, he reached over and hugged me(which he never did) and told me he loved me (which he hadn't said since I was little). That was very special and sort of let me know that he knew he was dying. He insisted on taking walks up to the last day although I don't know how in the world he managed it with the cancer,pain, and all the medication. The last walk he and I went on was on a road that had been graded for new asphalt. As he was shuffling along he suddenly stopped and pointed down at the ground, I looked & didn't see anything. He sort of grunted and pointed again, I looked closer and there was a coin which was all dirty and dull. I picked it up and handed it to him and we continued our walk. Later he told me it was a dime. After he died I asked mom for that dime, she found it in his things and gave it to me. I put it with a photo he had given me when I was young. It was a photo of him in uniform when he was very young and strong.The funny thing is I never used to find dimes, maybe a penny here or there but not dimes. Since that day in November when he died I have found 7 dimes on the ground in variuos places. Just seems a little wierd. Thank you all for listening (reading) as I ramble on.I pray for all of you to be able to cope and get on with life. It's very hard but we are left here.... what else are we to do......

[keshia1]

It feels so good to be able to share my feelings with the people on this website, because I really don't believe that my family has any idea what I am going through. My husband still has his father and I am the only child and my mother was divorced from my dad and now she is remarried, so I do feel so alone and I'm just really glad that I know that there are people out there that really understand. I found this website and it has the most beautiful poem on it, if anyone has time read it, it will lift you in some way. http://www.fathershands.com/letter/

[onlygirl]

Today it hit me as I was driving down the highway. I was driving by the cemetery that all of my relatives are buried in. I always say a hello to all of them as I drive by and say a private prayer that they are all okay. Today it hit me that I was saying hello to my dad and I just started crying. I have only been to the cemetery once because it is the dead of winter, (no pun intended!) and it really hit me that he is gone. It is still so fresh, not yet two months but it hurts so badly to think about it. I guess today was a clue that I haven't been acknowledging the fact that he is gone. It seemed so real today.

[ntjustamemry]

I totally understand. I still for brief instances, catch myself going to call my dad. Those couple of seconds are so pleasant .But then reality sets in and so does the pain. tomorrows Valentines day and I miss my dad so. Every valentines day we would all buy one another little boxes of chocolate. my dad looked forward to any holiday that involved food. Thanksgiving for the turkey dinner, valentines day for the candy. This year for those holidays I will light a candle in his memory.

[keshia1]

Happy Valentines everyone! I don't know why I am feeling so depressed lately I thought for awhile I was doing pretty good but that feeling of saddness seems to be comming back again. Do any of you go through times you think you will be okay and a few months later your not. Well I will write to yall later.

[lauraa]

Keahis1,

Yes, I have times like you do....some are worse than others and I never know what's going to happen. Valentines day isn't that bad for me for some "odd" reason but everyone else is calling me in anticipation that it would be??? I think I put "all" my energy into getting thru the holidays that I never saw Valentines day coming?? My husband never forgot me on this day and always had flowers for me....I always felt he was my gift and I never wanted anything else so I think that's why i never made a big deal out of this holiday?????? I think the winter is wearing on us all and we all need some warmth and sunshine. It will be here soon...and that will help us all! Take care.

Laura

[keshia1]

lauraa,

I hope you won't mind me asking what happen to your mom ,dad and husband? Loosing just my father is hard enough but loosing three of the most precious people in your life I couldn't imagine. You have children don't you? You see I have two children and the youngest one was born a month after my father died. If it were not for my children I think I would have a harder time. They keep me very busy. I am sure yours do help you get by to. You seem to be a very strong person, but this will only make you stronger.

[jeeenah]

Guilt for moving on....is this normal???????? I lost my precious dad on December 30th, 2005 4 days after a massive stroke he suffered as supposed complications to stage IV lung cancer. He was only 67 years old. I am 42 and I miss him dearly and have gone through so many different emotions. I Lost my mom at 22 years old, but I didnt have these rollercoaster feelings that I have with his death; I just missed her horribly and grieved so badly. We lost her suddenly. I am starting to feel somewhat “normal” (as normal as normal can be now that he’s gone), and I am feeling horrible guilt. Although, I now am having horrific crying spells, I mean, they come without expectation, and the tears are like an ocean of water. My dad was my sunshine, the love of my life; I feel like, “Huh, I must not love him so much because I am starting to feel normal again.” Or, “how dare I live and laugh now that he’s gone?” I feel so disconnect from him. Does anyone feel these feelings of guilt for moving on? Believe me, I would give anything to have him back. I don’t know why I am so confused. I cared for him while he was ill, go to tell him I love him, we talked about life, his possible death, etc. He wasn't in too much pain, because the stroke took him before that happened. Some say it was a blessing. I think I started grieving on Jluy 27th when he was diagnosed, and I expect to be a emotional wreck for a long time, but maybe I started grieving then. I did lots of crying for those 5 months....I feel so guilty....how can I just move on? I want him to know I still love him...with every fiber of my being.........

[jeeenah]

Mallie,

I too lost my father, short time ago, December 30, 2004, he was only 67 and battled cancer, died 4 days after a stroke (complication from cancer supposedly). I feel and have felt all of the same things you are. People greive in different ways and for anyone to tell you how and when to stop grieving is ridiculous. I too, had a similar experience at my dad's bedside with my siblings, and we were surrounding him, he was unconscious, and my brother said, "dad, we are all here with you, just like you always liked it, it's ok to let go" and he took his last breaths, and smiled and died. We all screamed, "oh my God, he is smiling!" I hold onto that also; grief is a funny thing...I keep going up and down. I lost my mom when I was 22, and grieved differently then. I was having a really hard time too, and the past few days, i have felt better, but now I feel guilty for feeling better. it sucks. it really does, but it will get better. Like my aunt said, time heals whether you like it or not, but the love will never go away. i hope this helps knowing others share your grief. i am sorry for your loss. and same to all of you others here.

[jeeenah]

SOMETHING THAT MAY HELP, IT HELPED ME. WWW.NEAR-DEATH.COM

[RobinRenee]

Dear Jeeena,

You’re grieving the way Jeeena grieves. Everyone is different. It doesn’t mean that you love you father any less than the person who, 10 years later, still feels incapacitated by the pain and confusion of grief.

My father passed from this earthly existence three and a half years ago. I miss him terribly. On family occasions his absence still takes my breath away. But I’m not even sure that I can call the way I feel grief.

I’m sooo aware that he still lives. I still consult with him when I feel the need. I believe that I receive answers from him. I’ve even seen him upon occasion. Because I‘m still in the physical world and daddy’s in the spirit world, our relationship and interactions have changed. They’re different now. But our relationship is still rich and full.

I'm sooo happy for daddy. And in the “twinkling of an eye” I’ll join him in the afterlife. Learning to live in this world without daddy’s physical presence has caused me to grow in so many ways. Daddy was mother’s caregiver, now I’m mother’s caregiver. I would not have chosen this growth, but I can appreciate it’s value to my soul.

Daddy knew everything about cars, and plumbing, and gardening, and ...

He's always been my teacher and my guide, my one-man rooting section and my comforter. He still is. I feel it so strongly that I cannot call this grief.

With thanksgiving, robinrenee

http://www.spirit-sanctuary.org

[ktruelove2]

Hi Everyone,

I've been reading this board for a little while and sharing with all of you the pain of losing a dad. I lost my dad last June to an anuerysm. Most of us are in the same boat sailing in very sad waters. People who haven't lost a parent try to understand, but untill it happens to them, they never will. I never did either till my dad died.

The other night I left work, picked up some food, and was heading over a friend's house. Suddenly my dad came into my mind as I was driving, and by the time I reached the driveway of my friend's house, I was so upset I had to sit in my car for almost a half hour to just cry. It's as if you can be carrying on in your day, and then grief taps you on the shoulder and blind sides you with a hard hit.

I'll be at work and decide to look up websites about anuerysms and read as much material as I can take in. As much as it hurts to read about what took my father's life, I have to keep forcing myself to understand it for some reason. Putting action in grief I suppose.

When I realize I haven’t heard his voice in a while or when I witness something I know he would’ve been interested in. When I think about how this man knew me all my life, and with him he takes some of my history and memories. He was there from the beginning of my life, and I was there till the end of his. It’s a bittersweet exchange of time between a child and parent.

The dedication of a father is a devotion a significant other may try to emulate, but can never re-create. I may spend time trying to earn a place in the heart of the man I wish to love, but I was my father’s heart from the moment I came into his life. We had our wars, but his hand was always there to hold when the ground was shaking beneath me. The one who can tell you what you don’t want to hear, is the one that loves you enough to keep you away from where you don’t want to be.

There is one thing that helps when I really miss him. I like to share memories about my dad with others. Especially to people who never knew him. It can be about anything he said or did. It can be crushing to constantly focus on the end of his life when there was so much more to him then how he died.

So I was thinking maybe it might be good for some of us to tell some of those stories. Whenever you think of something that makes you smile or sad, or maybe something that helps you to understand him better. Something that just feels good to tell when its hurts to miss him and it doesn't have to do with death. Its an idea anyway.

Take care everyone.

Kim

KTruelove2@aol.com

My Story:

My name is Kimberly and I'm here to post about the death of my father, Kenneth. My dad had barely entered the winter of his life when he was taken suddenly on June 5th (same day Ronald Reagan died) to the cause of a anuersym that burst near his heart. My father was 62 years old.

I realize there is no measure of time I could've had with him that would've been enough. I'm 25 years old and I wasn't ready to lose my dad. Since his death, I'm starting to realize the impact he had on me. I'm starting to understand things he said now, and even finally starting to listen to him.

The shock of his death was immense. Especially when he seemed without the limitations of age and sickness. He came through it all, even cancer. So, you think you have forever with someone and then suddenly, it's forever without.

Me and my dad had a complicated relationship in the last few years of his life. We were very much alike in some ways, but also had our fair share of arguments and disagreements. Sometimes I didn't give my dad a chance to get his points across and sometimes he didn't take mine seriously. I struggled to be an adult in his eyes, forgetting I would always be his child. He wasn't there to be my friend or tell me what I wanted to hear and to protect me, he would have to be the "bad guy" from time to time. My dad was rich in intelligence, but I rarely let him know that deep down I knew he was right about alot of things.

I miss him so much . This has to be the worst heartache in the world, and somehow it seems to get worse with time before it gets better. Its the small reminders of him that seem to hit the hardest. The sound of his keys jingling at his side when he walked. The morning news and the smell of coffee when he would get up early in the morning. Hearing him working outside on Saturday mornings. He did not for himself, but for us. He encouraged the best but so deserving was he of the very best. To mention him makes me feel closer, and so I find him in my every day. I repeat his wisdom from time to time to others, and every so often see his face in a crowd but I know it’s only a glimpse for now.

I know I am supposed to find comfort in the time I did get to spend with him but it’s hard because that time has come to an end. I have to be grateful for a gift I no longer have.

Life will never be the same without him, and surely, I will never be the same without him. I know I will never have anyone like him in my life again. I love my dad so very much and will miss him always.

Kim

[jeeenah]

MY DAD'S EULOGY FOLLOWS, IT TELLS A STORY.

Kim,

I think your idea is wonderful. I enjoyed learning about your dad and your relationship with him...I could repeat exactly what you typed, and that is the same I felt for my dad....down to not letting him know I knew he was right, etc. My dad died on December 30, 2004, from a stroke related to the cancer he suffered. Fortunately, he didn't suffer bad with the cancer becuase the stroke took him first, but he was in a coma for 4 days before he died. He was 67. He was conscious for the first 1.5 days, but couldn't talk or move his right side. He couldnt say what he wanted, but we talked alot prior, and we told him we loved him and would heed his wishes to not prolong his suffering. Here is the eulogy, which tells who he was. I also lost my mother when she was 47, her name was Barbara.

Thanks fo much for your idea, it is a wonderful one.

"When we think of our father, we think of pure love. Our father taught us that the most important things in life weren't money, material things or status, but love and family. Without fail, whether at family dinners at his house or dinner at a restaurant, Dad would sit around the table and say: I'd like to say something! I just want to say that I am the luckiest man in the world to have my kids and grandkids with me. I'm the luckiest man in the world. If I were to leave this world, I would have had the most wonderful life because I have my family around me. He never missed a Christmas Eve with the Family until this year due to his illness. There was nothing more important to Dad than family. And so it is with us. He gave us the gift undying love for each other & for family. When we think of dad, we think of his beautiful music. His biological son Craig coined the phrase "he was the greatest unknown piano player that ever lived." Our dad's music was an expression of his inner self & a mirror into his soul. His music largely exposed his sorrow for the grief he experienced for loss of his one and only love, Barbara Jean; it portrayed his joy and love for his family and grandkids; it illustrated his fierce love for music. His dear friend Nick Canzano once said, "Vince was an artist in the true sense of the word. He didn't compromise his music for anyone." This meant that dad played what was in his heart, his soul and wouldn't compromise it to become famous or make money. He would play for hours on end !!..sometimes painfully! My grandmother would walk out and slam the door because he played scales 8 hours a day! But he wasn't going to compromise that for anyone, including her! The love he had for music burned from within. His music will live with us forever. And with it are attached his emotions, his dreams, and his soul, a gift that he left us greater than anything he could have & he will live on through his music and we can forever share him with everyone. We are thankful for that. Dad gave us many laughs -- there were his stories....oh the silly stories!!! Dad would always tell stories about being with Wyatt Erp and Doc Holiday. He loved the wild wild west. He religiously watched Gunsmoke every night! He always had a dry sense of humor too! He would always say, "I'm George Washington. Have you seen my wife Martha?" We would laugh, mostly because dad would repeat the same jokes over and over again, and he got a fresh kick out of each joke every time. What we wouldn't give to hear yet another one of those silly jokes. When we think of dad, we think of his stubbornness, so much so that it makes us laugh. Dad was stubborn during life, too stubborn to let go at death until he was ready, and we suspect he was stubborn when he met God. We're sure he had more than a few things to say to God. And dad wouldn't hold back for any reason! Dad sometimes didn't think of things the way other people did; in fact, Grandma used to say, "I don't know where he came from! I think he came from MARS!" We would all just chuckle and he would look at us innocently. One example that comes to mind is the day after his heart attack, the doctor said he could eat something. We said, dad, we'll go get you something from the cafeteria. His eyes lit up and he said, can you get me two jelly donuts and a coffee? Dad had a stubbornness and a way about him that most people could never get away with and still be loved at the same time. He was like a movie star. He had so much charisma that wherever he went, people were drawn to him and wanted to be around him. But somehow, his gentle loving side also came through. Man, was he was loved. Dad also had a true compassion for people, especially those who were suffering. He religiously gave to St. Jude Children's Research Hospital. He cared for his daughter when she got ill. During my dad's battle with cancer, we spent many hours with him talking, consoling, caring for and loving him. During those conversations, he would tell us many times, "I can't believe all of these people care about me. All these cards, phone calls and visits from people! Why do they care about me so much?" And he would have tears in his eyes. We would say, "Dad, they love you because you are special, you have a sweet soul. And you have to find in yourself what we all see in you, and love yourself." And he would say, "maybe I am a good person then?" And we would say "yes dad, you are a very good person with a sweet soul and you are very loved." He often said "I have to believe there's something else after this life. Because if there isn't, what is this life? What is it?" And when I see Barbara, I'm going to kill her first, and then he'd smile with sweetness and softly say, "But boy am I going to kiss her and hug her like you wouldn't believe." He waited unconsciously until only his children were in the room with him when he smiled with his last breath while we held his hand when he journeyed from this life to the next. At that moment, he was met by loved ones, his questions were answered, his suffering ended, his sorrow was turned into pure joy, and he saw the FACE OF GOD. Our hearts are breaking because of the extreme sorrow we feel. We will miss our dad so very much that there aren't words to describe the grief we are now going to endure. There is so much to say, but so little time and this eulogy won't do him justice. Good-bye for now dad. Until we meet again. Watch over us, pray for us, and keep our love with you forever. We will hold you in our hearts and memories forever.

[ktruelove2]

Jeena:Your dad sounded like a very talented and loving person. It's so good to hear about the things he enjoyed in his life.

My dad used to always say something that I thought was so comforting. My dad lost his mother over 20 years ago and I never thought about how much he might've missed her. But sometimes he would see women who reminded him so much of my grandmother. Maybe they wore their hair a certain way, or walked a certain way, or even had on a certain shade of green that reminded him of this green cardigan that she always wore. He used to say when that happened, he felt it was God's way of letting him see her again. And he felt that it was God's way of getting a glimspe of the people we miss again.

Now, the same thing happens to me. I might watch a man walking across a parking lot because he had that salt and pepper hair like my dad, and he had it combed the way my dad used to comb his. For a second I imagined it was him, and I can feel how nice it would be if it was.

Kim

[lauraa]

Boy, Reading all your post hits home with me. I think there is something about being "daddy's little girl"...My mother was actually jealous of me because I was the only girl out of ten kids. I don't think she understood it...she wasn't close to her father. My dad and I thought alike and even now that he is gone I catch myself saying that I'm so much like my dad that it's not funny. Even my kids say that. I miss him more than words can say. I always thought though that when I lost my dad that my husband would be around to comfort me but now my husband is gone, too and I'm without my two best friends. I never thought my husband would be gone at 48. We were together since we were both 14. When people hear that they can't imagine it. But, it is true we fell in love then and always loved each other until he "passed". I will always say "passed" because that's what I feel they did...they "passed on" to another life...and we will meet again. I have to believe that otherwise what was all this about? It's crazy when you think that there is nothing after this earthy life. I miss them both so much that it hurts and I don't know if I will ever find that zest for life again like I once had...I do fake it for my kids the best I can thru this grieving process and all in all I guess I'm making it thru what was my worst fear in life. Thank goodness I have my 3 kids......thank you all for sharing your stories of your wonderful fathers. I really do think of you all daily...god bless and take extra special care of yourselves at this delicate time.........Laura

[ntjustamemry]

hello everyone, I have been reading the most recent posts and there is so much I can relate to. In fact every post on this site, is in some way, easy for me to understand. The passing of our Dad\'s, is the end of a legacy for us .The man of the house, the foundation of our families, the one who always made the little girls within us feel special, when no one else could. But today I dare us to take a couple of days and celebrate their lives instead of mourning their passing. Allow me tell you all a little story that may be able to help us out a bit. In a little village, some where in Europe, there lives a flock of thorn birds. These birds reside in the trees of the villages vinyards.Every year the villagers witness something so horrific and yet so beautiful. You see the thorn birds are silent as they are pirched with in trees of the vinyards. Then one day, suddenly the flock empails themselves with in the thorns. And it is then through all of the pain, that the thorn birds sing their most beautiful songs. At this point in our lives we are all thorn birds. The passing of our fathers has brought us all so much pain. But I dare all of us to take the next couple of days to sing our most beautiful songs. Songs about our lives, our strenghts, our families, and the legacies of our fathers. please write and share the story of your beautiful song. May God bless you all.

[RobinRenee]

Ntjustamemry,

That's a great idea. I think all our daddys want us to think on happy memories. I just bought the Reader's Digest New Illustrated Guide to Gardening . I'm planning to donate it to our public library in memory of daddy in honor of spring's being just around the corner. They put a pretty "In Memoriam" plate inside the cover for donations like that.

Thanks for the reminder that daddy left a LOT of love that can never ever die.

robinrenee

http://www.spirit-sanctuary.org

[boogiewoggie81903]

I lost my father when I was 13 years old. I never got to say goodbye to him. I saw him off to work and I thought he was coming back like he always does. But he didn't. My mom was already at the hospital and by the time she sent for me he was already dead. He died from a massive stroke. Everytime I see a wedding and the daughter being walked down the asle i break down. Everytime I see a little kid not talking to their dad or being upset with them my heart fills up with hate. Beacuse of my mom's one income we were forced out of the only home i have ever known and forced to live with my sick grandmother which i hate. I sometimes get mad at my dad for leaving us but i know it's not his fault. who ever reads this can not help me through this but it feels better getting my fellings out on "paper".

[jeeenah]

To everyone here....we all are sharing the same grief, the same feeling. I read all of these posts and see myself in all of them. Marina's post especially hits home, down to her daddy crying (which mine did) which has to be the most painful....and the fear of never seeing her dad again, I too, felt the same way....down to fearing losing others, like I too have feared since the loss of my mother/grandfather in 1985, loss of my grandmother in 1976, dad's stroke, heart attack, my sister's suicide attempts....my father-in-laws death in 2003.... Kim, I feel the same way you do....I am in grief counseling. It helps to talk to others that are in the same boat as you, it is relieving. I went to my first group last month, and the next meeting is tonight. It really helped the first time, and I recommend it to all. And Laura is right, there is something about a daddy and his little girl. I have been through a lot in the past 2 years, but I have made it through. I too, felt like Mallie, the stage of greif where I was sure my dad was GONE forever and I would never see him again. It felt sick. But now I am over that and have really dived into my faith, and know that he is somewhere in a differnet dimension. I don't say "he died," I, too, say he passed. We will all get through, and someday know the mystery of life and death. God Bless everyone here, and I share your grief.

[lauraa]

Hello Everyone,

This grieving is so rough to go thru! I am at the stage where I am in a sound sleep and will wake up in a panic...I think....He is really gone and not coming back! Can I really do this? Can I get my kids raised and thru college? Will I be able to handle all this stress and not get sick myself? Can I keep up with the bills? I have been in a deep grief and it comes when I don't expect it. I work thru it and cry, I have to...I miss my soulmate. I know he is with me with every breathe I take and with my every hear beat! I feel him and I know he hurts for the pain that I am going thru right now. But, I do also believe he is waiting for me and he has paved a place for me that will make it easier to go when it is my time. Right now, there is much work for me to do. I had a brief reading yesterday by a medium and my husband came thru and he said that he was so proud that I even am able to even get out of bed in the morning after everything we went thru. I hold him so close to my heart and totally believe he lives on...he did not die...just "passed on". Til we meet again...................................................................Laura

[jeeenah]

LAURA,

I feel so bad for you, I said a prayer especially for strength for you and a very strong faith. How painful it must be for you; I can not imagine losing my husband, and you should be proud of how you are handling your loss. Through your grief shines strength, and I suspect your husband is helping you along. My father lost his love.....my mother, who now are both gone....but watching him grief stricken with her loss must have been the most painful I have ever seen. They were high school sweethearts, and she died at 47...he was 48. They had a son together that we met in 1986 after her death, we didn't know he existed (well him and mom did!)...but my dad survived and he was miserable for a very long time. We all believe that he slowly died inside too. There we happy times, don't get me wrong, but it took him dying inside to live again. You seem to have an inner strength that is carrying you through; I can sense it in your writing. I hope each day gets easier for you instead of harder, and that you will feel the presence of your loved ones surrounding you. More and more I believe they are near...I didnt'at first, because i was in that stage of greif...abandoned, an orphan. But I know how blessed I am, when i read your story. I am so sorry for your losses, and I hope God will strengthen you every day.

May God Bless you.

Jeeenah

[lauraa]

JEEENAH,

Thank you for writing to me with your kind words and support. I am trying to be strong but it "ain't" easy. I have to say the one thing that has given me strength to handle my loss is getting info on the "afterlife". If I didn't know that my loved ones didn't go on I don't think I could. It is a challenge with three teenagers, one getting ready to go off to college in the fall. My daughter cried for the first time last week...finally after 9 months of holding it all in. I don't know how they do it. My oldest lets his stuff out in anger and my 15 y.o. is just Mr. Happy go lucky??? I'm watching them all very closely and it is all unfolding as time goes on. I cry everyday and I am so sad without my love but I know he would not want me to be sad and if the table was turned I know he would be feeling the same way. I just still can't believe he is not here anymore. It amazes me how long the shock of it all last...it also amazes me at how short everyone elses memories are...or maybe people just seriously don't know what to say...I hate it when people just act like nothing happened here and nobody comes over or calls because they think everyone else is???? That's interesting to me! Oh well, I really don't want to be with people anyway...I would just prefer to be alone and then just do what I want when I want to! Selfish I know, but that is the way it is.I am trying to not be so damn mad at god for taking my husband and for taking my husband and both parents within 6 months time as I can see what a toll it is taking on my entire family. All my brothers are suffering from some sort of physical problem and I know it is all from stress and sorrow. I am the one they all looked up to and now I am struggling and I don't think they know what to do. Usually I would be able to coach them up thru loosing our parents but I lost my husband and have been floored myself not to mention I live 800 miles away from them....I keep trying to think of any positive to help me cope and get thru all this. I try to stay in the here and now and I am trying to meditate to help me relax. I also have found a beautiful little church that I feel drawn to and I get strength when I go there. I haven't been able to go back to my parish as I know I wouldn't be able to get thru the mass without falling apart because I use to cry in church even before all this happened. So, now I cry privately and remember trying to get to a place where I can start feeling like I can love life again?????? I will kindly take your prayers and thank you and everyone else here that support me and know that you and everyone else are truely in my heart and prayers........................................Laura

[jeeenah]

Lauraa,

Mari and I were talking about people acting as if nothing is wrong. I mean, geez, EXCUSE ME, but we are grieving! Get a clue people! Be sensitive to the fact that we lost our love one(s). I know how hard that is and I am glad to have found this site. I went to my second grief group last night, and let me tell you, it is a Godsend. I recommend it to anyone who is thinking of it. We had a girl like you first time last night, lost her husband and mother within 6 months of each other. She was sooooo grief-stricken, we could SEE the pain. She needed so badly to vent and she talked and talked and talked. I also have two sites (you may think they are weird, but like you said, if you didn't look up info on the afterlife, you would go crazy and i feel the same.....i spent COUNTLESS hours on the internet...searching). They are:

www.near-death.com (stories of afterlife)

www.spirit-sanctuary.org (this one I wouldn' dare practice, but it is comforting what she says......)

Also, I ordered from "GUIDEPOSTS" magazine: A book series called "COMFORT FROM BEYOND" The first book is about partners losing each other and stories of them hearing from their partner from beyond. I haven't read it yet, but I would be glad to let you borrow it if you wanted, I could mail it to you. Or you could go to the guidepost website and see if it is there. Email me if you want to borrow it.

I hope these sites/books give you some comfort, and I highly recommend the grief group.

God Bless.

[polishbaby]

JEEENAH,

I JUST READ YOUR POST TO LAURAA AND YOU MENTIONED YOU ORDERED A BOOK SERIES FROM GUIDEPOSTS. WOULD YOU BE SO KIND AND ANSWER BACK AND GIVE ME THE EMAIL ADDRESS FOR THEM. THANK YOU, DIANA

[lauraa]

DEAR JEENAH,

THANKS FOR THINKING OF ME...I'LL WAIT FOR YOU TO POST THE WEB-SITE FOR GUIDEPOST AND I WILL TRY AND ORDER THE BOOKS. I ALREADY HAD THOSE WEB-SITES. THERE IS ANOTHER ONE www.after-death.com, THAT IS INTERESTING AS WELL AND ALOT OF STUFF THERE.....LAURA

[RobinRenee]

"this one I wouldn' dare practice, but it is comforting what she says......)"

Dear Jeenah,

Thank you for saying that. Sometimes I talk to folks for a while and then never hear anymore from them. It makes me wonder if I've totally bombed as far as helping them understand that their loved one still lives and loves them and is aware of their sorrow. So it makes me feel good to know that my words are comforting even without self-induced contact.

I pray that God will bless and comfort you until your cup overflows. In fact, I pray that for all of us.

robinrenee

http://www.spirit-sanctuary.org

[kitty11]

Hello All,

My Daddy died many years ago, back in 1981. He died from a heart attack, although he had lung cancer and would have died from that soon. I was in college and only 21. Although this was many years ago I still miss him every day. He was really the only parent I had. My Mother is still alive but she is, and always has been, emotionally and mentally ill, mean and abusive. My Daddy was such a kind, hard working, caring person, who supported us all. He stayed in an abusive relationship void of any love, or caring to be with his daughters. This weekend I looked at a number of pictures I have of him. One in particular is of him in the army (ww11), he looks so young, so attractive. Since then I have been crying off and on for days. I am glad that I had him in my life, and I am glad I could love him as much as I did (do), I just wish he was around for me to tell him "I Love You Daddy!!!)"

[jeeenah]

To all of you asked for the website to guideposts and to ROBINRENEE:

Here is the website...I found it today...........

http://shopguideposts.com/search.asp?7=Comfort+from+Beyond

Keep in mind, it is a series of books, and the first one is about married people losing each other, but more are sent. It looks like a good book, I have skimmed through and there are many many stories in there. It it easy reading also.

Robinrenee,

What you have on your site and your emails to me HAVE been very comforting. My religion (Catholic), does not allow us to practice that which Is why i won't, but I do take much comfort in your teachings and I think others will to.

[hmtod73]

hi jeeenah, heather here. i looked at the spirit sanctuary site. it was interesting. i am catholic and i was wondering what is it from that site that we (catholics) can not practice. i have not read the books that are suggested on the site. i'm sure they go into more details. i thought that what was said on the site was "safe" for the catholic religion. let me know your thoughts on that. i would like to check into it further. thanks, heather

[jeeenah]

Hi Heather....

Here it is...

From the Catechism of the Catholic Church 2116:

Quote:

All forms of divination are to be rejected: recourse to Satan or demons, conjuring up the dead or other practices falsely supposed to "unveil" the future. Consulting horoscopes, astrology, palm reading, interpretation of omens and lots, the phenomena of clairvoyance, and recourse to mediums all conceal a desire for power over time, history, and, in the last analysis, other human beings, as well as a wish to conciliate hidden powers. They contradict the honor, respect, and loving fear that we owe to God alone.

[hmtod73]

hi jeeenah. thank you for the info. that does help me. i was unaware how detailed this statement is and i appreciate you sending it my way. thanks again. heather

[jeeenah]

Heather,

You are welcome!

[kagansmommy]

Hello...I am new here and wanted to introduce myself. My name is Christy and I lost my Father on March 29th 2004. I did not get to attent his funeral because my 8 month old son was in the hospital almost 100 miles away. I new my Dad would want me with my baby so I stayed with him...his name is Kagan. Because of this I never got the closure on my Dad's death. I was losing my mind because I didn't know how to get the closure I so much needed. My son was born with a metabolic disorder that had zero chance of life expectancy past 1 year of age. He needed 24 hour care and I was the one who took care of him all the time. Unfortunately God took him from me on January 28th 2005. I was fortunate enough to be able to hold him and he took his last breath in my arm's. But at the very second he stopped breathing I got the closure I needed for my Dad. I knew him and Kagan were finally together again and he had died to be able to watch over Kagan. It will be one month today since my son passed away and 11 month's tomorrow since my Dad passed away. I have found great comfort reading other people's post's and realizing I'm not alone in my roller coaster of emotion's.

I have accepted both death's because I watched them both fight for life so hard.

Now theres no more pain for either of them. It's my broken heart I can't fix. After the loss of my baby and my Daddy I don't know if it will ever heal. Every night for the last month I have prayed for God to take me. But I know my son or Dad either one would want that for me. I have to learn to live again, not just without them but because of them and the joy they brought to my life.

All my prayer's go out to all the greiving families..God Bless you all~!!

Christy (KagansMommy)

[elalaa]

Hi - I'm new here and a little nervous and akward to post. My father passed away 3 weeks ago and I'm so sad I can hardly see straight. I'm trying hard to get back to normal - whatever that is. Everyday seems like a blur. My family is 3 thousand miles away. Grieving alone has been unbearable. All my friends have shyed away entirely. I'm at a lost in a lot of ways. i wish all the grieving families peace.

[onlygirl]

elalaa,

I am so sorry for your loss. My father died a couple of months ago and I understand completely what you are going through. Although I have family close by, we are all trying to get back in the swing of life and haven\'t seen eachother very often. I do email with a few family members and talk a lot on the phone with others and that helps tremendously. Just knowing you are in touch that way helps. I also think we are all grieving on our own because each of us handles it differently. I do understand about friends shying away. People were there in the beginning and now it seems like everyone thinks you should back to normal. Thankfully I was talking to my daughter\'s friends mom the other day and she said it was horrible for her and that it took a long time. I felt that someone finally knew what i was going through. Many people who have not lost a parent, and I admit to being like this, have no idea the enormity of this loss and the enormity of the pain felt. It is more real now and I miss my dad so much. I am crying more and that is a good thing. Holding this in is not good. Let it out and you can begin to find peace. I think this will be a long journey, with good and bad days, tears and laughter. I vow to pick myself up though and carry on because my dad wouldn\'t want me to be carrying on in saddness. Easier said than done!

[Taylors Dad]

dear christy

wow, that post brought me to tears.

i am so sorry for your losses and to be honest your life will never get back to "normal". thats not meant to scare the sh-- out of you but it's the truth. our lives as we knew them are over, now we have to pretty much start all over and as time goes by i think you will find that when god closes a door, he always opens a window if we know where to look.

i lost my dad when i was 16 years old to an auto accident, he was 38. then i lost my 11 year old son to an atv accident in '02, so i know just how you feel. losing a child is the absolute worst thing any human could go through.

we have a choice to accept things as they come to us or we can live with hate forever, blaming whoever for our lives.

i am glad to read that you have accepted your losses, that is the hardest thing tro do.

your dad is with your son watching over him but i bet that your son is playing with a lot of other little kids in heaven also.

my father told me the same thing about my son when i went to a psychic, he said he watches over him but taylor is always playing with his new friends.

that psychic meeting i have to believe, saved my life, i was a wreck, i wanted my life overwith after my son died. my son and father came through with beautiful validations that proved to me that there is no death as we know it. life goes on and we all will meet our loved ones again.

you may sit there and think that you cant possibly wait the rest of your life to see your son again. it has been 2 and a half years since i have seen my son and it feels just like yesterday that we were playing and doing whatever. your memories with your dad and your son, however short a period of time it was, will carry you through till you meet again, i would bet my life on it.

i hope you believe in the afterlife because it makes our time on this earth bareable.

read all you can about life after life. it helped me with all my bad thought.

god bless you

bill (T's dad)

[wiglbit]

I was my daddy's first child and daughter. He passed away on Friday and GOD I miss him soooo much. He was terminally ill for a long time and my stepmother had prevented me from seeing him at home for the past year. Just before Christmas she put him in a nursing home and gave me a precious gift. I spent every weekend with my daddy in spite of her protests. Just last weekend I spent the night with him in the nursing home. We ate hamburgers, drank coffee, talked, and watched Bonanza. How do you cope? What do you do? I just want to cry, scream, fall apart. I also lost one of my aunt's within 24 hours of losing him. I feel like I am falling apart.

[lauraa]

Dear Wiglbit,

Your stepmother sounds like a real doozy....You made your dad the "happiest" man alive on those days you spent with him...GOOD FOR YOU! That witch has to report to our maker in the end so don't you worry about a thing! And, your dad is looking upon you with a "HUGE" smile...you know it! He is always with you. I know how sad you must feel. I lost my dad a year ago and my entire life I dreaded the day I would loose him...I was the only girl out of 10 kids so needless to say I was truely "daddy's little girl". I know he doesn't have cancer anymore where he is and he is happy and always with me. Shortly after that, I lost my husband and mother all within 6 months and I needed to know that there is an "afterlife". I always believed it but after loosing so many people that meant so much to me I needed proof so I read anything I could get on that subject....there is alot of validation and that truely is what has kept me going.....You keep writing to all of us here and I promise you will find a friend in us all! I am so sorry for your loss. And, remember you made your dad so happy and you can always bank on those beautiful memories....I will never forget those last times I had with my dad. Your dad knows how much you love him and you made him "HAPPY" and he still is........................................................Laura

[ali032]

Dear Wiglibit

Your experience of your stepmother is so familiar. My Dad passed away on the 24th of February having suffered a terrible stroke ( double blood clot to the base of the brain) in December. She never rang us, his children, to say he was in intensive care, his best friend did. We rushed to his side only to encounter frustration after frustration. She bullied my sister and I individually in the hospital while playing up to my brother. He could not comprehend that such evil exists in people. She made our lives as difficult as possible in trying to block our contact with our Dad particularly with me. She treated me as his mistress not his daughter. She upset the nurses, told the Doctors he had no next of kin other than her and my half sister ( an innocent little girl) and gave the wrong religion which meant he would not get last rites. Only for my asking a priest to pray by his bed did a nurse bring it to my attention that his religion was noted otherwise..unbelievable. She fled the hospital for a time leaving letters for the doctors. My father came out of his coma and urged her with what little body control he had to hush and act appropriately. She shrugged this off. It was difficult to watch his frustrations with her towards us and he was not able to talk.She instructed the doctors 2 weeks before he died to not give me any info as to his care. In the end he fell out of the bed, broke his nose, had stitches, caught pneumonia and eventually choked but he was dying for 3 days and we were never told until he passed away. He had been improving so we had no cause for concern. So instead of grieving for my father I am upset with the circumstances.

[wiglbit]

It simply amazes me how people act and react during a time when support should be of the utmost importance. My dad has been gone almost two weeks now and I haven't even been asked if there is anything of his (that I gave him) that I would like to have back. It snowed here yesterday and I cried...the last time it snowed here was Daddy's birthday in December. I had my first White Christmas ever. A gift from God and I guess snow will be a constant reminder of one of the last wonderful times that I had with him. I bought him a DVD player, took it to the nursing home, and he was so tickled. They took it from him within the week and it has not been seen since. I miss him. I miss him. I miss him.

For all of you who have had the same horrifying experience when someone is gone and the rest should be the ones to leave.........my thoughts and prayers go out to you. Thank you for the support.

[goofylady36]

i just loss my daddy, he was 74 yrs old. he had been sick since last december (2004) but i always thought he would be better.till 2 weeks ago when he had his stroke,then we found out he a had staph infection in his bones and other illnesses.i just would like to know why when you have older siblings they think you ,the youngest , doesnt need to know what is being done,or ANYinfo about your parent.my older sisters didnt inform me of anything that need to be done this evening such as going to my parents house to help w/ daddys thing etc.. nope noone called me , guess i dont count since im just the baby of the family.it hurts to know that your own siblings doesnt think of methat much to include me in about my daddy and all. why is that?same way when he was in the hospital and nursing home, if told them why the doctors or nurses were doing something they (siblings)would blow me off and then reask the same thing i just told them.i mean darn it i know what im talking about, im an EMT , i do know somethings... anyway thanks for just letting me vent...penny

[honeybuny]

I lost my dad 11 years ago and do you know just the other night I was wishing my daddy was here. He loved me unconditionally and I just wanted my dad to hug me and tell me one of his silly jokes that made you laugh. My mother and I have become very close since my dad died and she did remarry, a widower and I now consider myself to be lucky enough to have another "dad" in my life although it isn't the same. Sometimes we just need our dad.

[lauraa]

I lost my two best friends last year. My dad "passed" on Dec.7,04 and my husband "passed" on May 16,04. Now, I don't have either one of them to go to with the pain of loosing them. I is so hard without them. I miss them both more with each passing day. They were both everything to me. It's is a lonely world without them! There are days I have a hard time just breathing. The only consolation here is that they are together...."Til We Meet Again"....Laura

[sheena]

i lost my dad on 7th january 2005 he died of prostate cancer it went all over his body in the end.i am the youngest of 4 and although i am 42 years old the pain really hurts. in a way i have been the strongest as i sorted every thing out for my mum etc and although i have cried many times i am starting to feel really angry toward people and i find i loose my temper so much quicker with my children ,it is a horrible feeling.i visit my dads grave regularly and every time i go there a little robin sits in the tree all the time i am there i feel that he is watching over me, life seems so much different now he was a strong character and is sadly missed.

sheena

[rubyrose]

Hi Sheena. I can relate to your pain of losing your father. I am 42 also and lost my father on Boxing Day 2003 to Lung Cancer. I was with my father when he died, both my younger and only sister and mother were out of the room, my mum just happened to walk in as he was taking his last breath. I was massaging his heart and chest prior to him dying and the ordeal was very scarry. I to this day visualize his last breath and constantly miss him to the point of not being able to function. I am the eldest and have always had to take on the family responsiblity along with dad. My work has suffered, I have taken 1 year off only to find myself getting worse. I cannot tolerate anyone around me especially family friends that knew my dad. I have gone and delved deep to find my inner child, (probably aged 10 or so) to when I was closest and most comfortable with my dad and recollected things, places and music we listened together to bring me some sort of comfort. I have sinced placed alot more value on my own mortality and try and come to terms with not being able to ever see him or hug and kiss him again. Just a hug would make me feel complete and I really miss that physical touch. I have made a conscious effort to hug and kiss my own kids more. My husband and my dauther 23, and son 18 have been supportive but can only understand to a certain point. I feel talking about my dad very comforting and healing, but unfortunately my mum and sister don\'t like to talk about him and this hurts me tremendously. I visit his grave every week sometimes twice, but since new years day I have been going less. The pain is a very sharp pain in my heart, and I don\'t know if I can ever come to terms as I feel part of me has died with him. I can\'t seem to find my identity although I have done alot of soul searching, I feel so alone and so misunderstood. I discovered a very disappointing situation which had surfaced with my daughter, which pushed me over the edge that I attempted to take my own life by taking an overdose of paracetemol. I just wanted all this pain to end. Grieving is such a very hard thing to cope with. There is no easy way out. No-one else in my family is effected as much as I am I feel so stuck but have not support. My extended and immediate family cannot understand where I am coming from and their opinions and judgements can be very harsh. Why is it that I am in so much pain and the rest of the family are not?? My mum found a friend 5 weeks after dad died (a family friend of 30 years)and doesn\'t hardly even want to mention dad; same with my sister. How do I get passed this and move on. I loved and still love my dad very much. I could always feel him wherever he was and whatever he was doing in life and can also feel him strongly around me after death, not always easy though. We have a very strong soul connection. RIP Dad, I\'ll never forget you and your always in my heart and soul.

[keshia1]

Hello everyone,

If I could only hear my daddy's voice one last time, it will be a year april 5, I pray God will get me through that day. Although it seems like my father went on a really long vacation, reality sets in. I miss his jokes, the way he loved to hunt and fish, his laugh and the knowing that he would always be around because he was the strongest man I knew and that he could do anything. I just never thought that this could happen to me, but it did and I miss him so much I wish he was here on earth still. Staying busy this past year and trying not to think about it is how I got by, but its always in the back of my head. He died so suddenly in a car accident, he fell asleep behind the wheel and hit a tree, there is still a big mark on the tree he hit. The coronor said he didn't suffer. It helps me alot to talk about it while my family never brings it up. I strongly feel that my daddy wouldn't won't me to go into a deppression, I believe he would won't me to live my life and be happy and I am trying to do that, and I believe that any parent would won't that for their child or children. God bless us all and give us the strength to move on with our lives while we keep our loved ones in our hearts.

[kagansmommy]

Rubyrose, I know the pain of going to my Fathers gravesite all too well. My Dad passed away March 29, 2004 and my 18 month old baby boy passed away January 28, 2005. They are buried right next to each other and I visit them 3 or 4 times a week. Everytime I leave them I feel as if I am having a heart attack. I didn't get to be with my Dad when he passed because I was at the hospital with my baby almost 100 miles away. I didn't even get to attend his funeral. I stayed with my baby where my Dad would have expected me to be. I was luck enought o be with my baby when he took his last breath. Sometimes that brings me comfort and other times I can't stand the thought of seeing him gasp one last time. The day my Dad passed my Mom had whispered in his ear telling him that Kagan (my baby) was going to be ok and he could rest now. Within 15 minutes my Dad stopped breathing but it took another 10 minutes before his heart stopped. Kagan was his pride and joy and he wasn't going to leave until he knew he was ok. I know they are together now. Both of them are healthy and no more pain. I live my life for both of them now because every day I spend here is one day closer I am to them. My Dad was only 61 when he died...way too young as was my baby. But the precious memories of their short lives are better than no memories at all.

Thats what I have to tell myself daily just to be able to function.

Take care.....Christy (kagansmommy)

[BIJulie]

Hi all –

I’m sure you’ve noticed that the message boards seem a little different. We’ve streamlined the message boards. We’ve unified the forum and thread names and tried to make things less confusing. I hope that it has made things easier for you.

We are considering adding new threads to the topics and would love to hear what you would like to be added. You can write me at julie@beyondindigo.com to share your thoughts and suggestions. I would love to hear from you.

I am also still looking for message board monitors. If you are interested, please let me know!

Take care,

Julie

[Mege73]

Christy, Elalaa,Onlygirl,T\'s dad,Wiglbit,Laura,Ali032,Penny, Goofylady36,Honeybuny,Sheena, Rubyrose, Keshia1,

Keshia1, I too lost my dad in a car accident. My mother fell asleep at the wheel and they crashed. My mother survived.

I am sitting here on what would have been my dad\'s 60th birthday. Reading all of your posts makes my heart break.

Laura,Christy and Taylor\'s Dad,

I have not experienced muliple losses yet. I know that it is apart of life, but that does not make it any easier. I can't even begin to imagine your pain.

RubyRose, when you wrote \"The pain is a very sharp pain in my heart, and I don\'t know if I can ever come to terms as I feel part of me has died with him. I can\'t seem to find my identity although I have done alot of soul searching, We have a very strong soul connection. I\'ll never forget you and your always in my heart and soul.\" I completely identified with you. The pain I have felt is deep and profound. Sometimes I cry so much I can\'t stop. It hurts so much over and I almost can\'t catch my breath. I have felt lost as well. I have read that losing a parent is hard because you lose your grounding. The idea of that stability. I still feel very connected to my father as well.

I hear on this post so many of us loving our fathers with such depth. It is true some people did not or do not have a close relationship with their fathers. When you do, as we do, the loss is incredulous and unbearable. I hear my dad\'s laughter, see his smile, and like all of you I would do anything to feel his arms around me again. I think of it often, sometimes I dream of it. It has been almost 2 years. And I cant tell you that is gets easier. If anything you think it might, but it has gotten harder. Like you said, Keshia1, you think maybe he is on vacation, a business trip, or that for some reason, he is just not around. As time goes on, it becomes more apparent that he is not. I believe deep in my heart that he is alive in another place. That it is better. That my father is with me in my soul & heart. But his physical presence is missed beyond belief.

I don\'t think we ever \"get over\" loss. I guess we just go on, only knowing it is a part of life. But I don\'t have any answers. Just hope. I pray for the hope that we can go on and be well. I think the only thing that makes sense to me is knowing that our awareness of death brings zest for life. It makes us understand that life is precious.

That is what I strive for.

May you all find PEACE and HOPE.

Meg

[wiglbit]

It is a month ago today that we buried Daddy. Tom T. Hall was on the radio this morning singing "I Love You" and I cried. Just as the song was ending I passed a huge American Flag whipping in the wind. Daddy asked for several flags to be hung in his room in the few months prior to his passing. That flag popping in the wind had be bawling like a baby today. I just want to see him again, hear him again, so many thoughts of him every day pour through me. I had some film developed the other day and there were pictures of me and my girls with him beside his bed. The pain of loss seems as fresh today as it did a month ago. How can one heart miss a person so much. Okay, crying again. I had better go.