Loss of an adult son

[slichte]

My son age 22 died on 7/27/12 unexpectedly in his sleep after taking pain killers for his pain due to his liver condition (which dr should never have prescribed him). The blessing was that he was asleep. However, the pain of missing him is like no other. I was his caretaker for years and he was trying to get on the transplant list. I took a leave of absence from work to heal and grieve, but I find myself having thoughts and feelings I've never experienced before, and I hate it. I just want to talk to others who have gone through, and are going through the grieving process of losing a child. I just want to know, am I normal? I'm so sick of being sad.

[tobyfreefoot]

My son age 22 died on 7/27/12 unexpectedly in his sleep after taking pain killers for his pain due to his liver condition (which dr should never have prescribed him). The blessing was that he was asleep. However, the pain of missing him is like no other. I was his caretaker for years and he was trying to get on the transplant list. I took a leave of absence from work to heal and grieve, but I find myself having thoughts and feelings I've never experienced before, and I hate it. I just want to talk to others who have gone through, and are going through the grieving process of losing a child. I just want to know, am I normal? I'm so sick of being sad.

dear shannon,

so sorry for your terrible loss. if you go to loss of a child forum and click on loss of an adult child you will find a very active forum of people who are suffering similar losses. my son died in a horrific car accident 14 months ago today. believe me you are normal. we all grieve in different ways and different time scales but we all probably have been through times of being sick of being sad. at the same time i feel like sometimes i hold on to it just to make sure i don't lose him. please come and share your feelings and tell us about your son.

[slichte]

dear shannon,

so sorry for your terrible loss. if you go to loss of a child forum and click on loss of an adult child you will find a very active forum of people who are suffering similar losses. my son died in a horrific car accident 14 months ago today. believe me you are normal. we all grieve in different ways and different time scales but we all probably have been through times of being sick of being sad. at the same time i feel like sometimes i hold on to it just to make sure i don't lose him. please come and share your feelings and tell us about your son.

[slichte]

Thank you for your response. I'm so sorry for your loss as well. I too feel the same way....that I need to cry and mourn to keep him close. I want to heal and I know I'm trying to rush things, and I'm finding out from others that it's going to take a long time. Thank you for the suggestion of the active forum. I will definitely check that out. : )

[cas1984]

My name is Bunny Lee Cassidy Lei's Mama hes 27 on Dec 23rd he too died in his sleep after moaning and saing ow oww at 5 am. Instead of climbing over my husband to get to my wheelchair. I paused my tv as he was asleep on couch in next room 30 ft away. It kills me that I didnt get off my butt and go see if my baby was ok. He just yelled back in a normal fine voice Im ok Mama I love u Mama!" That hurts get up go see hes only been drug free 2 months and 9 days maybe he was hurting go see u lazy a** Why its my job! I need him I CANT LIVE WITHOUT MY BEST BEST FRIEND. WE SHARED ONE HEART. I SO HAVE TO KNOW HE HEARS IM SRY MY CPR WAS TOO LATE I TRIED. I GOT OUT OF MY WHEELCHAIR W ALL MY STRENGTH & PULLED HIM FROM THE COUCH TO THE FLOOR TO DO CPR CUS OF COUCH RESISTENCE LEVERAGE. WE ALL LEARNED FROM DR CONRAD MURRY SOME DR WHO DID CPR ON THE BED FOR MY IDOL MICHAEL JACKSON & IF THAT HURT ME FOR OVER A YR AND A HALF CAN U IMAGINE MY ONLY GOD GIVEN CHILD? I FOUND THIS CHAT TOO LATE ITS BEEN 8 MONTHS ON THE 13TH OF JAN 2012 FRIDAY THE 13TH NO LESS IS HIS ANGEL DAY 8 MONTHS IVE DONE ALL I CAN & I CANT TAKE ABYMORE. I FEEL EVERY EMOTION U DO AND IT HELPS TO KNOW UR NOT ALONE BUT IT DOESNT MAKE THIS NEED TO BE W HIM. IM HIS MAMA HE N I HAVE ALWAYZ BEEN JUST THAT CAS AND MAMA! MAMAS BOY YA BUT NOT I SEE VISA VERSA & IT SUX TO GET CLOSE TO ANYBODY TO THAT EXTENT. IT WAS STARTING OUT TO A GREAT NEW YEAR! I GOT MY BOYZ TOGETHER HE SERVED TWO MISERABLE FREEZING MONTHS AND SAID " DONT FEEL SRY FOR ME I DESERVE IT IM FINE ILL BE A BETTER MAN WHEN I GET OUT & I PROMISE TO BE THE SON U RAISED AND MAKE U PROUD~ NO TIME! HE GOT OUT 9 DAYS LATER~GONE GONE AT 27 YRS OLD BUT WHAT THE HELL I HAVE THE HEART VALVE ISSUES THE TOTAL HIP REPLACEMENT I DESPERATELY NEEDED IN 2005 BUT HE DIDNT WANT TO TAKE A CHANCE OF ME DYING ON TABLE HE NEEDED ME " YOU'RE MY WORLD MAMA!" YA U LEFT ME TO FEND FOR MYSELF. ALONE FOREVER TILL GOD LETS ME GO OR I JUST CANT TAKE ANYMORE PAIN SEEMS TO BE THE LATTER... UR EMOTIONS THAT ARE HITTING SO HARD U MAY BE THE LUCKY ONE LIKE I SEEN THAT ARE GRIEVING BUT LIVING. IM JUST ALIVE IN BED W TEARS & YELLING & MORE TEARS JUST TALKING TO MY INVISIBLE SON. AM I NUTS? I DONT KNOW BUT THIS IS A DULL BUTTER KNIFE GUTTING MY HEART DAILY & I CANT DO THIS CANT!

[Angel'sSon]

Shannon, My son 30 yrs.old shot himself a month ago today.It was the worst day of my life. He had everything going good. He was my best friend. It was a blessing that your son didn't feel any pain. I'm in a deep depression, according to my counselor and doctor. I feel like I will be in this pain forever. I'm just in a daze and it feel's like a nightmare!! Sorry for your loss!!!!

[slichte]

Dear Angel's Son....

My loss was 6 weeks ago, so I know with your loss being a month ago what I was feeling. I'm so sorry. I know the pain is almost unreal sometimes. It's like every week there is a new emotion for me, and I know talking to therapist there is a process we all need to take. We can't rush it, although there are days I would love to stay in the bed all day long, cover my head, and just cry. I'm so sorry your son did what he did, but you have to remember when people do that it's because they are in a dark place. It's not because they don't want to live, it's because they don't want to suffer and be depressed anymore. My uncle shot himself 10 years ago, and we are still trying to figure out why, but I think we all know why. It's totally understandable you are depressed, because I am totally not myself anymore. I am the type person that will laugh at anything, and have been accused of laughing at stupid stuff. I can have a good time by myself or with a group of people. Now I find myself staring at the TV, sleeping more, and just so sad that it bothers me. I just went back to work and it's still so difficult to concentrate. I'm going to counseling too, and that's the probably the best thing for you. The daze feeling from what I've been told is normal. Most of the time I'm in a complete FOG and I'm praying for God to get me out of it and give me some peace. I know going to the cemetery alot and talking helps, although very difficult at times. Sometimes listening to songs helps, crying helps, although draining, but it's part of the process. Our brains are wired to grieve as this is a mental injury, and we need to heal. Feel free to respond if you need to vent or talk. If nothing else I would like to help others who are going through the same thing.

Shannon, My son 30 yrs.old shot himself a month ago today.It was the worst day of my life. He had everything going good. He was my best friend. It was a blessing that your son didn't feel any pain. I'm in a deep depression, according to my counselor and doctor. I feel like I will be in this pain forever. I'm just in a daze and it feel's like a nightmare!! Sorry for your loss!!!!

[Angel'sSon]

Shannon, We are here to help each other. Just hearing other stories and having my questions answered has helped. I don't think anything can help me get over the thinking about my son. As I understand, the greiving process are different for each individual. I believe I'm still in shock and I want my son back. I feel that this loss will last a lifetime. I feel like I'm just here and numb. It's been a little over a month and I'm wondering if I will ever get over the loss of my son!!!

[Angel'sSon]

I've been on my facebook profile just looking at my son's pictures and also all the quotes that I've added since he passed away. I didn't realize I'd put so many on there. I want this pain to end, just go away. My son should still be here where I could give him a hug, listen to him about how his job was going, giving me a hug and saying "I love you mom." It's not going to happen. A child isn't suppose to leave this world before a parent. I want this nightmare over. I'm really sad right now. I know all of you on here have probably heard all of this. I just need to vent and get it off my mind. I have to deal with the fact that my best friend is gone. I try to think about the good times we had, but I see the funeral over and over. Wanting him to just open his eyes. I held his hand and fixed his shirt and talked to him by myself. This really hurts. I love him so much. Nothing seems real. He left this earth a month and 2 days ago. I feel like I'm not even making any sense with my writing. To all who read this, thanks and goodnight!!!!

[slichte]

I know how you feel. I too feel like I post things on FB or my son's FB page too much. Like I'll post a song and tell him how much I miss him. It's comforting in some way. When you give birth to a child, your life changes. When you lose a child to death, your life changes. What matters is what you did in between those years. You created memories, and I know trust me, it's the memories that kills me the most. But you were a good mom and he knew you loved him. I've been wanting to seek out a good medium that could tell me if my son was okay and what actually happened the night he died. It's just something I really want to know. If you believe in it you might want to do do the same. I think we will be able to find some sort of peace. This is the most difficult road I've had to travel, and I mean I have traveled through some difficult times. The waves of grief in and out through the day as I'm sitting at work...is undescribable. I have to hold it in all day, pretent like I'm okay, when actually I'm not. Your true friends will ask you how you are holding up, and they will be there for you. Everyone else will just feel sorry for you, and hope you are okay, but don't know what to say. That's just human nature and their personality. At the end of the day, cry if you need to, laugh when you are in a good place and be okay with it, and just take it one day at a time. Hugs to you my grieving friend. : )

[Angel'sSon]

Shannon, The main thing that my counselor told me today was be patient with the grieving. Being angry at myself because I can't cry and I feel like people look at me different since my son did shoot himself in the head. She wanted me to consider going to group meetings and I told her no, that I'd found a grieving site that I don't have to be around people, but I can relate to each one here. I can't worry about what my family wants, as far as I need to get on with my life, because my son is gone!!!! It's only been a little over a month...give me a break!!! Different ones on this site have told me exactly what my counselor has told me. So, why do I need a counselor when the people here are helping me??? My postings about my son on my profile are way too much and several video's too. It would be good to find out what happened to my son to make him shoot himself. He had everything going good for him. I'd like answers!!!! I just can't imagine how you are holding up at work. I don't work, so I have all my waking hours to just think about the why's about my son!! I want to get to the point to think about the good times with my son, instead of how he died, the funeral, ect. I did go to a medium years back and I was in shock because she told me things that no one could know about me. I never thought about doing that again, until you mentioned it!! Strange how everytime I write something, I feel like it doesn't make sense!!

[slichte]

Shannon, The main thing that my counselor told me today was be patient with the grieving. Being angry at myself because I can't cry and I feel like people look at me different since my son did shoot himself in the head. She wanted me to consider going to group meetings and I told her no, that I'd found a grieving site that I don't have to be around people, but I can relate to each one here. I can't worry about what my family wants, as far as I need to get on with my life, because my son is gone!!!! It's only been a little over a month...give me a break!!! Different ones on this site have told me exactly what my counselor has told me. So, why do I need a counselor when the people here are helping me??? My postings about my son on my profile are way too much and several video's too. It would be good to find out what happened to my son to make him shoot himself. He had everything going good for him. I'd like answers!!!! I just can't imagine how you are holding up at work. I don't work, so I have all my waking hours to just think about the why's about my son!! I want to get to the point to think about the good times with my son, instead of how he died, the funeral, ect. I did go to a medium years back and I was in shock because she told me things that no one could know about me. I never thought about doing that again, until you mentioned it!! Strange how everytime I write something, I feel like it doesn't make sense!!

[slichte]

My counselor told me the same thing when I told her if I could crawl in the bed and sleep for a year, so I can wake up and the hurt be gone, I would do it. She said it takes baby steps and at that time I was angry because I don't want to take baby steps, I want to be over the pain. Since then I have accepted that and now I'm just trying to adjust, accept, and function in this so called world. I work only because I have to. It is a good distraction to some degree, but it's so hard to concentrate. I came back from my leave, they changed my job position so now I'm in training and my brain is just not functioning like it normally would. So yes it's very difficult but not an option to quit at this time. I totally get your anger, and wish you could somehow find the answers you are looking for. My son tried to commit suicide several times, but I talked him into going to a mental hospital for help. He was so depressed because of his disease and not being able to live a normal life, like most young adults. So I get that. I'm definitely seeking a medium so I can find peace within my heart one day and actually find out how he died. Although I know it was an accidental overdose. I am so sorry for your pain, and I wish I had answers for you. It's good that you are seeking advice from others who have lost a child. I think it helps. I am not ready for a group therapy session either. It's too soon at this point in time. It's been 2 months for me.

[Angel'sSon]

Seems like today I've been really struggling. The pain of losing my son is tearing me apart. I want to move forward, but it seems like all that's in my mind is seeing him in that casket, begging him to open his eyes and not wanting to let go of his hand. I want him to be here so bad. I've been feeling really lonely without him today and I'm not sure why. I'm having trouble just writing, but I need to get it out. The good times are not in my mind. my mind is revolved around when he passed away. From getting the bad news to putting him in the ground. I don't know!!!!! Tomorrow will be 6 weeks and it feels like it was yesterday!!!

[cas1984]

Shannon, We are here to help each other. Just hearing other stories and having my questions answered has helped. I don't think anything can help me get over the thinking about my son. As I understand, the greiving process are different for each individual. I believe I'm still in shock and I want my son back. I feel that this loss will last a lifetime. I feel like I'm just here and numb. It's been a little over a month and I'm wondering if I will ever get over the loss of my son!!!

[Angel'sSon]

Today has been another day to get through. I can picture my son smiling and see him laughing. That makes it worse as far as wanting him back with me. I thought when this went through my mind, I would be better. 6 weeks and counting since my son left me. I just keep saying, let this nightmare be over. All I can do is write my feelings down on here since I have so much bottled up in my mind that I can't release. I just sit and think and keep thinking. Another day gone!!!

[Vijayabanu]

Hi Shannon... What u r going thru is like it's a reflection of what all of us here r undergoing ...it's perfectly norma to cry...weep...feel numb...feel angry...ask why me...why my son...when the really bad people are enjoying and we keep wondering God punishes really good people...innocent kids...

Hi gretchen forests mom...I lost my son due to drownig while trying to save his friend...he was 20 yrs 10 months and 19 days... I m crying every day even after 105 days....consider this as my destiny and really believe I m going thru he'll here so tha I can join my son eternally in the heaven....where death will jot separate us....I keep looking at my sons fb...his photos....talk to his friends....my friends... Look at his videos....feel more at peace....listen to the Song ' tears in heaven' and one more day in you tube......the soulful music is so soothing....feeling sad to know people missing their loved ones is natures way of turning you spiritual....to do something to the society....even as I m writing this...consoling others.....I m restless and awake throughout the night...thinking of the good times we had......

[Allysons mom]

Hi Shannon,

My daughter was also 22 and also died in her sleep. The cause is still unknown, but she wasn't taking any kind of drugs. She had just graduated college, got a job and moved to a new city. She was so happy. It will be 3 months on July 5. I am so sorry for your loss and what you feel is the same as what I'm feeling.

I am so sad, but functioning. I'm also angry that this happened and there seems to be no reason. (Like Kiran's mom said, we ask why our daughter when there are so many bad kids and bad parents enjoying life). I wish I could just sleep all the time, but I can't sleep. We are trying so hard not to get "stuck" in a depression state, which is what our therapist helps with. People say "you're doing so good, I would be a puddle on the floor" I'm not doing good, I just pretend. Really, I am an empty shell. I miss my baby so much.

[slichte]

Angels, Cassidys, Kirans, and Allyson's mom.....I thank you so much for your responses. More than you know. It seems we are all grieving in our own way, however, similar ways too. We believe that are children are suppose to bury us, not the other way around. Thank God I have 2 other children to lean on, or it would just be more difficult to go on. Some days are good and I can find myself laughing again, and other days I'm a complete wreck. All I can do is think of the blessings of my son's death, since he had a disease and was suffering at a young age. Trying not to get angry at others for not calling and saying "hey how are holding up"....etc. It's a day to day struggle. As you all know. Hope we can all find comfort in each other's stories and loss of our children. Hang in there....keep in touch!!!!!

[Angel'sSon]

Angels, Cassidys, Kirans, and Allyson's mom.....I thank you so much for your responses. More than you know. It seems we are all grieving in our own way, however, similar ways too. We believe that are children are suppose to bury us, not the other way around. Thank God I have 2 other children to lean on, or it would just be more difficult to go on. Some days are good and I can find myself laughing again, and other days I'm a complete wreck. All I can do is think of the blessings of my son's death, since he had a disease and was suffering at a young age. Trying not to get angry at others for not calling and saying "hey how are holding up"....etc. It's a day to day struggle. As you all know. Hope we can all find comfort in each other's stories and loss of our children. Hang in there....keep in touch!!!!!

Yes, this is a daily struggle. Wondering when it will all get easier. Today has been really bad. I haven't done anything at all, but think about my son. I want to think about the good times, but it's like my mind is blocked, if that makes sense.

[Angel'sSon]

After 6 1/2 weeks with my son, 30 yrs.old being gone, I can't laugh or even cry. I look at his pictures and the tears won't come. Today, I feel like he isn't gone. But, reality hits me and I'm just here in a daze. I don't understand anything right now. I still don't want to get out of the house. I have 2 daughters and they both live out of the state, so I don't talk to them that often. I keep thinking, when will I ever get to the point that I feel like getting out. I will be seeing my son's baby girl tomorrow. I'm not looking forward to getting out of the house, but I do want to see her. She is a part of my son and it breaks my heart that my son is not here to see her starting to walk. When she says DaDA, that tears me apart. now, I want to think about the good memories with my son and I want to look at his baby pictures. I can't bring myself to do it. Isn't a parent who has lost their child suppose to shed tears??? It's been so long since I've cried, that I don't even remember when it was. Am I the only one who can't cry??? I don't understand!!!!

[slichte]

Susan, I don't know why you are unable to cry, but I have times I have felt the same way. It's more of a coping mechanism so we don't fall apart. Sometimes I think if we don't cry, then we feel guilty. That is all normal. I know where you are coming from where you don't want to go out of the house, but take it from one who knows and understands, it is the best thing for you. Do not stay inside because it will only get worse if you do. You have a gift. Your son left you with a beautiful reminder of him and who he was. A grandchild. That is something I will never have since my son did not have any children. That grandchild needs you, so please don't deprive her of that. Please know your son would want you to be a part of her life and to help her grow.

[Angel'sSon]

Susan, I don't know why you are unable to cry, but I have times I have felt the same way. It's more of a coping mechanism so we don't fall apart. Sometimes I think if we don't cry, then we feel guilty. That is all normal. I know where you are coming from where you don't want to go out of the house, but take it from one who knows and understands, it is the best thing for you. Do not stay inside because it will only get worse if you do. You have a gift. Your son left you with a beautiful reminder of him and who he was. A grandchild. That is something I will never have since my son did not have any children. That grandchild needs you, so please don't deprive her of that. Please know your son would want you to be a part of her life and to help her grow.

I do feel guilty because I can't cry and I just don't know why. I did get out and see my grandchild yesterday and It broke my heart even more when she said DaDa over and over. She is starting to walk and all I can think about is my son isn't going to be with her. I loved being with her and holding her. She knows where her nose is now and definitely where my nose was. I know my grandchild needs me. It's going to be really hard to start getting out of the house. I see what you are saying about it being worse if I don't get out. I sit here looking at the t.v. in a daze and think about my son. I want to remember the good memories of him. But I see him in that casket. I can't seem to get past that or the funeral. 7 weeks today and very long days!!! A part of me still doesn't want to believe that he is gone, but in reality he is. Thanks for your response. I don't just let what people say go in one ear and out the other. I do listen and remember what is said!!!

[thejennyjacobs]

I can’t even begin to understand the profound grief of losing a child. In the past few years, six of my friends have buried their children. All different ages, all for different reasons. You will be in my thoughts and prayers as you go through this difficult time. http://thejennyjacobs.com/2012/10/04/why/

[Alexander Risten]

Reading this I just once again realized how much pain death can cause. Even after thousands of years humans are unable to truly cope with the pain and the loss. We have managed to tame so many diseases and lessen so much physical pain, but there is no drug or antidote that can fully tame the reality of loss. We use many things to try and dampen the pain: pills, drugs and alcohol, but in the end, underneath the blissful trance of these the pain simply rages on.

The best way is to face the pain and emotions head on. To allow ourselves the time to grieve. We try to "cope" too soon. We try to rid ourselves of the pain too soon. We need to experience the pain completely before we can experience healing. We must always remind ourselves why it hurts so deep: we lost someone very important and he or she cannot be replaced. Grief is a long and painful journey we all would like to sidestep if we could, but we can't. Those that survive grief are the ones who do not fight the pain, who do not try to sidestep the grieving process, but who allow themselves time to mourn. I pray that you will find peace and acceptance.

[Angel'sSon]

Reading this I just once again realized how much pain death can cause. Even after thousands of years humans are unable to truly cope with the pain and the loss. We have managed to tame so many diseases and lessen so much physical pain, but there is no drug or antidote that can fully tame the reality of loss. We use many things to try and dampen the pain: pills, drugs and alcohol, but in the end, underneath the blissful trance of these the pain simply rages on.

The best way is to face the pain and emotions head on. To allow ourselves the time to grieve. We try to "cope" too soon. We try to rid ourselves of the pain too soon. We need to experience the pain completely before we can experience healing. We must always remind ourselves why it hurts so deep: we lost someone very important and he or she cannot be replaced. Grief is a long and painful journey we all would like to sidestep if we could, but we can't. Those that survive grief are the ones who do not fight the pain, who do not try to sidestep the grieving process, but who allow themselves time to mourn. I pray that you will find peace and acceptance.

i really get sick of people telling me that i need to go on with my life. My son is gone. We have to grieve, no matter how long it takes. I'm really upset because after 2 months into losing my 30 yr. old son, do not tell me i need to go on with my life!!!!!

[Alexander Risten]

i really get sick of people telling me that i need to go on with my life. My son is gone. We have to grieve, no matter how long it takes. I'm really upset because after 2 months into losing my 30 yr. old son, do not tell me i need to go on with my life!!!!!

There comes a time when we should move on. We cannot grieve forever, but society forces us to rush this. It causes lots of extra pain and hurt. 2 months is way too short to move on. We sometimes laugh at our forefathers for the things they did, but there were a lot of wisdom in some of their methods. My grandmother grieved for a full year (wearing only black etc.) after she lost my grandfather. Those days everyone expected her to grieve for a year, and she did. I am not saying that grieving must take a full year (sometimes it is shorter, sometimes it is longer), but 2 months is too short.

[Angel'sSon]

There comes a time when we should move on. We cannot grieve forever, but society forces us to rush this. It causes lots of extra pain and hurt. 2 months is way too short to move on. We sometimes laugh at our forefathers for the things they did, but there were a lot of wisdom in some of their methods. My grandmother grieved for a full year (wearing only black etc.) after she lost my grandfather. Those days everyone expected her to grieve for a year, and she did. I am not saying that grieving must take a full year (sometimes it is shorter, sometimes it is longer), but 2 months is too short.

I hope it's ok if I call you Alex....I am far from getting over Dustin being gone. All I do is think and cry. I just can't imagine getting over my son and best friend being gone!!! I know we are all here for the same reason. But, I still say why my son. I want this nightmare to end and I know it won't. Dustin and I had a closeness that I can't even describe!!!! I loved him so much and now he is gone!!! I'm still just in a daze and at times, i think this didn't happen!!! Reality sets in and they crying starts!!!! I want to move forward with my life, but I can't!!!

[Alexander Risten]

I hope it's ok if I call you Alex....I am far from getting over Dustin being gone. All I do is think and cry. I just can't imagine getting over my son and best friend being gone!!! I know we are all here for the same reason. But, I still say why my son. I want this nightmare to end and I know it won't. Dustin and I had a closeness that I can't even describe!!!! I loved him so much and now he is gone!!! I'm still just in a daze and at times, i think this didn't happen!!! Reality sets in and they crying starts!!!! I want to move forward with my life, but I can't!!!

Alex is fine. I am told by numerous people (who lost parents, grandparents, spouses and children) that the loss of a child is the worst. I cannot comment on that, but I can see it in their lives. If the grieving process is allowed to process naturally you will move on eventually, unless you start experiencing prolonged or extended grief. Prolonged grief can be very serious, but in my experience (whatever that is worth) I find that this usually happens when the grieving process is hampered or rushed. That is why it is so important to be honest about your feelings (like you are), and allow yourself the time to cry. It is too easy to say time does heal all, but that is not always true. I do however experience that people talking honestly about their feelings, hurt, anger, disappointment, guilt and even hatred do help. It is as if we process what happened while we struggle explaining how we feel. I think it is not really time that heals, but as time goes by most people work through the emotions naturally. Your loss is very recent so do not rush it. Try to find someone trustworthy to speak to about your pain and hurt. The focus should be on your feelings (which can fluctuate wildly). I do not know if you are religious, but if you are, try to speak to a pastor or reverend regarding the question "why". It is a difficult question to answer, but thinking about the bigger picture has helped a lot of people.

[Angel'sSon]

Alex is fine. I am told by numerous people (who lost parents, grandparents, spouses and children) that the loss of a child is the worst. I cannot comment on that, but I can see it in their lives. If the grieving process is allowed to process naturally you will move on eventually, unless you start experiencing prolonged or extended grief. Prolonged grief can be very serious, but in my experience (whatever that is worth) I find that this usually happens when the grieving process is hampered or rushed. That is why it is so important to be honest about your feelings (like you are), and allow yourself the time to cry. It is too easy to say time does heal all, but that is not always true. I do however experience that people talking honestly about their feelings, hurt, anger, disappointment, guilt and even hatred do help. It is as if we process what happened while we struggle explaining how we feel. I think it is not really time that heals, but as time goes by most people work through the emotions naturally. Your loss is very recent so do not rush it. Try to find someone trustworthy to speak to about your pain and hurt. The focus should be on your feelings (which can fluctuate wildly). I do not know if you are religious, but if you are, try to speak to a pastor or reverend regarding the question "why". It is a difficult question to answer, but thinking about the bigger picture has helped a lot of people.

Alex, I was finally able to post some pictures of my son to my gallary...I hope I did it right!!! Oh yes, I try to be completely honest about my feellings toward losing my son!! I'm not a very religious person, especially after the loss of my son!!! My mom has a pastor that she wants me to talk to and I will in my own time. I'm just really angry right now and I had to tell my mom how I felt about being angry with God!!! Eventually, I will go to her pastor and talk with him!!! Thank you so much ALEX!!!!!!

[Alexander Risten]

Alex, I was finally able to post some pictures of my son to my gallary...I hope I did it right!!! Oh yes, I try to be completely honest about my feellings toward losing my son!! I'm not a very religious person, especially after the loss of my son!!! My mom has a pastor that she wants me to talk to and I will in my own time. I'm just really angry right now and I had to tell my mom how I felt about being angry with God!!! Eventually, I will go to her pastor and talk with him!!! Thank you so much ALEX!!!!!!

[JD's Mom, Becky]

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