Jump to content
Forum Conduct & Guidelines Document ×

People "faking it" on here


widower2

Recommended Posts

  • Moderators

I've recently learned something which I've suspected for awhile ie that not everyone on here is as they appear; they haven't lost anyone and have exaggerated or completely made up their stories. Given how extreme some are it wasn't too hard to guess some of the more likely candidates.

But I don't hate these people; I pity them. How warped/lame/desperate for attention do you have to be to do such a thing? How sad that someone can't get anyone to pay much attention to them without such childish little games. Sad. Hopefully they will grow up and/or get a life one day soon and realize this and move on.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Forgive me but I was under the impression there was a moderator to handle such matters but perhaps I'm wrong. At any rate, you seem like a fairly intelligent person, I'm surprised you're only now figuring out that people do this. Wether it's an elderly person who's lost a spouse to old age but feels if they tell the truth no one will care as they've already lived a long life so they create a story in order to receive the sypathy and compassion they so desperately need, or maybe someone who lost a loved one to aids and feels the need to make up a story in order to be accepted. Many more feel they need a more interesting story in order to be recognized. Other possibles are the agoraphobic or the kid who's being bullied, and are desperate for kind recognition, and companionship regardless of what it takes. Of course there are fakers, and for whatever the reasons I am willing to support these people even if only to keep them going until they get the help they need. IMO that is part of the human aspect of our lives.

I don't know if you realize this but a number of people on this site are dealing with traumas and a common affliction of trauma is paranoi, and with this statement you can sure bet that anyone experiencing paranoi is now gone from the site or will be repelled from joining, as they will automatically feel you are talking about them.

Lastly who are you to decide who is being truthfull and who isn't. If you're still wondering if you've touched a nerve with me, yes you have. As far as I'm concerned I will continue to give everyone who asks for support as much support and understanding as I possibly can. And I will continue to do so until ModKonnie calls them out publicly as I feel only she has the right to do this.

The solution to your delema is simple. If you don't believe them, ignore them.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

I can't imagine someone would make something like this up. a death hurts so bad i wished i was making mine up but no its true he is gone. could you leave us know who you found out is doing this so we don't spend our time on them.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

I've seen the same thing on other lists. It doesn't surprise me. There are some real sickos out there!

Mandala

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

I don't know what kind of person would get some kind of pleasure out of deceiving people who are going through what I think is the most difficult

thing a human being can experience. For those people I feel sorry. I don't know how to tell for sure those who are faking it because so many people

who lose family members in fact experience some horrible and painful situations.

I hope by you speaking out it will cause these people to move on.... I hope after a while these people will get bored or seek attention someplace else.

But those of us who have and are experiencing the pain and loss of a loved one know that the hurt and pain will not go away. ( Hopefully with time it will

be something that we can deal with and manage better but it is never gone). It is a pain that will be with us for the rest of our lives.

And I know this because those family members I have lost years ago, I still think of and miss every day.

And for those who are here for support and help dealing with their loss like I am, I will show support and compassion.

For those just seeking attention or pleasure out of deceiving people who have truly had a terrible loss, I am sure there are definitely better ways of getting attention than posting on

the grieving.com website. Hopefully given time these people will just move on to something else.

Shay

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Guests
Guest KackleDackle

Morning

I think this happens on any sites regardless of the type of group. We are subjected to fools and idiots all through our lives and even though we are all in similar situations with so much grief most of us can see a faker when they come on. I try to stay positive with all people and are so grateful that I have this site to help me through this. Maybe the Moderator needs to screen new members and if anyone has any doubts speak to Moderator.

Where ever vulnerable people are vultures will circle so together we can make each other aware of what we think.

W2 - thankyou for raising this topic and making those who are a little more naive than others alert and aware.

Please don't let this affect everyone chatting in the chat room as some of us need this interaction.

KD

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

If nobody else is concerned about a member trying to get other members to question each others integrity then I guess I should have no concerns about this either.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Sir, I would give anything to be one of those people. I hope there are people that don't really have to go through what most of us are going through. If I could turn this all into a lie and wake up with my wife I would give anything for that. I pray for it. I believe any of us with true loss would be happy for the lier. I truely know I wish I was lieing and could be with my wife.

I believe what is truly the problem is respect. If you cannot respect the people here with loss you need to go to a fictional site and play your games.

Mike

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Moderators

unfortunately, it would seem this merits "bumping" this thread -

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
Sammijo2424

This site has helped me immensely and I would hate to see another grieving person like myself be hurt by a person faking it. Thank you to everyone here who has let me join in so freely and talk freely about my husband

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

I am aware some people are just SICK - and seek attention from others. I know some here who have come and gone from time to time have done so with their only goal is to get attention for themself. MOST of us here have lost someone special in our life. for me it was my husband - I would give anything to have him back. For all of us here who lost someone special a spouse, a parent, a child, a sibling, we hurt for our loss. We come here for support from others here and I try to do so when I can - and when I need support I receive it from the people here.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Moderators

I am aware some people are just SICK - and seek attention from others. I know some here who have come and gone from time to time have done so with their only goal is to get attention for themself.

I hear ya, though I think it's important to point out that people who have lost someone often very much want attention, because their lives are so much emptier after that loss, and I have no problem with that at all - in fact I think that's a big part of why most of us come here. I'm talking about when people who haven't lost someone come on here and pretend they have for whatever childish or lame/odd reasons I can hardly imagine.

Let me add that this is not about anyone specifically, just a general impression I have had off and on at diff times, and I definitely think we should try to give the benefit of the doubt :)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

I agree with can'tmoveon, if you think they are faking it, ignore them. I had that feeling with 1 person on here. He pops in and out and says the weirdest things. It makes me feel like he truly has not suffered a loss instead, is trying to use words to make that person he is speaking to feel worse. I have seen him do this to others too. It gives me an uncomfortable feeling. I don't talk to him. Too weird....

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

So often I wish this was all a bad dream, or that it was all just pretend. I also pity someone who is in such a place that they feel the need to make this kind of stuff up. Unfortunately there are some like this everywhere, huh? :(

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
Silvergirl61

If it's truly just someone who is so lonely or needy, they have to make up a story just to have someone to talk to, I really don't have a problem with that. If they pretend to have a loss, to exploit the people here, by writing about them as research for a book, or to try and sell them something they have written, by pretending to be someone who has experienced a loss or who was "saved from their grief" by this product or book, just to make a profit out of someone else's pain...I think it's pretty appalling, actually. But I do want to stress this point , too- those who honestly have spoken to me, and explained that they are researching, or recommending their own work? I have actually agreed to talk with a couple of those people, simply because they had the grace to be truthful about it. There are also a couple people, that i know have actually had a loss, but don't feel like they can share the details in the forums, due to legal complications, or fears of retaliation, so have made up a "story" and cover persona, to try and seek support without getting into more problems, and once in awhile have slipped up in their cover, but really do need kindness and understanding. One I can think of lost a partner to murder, but can't talk about the case because of the high profile nature, so has a different story, but the loss is very real and tragic.

There are also those, who are internet phobic, and don't want to be identified, tracked , traced, or targeted...and trust me, it isn't hard to find anyone, with just a few clues- a smart PI can do it, without leaving their house.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

That is just depressing and sick that someone would feel the need to do that.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
AlwaysHisGirl

I've read two posts on this site that did not ring true , and what was so obviously missing was the deep pain that most of us here have felt and shared. When I realized those posts were fake I felt disgust, and then I just brushed them off the table and moved on.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
Silvergirl61

i probably would have been annoyed more about it in the past, but I guess i just can't summon the energy to really care about people who have so little respect for the pain of other people, to even get annoyed over it. It is sad, that there are those who have nothing better to do than play internet troll games, but they exist all over the net..just one of the hazards of the medium.

They used to really bother me, but after moderating a board for a few years, i figured out, the more attention they get , the more persistent they are. Sooner or later, they just get bored and go away, if ignored.

But then again, I am in one of the calmer periods right now, and have been feeling a bit better lately, so it could be that, too. I have been just trying to stay off the emotional roller coaster lately, if at all possible, and avoiding conflicts as much as i can. Too tired of being so very tired.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Moderators

I think this merits a bump, unfortunately. Apologies to those who disagree.

PS I have always felt 2 kinds of people do this: losers who think it's amusing, and people with mental health issues who are desperate for attention. But a 3d kind came to my attention: psychology "students" or other yahoos who do it for class or whatever other reason. But to me it doesn't really matter; all are pathetic and warped in their own way. I pity them.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

I think this merits a bump, unfortunately. Apologies to those who disagree.

PS I have always felt 2 kinds of people do this: losers who think it's amusing, and people with mental health issues who are desperate for attention. But a 3d kind came to my attention: psychology "students" or other yahoos who do it for class or whatever other reason. But to me it doesn't really matter; all are pathetic and warped in their own way. I pity them.

If you come across any of these "students", you're welcome to send them to me. They're welcome to sit with me in my empty house and watch me fall apart several times a day. They can ask all the questions they want. I hope they don't mind if I get so hysterical I can't speak. I'm halfway there now. The keyboard is my only outlet a lot of the time.

They can have as much time as they want. Maybe they'll get a clue.

K

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Guests

Wow, I just stumbled across this thread. I was starting to wonder about this. I t just never occurred to me that someone would want to do this sort of thing on this site, until a few days ago. So much for any remaining faith in humanity. Yeah, there's weirdos everywhere, but to emotionally prey on people when they are in agony is reprehensible.

On a side note, most everyone here has been more than wonderful and some have even saved me when I was my at lowest. They probably don't even know that they did anything. They were just being themselves.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

What happened?? Who is the faker if I may ask?? I hope I didn't talk to them!!!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
MissingDaniel

To think anybody would do that to me is just sad. None of us really WANT to be here, but circumstances have made it so that we need the support from each other. And there are wonderful people here. I just hate to think others would be so manipulative when people are at their most vulnerable. What a world....

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Thats really sad. Ive read the thread thru and there are some very wise folk here. The fact is that you cant tell online if someone is who and what they say they are. You have to take it on trust and go from there, and id hate to think anyone would miss out on the support that i know this place can bring because people were wary of fakers. Each person, each case, is always different, and we simply have to treat each as real.......maybe it IS just some college kid being a jerk, but maybe being treated with kindness might make them think twice....yeah ok, a little unicorns and sparkles there, but i TRY to think the best of the world. Its not easy a lot of the time. i know in my own case, every time i hear a story on here, or in the chat, my heart bleeds. Thats the reason that every so often i have to take a break from here. I just cant take it. Its a satisfying feeling maybe being able to help someone else but it takes it out of me and i have to recharge emotionally. The thought that that pain may have been for nothing is irritating, but nothing on the thought that perhaps i may NOT have spent the time and energy to help someone else who REALLY needed it, who really had to have someone listen to them. But i know that theres nothing i can do about that. All i can say is that this place is full of kind, supportive and most of all, HOPEFUL people who deserve happiness and who are doing their best to find it and help others to find it too and thats just wonderful. Please dont ever lose that, everyone. You give me hope for the world and for myself personally.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Moderators

Well said all. And again pardon if I sound kind of harsh - in fact, when I think of it, even if someone is throwing out some story which is totally untrue, obviously they still have serious mental issues regardless of the reason (whether it's a cry for attention, or immaturity, whatever), so unless one is really sure, I think it's generally best to assume they are truthful. I will say I tend to be more guarded around people I suspect, but I'm kind of that way anyway. :) PS Judy, this isn't about any one specific person; general observation. They seem to sort of come and go.

PS: not sure if it was touched on but there is another reason to be cautious I was just reminded of: if someone starts asking or hinting at asking for money, or starts to ask for a lot of very specific personal info, like an address etc - pls be careful.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

These are just some of my thoughts..and not directed at any specific person or persons, really.

I try to take each story as serious, until I am told it isn't. I'd rather feel a bit foolish, for "wasting" sympathy on apretender, than to say or do anything that hurts someone who needs someone to listen. It can be more important than you know.

I have found this experience to be the absolute most difficult thing to ever get through..and for the sake of my sanity..I hope it remains that way. If there are a few out there, who for curiosity, or research, who come here just to see what it's like.. I choose to hope that it is for better purposes than to try and make fun of, or to benefit from other people's pain, although sadly I realize there are those people. Thankfully, i meet few of them.

If by some chance one of the curious ones is reading this.. I hope you realize..this is a shattering experience to live through. From my personal experience..I can safely say, that i will never be the same. My life up to that moment was all "we"..now it isn't. I have good memories..but "we" also had plans, and hopes, and dreams..and I thought I had time. That's the most terrible thing now- time. From the viewpoint of a year later..i believe the pain is forever.. How do i describe to you the utter bewilderment that strikes at the oddest times..the feeling of total unreality, that this can be happening. How can i describe for you accurately, what it's like to see something, or hear something, and in excitement turn to share the experience with...someone who is no longer there. To wake up feeling wonderful, from a sleep, to turn over and realize ...he's not beside you. To suddenly KNOW- forever doesn't last that long. Sadness- It's daily, hourly..sometimes every minute of a very long, dark, day. Some days now..it's only a few minutes, now and then, at thoughts of what might have been. It's no longer getting off work to hurry home..because there's really no reason to . It's feeling as though you are going to just start crying or screaming, and not be able to stop. It's an aching loneliness, and a desperate need to be able to say just one more word, to the person you used to be able to talk to for hours. it's waking up in the middle of the night, in an empty space that used to be your home..

Luckily, we can come here, and sometimes find others, who have been through the same things, or are experiencing the same pains..who understand , and who don't tell us to get over it, never laugh at our fears, or tell us to grow up, or make fun of our memories. That's what we are doing here..we are holding hands in the dark, and helping each other walk down the most frightening paths life can throw at us. If you haven't shared the experience, you can't know..and I pray that you never will- for this is a pain that few can bear -losing people you love. If you wanted an idea of what it's like..that's all i have to give you.

Please be kind to those here..if you come to just look. The people here are gathering their strength, and trying to find a light in the darkness.If you can light a candle of hope and kindness- you are welcome. If there are questions you have, ask them, and be patient..someone will answer if they can. If you are here to look for answers, for peace, or just for someone to listen...I hope you find what you need in this place. So many have been here for me, to them i will always be grateful. For as someone has already said..they may not even know that they did anything..but they did more than anyone else could have.... because they were here and cared at the critical time.

If you are alone and feel there is no hope , and no-one to care...and no friends to be found..then this is a good place to be...because there are good people here. And they are real, and they are honest. Act accordingly. Someday, it may be your turn to walk this path, and make this journey...may you find friends like these. Peace be with us all. Silver

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Silvergirl - your post made me cry, I mean you nailed it...the feelings that I have constantly. "We" doesn't exist anymore, that is a real hard reality to swallow. The only thing that keeps me going is that I hear my husband saying to me "nothing has changed, I'm still here with you. Just do what you would be doing." I know he is here with me because he has given me a few signs. So I go on, trying so hard but constantly being overcome with fear. I am so glad to have found this forum.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

These are just some of my thoughts..and not directed at any specific person or persons, really.

I try to take each story as serious, until I am told it isn't. I'd rather feel a bit foolish, for "wasting" sympathy on apretender, than to say or do anything that hurts someone who needs someone to listen. It can be more important than you know.

I have found this experience to be the absolute most difficult thing to ever get through..and for the sake of my sanity..I hope it remains that way. If there are a few out there, who for curiosity, or research, who come here just to see what it's like.. I choose to hope that it is for better purposes than to try and make fun of, or to benefit from other people's pain, although sadly I realize there are those people. Thankfully, i meet few of them.

If by some chance one of the curious ones is reading this.. I hope you realize..this is a shattering experience to live through. From my personal experience..I can safely say, that i will never be the same. My life up to that moment was all "we"..now it isn't. I have good memories..but "we" also had plans, and hopes, and dreams..and I thought I had time. That's the most terrible thing now- time. From the viewpoint of a year later..i believe the pain is forever.. How do i describe to you the utter bewilderment that strikes at the oddest times..the feeling of total unreality, that this can be happening. How can i describe for you accurately, what it's like to see something, or hear something, and in excitement turn to share the experience with...someone who is no longer there. To wake up feeling wonderful, from a sleep, to turn over and realize ...he's not beside you. To suddenly KNOW- forever doesn't last that long. Sadness- It's daily, hourly..sometimes every minute of a very long, dark, day. Some days now..it's only a few minutes, now and then, at thoughts of what might have been. It's no longer getting off work to hurry home..because there's really no reason to . It's feeling as though you are going to just start crying or screaming, and not be able to stop. It's an aching loneliness, and a desperate need to be able to say just one more word, to the person you used to be able to talk to for hours. it's waking up in the middle of the night, in an empty space that used to be your home..

Luckily, we can come here, and sometimes find others, who have been through the same things, or are experiencing the same pains..who understand , and who don't tell us to get over it, never laugh at our fears, or tell us to grow up, or make fun of our memories. That's what we are doing here..we are holding hands in the dark, and helping each other walk down the most frightening paths life can throw at us. If you haven't shared the experience, you can't know..and I pray that you never will- for this is a pain that few can bear -losing people you love. If you wanted an idea of what it's like..that's all i have to give you.

Please be kind to those here..if you come to just look. The people here are gathering their strength, and trying to find a light in the darkness.If you can light a candle of hope and kindness- you are welcome. If there are questions you have, ask them, and be patient..someone will answer if they can. If you are here to look for answers, for peace, or just for someone to listen...I hope you find what you need in this place. So many have been here for me, to them i will always be grateful. For as someone has already said..they may not even know that they did anything..but they did more than anyone else could have.... because they were here and cared at the critical time.

If you are alone and feel there is no hope , and no-one to care...and no friends to be found..then this is a good place to be...because there are good people here. And they are real, and they are honest. Act accordingly. Someday, it may be your turn to walk this path, and make this journey...may you find friends like these. Peace be with us all. Silver

I am a new member. Lost my lovely wife of 13 years on aug 28th .. I will post my story later today .. this post nails my feelings and thoughts .. I am glad I found this site :)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Good reminder

Some one tried to scam me after I shared my story and personal information on the Leukemia Lymphoma Society discussion boards. I was told that I was targeted because some disgusting people were able to locate my husband's obituary and from there get more information regarding me (addresses, work history, affiliations, etc.). I had to change all email addresses, passwords, and get new bank and credit cards. That's why I give my real first name to few on any website. I have not given my last name to anyone on any website.

Unfortunately, we have to be careful. Bad people target those who are most vulnerable and trusting.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Nothing is sacred any more.  Even through chat here, I got suckered into talking on facebook with the claim that their connection to this site kept kicking them out.  No, I do not want to look at naked portraits.  Now I'm being spammed.  Lesson learned.  It never occurred to me that people would stoop so low as to play with the emotions of those that are already hurting so bad.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
MissingDaniel

Frankly, you got that one too?  I actually took her seriously and chatted with her a few times on Facebook and felt sorry for her with the story about her son, but the naked portraits really threw me off, and then I noticed she changed her name on Facebook, but kept the same profile picture.  Cut that one off!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Wow. I guess I should feel lucky that I haven't run into anyone like that on here. I have seen spam messages but I don't believe I have run into anyone who has pretended they lost someone just to target some of us for something.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Do be careful, I too have fallen victim to a few liars. Widower knows my story. I had decided to answer a man in the terminal illness section...wow...was he ever good. Dying and no insurance or money for pain killers, etc. I agree completely that you MUST be guarded and careful. If your instincts tell you that it does not seem right...well, then it most likely is not. Yes, it is awful to think that somebody would sink that low. Unfortunately, they are out there.

 

Be guarded in the info you share and contact the mods if need be. Kate

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Moderators

Yep - word to the wise:  NEVER give out ANY personal info including full name, address, etc online anywhere......here, facebook, whatever...to someone you don't really know very well.  And be careful who you "friend" on Facebook, depending on what kind of info you have available to "friends" there. 

 

It seems the internet is a fertile breeding ground for slime, unfortunately, and it is very easy for anyone to say they are anything on the internet...and some are such pathetic losers they will go to great lengths to fake it, even over a length of time. As soon as the topic turns to money I would be especially careful. Not suggesting you rip on someone however, for various reasons, like they might be legit, or have serious mental/emotional problems vs "trolling," or just be desperate for attention - and if they are trolling, that means they get off on making other people mad, so if you rip on them, you're just giving them what they want.....so I'd suggest just being polite and offer generic advice or simply ignore them (not responding at all). One thing trolls can't stand is being ignored.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Moderators

...and again, unfortunately, it appears this merits a bump.....

And again, I'm afraid.  

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Wow. I can't believe that someone would want this kind of pain. I would trade every second of every minute of it to have my wife back again. I also would trade everything for her. I wish I could just as all of you would. To fake this pain and try to thrive of this deep powerful grieving process we are going through is horrible. And I send my fb to those who are similar to me and my loss. Not cause I want anything from them. And if anyone wants more than a friend from me sorry. Wrong guy. Wish everyone here as much peace as possible in their horrible process they are going through.

Richard

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

This site uses cookies We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue. and uses these terms of services Terms of Use.