Jump to content
Forum Conduct & Guidelines Document ×

Memories


twmkmforever

Recommended Posts

  • Members
waynesliljeanne

Ahh, memories. they bring smiles, they bring tears, they add, they take away. so many moments that we cannot recapture, so many more that flit away as we live these of the past again in our hearts and minds, wishing that they could be the present. christmas used to be my favorite time, the month of dec. holds so many dates - our wedding anniversary, christmas, my birthday - it was a whole month of special times.

now it is a whole month of empty wishes, missing love, unanswered longing. if it didn't mean adding more quickly to the time my love has been gone i would choose to jump right into january and a new year. but a new year is just a glimpse of another 12 months of unquenchable desires. 365 days of wanting what can't be had, of looking for what can't be found. i wonder at the realization that instead of getting "easier", it is harder, instead of finding even an uneasy peace, i miss him more than i did before. after almost 2 years of living hell, i am still hoping to waken and find it was all a prolonged nightmare; finely detailed, but false.

i have many, many wonderful memories, i frequently take them out, fondle them, and carefully put them away for the next time. even the not so good ones, since letting go of any memory is more than my tortured psyche can bear to consider.

they are, after all, the closest things left of my lost love. 26 years we had, 23 as husband and wife, half a lifetime not enough.

he may be only a heart beat or breath or a thought away, but it is too far.

The way it feels without you

I reach out

But I cannot touch you

I close my eyes

But I cannot see you

I lay still, waiting

But I cannot feel you

I listen – with my heart

But I cannot hear you

I send my spirit searching

But I cannot find you

I didn’t realize that when

You left you would be so

Completely – gone.

how does one go about finding what is lost, when i don't even know what i'm looking for?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Replies 107
  • Created
  • Last Reply
  • Members

New Year's Eve.... we danced under shining balls,partied with friends, and made wonderful memories. Even after we had to give up dancing due to his health, we embraced and swayed to music and "pretended" we were dancing. I can close my eyes, feel his arms around me, hear the musci and still dance in my heart where he is. Love ya always, rodster! Mary Jo

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

To my beloved Ishaq on New Year's Eve, 2006:

The clock is ticking off the minutes

Before a different year begins

And I am alone,

Here in our house with memories

Of new years past.

Quietly together, holding one another

As the din of celebrants breaks the silence

Where are you this year?

When the hour chimes twelve

Is your spirit watching over me

Holding me in a shadowy embrace

As the clock slides into a new cycle?

Do you sigh for the body you have left,

Or is your joy so complete in your new form

That you no longer miss it?

Or do you sometimes remember

The touch of our earthly lips

And long for the touch

Of my hands in your hair?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
waynesliljeanne

Armaiti

very beautiful. I think we all have reason to feel the words you have written here.

rodless,

I wish I could see my Wayne - but for some reason, his face does not allow itself to be seen in my minds eye. usually, if you look at a photo or out a window, the image still remains for a bit when you close your eyes. but when i look at pictures of wayne, there is a blankness - sometimes a black but colorful swirling, but no image. How very wonderful that you can bring his memory to you. I pray it keeps you in good stead.

To every one,

I pray that this year will bring you the strength you need to take each step, the peace you search for in your soul, and the ability to recognize and hang on to the small joys that do come your way - to store up against the onslaught of loss and sorrow. each day we get through brings us that much closer to the reunion we all wish for.

and getting through them together makes the minutes a little less torturous.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

I haven't posted here in a while because it was important to me to start replacing those last memories. They were the ones of Stanley lying on that table in the morgue and then in that casket. He was a big, strong, vital man and his death just didn't compute. The good times we had, even the not so good were all overridden by those last impressions that I couldn't escape. And since I wasn't prepared to say goodbye, it was nearly impossible to find a place inside of me where it just didn't hurt like hell to remember him. I was always trying to hold on and let go at the same time. As time has moved on I've come to realize that I have to let him go for my emotional and spiritual health, but I can hold on to his memory without fear of losing my mind. And today more than any day in the year since he passed, the value of those memories was never more evident. His people wanted me to talk about him today so that they could feel the love that he and I shared. And the degree of my healing never more important as I was able to do it without having to worry about people worrying about me. Stanley had the most generous spirit, a truly gracious heart and an inner strength that just made people gravitate to him. There wasn't anyone who met him that wasn't honestly affected. He was my prince and I still hate how much I miss him. But I thank God I'll always have the memories.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

I went to the hospital this week to see a friend and as I walked on the floor where Rod spent so much time, memories started battering at me. I thought about the way he always greeted me with a long drawling "Howdy" and a smile when I walked in the room no matter how bad he was feeling. What a trouper.... Love ya Rodster! MJ

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Tomorrow is me and Michael's wedding anniversary. I was thinking about what we did last year for it. It was brunch at a table next to a fireplace with a view of the waterfalls with a champagne toast. We took pictures too. I remember how much we laughed and how much fun it was. I miss him so very much!!!!!!! I love you Michael, you're my angel!!!!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Rodless:

I was very sad to read about your memory of your "Rodster" in the hospital. I smiled when you talked about what he used to say. I know you may not find much comfort in words, but my thoughts and prayers are with you.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Mariemikey... Thanks. At first I had so much trouble with memories. They just devastated me. Now once in awhile they can even make me laugh. I loved that man so much I can't even describe it. He was such a patient and giving person. We both had bad first marriages so we took real joy in ours finally knowing what acceptance and trust were truly about. I'm sorry you're on this road. Will say a prayer for you tomorrow. Mary Jo

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Rodless:

Thank you for the prayer. It gives me a sense of safety in a way. I am glad that you are able to have nicer memories. I have to believe that the kind of love you describe will live on forever in your heart for him; I know that's what I believe for me and Michael. Tomorrow is our 13th year wedding anniversary. I have a therapy appointment too since it will be a hard day.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Rod...I saw my first robin of the season today. It made me laugh and then cry as I remembered the way you were always pointing out the robins and the way I wouldn't look because I wanted to find one for myself. I hope there are lots of robins where you are now and that you are seeing every one of them. I miss you so much. MJ

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

My memories of my husband in the beginning were very painful for me to remember as I felt robbed. I felt stripped of everything we worked our entire lives for. I was just numb for the longes time. I cried then and I continued to cry afterwards. I still cry. I always know exactly what he would say. I even knew what he would want to eat. We slept together in the fetal position at night. I think we were twin souls! We were like "bread and butter". From the time we were 14 until we were 48. I can still see his gorgeous blue eyes. The way he walked. The smile of fondness he always had for me. I marvel at what a fantastic dad he was and husband. And, a great man for the community. The world is less without him but better just from having him here for a short while. He is forever in my heart. I feel him closer to me with each passing day. As if he never left...I just can't see him. He guides me and I feel it. I miss him with every cell of my body.

I don't know where life is going to take me now but I know there are no plans because plans are broken. One day at a time for me.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Ishaq, I've been working hard to get our garden back in shape...you were always so proud of the work you'd done out there - the brick border in the front, the stepping stones and all...it's really hard to do it all myself this year, but I'm keeping on. The first strawberries are almost ready and I'll put the first one on your altar, and the first raspberry and the first tomato. Remember that old Norther Exposure with Ed's Indian spirit guide, One Who Waits? He couldn't eat any more because he was dead and a spirit, but he still liked to smell the food. Maybe you can smell the flowers I put on your altar, and the fruits, even if you can't eat them. Or maybe you'll surprise me one morning wand I'll wake up and find the strawberry or raspberries or tomato no longer on the altar. And I'll hear a big "WOW, look at that!" from you in my dreams, like you said last year when I brought you the first fruits of our labors.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Next Wednesday is the three year anniversary that my husband went to heaven....today, I planted rose bushes...7 in all for all my relatives who have passed within 5 years. When I am gardening is when I feel the closest to them....I must admit that my zest was lost and I am trying with each new day to gain strength. I feel that hald of me was lost the day my husband left me but I know he is forever with me and we will be together again... I love you D.A. and you are forever in my heart.......

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
misshimstill

Sweet Lamar,

I just discovered this memory page. I have always written to you in my journal, but tonight I write to you in this. I remember so many things, but they bring me only sadness as I realize I will never again in this life be able to make another memory with you. I remember the first time we met, of you sitting in your little red car with Greg, driving toward me as I stood on the hill. I remember our first date. How could I ever forget it? I remember the first time you kissed me that night before I went back into the dorm. I remember your birthday that year and making the birthday cake for you. I remember seeing you at the Homecoming game and wishing I was sitting with you, wishing I was dancing with you that night at the dance. Then I remember you calling me the next night, a Sunday night, and excitedly getting ready for another date with you, the first of many after that. My sweet one, I fell in love with you on our first date. I only continued to love you more with each day that passed after that. I remember the first time you told me you loved me, and I was so shy I didn't know what to say back. I remember when we started to talk about getting married. I remember talking to the priest to get my questions answered, and then you saying to me as we walked together to the car, "We don't need to go any further with this." And I asked why. Then you said, "Because I'm not a Catholic. I agree with you, not with him." And that settled it. I remember waiting so impatiently the week before we eloped, waiting for you to come back to school to get me and take me away to be your wife. I remember our life together after that - so perfect in every way - until it was so swiftly and unexpectedly taken away from us. We were so young. We had our whole lives in front of us - and you were gone. I remember saying, "Goodbye, Honey. I'll see you again someday" as I walked out of the church at the end of your funeral. How could I have envisioned how long my life would be without you in it? How could I have imagined how long my lifetime would stretch out in front of me, keeping me from seeing you beautiful smile, your wavy auburn hair shining in the sunlight... watching you paint in the evenings, sitting cross-legged on the living room floor with your paints all around you. I miss our life together. I miss being with you. I miss snuggling with you at night. I miss kissing you and holding you and being held by you. Yes, I look forward to seeing you again one Day, but until then, I just plain miss you. I pray for the Lord to hasten the day when we see each other again because my heart continues to break a little every day we're apart. I don't believe I can handle too many more like the last four years have been. I miss you SO much! I know you miss me, too, because I have sensed you saying that to me. I know you watch me from Heaven and have seen my longing and sadness. Please, Jesus! I need to see him again soon.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

A year ago last night we were home together. Little did we know what the next day would bring... a long hospital stay and then hospice. Sometimes it all seems so long ago and at others just yesterday. You will always be in my heart and I am so grateful for the years we had together and I will remember all the starry nights. Love you, Rodster!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

It has been 3 years now...and I know for sure that I will never feel the same again. I miss you with every breathe I take. I am still numb with all that has happened. My memories are so beautiful but at the same time they sadden me as I know there will be no more. I miss those gorgeous blue eyes of yours. I remember every little thing about you. Your lashes, ears, nose, mouth, teeth, arms, hands and fingers, your legs, your walk, your smile and grin, your timely sense of humor, your dedication, your loyaly, you kindness and your love...I could go on and on. It is complete torture without you. The world goes on but my heart has been punctured. I go on for our beautiful kids that I know you adored. You would be so proud of them. It isn't pretty at times but we are pulling together as a family to make it happen. And, it is all for you and in your honor. I miss you so damn bad it hurts. I miss you and I still ask god to send you back to me. I loved you in the most profound way and things will never be the same no matter how hard I try. I deserve a Oscar award for my performance. I miss everyday without you. The only way I can sleep at night is to take drugs and I welcome that. I pray you are in the most glorious place imaginable and full of love especially after all the earthly suffering and disappointment you endured......I am sorry for all of that. You did not deserve any of that. Especially in humans who hide behind the cross and don't practice what that preach.......I love you and you are forever in my heart....to the core of my being. There will never be another like you. Til we meet again!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Another father's day without you. How I remember your last father's day on this earth. I pray you are celebrating today with all the other father's and seeing the results of your incredible love and nurturing you gave our boys. They are so wonderful and it is due to you. We miss you. We love you.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Honey, I wanted to wish you a wonderful father's day. I miss you a lot and wish you were here to celebrate. We would usually make it a day to do whatever you wanted. Your son was always with us on this special day, and I know it will be hard for him to spend father's day without you. Dani and Drew left you nice father's day wishes at the cemetary. I have comfort and joy in knowing that you are spending father's day with your son, Darshaun, in heaven. This is your first father's day together in 6 years. You are a wonderful father and man. Thank you for being a part of my life. I love you and miss you. Brandi

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Honey, I miss you more with each passing day. The world feels so big and I feel so alone in it. I am busy and I am moving forward but it is not the same without you in it. My heart breaks for so many reasons. Grieving is so difficult. It has so many twist and turns. People don't know how to deal with it so they leave it alone. It is like a tunnel. I am in it but others are on the other side. The anger is more than a person can bare. So, it is taken in small doses in order to survive it all. I have an on/off switch in my head that helps me control my feelings. I am disappointed in so many things. We lived by the golden rule and I am so saddened to find out how driven this world is by money. I hate that so much. I stand alone with my aching heart. I wonder what happened to the ones who claimed to always be here for me. They couldn't handle my saddness and grief. They were use to us being the ones taking care of them. Well, really there isn't much that has changed as far as that goes because you and I always stoof alone but together....strong! My heart aches for you. No-one can understand that longing and love because many have never had this kind of love......You are always in my heart.....Wait for me! I love you.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Oh Laura, I so feel you pain and discouragement. I have often wanted to shout to Rod... wait for me! I'm sure they are waiting for us but it seems like a long time coming. Take heart in how far you have come and in the fact you will be with your loved one again. Mary Jo

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Rod, one year ago you left me behind on earth when you flew high and beyond pain and suffering. I celebrate your freedom. Tomorrow may be different but for today I am at peace. Love you always Rodster. Mary Jo

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Thank you Mary Jo....I do know how far I have come without my love but I still miss him as if it was yesterday. I know everyone here feels the same. Bless you in your journey. It is taking two steps forward and one back. It seems that it will never end. I know we will never get "over it" but it is that we will/are learning to manage our emotions. There are days that I still just feel it is all a bad dream and it has been 3 years for me. I am going through PTSD because of our situation. My children are amazing and keep me going but I am experiencing the "empty nest syndrome" to a degree because they are teenagers and always on the go.

You are right...we will be with our loved ones again. It is an eternity it seems for us but only seems like seconds to them which means they are in heavenly bliss.

Thank you for supporting me.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Ishaq, a year ago tomorrow was our last trip together...we went up the Umpqua River Scenic Byway, swimming first at Rock Creek. I took a bunch of pictures of you that day, and there is the one where you are sitting in the river, your hand raised as if in farewell or blessing. I showed you that picture the next day, and noticed how the light made it seem your hand was glowing...we swam in the Umpqua River, and we hiked to Susan Creek Falls and played in the icy cold pool below the falls. Then we went into Roseburg for Greek food and to see the free Leo Kotke concert at the river park. We'd talked for years about going to one of these concerts and we finally went. I remember we had a little tif about where to sit...and I heard the words of my friend whose husband had died six months before, suddenly. She had said "appreciate your man while you have him, because you never know when he may be gone". And so I got over the annoyance that I had and we had a great time, sitting by the river, listening to Leo Kotke play amazing guitar. I felt I couldn't be happier, or have a better life, than the one I was living right then. I had no idea that in three short days, it would all change, and you would fly away and leave me here. But I have our memories, our trips together, our good times, to tide me over until I can be with you again.

All my love,

Anna

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

babe - i just saw this thread and thought i would share a memory of you here. kerri and i had to leave the beach yesterday because of severe thunderstorms. we sat at her place hoping it would get sunny again. it didn't until later, but it reminded me of last year, probably around the same time, when i picked you up at the train station and it was pouring and hailing. the wind was so strong i could hardly open the car door when we got to our place, and the rain was so heavy we were drenched within seconds. but i remember running down the street from where we parked to our appartment, and surprisingly how much fun it was to be in the rain like that. and then i lost my shoe in a puddle haha and ran the rest of the way barefoot. and i remember finally getting to our appartment and drying off and how hard we were laughing and how we spent the rest of the night just being with each other. talking, and making dinner and holding hands. it was probably one of the best nights i can think of with you. better than the fancy restaurants or clubs or parties. just me and you. i know it seems like an insignificant memory, but it made me miss you so much. kerri was sleeping and i was just crying watching the rain. i wish you were here so we could have days and nights like that again. i love you so much. i can't wait until i can see you again.

"Lost love is still love. It just takes a different form, that's all. You can't hold their hand, you can't tousle their hair......But when those senses weaken, another one comes to life.....Memory. Memory becomes your partner. You hold it, you dance with it..... Life has to end, Love doesn't"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Fourteen years ago we were on our way to the church to get married.. a hot, hot July day. I looked at the pictures today and can see the happiness on both of our faces. We were meant to be together even if it was just a short time. Love you always,Rodster! I wouldn't have missed a minute of it. MJ

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

To my darlin'

Today is our wedding anniversary. I miss you so deeply. You are forever with me and always in my heart! There will never be another like you. I pray your in total peace. My thoughts and prayers are with you every minute of everyday. I wait for the day we will be together forever in eternity! I know the kids miss you and are lost without you. I am doing my best to keep them all going as I know how much you adored them. It is a pain that I don't think will ever go away but in my heart I know you are with all of us. Send me a sign of what it is like to be with god and what it is like in heaven/other side.....I trust that is where you are. I am so lost without you but I can still see you and remember every inch of you like it was just today that I saw you. I WANT YOU BACK...I begged god for two solid years to send you back to me but finally realized that would never be.....I call it torture! I guess this is the price to pay when we lose someone as dearly as you were/are to me. Til' we meet again......I LOVE YOU. YOU ARE CLOSER TO ME THAN MY OWN HEART WHICH MEANS WE ARE SOULMATES.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Kathy51... thank you for posting me and your support. I hate this rollercoater ride we are on. I am exhausted. Life isn't fair but we must go on because our husbands would not want us to give up.

You are in my prayers.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Well, Rod, I'm heading for the hills. It won't be the same. Maybe it will be a disaster but I have to go... you know how the pine trees call my name. I remember the year you were so stressed out from work. You did a jig all over the driveway singing "I'm on vacation! I'm on vacation!" I can see you still. I will probably see you still a lot of places in the next few days, but I can't miss you any worse than I do each day at home. Love you always, Rodster. MJ

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Ishaq, tomorrow is Eugene Celebration and our band is playing again, without you. I have some great pictures they took of you, the last time we played the Saturday Market Stage. And we'll be doing the roaming stages again, with the Tribal belly dance girls. Remember the first time we did that? It was the Friday night part of the Celebration, and it started to pour the second we started playing and they started dancing. We dashed from stage to stage, playing our instruments and trying not to get soaked, though we did anyway. But we had so much fun. You and I came home to a hot bath and listened to the rain fall outside. I so loved snuggling up with you and listening to the rain fall.

Last night I dreamt of you singing and having a great time. You still sing with me, even if you aren't here in the flesh, and I will always hear your voice singing with me know when I perform, and hear the strains of your guitar whenever I sing Miserlou. I still sing for you, Ishaq, and always will. And I know that you can hear me.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Today was our little J.P.'s first football game. You know how you always wanted the boys to play football, but I never would let them because I was afraid of them getting hurt. I decided to let go of that fear this football season because I know they have a guardian angel dad now who will watch over them and protect them. You should have seen him today, baby...he was having fun and trying really hard to do everything the coaches asked him to do. I was so proud of him. You would have had a blast watching them play today. He told me he was going to play well today for you. I feel so badly for the boys, not having you around to help them with football and other "guy" things. I'm pretty useless in that respect. I couldn't even help J.P. put the pads in his football pants. He told me, "Daddy would know how to do this." I know you would. I just keep trying, and keep praying that you and God will watch over us and help us to get through one more day without you. The boys and I love you and miss you so much. When will this get easier?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

I know your with me Peter. You talk to me when I ask a question. Your spirit lives but we can not touch & I miss & love you so much!!!

My feelings expressed by another here ...

By samrtb

"You can't hold their hand, you can't tousle their hair......But when those senses weaken, another one comes to life.....Memory. Memory becomes your partner. You hold it, you dance with it....."

Thank you for expressing what I could not.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Rod, This is not a special day but you have been on my mind all through it. I mowed for the last time, put the mower and garden hose away, trimmed up the yard and did all those little getting ready for winter tasks....stuff you loved to do. Took the dog for a walk in the cemtery and told you I missed you. Just another day without you. Love you always, Rodster!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Honey, U have been gone for a year today.  I was just thinking about our last few days together and how great they were.  I wish I could hear you wish me happy birthday today just like you did a year ago.  We were both excited about a weekend away.  Little did we know it would be our last.  I miss watching football on Sundays with you.  I miss you so much.  I love you always and forever.  Brandi

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Its been a month today Oct.29th that god called you home.But i miss you so much i keep asking my self why you had to get sick and leave me but god wanted you home with him.I know someday we will see each other again.You were my husband ,lover,and my best friend Richard i love and miss you so much.Im trying real hard to get thru this,i just hope that everyone will under stand what im going thru right now.They say    as time goes on it will get easier i sure hope so.Today some  people came to the door and  i was crying and i couldnt even talk to them to see what they wanted.This helps alittle just writing this message to you but it dont take the lonelyness away so be patient with me while i grieve for you and ill see you in my dreams love you forever your wife Sue

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Ishaq, tonight the winds are howling outside.  At the coast they are having 100 mph winds, and there are flood watches all over the county here inland.  I remember those nights that you had to go out in horrible weather to help some family hit with a disaster because you were in charge of that for the Red Cross.  I remember how I always felt so safe when you got home and I could curl up in your arms and listen to the winds.  Remember when the trees fell in the park across the street?  Three 150  foot trees, and it shook the house like an explosion with each one that fell.  You wanted to go stand in the street and watch - you always wanted to be right in the thick of things.

Tonight as the winds howl I hope you are watching over me.  I hope I feel your presence tonight when I curl up on my side of the bed, keeping me safe from the storm outside.  I know you are with me, I do feel your presence so very often, but I miss your physical presence so much.  I know your love is with me forever.

I love you forever,

Anna

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Today as I was walking around the cemetery in the snow I remembered the day I went to the trailer and asked you to go for a walk with me. You thought I was nuts because of the new snow but you trudged around the lake to humor me. We did a lot of laughing that day. I miss hearing your laugh. It was such a joyous sound. Love ya always, Rodster!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Sweetheart,

It's been several months since I posted here.  I logged on to be able to read what I had written to you several months back.  I had forgotten I had written it just one day before our anniversary. 

It's just a couple of days after Christmas... another Christmas without you.  How have I lived through so many Christmasses since you left me on that Christmas so long ago?  I miss you so much.  I know after so many years of grieving I will never stop.  I will always miss you and want to be with you.  I will love you for Eternity. 

April found the picture that had fallen out of the album... my favorite picture of you leaning against the tree you had carved our initials into.  I look at that picture and I just want to run into your arms, lean my head against your chest and stay there forever.  I see you sometimes in my dreams, but I wake up missing you even more.  I did not think it could even be possible to miss someone as much as I miss you. 

I lit a candle and kept it in the kitchen with me on Christmas Eve as I cooked throughout the day.  It helped ease the pain a little bit.  It made me feel that maybe you weren't as far from me as I think you are sometimes.  It made me feel that maybe you were there in the kitchen with me.  If only I could see you, touch you, hold you, kiss you!  But it only happens in my dreams. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Today I took Niki to get a haircut. I've been doing that okay since you left us but today the memories started bombarding me....stopping at the airplane shop "for just a minute", having coffee at Casey's, riding back and forth talking to each other and laughing about how perfumy she smells when she's done at the Poochie-Do. It was 18 months yesterday. Some days it might as well be 18 minutes, others it seems like 18 yrs. I miss you everyday and love you always, Rodster.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Tim, There are so many times I know you are right here with me.  But, not the way I want you here!  I am sure you have seen the pain your death has brought on all of us.   Life without you has been the hardest thing I have ever done and I do not think I am as strong as you thought I am or would be.   You left too soon, remember the doctors said you could have 3-5years.  14 months flew by so quickly.  I will NEVER forget our last month together, in hindsight, I know you were preparing me with all the things you did and said that I would be able to hang onto the rest of my life.  But OH God! I want YOU!

I am sure you've seen I had to buy a car...... Yesterday leaving for work there was a squeak somewhere in the dash.  And, I was immediately with you.  Teasing me about the difference between a new squeak and an old squeak!  I really had to smile for a minute and then the pain stabs through my heart - when I realize the moments only you and I knew what it meant were gone.  Never to have anymore.   We were great together, Tim and I know we had a great friendship, marriage and love life.  I will never find anything like it ever again.  Thank you for giving me those 37 years of marriage and being my other half-there really is no life for me without you.

Love you mucher, Cheryl

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
carlawarla

Hi baby love, I miss you so much.  why did you leave me alone? You always said we'll never be separated you always said " Love you forevever" How could you have left me alone like this?   I came to see you today can't imagine you there undeground in the cold earth. You should be here with me holding me, kissing me making love to me. We had so may plans, so many trips to take , so many ploaces to see. why why  why did you leave me? You know that life has got no meaning without you. We were together since I was 18  now I am 52 my whole life was centered around you. QWe fought we argued we quarrelled but we were always together. My baby love If you can get in touch with me remember what we said " The first one to go comes back to give a message" I stay in bed at night and call you Leonard please come to me please come and hold my hand bvut you don't come why?  My baby love remember my note with the heart ( my special heart you know what I mean, only you know what I mean) and please come and see me tonight in my dreams hold me kiss me make love to me only the way you know how and love me forever I will come and see you soon.  Love you forever my babylove your Carlawarla

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
carlawarla

Hi baby love. It's Sunday Adrian and Jackie are outside cleaning the pool. I'm in font of the TV embroidering yes it's the same emboidery that I showed you in the hospital. When you saw it you said " you're crazy. You're going to go blind" Baby love why did you go? You sid something very funny not long ago. We were talking about dying and you sai " I'm going to miss you when one of us is gone" and then you laughed and said " I don't know why I said that" Well the one gone is you and I miss you so very much. Last night I cried myself to sleep cried and cried until I thought my eyes were going to pop out. I call you at night baby why don't you come to me is there really nothing left? You were never an easy person to live with you never showed your love but I know that your love for me went very very deep. I miss you I miss you taking care of me. i tried to use an ouija board I called I begged you to come but nothing only silence why?  Please baby come ant take me away with you life is meaningless without you there is no joy left in the world I want to come and see you and as soon as the kids are settled down I will come I promise.  Love you forever Carlawarla

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
carlawarla

Hi baby loce it seems that this is our special place. i write to you but why don't you answer? Today aolo-eyes is cominmg to take pictures of your beloved bikes. I always got mad at you when you bought another bike and now they are all here in our garage waiting for you. Baby we are very tight with money so I'm so sorry but some bikes will have to go. I miss you so much I miss you more everyday that passes by. Your son is suffeing so much he misses you so much I feel for him. Baby love wait until everything is fixed up and then plese come and take me with you. Love you forever and ever your Carlawarla

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
carlawarla

Baby love where are you?  Please get intouch with me. I miss you so much I've got so many problems I need you Love you forever and ever Carla

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
carlawarla

My baby it' friday night and I think I'll just go on to bed , our bed, hoping that you will come and hold me during the night. As each day passes by my decision to come and see you soon becomes stronger and stronger, I have to wait until the kids are settled until all the financial problems are solved and then I will go to sleep for the last time. Love you baby forever and ever Carlawarla

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
carlawarla

Hi baby love I went to see you today can't believe you're there it's so hard everytime I go see you reality slaps me in the face can't pretend you're away on one of your trips, can't pretend you're in canada to see your fmily when I go there I have the face the fact that you're gone. I love you my baby I miss yu so much . Situation here is critical we've got no money but don't worry we'll work it out and as soon as everything is piccobello as you would sy I'll come meet you. Love you forever and ever your carlawarla

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

To my honey,This life without you is getting tougher everyday,this time of year brings back so many memories.You have only been gone for 4 short months but how come it feels like forever,i never dreamed i would have to live in this life without you.I NEVER realized how many things we did together,that now i miss soooo much,mostly riding the Harley together,i am going to have to get my own bike licence so i can ride,i miss it so much.I MISS the Bluegrass music that you played for me, I miss all the Bluegrass festivals that we went to.together.....I never prepared myself for how  much my world would change without you in it....I LOVE AND MISS YOU MORE AND MORE WITH EVERY PASSING DAY,.....PS,i will always love you!Kathy,your wife forever

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
carlawarla

Babylove ot hurts so much, where are you? Why can't I feel you? You always said you were going to live until a 100 years old and you suddenly decided to go, leaving me so utterly alone, so painfully alone, so terribly lonely. I love you baby forever nd ever until we can meet again. Love you my baby love Carlawarla

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
carlawarla

Hi mi baby today it's two months since you're gone and it seems forever. God do I miss you! I cry myself to sleep at night I call you I ask you to come why don't you come. Love you baby forever and ever and ever your teadog ( remember???)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.


×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

This site uses cookies We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue. and uses these terms of services Terms of Use.