Jump to content
Online Grief Support, Help for Coping with Loss | Beyond Indigo Forums
  • Announcements

    • ModKonnie

      Advertisements   09/05/2017

      Hi all,  I'm sure you've noticed some changes in the forums. We've again had to do some updates, so that's why things may look a little different. Nothing major should have changed.  Also, we are going to start adding advertisements sensitive to our community on the boards. This is something we are experimenting with, and we will certainly make sure they are in the best interests of everyone. We want to make sure our forums continue to stay accessible and cost free to all of our members, and this is a way to ensure this.  If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to privately message me or email me at Konnie@beyondindigo.com.  As always, we will be here with you, ModKonnie
ModKonnie

Relying On Alcohol To Deal With The Stress

Recommended Posts

kitty613   

Hi. I'm new here. Just a little background...I had to quit my job and move in across the street be a full time caretaker for my mom who is battling end stage lung cancer that went to her brain. Last week alone, she had a seizure and a stroke and I'm told she can die at any moment and this is so hard on me because we are so close and I love her so much. I've been using alcohol as a way to deal with the momumental stress of it all. As it is, I do everything for my mom..right down to making the funeral arrangements and picking out her cemetary plot the other day. I've been to grief counselors and therapists but I'm sorry, reading a book is not going to relax me like a glass of wine does. I'm drinking about 1 bottle of wine a night. I know it's not good for me, but it's just so difficult to deal with. I'm up all night worrying if she passed away or I will find her dead in the morning. I know drinking is not the best option, but I was wondering if any of you have turned to alcohol? I've been prescribed tranquilizers in the past but they don't help much. Is it normal to turn to alcohol?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi. I'm new here. Just a little background...I had to quit my job and move in across the street be a full time caretaker for my mom who is battling end stage lung cancer that went to her brain. Last week alone, she had a seizure and a stroke and I'm told she can die at any moment and this is so hard on me because we are so close and I love her so much. I've been using alcohol as a way to deal with the momumental stress of it all. As it is, I do everything for my mom..right down to making the funeral arrangements and picking out her cemetary plot the other day. I've been to grief counselors and therapists but I'm sorry, reading a book is not going to relax me like a glass of wine does. I'm drinking about 1 bottle of wine a night. I know it's not good for me, but it's just so difficult to deal with. I'm up all night worrying if she passed away or I will find her dead in the morning. I know drinking is not the best option, but I was wondering if any of you have turned to alcohol? I've been prescribed tranquilizers in the past but they don't help much. Is it normal to turn to alcohol?

First of all, I am so sorry for the conditions you are having to endure. Is it normal to turn to alcohol or drugs to block out the problem? Is it a smart idea? Heck,no. We all look for a way to block the initial pain of what we are facing. But often we can be tempted to turn to a temporary block. Facing our loss head on is so hard. But it is the only real and truly satisfactory way way to deal with it. There are no problems with taking meds perscribed by a Doc in unision with therapy. If it is helping! BUT...do not try to self diagnose yourself. I truly understand the feelings you are experiencing. Eventually your Mom will pass and you will be left with a drinking problem. You in all honesty to do not want that. You are just looking at the end of the day for some peace, right? Hang in there. Please, keep posting. You are not alone. Many here are walking in your shoes or have been there. You have more support then you know. Talk to you soon.

Kate

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
widower2   

Facing our loss head on is so hard. But it is the only real and truly satisfactory way way to deal with it.
Well, not really. It's the best and main way for sure, but not the only one. There are many diff ways of dealing with and getting through something like this.

Eventually your Mom will pass and you will be left with a drinking problem.
While that is possible, it's far from a given as you make it sound. Don't get me wrong, I am not advocating drinking one's self silly and great caution is definitely in order. But this is circumstantial and frankly even understandable. Shortly after my loss I went through a time where I was drinking a lot too, similar to brookie. Surprise, I didn't do it forever and didn't end up with "a drinking problem." But that said, everyone is unique and again, caution is in order. brookie there's nothing wrong with a glass or 2 of wine at night (I still do that), but a bottle a night is way over the top. Try cutting back to just that glass or 2 and substitute other stuff. Maybe do a workout in the evenings (doesn't have to be elaborate; maybe even as simple as jogging or a brisk walk for 20-30+ mins). Also I hear a tall glass of milk (preferably warm but that's gross to me :) ) at night can do wonders. etc...you get the idea. Best to you

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi. I'm new here. Just a little background...I had to quit my job and move in across the street be a full time caretaker for my mom who is battling end stage lung cancer that went to her brain. Last week alone, she had a seizure and a stroke and I'm told she can die at any moment and this is so hard on me because we are so close and I love her so much. I've been using alcohol as a way to deal with the momumental stress of it all. As it is, I do everything for my mom..right down to making the funeral arrangements and picking out her cemetary plot the other day. I've been to grief counselors and therapists but I'm sorry, reading a book is not going to relax me like a glass of wine does. I'm drinking about 1 bottle of wine a night. I know it's not good for me, but it's just so difficult to deal with. I'm up all night worrying if she passed away or I will find her dead in the morning. I know drinking is not the best option, but I was wondering if any of you have turned to alcohol? I've been prescribed tranquilizers in the past but they don't help much. Is it normal to turn to alcohol?

Hi Brookie,

I am very sorry about your mother and the stress and heartache you are experiencing. While turning to alcohol is common, it is not good at all to do. You absolutely have to get rid of that wine and find another way to deal with your pain. Perhaps some heavy exercise at some point during the day will help you clear your head. Meditation, prayer, music, chat rooms such as the one on hear and just talking to people are much better ways to cope.

Alcohol is only going to increase your problems. I am an addictions counselor at a prison. I see all the time what using alcohol or drugs to cope with pain leads to. It is honestly not the best way, and eventually, alcohol will not numb or dull the pain anymore--it will create more pain.

Really and truly, exercise and talking are the two best ways to cope. Please get out and talk to people. I know you are afraid of finding your mother the next morning, but should that happen, you will want to be level and clear headed, and she will want you to be that way too.

Come visit these boards at night, check out the chat room, and make some plans to chat with people at night. Those are some good ways to get through your anxiety.

We will be here for you,

ModKonnie

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Well, not really. It's the best and main way for sure, but not the only one. There are many diff ways of dealing with and getting through something like this.

While that is possible, it's far from a given as you make it sound. Don't get me wrong, I am not advocating drinking one's self silly and great caution is definitely in order. But this is circumstantial and frankly even understandable. Shortly after my loss I went through a time where I was drinking a lot too, similar to brookie. Surprise, I didn't do it forever and didn't end up with "a drinking problem." But that said, everyone is unique and again, caution is in order. brookie there's nothing wrong with a glass or 2 of wine at night (I still do that), but a bottle a night is way over the top. Try cutting back to just that glass or 2 and substitute other stuff. Maybe do a workout in the evenings (doesn't have to be elaborate; maybe even as simple as jogging or a brisk walk for 20-30+ mins). Also I hear a tall glass of milk (preferably warm but that's gross to me :) ) at night can do wonders. etc...you get the idea. Best to you

I agree with Konnie completely. It is a very bad idea to start drinking in order to find a way to relax. Especially when you are drinking alone and consuming an entire bottle at a time. It is far too easy to turn to the bottle for comfort. At some point it will not be enough and you will begin to increase the amount in order to get the desired result. Also, your judgment may become impaired... and if your Mom is reliant on your help you may not be able to respond when she needs you. Try to find more healthy ways to get that needed peace back into your life. I know it is hard. But unfortunately this is not an easy situation to work with. Take care.

Kate :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
kitty613   

Wow! What an amazing site. I never expected such heartfelt and thoughtful responses to my post. I truly appreciate everyone's advice. A few days ago I decided to not drink any alcohol and it really wasn't as hard as I thought (although my mom has been more stable in the past week so that helped ). Yesterday, I started getting the itch to drink again but I'm trying not to. I tend to rely on the wine when something bad happens to my mom (like a seizure,stroke,etc.). It's SO easy to just mask the feelings with alcohol then face them. When something horrible happens, my first thought is..."Okay, I need a glass of wine." It almost feels like entitlement. Since, I'm the caretaker and I'm running around crazy all day, I convince myself (pretty easily in fact ) that I "deserve" to drink at night. It's so easy to rationalize that drinking is necessary because of what I'm going through. I really don't want to be left with a drinking problem when my mom passes. Both my mother and my brother are recovering alcoholics so it does run in my family. Grief is just so darn hard. I'm sure you can all relate. :(

P.S. ModKonnie, I'd love to chat with you if you don't mind.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi Brookie I have far too much experience in this area. Never ever ever try to use alcohol to overcome problems and difficulties. At first it definately feels like it's helping but that's its appeal, in reality all alcohol can possibly do is make things worse, and that's a guaranty.

I drank for years to get over my problems as I felt I couldn't cope without it. Well I quit drinking but the problems are still with me, which shows I could have handled my problems without the booze, all it did was waste years of my life. So all I can say is DON'T.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not anti alcohol. I'm just anti trying to solve your problems with alcohol.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Wow! What an amazing site. I never expected such heartfelt and thoughtful responses to my post. I truly appreciate everyone's advice. A few days ago I decided to not drink any alcohol and it really wasn't as hard as I thought (although my mom has been more stable in the past week so that helped ). Yesterday, I started getting the itch to drink again but I'm trying not to. I tend to rely on the wine when something bad happens to my mom (like a seizure,stroke,etc.). It's SO easy to just mask the feelings with alcohol then face them. When something horrible happens, my first thought is..."Okay, I need a glass of wine." It almost feels like entitlement. Since, I'm the caretaker and I'm running around crazy all day, I convince myself (pretty easily in fact ) that I "deserve" to drink at night. It's so easy to rationalize that drinking is necessary because of what I'm going through. I really don't want to be left with a drinking problem when my mom passes. Both my mother and my brother are recovering alcoholics so it does run in my family. Grief is just so darn hard. I'm sure you can all relate. :(

P.S. ModKonnie, I'd love to chat with you if you don't mind.

Brookie,

Send me a private message if you'd like. We can chat that way, or we can set up a time to chat in the chat room. Where do you live and when are you available?

ModKonnie

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now


×