I have been shunned by my children and grandchildren

[Poetingrief]

My eldest daughter, now 46 dumped me, her father and her two sisters 18 years ago, my youngest daughter dumped all of us 8 years ago, my middle daughter, her spouse, and my two grandchildren dumped us 8 months ago. My spouse is angry but stoic. I am an emotional mess. It takes only focusing on my grandchildren or daughters to make me cry. My middle daughter and her family live right next door and I cannot sell my home. How do I get over this? I do not believe that I can. Every little problem gets to me now.

[ModKonnie]

My eldest daughter, now 46 dumped me, her father and her two sisters 18 years ago, my youngest daughter dumped all of us 8 years ago, my middle daughter, her spouse, and my two grandchildren dumped us 8 months ago. My spouse is angry but stoic. I am an emotional mess. It takes only focusing on my grandchildren or daughters to make me cry. My middle daughter and her family live right next door and I cannot sell my home. How do I get over this? I do not believe that I can. Every little problem gets to me now.

Poetingrief,

I am very sorry about the emotional trauma you and your family are experiencing. Do you know why your children dumped you? Is there a rift or hurt that has been hidden or ignored?

Have you tried to talk to them? Have you tried counseling for yourself on this issue? Perhaps a professional would help you to find ways to bridge this rift and bring everyone back together?

What have you tried in order to get your family back together?

We will be here to support you.

ModKonnie

[Poetingrief]

1344778645' post='89798']

Poetingrief,

I am very sorry about the emotional trauma you and your family are experiencing. Do you know why your children dumped you? Is there a rift or hurt that has been hidden or ignored?

Have you tried to talk to them? Have you tried counseling for yourself on this issue? Perhaps a professional would help you to find ways to bridge this rift and bring everyone back together?

What have you tried in order to get your family back together?

We will be here to support you.

ModKonnie

I do not know why the three dumped me. I have always been open to discussion. My youngest came out as being lesbian and/or bi, however I am totally okay with that. I believe there were other family members involved. I tried for the last time in 2007 with the ledest daughter, now estranged 18 years by emailing her. She then called the police who filed suit against my for cyber crime! So, I will not try again to get my daughter talking about it. : (. The youngest is able to madk any contact at all for me to reach her. She had for a long time left me open to send emails which she read but did not respond to. This third daughter lives next door. We were helping her and her family, were a part of her family. Her husband hates me in partcular because I gave his girlfriend's letter detailing his and that girlfriend's intention of running off with my daughter's baby, my first grandchild. His patents hate me too.I have considered counseling but am not convinced it will help this. I am very positive about counseling normally. They would never agree to counseling. I wanted that when my daughter had her stroke in December. I thought it imperative for HER therapy.We have tried getting them to talk..they just shut us out. We invite them to dinner, brunch, my daughter agreed to call and arrange to go get ice cream with the grandkids..she never did (3 months ago). I made cards at end of school and enclosed money for the grandkids...I do not know what will help. I sometimes think my daughter may have faked the December stroke. I feel ashamed thinking it..but she had viral ( herpes) encephalitis in the fall and some MRI images started showing scars. I worry that as an RN she discovered a way to mimic stroke. Her sister-in-law who also lives near had a stroke in August and that eas jow a 2 year estrangement my daughter had with her sister-in-law and her other in laws ended. Then a monthe later my daughter has encephalitis and had strange falls, then early December she has "lost" her left arm and leg. This all stems from that. My son-in-law dumped us as she lay in the hospital after I was told to call 911 when he had simply left her with her loss of the left arm and leg. Maybe you had to be there? It is all bizarre to me. My daughter and her spouse manipulate each other. A lot. It is an area I tried to stay out of. I disliked what was going on. But it seemed not my business and not right to say anything about it was a relationship issue. Her heart used to be in the right place..his..I am not sure that it ever was. He is a fiagnosed sex addict.

[ModKonnie]

I do not know why the three dumped me. I have always been open to discussion. My youngest came out as being lesbian and/or bi, however I am totally okay with that. I believe there were other family members involved. I tried for the last time in 2007 with the ledest daughter, now estranged 18 years by emailing her. She then called the police who filed suit against my for cyber crime! So, I will not try again to get my daughter talking about it. : (. The youngest is able to madk any contact at all for me to reach her. She had for a long time left me open to send emails which she read but did not respond to. This third daughter lives next door. We were helping her and her family, were a part of her family. Her husband hates me in partcular because I gave his girlfriend's letter detailing his and that girlfriend's intention of running off with my daughter's baby, my first grandchild. His patents hate me too.I have considered counseling but am not convinced it will help this. I am very positive about counseling normally. They would never agree to counseling. I wanted that when my daughter had her stroke in December. I thought it imperative for HER therapy.We have tried getting them to talk..they just shut us out. We invite them to dinner, brunch, my daughter agreed to call and arrange to go get ice cream with the grandkids..she never did (3 months ago). I made cards at end of school and enclosed money for the grandkids...I do not know what will help. I sometimes think my daughter may have faked the December stroke. I feel ashamed thinking it..but she had viral ( herpes) encephalitis in the fall and some MRI images started showing scars. I worry that as an RN she discovered a way to mimic stroke. Her sister-in-law who also lives near had a stroke in August and that eas jow a 2 year estrangement my daughter had with her sister-in-law and her other in laws ended. Then a monthe later my daughter has encephalitis and had strange falls, then early December she has "lost" her left arm and leg. This all stems from that. My son-in-law dumped us as she lay in the hospital after I was told to call 911 when he had simply left her with her loss of the left arm and leg. Maybe you had to be there? It is all bizarre to me. My daughter and her spouse manipulate each other. A lot. It is an area I tried to stay out of. I disliked what was going on. But it seemed not my business and not right to say anything about it was a relationship issue. Her heart used to be in the right place..his..I am not sure that it ever was. He is a fiagnosed sex addict.

Poeting grief,

Perhaps a family counselor would help you figure out where you should go from here. Your family definitely has some issues, but I know this about people--you can't chang them, but you can change you. You can change how you respond to their behavior. Your daughter sounds like she is in a terrible situation, but if she doesn't want your help, then you simply have to find a way to show your support of her. So, where is your daughter now and how is that relationship?

We will be here for you, and hopefully others will be able to offer some advice and encouragement to you as you struggle through this ordeal.

ModKonnie

[Poetingrief]

1344899637' post='89849']

Poeting grief,

Perhaps a family counselor would help you figure out where you should go from here. Your family definitely has some issues, but I know this about people--you can't chang them, but you can change you. You can change how you respond to their behavior. Your daughter sounds like she is in a terrible situation, but if she doesn't want your help, then you simply have to find a way to show your support of her. So, where is your daughter now and how is that relationship?

We will be here for you, and hopefully others will be able to offer some advice and encouragement to you as you struggle through this ordeal.

ModKonnie

She lives right next door as she has for 4 and a half years. Thanks for your help. My husband and I are in our 60's and we have given up too much of ourselves in an effort to help our daughter. We must have enabled some of this I guess. I think she sort of used us financially. Well I know she did. We have plans to go away for the winter. Due to medical issues we cannot be gone longer than two months at a time. If that does not signal we have changed a bit, well I don't know.. I do not know how to show support, as I do not think they are open to communication. My daughter posts, rarely, on my husband's facebook page but nothing that asks for a reply. She just says she feels overwhelmed and that sort of thing. She stays home, no longer works, and I think she is back working towards an online higher level nursing degree. I have not even seen them outside in weeks. I tried bringing a UPS package to her door that was left at our house when she did not come to the door to sign for and get it. I heard my granddaughter on the other side of the door ( with a peephole) say "Its grandma" and they never opened the door to me. We presently have two UPS packages delivered here as they always used to be and they have not called or come to pick them up. My husband said we should try letting them call or come by for these two.