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Dpettet

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Dpettet   

My husband died after a long illness. He died at home and my daughters and I cared for him in his last 5 days after he decided to not fight any longer. I have all his things to go through but just cannot do it yet. So hard to move on after 41 years of marriage.

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llovern   

Hi Lady Di. I am very sorry for your loss. I lost my husband to brain cancer in April after 32 years of marriage. I had to go through a lot of my husbands things after he died because I moved away from our house, but I asked my grandson to pack his grandfather's clothes in a box for me because I couldn't bear to. It is so painful to deal with such a devastating loss. We are all struggling with the wreckage of our lives after losing our loved one. I think it is helpful to come to this site and learn that we are not alone in our suffering. Wishing you peace and healing. Linda

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Guest KackleDackle   
Guest KackleDackle

Hi Lady Di

I am also new to the site (3 days). I am sorry to hear about your husband firstlly. This site has so far bought me great assistance as people are in similar boats and understand the different stages we are all feeling. I am at week 3 today of my husband passing away. He was 48 years old and we were together 31 years. Having friends and family dont seem to help too much as they dont know how i feel nor do they know what to say. I also nursed my husband for 3 months until a week before he died he decided he was no longer going to take his meds. My husband is Ray and I am happy to use his name. Ray died of a mixture of things but no firm diagnosis yet. I am confident it was his brain as he had lesions on it but as they would not operate we never knew exactly. My daughter helped me look after Ray and allow him his final wish to be at home. Ray would have celebrated his birthday next week. Its so hard.

I started a journal and each day write to Ray. It is helping me cope before I try to sleep. I have had no sleep last night but will try to get some today. This weekend is the first I will be alone without the children. I am scared and so sad not because the kids have to do things but just that I am alone.

As for clothes and packing up things I have not touched anything but meds. They needed to be returned. Everything else can wait until I am ready which is not yet. I sleep with Rays PJ's and dressing gown each night and my room is filled with photos so when I wake I see him.

I hope you are ok Lady Di and will be around if you every need to chat

KD x

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Dpettet   
1344554696' post='89726']

Hi Lady Di

I am also new to the site (3 days). I am sorry to hear about your husband firstlly. This site has so far bought me great assistance as people are in similar boats and understand the different stages we are all feeling. I am at week 3 today of my husband passing away. He was 48 years old and we were together 31 years. Having friends and family dont seem to help too much as they dont know how i feel nor do they know what to say. I also nursed my husband for 3 months until a week before he died he decided he was no longer going to take his meds. My husband is Ray and I am happy to use his name. Ray died of a mixture of things but no firm diagnosis yet. I am confident it was his brain as he had lesions on it but as they would not operate we never knew exactly. My daughter helped me look after Ray and allow him his final wish to be at home. Ray would have celebrated his birthday next week. Its so hard.

I started a journal and each day write to Ray. It is helping me cope before I try to sleep. I have had no sleep last night but will try to get some today. This weekend is the first I will be alone without the children. I am scared and so sad not because the kids have to do things but just that I am alone.

As for clothes and packing up things I have not touched anything but meds. They needed to be returned. Everything else can wait until I am ready which is not yet. I sleep with Rays PJ's and dressing gown each night and my room is filled with photos so when I wake I see him.

I hope you are ok Lady Di and will be around if you every need to chat

KD x

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Dpettet   

Hello to new to Chat room. I remember the first days alone. I left lots of lights on and Ininstalled securitybrightbaway. It gives me piece of mind. My husband also decided to stop meds but I was in such a daze taking care of him. No one knows what we go through as woidows. I went to a support group two weeks after he died. It helped so much to just keep telling my story. It was so therapeutic. The best to you.

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val   

hello lady di - my husband died suddenly in his sleep, on july 5. his name is jerry. i am in the chat room a lot, whenever i can find others there. do not worry about going through his things yet , i have not touched a thing here of his, i sleep with his bathrobe and favorite shirt and his ashes. i have found a lot of support at this site and hopefully we will meet up in chat room soon. my prayers and thoughts are with you dear. take it very easy on yourself, try to sleep; eat something nourishing. just try. i know how very hard it is to lose someone you are so close to. until later, val

My husband died after a long illness. He died at home and my daughters and I cared for him in his last 5 days after he decided to not fight any longer. I have all his things to go through but just cannot do it yet. So hard to move on after 41 years of marriage.

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Hi all, sorry to have to meet you all this way. I am new here. My husband passed away three months ago. The quiet in the house is just awful. I keep the tv on constantly. We had planned a trip to Europe for last October and on the way to new York to catch the plane we mailed out wedding invitations. He acted funny on the trip and when we returned he was diagnosed with inoperable brain cancer. I took care of him till he passed. I lost my job and last month was diagnosed with breast cancer. I am just not sure how much more I can take. How does everyone deal with what has happened?

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Hi all, sorry to have to meet you all this way. I am new here. My husband passed away three months ago. The quiet in the house is just awful. I keep the tv on constantly. We had planned a trip to Europe for last October and on the way to new York to catch the plane we mailed out wedding invitations. He acted funny on the trip and when we returned he was diagnosed with inoperable brain cancer. I took care of him till he passed. I lost my job and last month was diagnosed with breast cancer. I am just not sure how much more I can take. How does everyone deal with what has happened?

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val   

Dear Jan, what a tremendous load you've been given. I lost my husband on July 5 2012, suddenlly, in his sleep. I've been using the forums and chat room for about four weeks now and they help me immensely, You have a lot to deal with. i am sincerely sorry for your loss. Keep coming back here and posting and chatting. I am seeing a therapist too as this is the first grieving i've had to do. Jerry was only 58. I am 52. At any rate, keep coming back dear and talking about it all. Keeping you in my prayers, Val

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I found my husband in bed June 21st. I went to bed before him like i always did when he didn't come out to get his coffee or get on the computer i went to check on him and he was gone. I never did sleep i have a sleep disorde so i would wake up and make sure he was o.k. but do not remember a thing about that night. We would be married 32 years ib september. He had copd for a few years from working in a mill all his life. It is so sad, i don't sleep much and can't eat much, I got rid of most of his clothes right away we live in a small town and i work in the deli of the store and see many people so did not want to give his clothes to any place like the good will around hereincase i would see somerone wearing them.so i gave them to my pastor to take to a city she lives in. i miss him so much and cry so much. my solution that has helped some was i talk to someone in the sme boat as i am he misses his wife so, i feel as though that has helped me and i hope it has helped him.

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I found my husband in bed June 21st. I went to bed before him like i always did when he didn't come out to get his coffee or get on the computer i went to check on him and he was gone. I never did sleep good i have a sleep disorder so i would wake up and make sure he was o.k. but do not remember a thing about that night. We would be married 32 years in september. He had copd for a few years from working in a mill all his life. It is so sad, i don't sleep much and can't eat much, I got rid of most of his clothes right away we live in a small town and i work in the deli of the store and see many people so did not want to give his clothes to any place like the good will around here incase i would see someone wearing them.so i gave them to my pastor to take to a city she lives in. i miss him so much and cry so much. my solution that has helped some was i talk to someone in the same boat as i am he misses his wife so, i feel as though that has helped me and i hope it has helped him.

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Thanks Val for your reply. Gary turned 55 two days before he passed away. We were together for 13 years and happier than most of the married people I know. He loved me unconditionally. I can't believe how much I miss him. I have beautiful pictures of him smiling all over the house and at first they were hard to look at. Now they make me smile. I was so lucky to have met such a wonderful guy. We married a day before his biopsy but already knowing what he had. He wanted to do what would be best for me. My therapist has been teaching me relaxation techniques which I think help a little. Hope you and everyone here has a good and tolerable day.

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Clare   
On Thursday, August 09, 2012 at 1:03 PM, Dpettet said:

My husband died after a long illness. He died at home and my daughters and I cared for him in his last 5 days after he decided to not fight any longer. I have all his things to go through but just cannot do it yet. So hard to move on after 41 years of 

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KayC   

Clare,

I've seen you've resurrected old posts from years ago but haven't written a response.  Could you start by telling us your story?

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Francine   
On 8/9/2012 at 5:03 AM, Dpettet said:

My husband died after a long illness. He died at home and my daughters and I cared for him in his last 5 days after he decided to not fight any longer. I have all his things to go through but just cannot do it yet. So hard to move on after 41 years of marriage.

I am so sorry for your loss.  I too lost the love of my life of nearly 45 years 3 months ago and I'm still numb and dazed.  It's really difficult to accept this 'new' reality.  I still feel like I'm in a nightmare and can't wake up.  I have not yet gone through my husband's items; like you, I can't bring myself to it; I feel like if I got rid of his things, I'd be getting rid of him in a way.  I'm sorry your husband gave up his fight, but I imagine he must have been tired and drained.  I am glad you and your daughters were with him at the end.  

God did not promise days without pain; laughter without sorrow, nor sun without rain, but HE did promise strength for the day, comfort for your tears, and light for the way. At the end of the day, all you need is Hope and Strength.  Hope that it will get better, and strength to hold on until it does.  Give God your weakness and he'll give you HIS strength.  God's word is truth.  In Psalm 119:28, it states, My soul is weary with sorrow, strengthen me according to your word".   After the rain comes  the rainbow, after the storm, comes the calm; after the night comes the morning and after an ending, come a new beginning.  Stay Strong.  

I hope you continue to post.  We are all on this painful journey together uplifting and encouraging one another.  May God give you the strength you need during this difficult time. HE will, all you need do is open your heart; he'll do the rest.

 

 

 

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KayC   

Francine,

Dpettet posted five years ago.  It doesn't look like they'll be back to read your post, but thank you for the nice things you shared here.

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Francine   

 

Oops,  didn't look at the date; thanks for the update.  I do hope they are finding some comfort in their loss and will keep them in my prayers.

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KayC   

You gave a beautiful response, wish they could read it.

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