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I'm scared.


BreathofAngel

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Hello. A month ago I was diagnosed with a terminal illness. I have 1-2 years of life left. I'm really, really scared to die. But what I'm even more scared of is that I won't accept my death, and I'll die wishing I had more time. I wish I could find peace but the thought of death only raises panic inside me. I don't want what little time I have left spent in terror. I need help.

PS: I am seeing a therapist, but haven't made much progress.

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josephtmacgregor

Hello. A month ago I was diagnosed with a terminal illness. I have 1-2 years of life left. I'm really, really scared to die. But what I'm even more scared of is that I won't accept my death, and I'll die wishing I had more time. I wish I could find peace but the thought of death only raises panic inside me. I don't want what little time I have left spent in terror. I need help.

PS: I am seeing a therapist, but haven't made much progress.

Dear Fae,

I am so sorry to hear that you have received this news. I don't know the specifics of your situation, but even if it seems unlikely, there is ALWAYS hope. From my experience--and I've dealt with a lot of doctors; I wasn't supposed to live past 25, and I'm 53 now--doctors are like meteorologists, like the people on The Weather Channel. They make predictions because it is their job, and they'd rather tell you it's going to rain on Monday, just in case, than tell you it's sunny and have you be disappointed when it rains and you aren't expecting it.

As I mentioned, from the time I was a little kid, I lived with the knowledge that I was expected to die before I could do much in life. As medicine advanced, I was thankfully allowed to live a longer life than I had ever expected. But I still don't expect to live a "normal" lifespan, and it scares me horribly. One of my younger brothers and best friends died 6 years ago of an aggressive brain cancer. He had received an OK prognosis at first, but the cancer spread, and he was given anywhere from 6 to 12 months to live. I can never know what he felt like, or how you are feeling, but I do know that I learned a lot from sitting with him and just listening to his fears and struggles as he tried to wrap his mind around the reality that he wouldn't be on this earth much longer. No one can ever accept that--neither the patient nor the family--but like you mentioned, it is a matter of not spending the rest of the time you do have in terror.

If you ever want or need to talk, I am here. Send me a private message, chat with me in the chat room, if you'd like my e-mail address I can give you that as well. Know I am thinking of you and wishing you all the best. You are in my prayers.

Joe

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Fae I am sorry beyond words.....I agree with Joe that although I do know more about your situation, I would consider researching other possibilities, even though the odds aren't good for them...but I realize that's a personal choice with no pat answer. That aside, I would say if you've seen a therapist a number of times and feel you're getting nowhere, try another. Just like doctors or any other profession, some are better than others (and some are downright bad, frankly). More generally, I suggest trying to keep busy, esp with people or things you enjoy. Believe me I know this is easier said than done, but try not to dwell on it! You're in my thoughts and prayers and I'm also willing to lend an ear any time.

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cant move on

Hi Fae. I really am saddened to hear of your condition. In my opinion as soon as you joined the site you became family. I won't say I know what your going through as I don't. My brother passed recently, they gave him three months at best as by the time the cancer was found it was far too late. However he lasted three years with a relatively good quality of life by doing exactly what he was told and when he was told by his doctors. At first he was in denial and I could see in his eyes that he was afraid of the unknown, And was terrified with the aspect of leaving his family. As time went by he started to accept the inevitable, which gave him peace and transferred the anguish to those around him, which was fine as that is what friends and family are for. To help carry the burdon when you can't. As time goes by please keep posting so we can help carry you. There's no need to feel alone any longer. Any thing you want to talk about just say it. Best wishes Fae.

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NDE-Believer

Hi Fae,

I agree with the other repliers to doubt sometimes medical predictions. Maybe you got another 50 years to live...

There are so many out there who should been dead since 10 years....

I myself believe strongly in NDEs (Near Death Experiences)---just google it,if you`re interested what this is all about.

1 example of millions :http://www.eternea.org/NDE_definition/NDE_case_histories.htm

I think that people of this forum could help you more,if they `d get more details about your situation.

All the best

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BreathofAngel

Hello. A month ago I was diagnosed with a terminal illness. I have 1-2 years of life left. I'm really, really scared to die. But what I'm even more scared of is that I won't accept my death, and I'll die wishing I had more time. I wish I could find peace but the thought of death only raises panic inside me. I don't want what little time I have left spent in terror. I need help.

PS: I am seeing a therapist, but haven't made much progress.

Dearest Fae,

I'll start out with a Big (((((((HUG))))))) for you! I am sorry to hear about what you have written here. I know that it must be very difficult to believe and even harder to accept such a thing. Many people have received news such as those and the answer lies in the belief system of the individual person as to how they will handle such news. If one is scared and predisposed to accept their fate as something terrible that is going to happen then that can only serve as being so influential such as to work against them. Conversely, if they have the sense that all is in Divine order according to God then they can obtain a good degree of hope that it need not be something to be scared of but rather a part of life itself that every person eventually has to learn to accept.

Only God knows for sure the exact time and date He will remember us and take us back home from whence we came. No one is immune from making their transition, that much is known, but only our Creator can specifically say when that will happen. By what you are saying about being more scared that you will not be able to accept your "death", you have to realize that a person's transition comes virtually at any time and passing-on is not a respector of people. The elderly, middle-aged, teenagers, children, and even infants and the yet unborn cannot escape when their time comes. But that is nothing to dwell upon unless one wishes to become a nervous wreck and they should consider refraining from doing that.

I knew a lady who was given news that were even more harsh, indeed terrible. She was told she had only a month or so left to live as she had stomach cancer. She says she started right then and there praying and Thanking and Praising God each day throughout the day. She was relentless in her adoration of Christ and His great mercy. She continued this for a period of weeks and one day when she went back for a check-up to her great surprise and joy her doctor found that she had no cancer anymore! They were at a loss for an explanation according to what she said. Of course she was elated by the news and right then and there resolved to devote the rest of her life to Christ and she founded a church, that I incidentally went to, and she had healing services for people of which I had the honor of experiencing. I can tell you that she had incredible power given to her from God that surged through my body when she layed hands on me! My parents also went and felt the same thing. It was an incredible experience! So, never give up! God can and still does miracles and can remove great mountains from one's life!

IMHO, I believe you may be having such fear because you might think that passing-on is a painful experience or that one just 'fades to black' and that's it. Well, as one who has studied about the Afterlife and has had an OOBE (Out of Body Experience), I can tell you that all of that fear is completely unfounded! It has been said that when a person is about to cross over, the 'silver cord' that connects the spirit to the physical body is automatically severed, painlessly, and the person does not feel a thing in the process. The next thing that happens is that one has a feeling of lifting and entering into a tunnel quite rapidly and going towards a wonderful warm light that takes only a few moments to reach. When one arrives, there will be loved ones and others who passed-on to greet one. It is considered a momentous occassion because one is no longer feeling any pain, has no dis-ease, and generally is feeling Wonderful and quite Joyous! People still incarnate in this world may not be able to fully understand that but they will when they make their own transition!

It is further said that there is a long period of rest allotted to one who has gone through much suffering in this life but that is controlled entirely by the individual so that they can rest for a shorter period if they so wish in the Afterlife. There are many other people there and a person who passes-on generally retains their full memory, personality, habits, looks, etc. nothing really changes except they are now in their Spiritual Body and in a new dimension of existence and one that we ALL must go to at our appointed time. It will look much like Earth but with some exceptions. There is much more to say about this but I think you get the picture that the fear you are now harboring is entirely in your mind as things are in effect, beautiful and that is why those who had a NDE (Near-Death Experience) who were declared "dead" for a period of time before being revived, return to tell us that they saw so many beautiful things there that they literally did not wish to return back here to this world! Now, that is very telling and speaks volumes for how truly wonderful it is! If they had their preference, they would have chosen to stay there permanently they say! Some do stay because it was their time and others don't and reluctantly have to return here to experience more pain and suffering as they put it. But the experience of transition, in general, is one that brings no fear but utter awe and a sense of exhilaration!

As for me, with the great understanding that I have about the role of transition (one's passing-on) and how it will play in my life, I do not fear it but accept it as a part of life. I know I was not meant to be here forever and when my time comes I know how things will be so that I can rest with complete ease in the process! I do not fear it but embrace it as part of my graduation into the next higher existence of being.

Please do not dwell on the thought of passage since that is non-productive energy. Instead, consider seeing the beauty in things and listening to uplifting music, songs, films. Going out, if one is able, is also very helpful to take one's mind away from the ever tempting mind which tends to bring out the worst in situations. And what does that say? That It Is All In Your Mind! One can make themselves have a more pleasant experience by their outlook on things or they can have an utter miserable one. The choice is entirely theirs!

Here is an excellent website along these lines:

http://www.grandtimes.com/dying.html

May God bless you, dearheart, and give you all the Peace, Comfort, and Understanding that you are most deserving of! And may your fears subside and be replaced by beautiful rainbows!

---------------------------------------------------------------

Life truly becomes what YOU make of it!

Whatever your experience is exists because

it was or is In Your Mind! -- BreathofAngel

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Hi there

I thought Id post my experience even though I dont have a terminal illness (and I cant imagine how it must feel for you ).

As a child I was terrified of dying. Not the childish worry of being killed - ie not scared of the pain of physical death - obviously that didnt appeal either! Nor was i afraid id be hit by a bus, or get sick or anything like that

What really deeply terrified me to the core was the knowledge that one day I would cease to exist. This terror started to come to me every night in bed around the time I suppose I was old enough to comprehend that one day I would die, and understand that nothing i, or anyone else on earth could do would prevent that.

I dont know why I felt this way as a child, but every night when I got into bed and was alone in my bedroom I would find myself in this terrible, terrifying dark and lonely (when I say lonely that word seems really trite, and - not at all 'enough'to describe the awful alone-ness I felt). I couldn't stop thinking about how I would die one day, and my belief (then) that everything would stop and I wouldn't think, feel, see... anything ever ever again. Id try and comprehend the enormity of never being alive again, and it horrified me. It got to the point where in the evening I would start feeling this really terrible dark horrible sick feeling knowing when I went to bed id be left with my thoughts on this and the fact that no one and nothing could make this one go away or fix it for me (cos no one could make me live forever)

As I grew older and became an adult, I learnt to stop focusing on that and stopped having those terrible dark times at night. But the dark, kind of 'horror'i felt knowing that one day I would die - that was always somewhere in the back of my thoughts. When going through a rough breakup - I would after crying over the guy - end up dwelling on death again, and it seems to me, that my entire life every hour and minute of every day it was always there in the background. I dont mean i focused on it or even thought about it, but it was this thing that was always there - meaning even in the happiest times - I would somewhere hidden away in my mind - know that one day everything would be gone (as in my life when I eventually die)

I became a christian a couple of years ago, and I can honestly tell you - that though Id heard as we probably all have - christians talking about how once they were reborn they didnt fear death any more - I didnt understand how real that was. I thought if that happened to them, then it would happen in the only way I could have understood it then - which is - 'if they had decided to convince themselves there was a god - then they would be telling themselves that they were not ever going to die' To me I figured that it would be like anything else in life - things you decide are good, bad, real, fake - you do based on the evidence - and even in the most compelling situation - there is always the understanding somewhere in the back of your mind that it might be wrong...

I figured even if a christian was totally into it and sure they had eternal life - that little thought 'what if you are wrong'would still be in the back of their mind and so their fear of death would still be there even if it was less.

I really cant explain it in any other way except to say the moment I became a christian - even though I was not at all sure 'anything would happen' - immediately my fear of death - that dark place that I wonder if we all have to some extent if we are not saved - simply due to our mortality - that fear was gone. Not logically me telling myself it was gone cos i had become a christian. It was gone fully and completely in a way I couldnt ever have convinced myself to feel. It was not like I 'realised'i didnt need to fear death - or even thought about that. It was more like that fear was a big brick on my shoulders and someone just took the brick away out of the blue. I couldn't explain why that terrible dark feeling about death was gone, it just was.

That was the first of many many things that made me realise.... OMG (excuse the pun) there really is 'someone'(as in a personality, a character - a person with their own little plans and projects) out there....

I am absolutely sure that if you decide to ask Jesus to be your saviour, and mean it - that he will take away your fear straight away like he did mine. Maybe not your fear of the physical pain of death - but the fear that you will no longer exist - or the fear of where you might be going. You will not need to talk yourself into believing that - you will just suddenly not be afraid any more - like a part of you that is deeper inside you than your conscious thinking - 'knows' beyond all doubt that you are going to heaven to live for ever - knows that so surely that it wont allow your conscious mind to be afraid any more.

If you are thinking that you dont know if you believe in god, or in jesus, for me to be brutally honest i wasnt even sure i believed in him when i made my statement of faith as a christian), you could think of it this way... if hypothetically he WAS real, and he WAS the way to heaven and to eternal life, and he loved you and died for you, if you discovered that was true, would you then accept his free gift of eternal life - or say no thanks I dont want to live forever. Obviously - if you knew for sure, any sensible person would accept jesus. People done because they feel they are not sure, or there isnt enough proof (there is but rather than getting into a long theological debate...)

Anyway if you know that if he was real, youd happily do the whole christian thing, and if you hope he is real and wish you could know for sure, you could try what i did which was basically just say to him (out loud or in your head), that you are going to give him the opportunity to show you if he is real, then say I accept that Jesus died on the cross for me, Jesus please come into my life as my god, forgive my sins and save me.

When i made that statement I meant it - but at the same time I didnt feel at all sure I believed in it - and i really didnt think anything would change or happen - unless I made it happen (like if you go on a diet and go im going to be a healthy eater - you still have to force yourself to eat salad not burgers lol)

Thats kinda how I assumed it would be to 'be a christian'- just some thing i would try and convince myself of the merit of. However when I made my statement to god I also knew that I was saying 'if you are real, then I DO commit to you' And it seems, for god that was enough as immediately there he was.

Its really hard to try and explain that to anyone who has not done it themselves - I know I heard people tell me about it plenty of times and I still never ever came close to understanding what happens. So as I write this I worry that you will not be able to understand what it is actually like.

But hopefully you will consider this thing - if you make that statement - and mean it if god is real... well either he is real and you just got yourself eternal life and the amazing realization that god really is real, or if god is not real and i am simply deluded - well you haven't signed any contract that is binding here on earth, so you haven't lost anything. So try it - worst case scenario nothing happens and you are no worse off, best case scenario you are saved and you will no longer have that terrible fear of death.

so you have nothing to lose

The same goes for anyone else reading this...

I hope and pray that god reveals himself to you so you can be freed from the fear that you must be feeling now. He is always with you, every hour of every day, and he wants nothing more than to hold you and take away your fear and uplift you through this - but he WILL NOT disrespect your right to make your own decision, and I think thats why most people dont experience who god really is until they become saved. Because for him to become really 'present'before you do that would be interfering in your life and your decisions.

Please if you happen to read this (I see your post was mid last year) I hope you will think about it, and maybe even ask god - if he is out there - to give you a sign, or bring someone into your life who knows him. Honestly - all of the fear of death that you have right now - he can and he will take that away straight away, he is just waiting for you to give him the ok to do so......

For others out there who are saved or maybe (please god) read this and decide to become saved - please post your experiences and describe how he takes away the darkness - so that others can see that they don't have to suffer that fear

I know this is a big long, and probably really bible-bashing, religious looking rant (oh no another one of those Christians trying to convert anything that isnt nailed down :-). And Id not normally post something which to me feels so 'pushy'. But the fact is that I am saying this to someone who has a limited amount of time to make a decision which is literally life or death - so i dont have time to gradually get to the point..

But what I am telling you is the truth as I experienced it. And to me its like if you see a person who needs saving - maybe drowning, or about to commit suicide, or whatever - you dont stop to see if they might be offended- you take action and jump into the river and swim to them, or grab a hold of them so they dont fall off that bridge.

I know god is real -not through what my preacher said at church, or what I read in any book or was told by anyone - but by my own experience of him doing things, telling me things - arranging things, places and people in all sorts of ways. I know he isnt as judgemental and distant as I always thought, I am sure he has a sense of humour, I believe he is far far more creative, and funny and inventive and interesting than I can imagine - and very very different (in a good way) to what i ever imagined he would be like. I also dont think heaven is some boring spot on a cloud, but is like earth but better, bigger, more beautiful and amazing. I am pretty confident I will be able to ski there, and I am hopefull I will be able to fly (without a plane) - hopefully god will also let me at least one time, have bolts of fire come out of my fingers - just cos that would be fun.

I believe that in heaven you will still be who you are now - but better - you will be the person you always felt you had the potential to be, you will feel the joy you always felt the potential to feel, you will enjoy the things you did here - and maybe some new things, life will be fun, exciting, interesting and challenging.the food will be divine (and not at all fattening) the wine unbelievable (and no hangover), the sky,ocean, mountains, forests, cities all more vibrant and real and beautiful than here on earth. If you are a skier or boarder the weather will always be perfect and the powder epic - plus your boarding/skiing skills will be amazing, surfers will find the perfect wave, over and over -and always be in the right place to catch it, singers will be inspired, and backed by the most stupendously fantastic orchestra, artists will paint with colors that literally leap off the canvas and shake their hand, golfers will find themselves teeing off on the course of their dreams, with a hole in one achievable, dancers will take flight to their music. runners will move with the wind, animal lovers will walk into a field and have all the creatures of the world come to them, musicians will find their instruments create the most unbelievable sound - sound that comes out not just as something you hear but something you eat and drink and swim in. Engineers, gadget geeks, scientific types will be constantly presented with the most intoxicatingly fascinating things, events, equipment and challenges, botanists will be confronted with mind blowing plant life - where not even one single blade of grass is marred in any way (no brown bits etc), swimmers and divers will be able to breathe under water, and find themselves able to communicate with, and swim with dolphins, and whales in crystal clear water that goes on forever, petrol heads will be able to build their dream vehicle, except a billion times better - and it will probably fly and swim and tunnel through rock then shrink down so you can park it anywhere.... and so on and so on.....think of the most wonderful exciting fantastic things you could imagine then multiply that by a million and know you still aren't close to how utterly cool it will be.

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