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Lost my brother 5 years ago, still too depressed to funtion.


lostandstuck

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lostandstuck

Almost 5 years ago I lost my older brother very unexpectedly to heart disease. He was 24. We had an almost symbiotic connection. Even though we were 3 years apart, people always thought we were twins. We did everything together as kids, and partied and hung out still as adults. When He died, I was so crushed, life no longer felt real. Now it's 5 years later, and joy is still mostly absent from my life, and fleeting on rare occasions that I find it. I miss him so much still, and the rest of the world just keeps going. I don't know how I'm supposed to have a life when my role model and best friend is dead. I'm 26, and my life has no direction because everyday feels pointless. I feel so alone, and disconnected. I don't even talk to the rest of my family most days. Sometimes I feel bad about that, but I was never as close to them as I was with my brother. Sometimes I want to talk to my friends about it, but I feel like I would just break down and cry, and I feel like 5 years id a long time to still be broken. I want to get better. I want a career and a girlfriend. I want to be happy, but I have no energy, ever. I watch tv while time passes. I play computer games. I have friends. I go out and socialize, but it always feels forced. It all just feels like I'm waiting for this to be over. There's no satisfaction in any of it, and it's been 5 years. When am I going to get better? Do other people feel this way? I feel really alone in this.

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Almost 5 years ago I lost my older brother very unexpectedly to heart disease. He was 24. We had an almost symbiotic connection. Even though we were 3 years apart, people always thought we were twins. We did everything together as kids, and partied and hung out still as adults. When He died, I was so crushed, life no longer felt real. Now it's 5 years later, and joy is still mostly absent from my life, and fleeting on rare occasions that I find it. I miss him so much still, and the rest of the world just keeps going. I don't know how I'm supposed to have a life when my role model and best friend is dead. I'm 26, and my life has no direction because everyday feels pointless. I feel so alone, and disconnected. I don't even talk to the rest of my family most days. Sometimes I feel bad about that, but I was never as close to them as I was with my brother. Sometimes I want to talk to my friends about it, but I feel like I would just break down and cry, and I feel like 5 years id a long time to still be broken. I want to get better. I want a career and a girlfriend. I want to be happy, but I have no energy, ever. I watch tv while time passes. I play computer games. I have friends. I go out and socialize, but it always feels forced. It all just feels like I'm waiting for this to be over. There's no satisfaction in any of it, and it's been 5 years. When am I going to get better? Do other people feel this way? I feel really alone in this.

Lostandstuck,

If you feel like talking to your friends about your brother and your loss, then talk about it. It sounds as though you need to get your emotions out and process through everything. It also sounds as though you need some professional advice, perhaps through a grief counselor or even a family counselor. A self-help grief and loss group could also be a way for you to talk and get your feelings out in the open.

There are people who experience what you do. You are not alone.

Why do you think you feel so disconnected? Is it because you shut down how you felt and didn't deal with it? Do you feel guilt? Fear? Anger? Have you ever told anyone about your lack of energy?

We will be here for you,

ModKonnie

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Almost 5 years ago I lost my older brother very unexpectedly to heart disease. He was 24. We had an almost symbiotic connection. Even though we were 3 years apart, people always thought we were twins. We did everything together as kids, and partied and hung out still as adults. When He died, I was so crushed, life no longer felt real. Now it's 5 years later, and joy is still mostly absent from my life, and fleeting on rare occasions that I find it. I miss him so much still, and the rest of the world just keeps going. I don't know how I'm supposed to have a life when my role model and best friend is dead. I'm 26, and my life has no direction because everyday feels pointless. I feel so alone, and disconnected. I don't even talk to the rest of my family most days. Sometimes I feel bad about that, but I was never as close to them as I was with my brother. Sometimes I want to talk to my friends about it, but I feel like I would just break down and cry, and I feel like 5 years id a long time to still be broken. I want to get better. I want a career and a girlfriend. I want to be happy, but I have no energy, ever. I watch tv while time passes. I play computer games. I have friends. I go out and socialize, but it always feels forced. It all just feels like I'm waiting for this to be over. There's no satisfaction in any of it, and it's been 5 years. When am I going to get better? Do other people feel this way? I feel really alone in this.

Lostandstuck,

If you feel like talking to your friends about your brother and your loss, then talk about it. It sounds as though you need to get your emotions out and process through everything. It also sounds as though you need some professional advice, perhaps through a grief counselor or even a family counselor. A self-help grief and loss group could also be a way for you to talk and get your feelings out in the open.

There are people who experience what you do. You are not alone.

Why do you think you feel so disconnected? Is it because you shut down how you felt and didn't deal with it? Do you feel guilt? Fear? Anger? Have you ever told anyone about your lack of energy?

We will be here for you,

ModKonnie

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Hi lostandstuck,

I am so sorry you have to go thru this pain. I lost my older brother 8 years ago to sleep apnea,and even after all this time I still miss him like crazy. As you have discovered,you have good days and bad days. I almost wanted to die myself when he died. I felt like a part of myself was missing. I still have days where I think about him constantly. I found almost no support from others,not even family. At the funeral everyone gave their condolences to my parents and hardly any to me. It's like I didn't count. I went to a grief support group but not one person there was there to grieve a sibling. It was all parents,spouses,kids,etc. I did find a great Yahoo group that has helped a lot. If you want the name of it I will give it to you. It deals specifically with the loss of a sibling.

Feel free to pm me anytime if you want to talk.

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Hi lostandstuck,

I am so sorry you have to go thru this pain. I lost my older brother 8 years ago to sleep apnea,and even after all this time I still miss him like crazy. As you have discovered,you have good days and bad days. I almost wanted to die myself when he died. I felt like a part of myself was missing. I still have days where I think about him constantly. I found almost no support from others,not even family. At the funeral everyone gave their condolences to my parents and hardly any to me. It's like I didn't count. I went to a grief support group but not one person there was there to grieve a sibling. It was all parents,spouses,kids,etc. I did find a great Yahoo group that has helped a lot. If you want the name of it I will give it to you. It deals specifically with the loss of a sibling.

Feel free to pm me anytime if you want to talk.

Hi i am new to this group so forgive me if i dont get this right. I lost my brother 9 years ago and I still feel the pain of losing him and I am trying to find some guidance to understand a little has to why i lost him and how to get back some normal in my life. I am so sorry for your loss.

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josephtmacgregor

Dear lostandstuck, Beth, and patticake,

The new post on here has motivated me to reply. I read the original post by lostandstuck the first day I found this site, about a week ago. It's taken me this long to even get up the strength to respond. I am so sorry to all of you for the loss of your sibling. I know that pain. One of my younger brothers died 6 years ago from brain cancer, which tried its best to take away all his dignity during his final days and weeks. I was not his primary caregiver, we lived in different states at the time he got sick and died, but I would call to check in once or twice a week, and I was able to take leave from work in order to spend what turned out to be the last 3 or so weeks of his life by his side. After he died and after we had the funeral, I went back to work 2 weeks later and never stopped. From then until a month ago, I was working, when I had to retire for personal reasons. Now that I finally have stopped the normal hustle and bustle of the job world, all sorts of thoughts about my brother are coming back and I am now, as this post states, "still too depressed to function." I had an appointment with a psychologist today, who will be helping me work through some post traumatic stress disorder, resulting from the way I responded to seeing my brother suffer and die, and the fact that I held all of those emotions in for the past six years.

I no longer deny that my brother is dead, and I no longer plead God to bring him back, especially because I saw how at peace he finally looked as he was in his last hours. But the anger and the depression are constant, I have flashbacks, I can't sleep. I have medical problems of my own that I've had all my life, and I always just accepted the fact that I would die before any of my siblings. Plus, I'm the oldest. That's how it was supposed to work. He and I were very close and of all my other siblings, especially the brothers, he and I were most similar in our personalities, sense of humor, etc. I thank God every day for my wife and my children, who mean the world to me. If it weren't for them, I wouldn't be here. But there is no denying that when my brother died, a part of me died, too. A part of my history is no longer living. Our family's biggest charmer and "ham" is no longer here. Our large family has remained close, and his death brought us even closer, as deaths often do, but it was so unexpected.

People I encounter day to day just don't understand this sort of pain. As a man and as the provider for my family, given the stereotypes that exist in our society, I feel weak and like I've somehow failed because, 6 years later, I am such a wreck, over the death of my brother. But I am so glad that I have found this Web site and forum where it's ok to admit to and express the pain I am feeling, in the company of other people who unfortunately know that same pain as well.

My faith has wavered and continues to since his death, but for whatever it is worth, know I will be keeping you all in my thoughts and prayers. Other than that, I don't know what to say other than thank you for sharing your experiences, and I am once again so sorry for your losses. We are in the same boat.

God bless,

Joe

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Dear lostandstuck, Beth, and patticake,

The new post on here has motivated me to reply. I read the original post by lostandstuck the first day I found this site, about a week ago. It's taken me this long to even get up the strength to respond. I am so sorry to all of you for the loss of your sibling. I know that pain. One of my younger brothers died 6 years ago from brain cancer, which tried its best to take away all his dignity during his final days and weeks. I was not his primary caregiver, we lived in different states at the time he got sick and died, but I would call to check in once or twice a week, and I was able to take leave from work in order to spend what turned out to be the last 3 or so weeks of his life by his side. After he died and after we had the funeral, I went back to work 2 weeks later and never stopped. From then until a month ago, I was working, when I had to retire for personal reasons. Now that I finally have stopped the normal hustle and bustle of the job world, all sorts of thoughts about my brother are coming back and I am now, as this post states, "still too depressed to function." I had an appointment with a psychologist today, who will be helping me work through some post traumatic stress disorder, resulting from the way I responded to seeing my brother suffer and die, and the fact that I held all of those emotions in for the past six years.

I no longer deny that my brother is dead, and I no longer plead God to bring him back, especially because I saw how at peace he finally looked as he was in his last hours. But the anger and the depression are constant, I have flashbacks, I can't sleep. I have medical problems of my own that I've had all my life, and I always just accepted the fact that I would die before any of my siblings. Plus, I'm the oldest. That's how it was supposed to work. He and I were very close and of all my other siblings, especially the brothers, he and I were most similar in our personalities, sense of humor, etc. I thank God every day for my wife and my children, who mean the world to me. If it weren't for them, I wouldn't be here. But there is no denying that when my brother died, a part of me died, too. A part of my history is no longer living. Our family's biggest charmer and "ham" is no longer here. Our large family has remained close, and his death brought us even closer, as deaths often do, but it was so unexpected.

People I encounter day to day just don't understand this sort of pain. As a man and as the provider for my family, given the stereotypes that exist in our society, I feel weak and like I've somehow failed because, 6 years later, I am such a wreck, over the death of my brother. But I am so glad that I have found this Web site and forum where it's ok to admit to and express the pain I am feeling, in the company of other people who unfortunately know that same pain as well.

My faith has wavered and continues to since his death, but for whatever it is worth, know I will be keeping you all in my thoughts and prayers. Other than that, I don't know what to say other than thank you for sharing your experiences, and I am once again so sorry for your losses. We are in the same boat.

God bless,

Joe

Thank you so very much and I am so glad I found others that I can relate to. For a long time I felt so very alone when it came to my brothers death because I would feel guilty for going to my mom and sister for support because I knew they were dealing with their own kind grief. So I would have to talk to my husband and friends and they understood but they had no idea my deep feelings because until you have lost a brother or sister the pain in beyond words. And its because of this group i now have others who can relate to me!

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VirginiaMora

Thank you so very much and I am so glad I found others that I can relate to. For a long time I felt so very alone when it came to my brothers death because I would feel guilty for going to my mom and sister for support because I knew they were dealing with their own kind grief. So I would have to talk to my husband and friends and they understood but they had no idea my deep feelings because until you have lost a brother or sister the pain in beyond words. And its because of this group i now have others who can relate to me!

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VirginiaMora

I just lost my younger sister to brain cancer July 8, 2012. She battled bravely for 4 years. I was able to spend almost 2 months with her while she was bedridden and during her final weeks of hospice care. I stayed strong while helping to care for her because she had two young daughters at home--13 & 11. Also, for my parents who are both in their mid 80's. But now the loss is so painful. I miss her so. I wake up in the morning crying realizing it wasn't a nightmare. I'm glad I found this site where I can share with other people who have gone through this painful process.

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