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Getting through the day


paulaj

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This is the 5th anniversary of the date of John's death and I was feeling low when I wrote yesterday. I'm burning a seven day candle for him with a message of my love beneath it. I realize I need to get out. I'm not working, so I am looking at volunteer positions. This is not a great time of year to do that in Boston. There are fewer events, most of our student population is gone, most volunteer positions are filled. However fall is around the corner. However, I have to make myself go out. I got myself into this pattern, only I can get myself out.

Even after 5 years I am still sorting through my husband's effects. I just finished organizing a large music collection - he played guitar. I've been giving away other things to people who would love them. I gave away his collection of calligraphy, typography, computer graphic books to a young designer just starting out. It's a good feeling to let this stuff go. I know that's what he would have wanted. On an amusing note, he was a pack-rat, this could take a long time. But I believe this will help me move on.

I'm going to try and go out today - anywhere will do (well, almost).

Love and peace

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yes get out they say that is the best thing to do. I work part time yes it is hard but it helps having something to do. You havn't been out in 5 years? oh my don't you have family? Its' hard to get out and it is hard when you see someone you know, but please get out.

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Hello again gunnners'wife!

Good to hear from you. The only family I have in Boston is one cousin. He lives downstairs and I live upstairs. My cousin has been wonderful. I own a two family house I rent. I ran away from it because of the memories. Before his death, he was sick for seven years, so I wasn't getting out much either. On the occasions when I do get out I never know how I'm going to react. Sometimes I feel the entire Boston/Cambridge area harbors memories and ghosts . Other times, it's O.K. My son and his family live out of state - I wish they were closer.

Today I disposed of more stuff and did some gardening. I'm going to try for tomorrow. If I'm in the right state of mind, the area has a lot to offer. I can hang out in a coffee shop and people watch. Bookstores and art galleries are other cool places. Yes, you are right and I know it. Time to go and rediscover my city on my own.

Love and Peace,

Mandala.

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