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Telling the kids cause of death


Ann

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I just received the autopsy report after 4 months for my husband. Cause of death was acute use of 3 different narcotics also noted that it was an accident. I am struggling with what to tell my 17 and 18 year old children. They knew their dad had addiction issues in the past as he was very open with them. I do not want to disrespect the honor of my husband. He was so much more than his addiction. He was a great husband and father and a great human being that unfortunately battled addiction. I don't want my kids to think their dad didn't love them enough to quit and I don't want to tarnish their love and memories of their father. Also, other family members and friend keep asking if I have gotten autopsy results yet and I am not comfortable telling them the truth. Looking for input

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No one but you needs to know the cause of death. People dont need to be asking you questions like that. Some people are so noisy and some do care however, you dont have to tell them anything, you have enough to worry about and that is where they maybe can help you. People that do not have addictions dont understand them so no need to have anyone judge your husband. His battle was hard enough and remember that it was his personal demon and it had nothing to do with you and your kids. I'm sure he loved you all very much, but his addiction had a hold on him that he just coudn't break. I suggest a counlser so that you have somone that you can share details with that arent family and friends. I will pray that you will find the answers that you seek and for your kids they have enough burden of the loss of their father. The point is he is gone and that is a struggle on its on! I don't think that it mattters on how our loves pass, the loss of them is so painful. We are now forced in a new world that we are unfamiliar with. I know that I struggle daily on the loss of my husband. Thought I would share!

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Thank-you for your reply and you are so right. People that have not dealt with addiction are very judgemental and that is exactly what I do not want to have happen to my husband's memory. He was an amazing man with an illness that took his life.

No one but you needs to know the cause of death. People dont need to be asking you questions like that. Some people are so noisy and some do care however, you dont have to tell them anything, you have enough to worry about and that is where they maybe can help you. People that do not have addictions dont understand them so no need to have anyone judge your husband. His battle was hard enough and remember that it was his personal demon and it had nothing to do with you and your kids. I'm sure he loved you all very much, but his addiction had a hold on him that he just coudn't break. I suggest a counlser so that you have somone that you can share details with that arent family and friends. I will pray that you will find the answers that you seek and for your kids they have enough burden of the loss of their father. The point is he is gone and that is a struggle on its on! I don't think that it mattters on how our loves pass, the loss of them is so painful. We are now forced in a new world that we are unfamiliar with. I know that I struggle daily on the loss of my husband. Thought I would share!

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Our husbands where great men, they just had a struggle that no one can ever understand unless they have gone through the same thing. We as their spouses dont get it and we love them unconditionally! I know that my husband loved me and his family just could not beat this one thing that was killing him..What people dont understand is that some of us make crazy choices, and we dont know what the out come is going to be. You just dont think that far...But there is no difference of our husbands being addicted to pills, drinking, sex, partying, movies, race car driving, sky jumping, chocolate, smoking they are all addictions.....no addiction is better than the other. I struggle with all of this on a daily basis. My husband always thought that he had everything under control like everyone that is addicted to do. Keep your head up, but I cant lie and say it is going to be easy cause it is not...

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I just received the autopsy report after 4 months for my husband. Cause of death was acute use of 3 different narcotics also noted that it was an accident. I am struggling with what to tell my 17 and 18 year old children. They knew their dad had addiction issues in the past as he was very open with them. I do not want to disrespect the honor of my husband. He was so muc\h more than his addiction. He was a great husband and father and a great human being that unfortunately battled addiction. I don't want my kids to think their dad didn't love them enough to quit and I don't want to tarnish their love and memories of their father. Also, other family members and friend keep asking if I have gotten autopsy results yet and I am not comfortable telling them the truth. Looking for input

Well if someone you care about dies, the first question will be why or how. I don't think that's necessarily "nosy," and if you dodge or refuse to answer the question, that itself speaks volumes and likely leads them to less than pleasant possible conclusions. Anyway, re the kids, I'm betting they won't just take silence either, which itself probably gives away the answer. How about something like he was taking meds and had a bad/unexpected reaction, which sounds not altogether untrue anyway. Course if you go that route, be prepared for follow-up questions, like "what meds?" You'd have to think that through. You're going to have to say something though.

there is no difference of our husbands being addicted to pills, drinking, sex, partying, movies, race car driving, sky jumping, chocolate, smoking they are all addictions.....no addiction is better than the other.

No offense but I quite disagree. Being "addicted" to movies or chocolate is hardly the same as being addicted to drugs etc. Trying to paint them as all the same simply isn't accurate. I do think few if any are good though. Best to you and yours regardless.

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Well if someone you care about dies, the first question will be why or how. I don't think that's necessarily "nosy," and if you dodge or refuse to answer the question, that itself speaks volumes and likely leads them to less than pleasant possible conclusions. Anyway, re the kids, I'm betting they won't just take silence either, which itself probably gives away the answer. How about something like he was taking meds and had a bad/unexpected reaction, which sounds not altogether untrue anyway. Course if you go that route, be prepared for follow-up questions, like "what meds?" You'd have to think that through. You're going to have to say something though.

No offense but I quite disagree. Being "addicted" to movies or chocolate is hardly the same as being addicted to drugs etc. Trying to paint them as all the same simply isn't accurate. I do think few if any are good though. Best to you and yours regardless.

I was basically saying that addictions are addictions... No one is greater than the other. Some can kill us or some can lead us to have major health problems non the less. People that dont have addictions dont understand those that do.

When someone passes people come out of the woodwork....To each its own on how to handle the way they want to share details. But some people are very nosy and I dont see the need to share personal details. People will assume what they want with or without knowing the truth. You can tell them what your heart tells you to say and it does not have to be what is written on their report.

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I was basically saying that addictions are addictions... No one is greater than the other.

I know. And I am saying this is blatantly incorrect, sorry.
Some can kill us or some can lead us to have major health problems non the less.
And your yourself just provided a great reason why right there......
People that dont have addictions dont understand those that do.
Also not true. If it was, every doctor, psychologist and counselor would have to be an "addict." You don't have to experience something first-hand to have knowledge of it.
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I was hoping for more advice not bickering. Obviously addiction is addiction although depending on what it is depends on how dangerous it can be. I have to agree though...if you have not dealt with addiction you don't understand and a lot of doctors sure in the heck don't understand. They might have knowledge but that is different. The 3 medicines that were in my husband were all prescribed by a doctor that had been treating him for years and the combination of those 3 drugs never should of been given to anyone, addict or not. Our system is broken and I am not totally blaming my husband's death on the system but drugs are being prescribed way too much and pharmacies are filling those prescriptions. I know an 18 year old that went in for a legitimate pain and walked out with prescriptions for 3 different drugs. There needs to be somekind of monitoring put in place. All you have to do is turn on the evening new to see how rampant addiction to prescription drugs have become in our country.

I know. And I am saying this is blatantly incorrect, sorry.

And your yourself just provided a great reason why right there......

Also not true. If it was, every doctor, psychologist and counselor would have to be an "addict." You don't have to experience something first-hand to have knowledge of it.

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Ann, sorry for the sidetrack. And you're right, the system is broken, drugs are handed out FAR too easily (don't get me started on all the kids on who knows what for "ADD" or other things which they may not even have) and there are some seriously bad doctors out there. I know because I've experienced more than my share. But there are good ones too, including those who don't hand out prescriptions like candy. That aside, I've given my .02 on your situation at hand, not much to add offhand. I regret if it was of no help and wish you the best with this regardless.

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