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Online Grief Support, Help for Coping with Loss | Beyond Indigo Forums
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loss of father

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Dear All, I have just joined this site and am not certain I know how to use it yet.

My first post therefore will be short. I am 53-- a second generation Chinese American living in Los Angeles. I lost my father on January 5th 2008. He was 93, so it wasn't unexpected-- still it was a shock. Only two weeks before his passing, he was still able to take a shower by himself. His condition began to decline suddenly around Christmas-- we took him to his cardiologist on the 3rd, but the cardiologist didn't think he needed hospitalization, only a change in medication. And then two nights later he passed away (one day before my birthday). Our immediate family was small (I have one older brother) and extremely close. My parents were married sixty years, and knew each other for seventy-eight! As you can imagine, we are all devastated. Fortunately we have

quite alot of relatives and friends in the area who have been very supportive. Yet losing him seems unbearable. These days I am preoccupied by "what ifs"-- What if we had taken him to the hospital immediately instead of waiting for an appointment with his cardiologist? What if there hadn't been severe storms in California over Christmas which discouraged us from calling an ambulance? What if the book I had ordered on how to nurse elderly patients had arrived the day before he passed away instead of the day after? What if his cardiologist had given me a straight answer when I asked what warning signs to look for instead of giving me a look as if to say "How can you bother me with such a stupid question?" Guilt, blame, anger, depression...and so much uncertainty. I am hoping that this site will help. Ultimately we all depend on the kindness of strangers.

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I just recently lost my father and stepfather in 5 months. This is why I am here. We all have a reason right?

My father was on a lot of painkillers and morphine too. I think this is the only thing I don't regret about any of these past few months. I just know that I am happy my Dad was as comfortable as he could have been when he passed. I hope both of you good luck in dealing with all of this. I hope it will get easier for me too.

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