Having a hard time with the loss of my Dad

[jewell09]

I'm in my early thirties...my dad died of lung cancer that spread to his brain. He will have been gone for two years this coming July 10th. I still often cry myself to sleep. I miss him so so much. My mom who is an amazing woman took care of him when he fell ill. I will never know how she did it. To watch the love of her life become so sick and leave this world. I was lucky to have such a wonderful father all of my life. He taught me so many things. I know some people, when their parent passes, often wishes they could change something about their life with their dad or mom.... I'm lucky i guess....I would not change a thing. I loved him so much and he knew that. We had a great relationship, forwhich i am very thankful. I signed up for this forum tonight because I have been having such a hard time missing him. I can not believe he has been gone two years. People told me that it would "get better with time"..they lied.... it never did. I miss him the same amount, i hurt just as much. i'm sad. I was not ready for my Dad to leave. I remember everything of his last few days...his last food he ate was waffles...he took a nap and never woke back up. He was alive for six days, but sleeping. He passed at 1pm sharp on a saturday. He held my hand the day before for almost an hour. He opened his eyes and said something to me but i couldn't hear him. I have thought about this so much....when i asked him to repeat himself, he went back to sleep. I just wanted to know what he said. I was glad to have sat by his side that week. He was my Rock. I guess i dont' know how to get past this horrible hole i have in my heart. I dont know how to heal from this. I dont know if people heal from such. I hope someone can write me back.

Jewell

[debbie8800]

Hi Jewell: So sorry for your loss, i lost my mom 7 months ago, feels like yesterday, I enjoy going to the cemetary just to be near her. Crazy right.

My mom like your dad was everything to me. It was just me and mom. I am so glad you had a wonderful dad, i know its painful, many of us feel this. I joined a grief support group at a church and it helped alot.

Church helps too, Keep your head up and being around others who have sustained a loss is very good because they truly understand like no one else ever will.

I look around at all the happy people and just feel like. Is she really dead, No it cant be.

I am thinking of driving to florida where her and i werre going to go before she passed. I have been living with roommates since she passed and i haven't been happy living with strangers so i think i am heading down to florida this weekend.

Say a prayer for me, i will pray for you dear.

Debbie

[blujonny]

I'm in my early thirties...my dad died of lung cancer that spread to his brain. He will have been gone for two years this coming July 10th. I still often cry myself to sleep. I miss him so so much. My mom who is an amazing woman took care of him when he fell ill. I will never know how she did it. To watch the love of her life become so sick and leave this world. I was lucky to have such a wonderful father all of my life. He taught me so many things. I know some people, when their parent passes, often wishes they could change something about their life with their dad or mom.... I'm lucky i guess....I would not change a thing. I loved him so much and he knew that. We had a great relationship, forwhich i am very thankful. I signed up for this forum tonight because I have been having such a hard time missing him. I can not believe he has been gone two years. People told me that it would "get better with time"..they lied.... it never did. I miss him the same amount, i hurt just as much. i'm sad. I was not ready for my Dad to leave. I remember everything of his last few days...his last food he ate was waffles...he took a nap and never woke back up. He was alive for six days, but sleeping. He passed at 1pm sharp on a saturday. He held my hand the day before for almost an hour. He opened his eyes and said something to me but i couldn't hear him. I have thought about this so much....when i asked him to repeat himself, he went back to sleep. I just wanted to know what he said. I was glad to have sat by his side that week. He was my Rock. I guess i dont' know how to get past this horrible hole i have in my heart. I dont know how to heal from this. I dont know if people heal from such. I hope someone can write me back.

Jewell

My dad passed away two years ago on August 7th. Maybe you need to open up and discuss what your strong emotions are right now, what they're attached to and how often they flow through you. I missed out on some final words too with my dad as I didn't believe that he was going to pass even though he was in a hospice. I think the hurt is what keeps you from healing. Learning how to interpret and what conclusions to draw from our strong emotions is key to recovery.

[blujonny]

I think it's okay to keep the conversation going.

[Lil' Lamm]

I'm in my early thirties...my dad died of lung cancer that spread to his brain. He will have been gone for two years this coming July 10th. I still often cry myself to sleep. I miss him so so much. My mom who is an amazing woman took care of him when he fell ill. I will never know how she did it. To watch the love of her life become so sick and leave this world. I was lucky to have such a wonderful father all of my life. He taught me so many things. I know some people, when their parent passes, often wishes they could change something about their life with their dad or mom.... I'm lucky i guess....I would not change a thing. I loved him so much and he knew that. We had a great relationship, forwhich i am very thankful. I signed up for this forum tonight because I have been having such a hard time missing him. I can not believe he has been gone two years. People told me that it would "get better with time"..they lied.... it never did. I miss him the same amount, i hurt just as much. i'm sad. I was not ready for my Dad to leave. I remember everything of his last few days...his last food he ate was waffles...he took a nap and never woke back up. He was alive for six days, but sleeping. He passed at 1pm sharp on a saturday. He held my hand the day before for almost an hour. He opened his eyes and said something to me but i couldn't hear him. I have thought about this so much....when i asked him to repeat himself, he went back to sleep. I just wanted to know what he said. I was glad to have sat by his side that week. He was my Rock. I guess i dont' know how to get past this horrible hole i have in my heart. I dont know how to heal from this. I dont know if people heal from such. I hope someone can write me back.

Jewell

Jewell I lost my dad 19 years ago(I was in my late 20's) and it sounds like we had similar relationships with our dads, I can offer some tips for your struggle of which I have used and continue to use. I visit him often in pictures and stories and love to post pics of him on facebook every once in a while and let people know I would love to hear any memory they have of him. That always brings a smile to my heart and my friends are always willing to play along. right now you are still focusing on the loss there will come a time that you will focus on the life you had together and that's what makes it bearable. when you bring the happy memories you have tucked away in your heart to the forefront you will be amazed at what will fade away. He can still take the pain away but just in a different way. I always cry and that's ok but in the end I am smiling, I am thankful for every moment we had together and if given the choice even knowing when he was going to pass I would have chosen him again and again as my dad. I'm sure your dad wants you to be happy, take your time and feel the feelings, slowly you will work your way through them and although you will still miss him you will be able to live again and ultimately that is what he wants for you. We have suffered from a few losses and as a result of these I created these blankets, I have a website you can find it at www.lillammlappies.com These blankets have helped our mourning tremendously. May God watch over you and give you strength in your sorrow!

[ThomasP]

I am so very sorry to read of the loss of your beloved father. Please accept my deepest condolences.

I lost my father two years ago (it will be 2 years on July 7) from cancer also. He had melanoma and lymphoma. Over the course of a year, from the time he was diagnosed, through all of the chemo and other drugs, I saw my father go from a strong, independent man to a shell of himself, needing to be helped in and out of a wheelchair. I saw my mother care for him day and night, going with him to every doctor visit, making him special foods to eat that he could digest easily. She was amazing with his care, and I was very humbled to see that. To know that 2 people who loved each other so deeply could deal with such an illness together.

I visited my parents every chance I could get, and each time, I saw my father change for the worse. I helped he and mom as much as I could, and still felt helpless. Dad knew was what happening to him, and accepted it with grace and humility. He had total faith in his doctors, and a deep faith in God. He fought with a bravery I have rarely seen in others.

Two years ago, on July 7th, at 5 PM, my father passed away at home, under hospice care, surrounded by my mother, myself, and my brother and sister. Dad wanted to pass at home with his family around him, and we honored his wish. I was holding his hand when he took his last breath. When he died, a good part of me died with him. My life has never been the same since, and never will be again. To this day, that last moment together with dad remains a painful and sorrowful moment in my life.

I am still so angry at everything that happened. My faith has been destroyed over this. I find myself still hurting, still crying, still missing him more than I can say. I go to visit his grave to pay my respects, and just be there with him. I am the only visitor who goes there.

Why? I ask myself all the time. Why did dad have to go like this? Why didn't the treatments work? He should stil be here, I cry out.

I've also been told that I will heal from his passing, but that just isn't true. There is no healing. Others have told me that, in time, I will learn how to deal with my father's death. While well meaning, it is also not true. Yes, I have been in therapy and couseling, and while it has helped, the pain of my father's passing remains, as acute as the day he left.

There is a hole in my heart which will never be healed. My dad was my hero in so many ways, and a wonderful and loving father. I miss him every day, and even as I write this, my eyes are filled with tears. It's just not fair. I want my dad back, and he's not coming back.

So, please know that I truly do understand everything you are going through. I've been there, and am still there. Please also know that you are not alone. There are others who are grieving too, who can't seem to make sense of what happened, and will never feel whole again.

[Sms21]

I just lost my dad June 29, 2012 to cancer. I feel like I am holding on by a thread. Monday I had a bad day and I did what I have done my whole life, call dad. The feeling I got when I realized I could not call him has made it hard to make it thru the day. I am not use to crying, I have always been a happy person. I have always been strong, but I can't seem to keep it together and sleeping is impossible. I am a Christian and I pray a lot, I know God is getting me thru it, but I just want to see light at the end of the tunnel. I am 37 and dad was 59. My mom was his care giver as well, I feel bad when I accidentally breakdown and cry to her because she lost her husband. I guess all this is normal, but I don't know.