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Redium

Caregiving

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I know that God is in control, but I feel so sad for my DH who is suffering. He gets the weekend free of chemo and radiation, but he's too sick to take any meds and has slept all day except for bouts of vomiting. I hope he's able to keep his nausea pill down in the morning so that he can take his chemotherapy meds.

P. S. I meant to sign in as UnderHisWings, but goofed and added a space in there.

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ingucite   

What kind of support would you like? I think people feel here for each other because we all go or have gone through similar pain. But many want to stay stuck in pain (i know i will not be liked by saying this) When we hear about other's pain almost the first thing that comes up is: 'yes, i hear you because i lost...or am going through this and that...'. It;s difficult to stay present with other's pain when so much is going on for ourselves. I think it's important not only express how we feel but also make a decision to learn from what is happening.

I dont want to assume but i hear anger in what you say if this place is dead. We only can give when we have healed ourselves, not earlier, and most people here are in the grieving and healing process. So what support would you like - advice, someone telling their story, just listening (a bit difficult as im sure people reading your posts are listening, but you may not notice as it's not always expressed in words)?

Im happy to have a chat with you and maybe there are things i can suggest to feel calmer and come in terms with what is happening.

But know that people here are supportive and know the pain you are talking about.

Blessings,

Inga

Online grief support? Where is it?

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ingucite   

It's ok to come here and be vulnerable or have any other emotions that we probably wouldnt dare to express in everyday life. It's ok to be tearful and not hide that. If fact, accepting fully how you feel is the first step to healing i think.

Can i suggest something that may give you some strenght? It's a book, (if you like reading) - by Ken Wilber 'Grace and Grit' Its beautiful, so touching! It's about Ken's wife's battle with cancer. She didn't make it, but the insights and growth along the path for both of them are amazing. Check it out on amazon.

Im not religious, but i deeply believe that we all are UnderHisWings :-)

Much love and blessings!

Thank you very much, Inga, for your reply. I was hoping for a reply.

I'm tearful today. I'll come back when I'm feeling stronger.

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Thanks for the suggestion. Things aren't very pleasant at the moment. They want a home health care nurse to start coming and I hate having frequent visitors. I know it doesn't make a lot of sense to most people, but it feels like an invasion on my privacy and it's depressing me half to death. I want to run away and can't.

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ingucite   

Do you have to be in the room when health care nurse comes? In a way that help could really relieve you from being exhausted to do everything. If they did care for him, wouldnt you be able to spend more quality time with your DH? Read him, jut sit next to his bed, remember beautiful moments you shared? I dont know what exactly is your situation, but if i had such care available when my son was ill, i would feel relieved. For the last 3 months when things got really bad, I was the main carer for my son as didnt want him to die in hospital and in post soviet times in Latvia i even didnt know if such care was available. And my mum came to help for the last month which im eternally grateful for.

You need help, allow people be there for you, be kind to yourself. To deal with your emotions, i can suggest tapping. It's wonderful tool for any stress relief and very simple too. Loads of resources on internet, and also explanation on my website http://www.peaceinme.co.uk/EFT.htm

Peace and love!

Thanks for the suggestion. Things aren't very pleasant at the moment. They want a home health care nurse to start coming and I hate having frequent visitors. I know it doesn't make a lot of sense to most people, but it feels like an invasion on my privacy and it's depressing me half to death. I want to run away and can't.

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Hey, what a remarkable coincidence! I've been in touch with someone from Latvia for several years.

My husband just spent another week in the hospital. The goal was to get his pain under control and now they've sent him home with a pain pump. I'm not getting anything done around here. Hospital workers are coming and going today. I'll be back another day.

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ingucite   

I so wish i could help somehow UnderHisWings!

It may happen many times still that things dont turn out how you thought they should. But right now if being in hospital is the best for him and it relieves his pain, you have to find strength in yourself to go with it. Ask for any help you can get, it's great that you are ok with home care now and im sure as you will reach out there will be more and more people willing to help.

Really really simple way to relieve stress is tapping on acupressure points, the simplest and the least noticeable when you are around people is light tapping on collarbone. And breathe deep, being with what is right here, right now. Try, it does help.

If you wanted to have a chat, come on skype. My ID peace_in_me

Much love,

Inga

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Hi, Inga. I don't have a Skype account.

He was able to come home from the hospital because they got his pain under control. The home care nurse is going to find out why the PICC line has become so difficult to flush. I thought I had done something wrong.

Today and tomorrow we're having repairs to the outside of our house. I also have to buy groceries. And he will have chemo and radiation.

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ingucite   

It's really easy to download Skype and it's free, but no worries, we can chat here and i just now discovered those personal conversations too.

Fear that you have done something, wrong doesnt help, does it? Just know that you are doing the best you can (if you could have done something better you would, wouldn't you?) And even if you make mistakes, forgive yourself and move on.

I remember my fear when i was at hospital the night before my son's operation. The nurse gave me a pill to give him. I dont remember what happened to that pill, but he got just half of it or something like that. I spent whole night worrying that i did something wrong, that he didnt get whole dose and couldnt pull myself together to go to nurse and tell my worries. It turned out it was innocent calming pill anyway, but i couldnt overcome my fear. Now i would use tapping to reduce fears and would be able to act, but not then.

So i would say - tap on your fears and tell nurse all your worries and ask for her advice.

It's great that you get into things that need doing. Anything that helps to direct your mind from worries, will help not only you, but him too. I believe physical exercises are great, brisk walks or similar. You need to take good care of yourself. You are not help to him if you are broken, exhausted and worrying.

Much love,

Inga

Hi, Inga. I don't have a Skype account.

He was able to come home from the hospital because they got his pain under control. The home care nurse is going to find out why the PICC line has become so difficult to flush. I thought I had done something wrong.

Today and tomorrow we're having repairs to the outside of our house. I also have to buy groceries. And he will have chemo and radiation.

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Redium   

God Bless your heart! I wish I was close to you .You are awful young to have to shoulder all this responsibility.You are so wise to realize you can't do it all yourself, no point in letting it all weigh you down to nothing.

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