Lost my true love

[fallacy]

My fiance passed away just ten days ago. We'd been together almost eight years; we also worked together so we were a 24/7 couple. His death wasn't entirely unexpected - he had stage 4 cancer (undifferentiated primary which was in the lungs, abdomen and brain. We'd signed onto hospice a week before he died. He was still at home and I was his primary caregiver. However, I really thought we had the summer together. I'd gotten him into the bathroom in the middle of the night when he collapsed. I realize by reading the stories here that I was pretty lucky because I was with him and able to tell him I loved him, and I made him laugh just a minute before he died. It's just that he was my happily ever after - my one true love - and I don't know what I'm supposed to do without him.

I can't even really take time off to grieve. Because of the nature of our business, I HAVE to take care of our clients in some pretty urgent situations while trying to deal with the mess he left of the estate (the reason we didn't get married is because of his huge amounts of debt - he didn't want them coming after me) I also have really amazing kids who considered Mike their stepdad. They're also having a hard time with this - their dad (my ex) is being really great about the whole thing and we're both trying to help the kids through it. When I'm with the kids, or having to do something for work, I can sort of cope. But then it all comes crashing down on days like today when I'm by myself.

I know all the "right" things to do. I'm trying to keep eating, active, etc. I'm not drinking too much or using drugs. I have friends, but only one of them has been through anything like this; her loss was several years ago, which doesn't minimize it, but she just got engaged again and I don't want to rain on her happiness. Everyone says that I'm so strong, but they're all wrong and I feel like I'm letting them down when I'm not strong and together.

[akapc]

Hi fallacy

My husband died after a long illness on April 24th. I have tried to take advantage of every support possible. One of the biggest hurdles for me, both before he died and after, was learning to accept, then ask for, then know that we / I deserve help. It is rough. But I am still hanging in there. Up and down, up and down.

Please know that "strong" does not mean not crying, not vulnerable, not hurting. To me it means just keeping on. Sometimes when people say I seem so strong, I take it as meaning that I am not supposed to emote, but then there are not many who think this. Most people are pretty nice. I am in a bereavement group, which helps a lot. If you can get in one, it is worth the time. Sometimes you can find out about it through hospice (as I did).

In any case, please know that someone you don't even know is thinking about you!

Love and light

Anne