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      Hi all,  I'm sure you've noticed some changes in the forums. We've again had to do some updates, so that's why things may look a little different. Nothing major should have changed.  Also, we are going to start adding advertisements sensitive to our community on the boards. This is something we are experimenting with, and we will certainly make sure they are in the best interests of everyone. We want to make sure our forums continue to stay accessible and cost free to all of our members, and this is a way to ensure this.  If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to privately message me or email me at Konnie@beyondindigo.com.  As always, we will be here with you, ModKonnie
julesmb20

Lost My Husband & Best Friend

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Hi, I'm new to this site but I have also recently lost my spouse. We were married 16 1/2 years and I just turned 40 the week before he died. He was only 46. The absolutely worst thing is that I found him dead on the couch in our living room. This was 2 months ago from today so it hasn't really been a good day. He died from not taking care of himself. It was around the year 2000 while he was a paramedic that he found out he contracted hepatitis c by a needle stick from an infected patient. Instead of getting treatment he just kind of let it go like it was no big deal. Then in 2001 he broke his back on the job by picking up a patient and never worked again. I tried and tried to get him to get treatment but with his back and all the surgeries it just kinda never came up again until December 27th, 2011. He had been complaining of severe back pain since Christmas Eve so finally it got so bad that we had to call 911 and he ended up in the hospital for 2 weeks. While there he was informed that he had hepatitis c and cirrhosis of the liver. He told the doctors that he was unaware that he had it. I didn't say a word because it was his deal. They wanted him to see a liver specialist when he got out but he had no medical insurance and we didn't have any money. I was trying to get him on to the county health system but he wasn't helping or doing anything about it. So almost 2 months to the day he came home from the hospital he was dead. I had just talked to him a couple of hours before @ about 3:30am and he was complaining of shortness of breath and just not feeling well at all. I asked him if he thought I should call 911 and he said if he wasn't feeling better later in the morning then he would go. I woke up at about 5:15am to check on him and found him cold, not breathing and I knew. I called 911 and when they got there they hooked him up to a machine and immediately called and cancelled the ambulance because he was dead. They called it then and there. So many things have happened with me since. Hospitalized twice (alcohol being the main factor after I had been sober for 4 years), broke my lease at our apartment and moved in with my mom about an hour 1/2 away, quit my job, etc... I'm now suffering the loss, severe depression, anxiety, sleeplessness and extreme sadness. I started therapy today and she thought I should get online for support as well. So here I am. Sorry for such a long story but I just had to get it out. I miss him more today than ever. He was my best friend and soulmate and I will love him forever. Thanks,

Julie A.

Greenville, Texas

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Julie,

My heart goes out to you. I am so very sorry about the loss of your soulmate. You have take a positive step forward by visiting a therapist and joining our group. There are many people here who have lost the love of their life; they will be able to offer you support and encouragement as you take tiny little steps forward.

For now, try to concentrate on One Day at a Time. Find things to do that are healthy, such as walk, cook, pray, meditate, exercise, journal and/or volunteer. I know that all sounds tiring right now, but try at least one of them. Also, since you had an experience with alcohol a few years back, you may want to try an AA meeting, where you will find lots of support and encouragement. I'm only suggesting AA meetings because I know there are lots of people who have suffered similar experiences, and AA helped them not to rely on medications or alcohol to rebuild their lives. There are probably people there who can also help you find a grief and loss self help group.

Would you feel comfortable sharing a picture of your love? We want you to share as much as you feel comfortable. We will be here for you,

ModKonnie

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Thank you so much ModKonnie. That was a very sweet reply. I will attach a picture of John from last August. We won a trip to New York City to see the Dave Matthews Band in concert. .It was good and bad because Hurricane Irene came through that weekend so the city was pretty much closed. We had fun though, went to Times Square, Central Park, Radio City Music Hall, Rockefeller Center, etc.... It was the best time we had had in forever. Our dog of 11 years had just passed away the week before so we needed to get away. I'm glad he got to see NYC before he passed. He really loved it.

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Thank you so much ModKonnie. That was a very sweet reply. I will attach a picture of John from last August. We won a trip to New York City to see the Dave Matthews Band in concert. .It was good and bad because Hurricane Irene came through that weekend so the city was pretty much closed. We had fun though, went to Times Square, Central Park, Radio City Music Hall, Rockefeller Center, etc.... It was the best time we had had in forever. Our dog of 11 years had just passed away the week before so we needed to get away. I'm glad he got to see NYC before he passed. He really loved it.

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Julie,

I lost my husband of 32 years on April 17th. I share your problems with severe depression, anxiety, sleeplessness and oh so much sadness. David had a malignant brain tumor that was inoperable and couldn't be treated with radiation or chemotherapy. But still, somehow, I convinced myself that he wasn't going to die soon because he had held on for quite a while. The last couple of weeks of his life were so hard to bear.. We had Hospice here and he died here at home. Seeing him take his last breath was devastating. I am sorry for your pain and hope that we can both heal in time. I think ModKonnie made some good suggestions that we should try.

Linda

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I'm so sorry for both of your losses. Yes MK had some great advice and ideas. Give yourself time and plenty of it; it's a rough road ahead but you can do it, as MK said, a day at a time. You may want to consider grief counseling as well, either as part of a group or 1 on 1. For me it allowed me to unload things I otherwise had no one to do it with.

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Julie,

I lost my husband of 32 years on April 17th. I share your problems with severe depression, anxiety, sleeplessness and oh so much sadness. David had a malignant brain tumor that was inoperable and couldn't be treated with radiation or chemotherapy. But still, somehow, I convinced myself that he wasn't going to die soon because he had held on for quite a while. The last couple of weeks of his life were so hard to bear.. We had Hospice here and he died here at home. Seeing him take his last breath was devastating. I am sorry for your pain and hope that we can both heal in time. I think ModKonnie made some good suggestions that we should try.

Linda

Linda,

I'm so sorry about your husband. It must have been very difficult to see him take his last breath. John passed away so suddenly that I didn't have time to say goodbye or anything. Didn't know if he wanted to be buried or cremated. I decided to have him buried. I hope you're doing ok and have a good support system. Thanks for responding to my post. It's nice to have someone that can relate.

Julie

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Julie,

Thanks for your message. My support system is my two sons and that helps. How about you? Hope you have a good support system as well.

Sometimes I just can't believe he is really gone. Life without him is so empty.

Linda

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I am new to this site. I lost my husband of 21 years on 2/3/12, he died of heart problems, not exactly a heart attack. He was my best friend. I also lost my son on 5/2/09, he was killed in a motorcycle accident. I am having such a hard time at work, i cant concentrate or get my work done. Luckily I have a very understanding manager, he has been with me through both loses. I am just wondering what you all do to deal with the loss(es). I have two daughters and one grandson (the love of my life:)) they keep me going but being alone in my house is really tough.

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Hi, I'm new to this site but I have also recently lost my spouse. We were married 16 1/2 years and I just turned 40 the week before he died. He was only 46. The absolutely worst thing is that I found him dead on the couch in our living room. This was 2 months ago from today so it hasn't really been a good day. He died from not taking care of himself. It was around the year 2000 while he was a paramedic that he found out he contracted hepatitis c by a needle stick from an infected patient. Instead of getting treatment he just kind of let it go like it was no big deal. Then in 2001 he broke his back on the job by picking up a patient and never worked again. I tried and tried to get him to get treatment but with his back and all the surgeries it just kinda never came up again until December 27th, 2011. He had been complaining of severe back pain since Christmas Eve so finally it got so bad that we had to call 911 and he ended up in the hospital for 2 weeks. While there he was informed that he had hepatitis c and cirrhosis of the liver. He told the doctors that he was unaware that he had it. I didn't say a word because it was his deal. They wanted him to see a liver specialist when he got out but he had no medical insurance and we didn't have any money. I was trying to get him on to the county health system but he wasn't helping or doing anything about it. So almost 2 months to the day he came home from the hospital he was dead. I had just talked to him a couple of hours before @ about 3:30am and he was complaining of shortness of breath and just not feeling well at all. I asked him if he thought I should call 911 and he said if he wasn't feeling better later in the morning then he would go. I woke up at about 5:15am to check on him and found him cold, not breathing and I knew. I called 911 and when they got there they hooked him up to a machine and immediately called and cancelled the ambulance because he was dead. They called it then and there. So many things have happened with me since. Hospitalized twice (alcohol being the main factor after I had been sober for 4 years), broke my lease at our apartment and moved in with my mom about an hour 1/2 away, quit my job, etc... I'm now suffering the loss, severe depression, anxiety, sleeplessness and extreme sadness. I started therapy today and she thought I should get online for support as well. So here I am. Sorry for such a long story but I just had to get it out. I miss him more today than ever. He was my best friend and soulmate and I will love him forever. Thanks,

Julie A.

Greenville, Texas

I know your pain well Julie,i just lost my lover and soul mate three weeks ago.I relapsed after being sober 7 years,i sunk into a hole ,black and vast,,before i came out of shock i was up 6 days straight no food,hallucinating etc,was in the Hospital,it is devastating this grief,a pain like no other,right in your heart deep and cold and black., i see slivers of light shine through the heavy black curtains yet they are brief and the curtain closes leaving me in the dark.

i feel for your loss as i know what you feel,i hold hope that time and the meds im on will allow me to let go of deaths handshake,he came and took my hand and shook it hard,i have never been this close to death and i am not liking this at all!! however i have bereavement counseling,i try to read on religions,NDE experiences,spirituality etc in an effort to validate my beliefs which were shattered with Kristen's death,and to find some strength ,some little piece of hope that i might hold her again someday.

Blessings to you in your time of sorrow.

David

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David,

I am so sorry about the loss of your soulmate. Yes, I was in that same black hole as you. Especially with the sobriety thing. I have been clean and sober since April 11th and trust me, there has been many temptations. I am living with my mother who is completely stressing me out. I am 40 years old and treating me like a kid. She is my birth mom and I didn't meet her until I was 27. Anyway the stress is unreal and it's not like I don't have enough to go through. Well, it sounds like you're doing the right thing with your readings, faith and all that. One day at a time as they say. It's almost been 3 months since I lost John and it just seems like yesterday. Hang in there!

Julie

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Hi, I'm new to this site but I have also recently lost my spouse. We were married 16 1/2 years and I just turned 40 the week before he died. He was only 46. The absolutely worst thing is that I found him dead on the couch in our living room.

Julie A.

Greenville, Texas

Julie,

I, too, found my husband of 24 years on the couch in our livingroom. He had woken up around 10pm and complained that he had really bad heartburn (something he suffered with for a long time). I didn't even ask if I should take him to the hospital. He had had a heart attack in '07 and since I had always asked what kind of pain was the heartburn. This time I didn't. I am so sorry I didn't. He sat on the couch and died sometime during the night. I woke up to him sitting there, cold. He looked so peaceful. It must not have been painful for him. His children came from their bedrooms when they heard me frantically looking for the house phone, and crying into the reciever about him being gone. Our children are 15 and 10. It has been 3 and half months and I continue to struggle with sleeping, communicating with others, losing my temper with the kids and the list goes on.

I am so so sorry for your loss. I have no other words of comfort that aren't cliche. I believe that God has a plan. I know that Charlie is still with me. You couldn't get rid of him that easily! He was a stubborned Italian! He was my one true love. You will find the strength, and when you can't someone will be there to give it to you.

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Aimee,

Wow, we have almost identical stories. I am so sorry for your loss as well. Our husbands died two weeks apart in almost the same situation. The guilt I have for not calling an ambulance for him a couple of hours earlier is the worst feeling in the world. If I had paid more attention to what was going on, he may still be with me today. Tomorrow will be the 3 month anniversary. I still think about and talk to him every day but as time goes by it's a little less painful. Sometimes when I close my eyes I can still see him laying on the couch dead. But then I try to remember all the good times that we had, and there are so many. I hope you have a good support system and are doing ok with everything. It's good that you have kids to occupy your time although I'm sure they're sad too, coping with the loss of their wonderful father. Unfortunately John and I never had kids. Just a puppy whom my mother is trying to get rid of because he is loud and bothers her other dogs. I had to move in with her because I was too sick and depressed to live alone. I pretty much lost everything. I'm trying to get my life back together but it is a very slow process. Take care of yourself and I hope to talk to you soon.

Julie :unsure:

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I am new here, I recently lost my spouse of 12 yrs. He had a blood clot. we were watching tv on the weekend and all was fine and then he passed away. I lost him in Oct. I keep thinking hes going to walk through the door like its a bad dream. I feel like my heart was ripped out.

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