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How to let go of someone who died that....


vivkib

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How do you let go when someone that you had feelings for romantically...and really thought they were "The One" for you. But never got around to telling them that...How do you let go when that person that you thought was "The One" dies? They've been passed away for a couple years now. And I definitely have gotten better and healed somewhat to how intense the grief used to be. Yet I feel a part of me never let's go of them. I still find myself thinking all the "shoulda, coulda, woulda,etc.." type of thing... I've experienced loss before, but never the type of loss like where someone you wanted to be romantically involved with passes away. Its a whole other can of worms & emotions I feel all jumbled on top of one another. HELP! sad.gif

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Musicfiend, First, I'm so very sorry for your loss. I lost my 28yrs old son almost 7 months ago. I can't know what you are experiancing, as I've never lost that special "one" but let me share what my ex-husbands new wife shared with me. (ya, I know, kind of a wierd situation being she's my ex's wife and now one of my best friends.... but that's another story). She lost the man she was going to marry years ago when she was in her early 20's. She was devistated by the loss. She told me she went through a long period of time, years, that she didn't know how to go on, but as the years have passed she has been able to move forward. She said she'll never forget him and there will always be a place in her heart that is only for him.She remembers him with love and good memories but has made a new place in her heart for my ex. You will hurt but the pain will lessen over time. Talk about him, cry, FEEL whatever it is you need to, and know he will always be with you. He wants you to be happy in your life. Come back here as much as you need to, we all do, and we will be here to listen and cry and heal with you. Hugs and Prayers to you. Vivian-Kevin's Mom

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Aww thank you for such kind words Kevin's Mom. And my condolences for your loss as well with your son. I agree with everything you said...And I've realized that too...how the pain gets less with time.When it first happened it was extremely intense & pretty overwhelming. Today it still hurts of course...its like going through life with this wound that I feel will never fully go away. I'm beginning to think maybe I need to give myself more credit..

I was beating myself up thinking have I let go? What is "LETTING GO" exactly? I think I have tried to move forward as best as I can...yet I still will always keep him in my heart. And I know I don't have to hold onto the pain to hold onto the memory..I think I have wrapped my mind around that & have practiced it. I think what's a whole other can of worms with him is…I never lost anybody I had feelings for…I never lost anybody I was even attracted to or thought of in that way or anything. So what I'm saying is…its more than yeah I had feelings for him…its like I actually believed he was "the one" for me. I believed that there's no other man meant for me like him….And then he dies…And then that surely proves to me that it wasn't meant to be. And I've accepted that. But sometimes I still think of how painful that is. About how it just sucks. Its like this horrible circumstance that I just have to accept, deal & live with…Its like this break in my heart & going around with this wound..like this gashing hole thats not bleeding anymore like it used to be…but is still there.. As if going through life with this deep embedded scar. I go through life thinking yeah I date and everything & one day I'll marry some other guy & all...But deep down inside I think i'll never feel like I felt about him for someone else..So it makes me think I'll never fully be 100% happy. Its difficult. Some days are better than others..

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Musicfiend, Give yourself all the time you need. No, you will never find another man like him, everyone is different, but you will find someone who can and will offer you something your lost love couldn't. I know it may not make sense now, but in time it may. Each person that comes into our lives offers something different and what we need at the time. That's why, I believe anyway, it makes it so hard to loss someone we care so much for. I have 4 surviving kids and I love all 5 of them, but I've always said I love each one in a different way. It's because they all bring something different into my life. It doesn't mean I love any of them more or less then the rest. One day when you are ready and someone touches your heart you'll know it's right, and I think he will be able to understand that a part of your heart will always belong to someone else. Be kind to yourself and in time the pain will lesses. Hugs and Prayers, Vivian-Kevin's Mom

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