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LOSS OF BOTH PARENTS


babygirljen

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I RECENTLY LOSS MY MOTHER 01/04/08 AND MY WORLD HAS BEEN TURNED UPSIDE DOWN. I LOSS MY FATHER IN 96 AND MY ONLY BROTHER IN 05 TRAGICALLY AND I HAVE NEVER REALLY HEALED FROM THEIR DEATHS AND NOW MY MOM IS GONE. ALL THREE OF THEIR DEATHS WAS UNEXPECTED AND SUDDEN.

I CRY OFTEN AND I FEEL SO NUMB. I FEEL THAT I AM ALL ALONE NOW. IM 26 AND I HAVE NO PARENTS BY MY SIDE, NO PARENT TO CALL WHEN I NEED GOOD ADVICE OR JUST A WORD TO LET ME KNOW EVERYTHING WILL BE ALRIGHT. I WAS VERY CLOSE TO BOTH OF MY PARENTS AND WHEN MY DAD DIED ME AND MY MOTHERS RELATIONSHIP GREW DEEP, WE BECAME BEST FRIENDS. I COULD COUNT ON HER FOR STRENGTH AND SHE COULD COUNT ON ME. NOW I FEEL THAT IVE LOST MY LAST REMAINING BIT OF THAT ROCK. PEOPLE TELL ME TO BE STRONG BUT FOR YEARS I WAS STRONG FOR MAMA NOW MAMA IS GONE. I DONT THINK I CAN MAKE IT. THE NIGHTS ARE LONG AND SEEM COLDER AND DARKER NOW THAT SHE'S GONE. I KNOW THAT GOD KNOWS BEST, BUT I ALSO KNOW MY LIFE WILL NEVER BE THE SAME AGAIN. I HAVE NO CHILDREN,UNMARRIED AND MY CLOSEST FRIENDS ARE OVER 800MILES AWAY. I HAVE FOUR SISTERS WHO HAVE CHILDREN AND EVEN GRANDCHILDREN AND EACH ONE OF THEM HAVE A REASON TO GO ON, THEY HAVE A FUTURE THAT THEY CAN SEE,  BUT MINES IS SO BLEEK TO ME AT THE SAME TIME I AM FORCED TO SELL MY PARENTS HOME, THE ONLY HOME IVE KNOWN AND THE ONLY PLACE I WOULD FEEL CLOSE TO HER, CLOSE TO ALL OF THEM. I PRAY THAT THE LORD CONTINUES TO GIVE ME STRENGTH BECAUSE MY HEART IS SO FRAGILE. IM AFRAID TO LOVE, TO FALL IN LOVE BECAUSE IM AFRAID TO LOSE ANOTHER. IT'S BEEN A MONTH NOW THAT SHE HAS BEEN GONE FROM ME. SHE WAS TAKEN FROM ME DURING A MEDICAL PROCEDURE THAT SHOULD NOT HAVE BEEN DONE. NOW ALLI HAVE ARE MEMORYS, BUT EVEN THEN WHEN I THINK OF ALL THE NIGHTS WE TALKED ON THE PHONE TIL EARLY IN THE MORNING. OR HER GIVING ME ADVICE [sHE ALWAYS KNEW THE RIGHT WORDS AND ANSWERS] NOW IT'S GONE. LORD I PRAY THAT ONE DAY MY HEART WILL MEND ITSELF BACK TOGETHER AGAIN BECAUSE WHEN YOU LOSE SOMEONE, YOU LOSE APART OF YOURSELF WITH THEM.

I TELL MYSELF THAT MAMA IS WITH DADDY NOW AND THEIR BOTH LOOKING DOWN AT ME, WATCHING OVER ME. I TELL MYSELF NOT TO BE SELFISH AND LET MAMA REST BUT IT'S HARD WHEN I KNOW SHE WILL NEVER BE WITH ME AGAIN. NEVER SEE MY CHILDREN, NEVER SEE ME GET MARRIED, NEVER SEE OR SHARE IN MY ACCOMPLISHMENTS THE WAY I WANT HER TOO.

MY DAD WAS 54 WHEN HE PASSED AND MY MOM 60, THEY WERE YOUNG AND NOW IM A YOUNG 26 PARENTLESS INDIVIDUAL WHO FEELS AS IF IM IN THE WORLD ALONE AND NO ONE CAN RELATE TO ME.

I CAN SYMPATHIZE WITH THOSE WHO HAVE LOST A PARENT BUT SOME LOST THEM IN THEIR 70'S OR 80'S AND I KNOW THAT HURTS BUT I ONLY WISH I COULD HAVE THAT BLESSING, TO HAVE MY MOTHER  AND FATHER 20 MORE YEARS.

I'M TRYING TO BE STRONG BUT MY HEART IS SO HEAVY, SO EMPTY.

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I'm so sorry for your losses and most especially the recent loss of your mother. I lost my mom suddenly and unexpectedly in August. I am 22. My twin sister and I are the youngest. I also feel like my older siblings have their own familes because they do they have their significant others and their children, but I have nothing, I have myself, and I feel like they have something that they have to stay somewhat normal for. They can't think about our mom all day because they have to take care of their kids, or go to their job. I don't know. I think it's easier for them. I also feel like my twin and I were so much closer to my mom then them as well. My dad left us when we were 13, and my siblings were older, so my twin and I grew close to our mom.

    I'm sorry that you're going through this. I don't know what to say. Just that I think I know a little bit of what you're feeling. It isn't fair, that you've had to experience such great loss at such a young age. I know people tell you to be strong, but I think it's ok if you don't want to be strong, it's so hard to be strong sometimes. Especially when it feels like everything around you is falling apart. People told me it gets easier, but so far it's really only gotten harder for me, so I think the best thing for me to do and maybe it will help you is I take every day and sometimes every hour one day or one hour at a time. And if I have a good day, I accept it, even if it's just a good hour, becuase I know that the next day or the next hour, the grief will still be there, it isn't going to go away. My counselor told me something that really stuck with me, she told me that this is the only time that my mom is going to die, so I I really need to make my grief my own, and really grieve for my mom because this is the only time I get to do this. So feel what you feel, don't judge it, let it come, and take it in. I hope you're ok, at least as ok as you can be.

    

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Babygirljen,

You are not alone - I can relate to you in every way.  I lost my father March 11, 2004, my mother 34 days later and my only brother 13 months later.  I have no other  family and aside from my beautiful daughter, I feel very alone as no one can relate.  My father was my hero and I always looked up to him and respected him.  My parents were in their 80's and yes, did live full lives, but it doesn't what matter what age they are - you still want those 20 more years.  I was mad at my brother for how some things happened at our parents funeral and we didn't speak until I got the call from his wife that if I wanted to say goodbye, I had better get on a plane quickly.  By the time I got there the next day he was already in a coma and never really got to say I was sorry and goodbye. 

My adopted daughter was such a blessing through the whole ordeal.  We were in the middle of the adoption when my father got really sick and he held on because he wanted to meet his granddaughter - whoever that might be.  Two weeks before he died the adoption agency called and said that they were sorry, but due to the backlog in Russia, it was probably going to be another year before we got a child.  I never shared this with my father because I didn't want him to lose hope.  Two weeks after he died (two weeks before mom passed) we got another call from the agency and they said through a weird series of events they have a little girl available and they just had to match her to us because she looks just like your husband (me).  Sure enough, when the photos and video came - she looked JUST like me.  I know that my father was upstairs pulling strings and brought that little girl to me.  Three months later, we were in Russia to meet her and bring her home and from day 1, she and I have had a magical bond and chemistry that is uncanny.  I never thought I would be able to love anything after losing them, but 3 1/ 2 years later, I love that little girl more than life.  My wife was unable to deal with all the changes I went through, nor could she understand it, and filed for divorce.    The biggest change was me wanting more children - I now feel this huge sense of wanting to surround myself and my only daughter with more family.  I don't want my daughter growing up and being alone as I am.

For me, not a day passes that I don't think about them and miss them - I don't think it will ever go away.  I want my daughter to know about them and grow up with memories of them - even if it is only pictures and stories.  They made me who I am and I know they don't want me to stop living because they died.  Going forward, I'm pretty sure I will only be able to get close in a relationship with someone that can relate to what I've gone through - not necessarily the loss of their whole family, but a significant loss.  I have definitely lost a part of myself that will never come back, but I have gained parts that I thought I never would.  I'm very aware of my mortality now and tend to want to do those things, that some people just always talk about.  I've been mad at God since it all happened and just in the past 2 months is my anger starting to subside and I am trying to talk with him again.   The struggle has been having no one that can relate and understand the emotional roller coaster.  Just seeing and reading other people's stories that express similar feelings and emotions let me know that I'm not quite ready for the straight-jacket.   If you ever want to talk, let me know

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baby girl Jen are you ok ? i am in the same boat you are totally. except i lost my mom last year and she was 69 so she was older, but i dont have any thing to look forword to at all. i havent had a boyfriend since i was 15.. i am now 33 all i did was take of my mom for so many years it seems.. and she took care of me also.. now i am all alone also. my dad and sister are both addicts so they might as well not be here at all for what it is worth.. they are all i have and one or two aunts but they have their owns problems and are miles away as well and preoccupied with their own lives.. i am so alone.. there is no supportive church near where i live in a ghetto... hugs and i am so sorry for your pain...

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hey i am so sorry for your loss of ur mom. I can relate to how close u were with your mom. I lost my mom a month after my highschool graduation. she was struck by lightning. I was absolutley shocked and completley devastated. Life was almost unbearable living with my dad. After about 7 months he was diagnosed with lung cancer. He passed away about 4 months ago. I'm 19 and i am so scared of my future. Especially with the economy as it is. I at least have my sster who is 26. We moved back up to michigan from florida. Athough my mom has been gone for more than a year now i still miss her dearly and become extremely depressed when i reach certain milstones in my life i would have loved to enjoy with her now.  Everyday is still hard having no parents and i do cry a lot. but seeking comfort in my family has helped me very much. i could never repay them for they have done for me.

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