Loss of a Mother

[agnaq111809]

My deepest condolensces to you and your siblings.  It's been 6.5 months I went through what you are going through.  My mother of 82 years was also diagnosed with Stage 4 Lung Cancer on/about Oct. 11 and she passed away Nov. 18, just about 5 weeks later.  When I look back, that first 6 weeks I was so 'open' to any kind of emotion, whether it came from memories of the last time we were there to something striking me that I just saw and had to 'wake me up' from a 'dark slumber' I was going through, quickly reminding me that my momma was gone.

Am I better?  A little bit.  It seems easier when I don't think about her.  I hurt the most when I start thinking about her only because that's all I can do.  I can't call her on the phone to sa 'hi' and see how she's doing.  I can't take her for a drive any more.  I can't ask her questions about a possible relative that I'd like to know more about.

But this is what I have learned to do:  Ask God for me to speak with my mom.  Then after that, I talk to her, tell her what day it is, where I am, what's going on with family members and so on.  I can 'hear' her talk with me.  And that's o.k. 

I have dreamed about her and that's wonderful.  I pray for you and know your mom will always be with you.

[mrfixit1963]

[align=center]Missing Mom[/align]

[align=center]Just another day full of commotion and life.[/align]

[align=center]Though it’s as if I’m hovering off to the side.[/align]

[align=center]Choices are to be made,[/align]

[align=center]yet in her I wish to confide.[/align]

[align=center] [/align]

[align=center]

[align=center]There are so many miles between us now.[/align]

[align=center]Even though I am in her room.[/align]

[align=center]I tell her I love her,[/align]

[align=center]and she should see the roses bloom.[/align]

[align=center] [/align]

[align=center][/align]

[align=center]Machines all around the bed are working.[/align]

[align=center]Nurses come in and out.[/align]

[align=center]Her eyes twitter, hers arms move.[/align]

[align=center]She’s still in there no doubt. [/align]

[align=center] [/align]

[/align]

[align=center]I feel lonely here on the sideline.[/align]

[align=center]Just wishing soon she would stir.[/align]

[align=center]So I must sit ideally by.[/align]

[align=center]Praying to God, Tell Mom I Miss Her.[/align]

[align=left]David Peters[/align]

[align=left]5/22/2010[/align]

[Kelly]

June 07, 2010

 

Dear Members,

 

We’re excited to inform you that we’re moving to a new and improved message board at the end of this week. It may seem a little bit sudden, but we recently learned that the company that designed our current board is no longer in existence. Our new message board will offer enhanced profile capabilities and chat rooms with up to 20 people at a time (and more if we need it). All of your old posts and private messages will be migrated to our new message board. You may need to re-post your profile picture. Our new message board will feature:

 

• Custom profile fields
  
• Profile page customization with optional background colors, images, and tiling options
  
• Facebook and Twitter integration
  
• Multiple post responses via “mini-quotes”
  
• Pinned discussion threads
  
• Targeted board announcements (for entire board or certain sections)
  
• Comprehensive search options enabling users to easily find all content created by a particular member (by clicking “Find Content” on the main profile page, or in the “Mini Profile” pop-up which can be accessed throughout the board) 
  
• Enhanced privacy options that allow users to sign in anonymously, be hidden from the online users list, disable personal conversations, and deny user-to-user emails

 

You can access the new message board by visiting www.grieving.com or www.beyondindigo.com. Grieving.com is still 100% a part of Beyond Indigo; we just created a new Web address for Search Engine Optimization (SEO) purposes. We’ll do our best to redirect all existing URL’s to our new board, but if you have difficulty accessing them, just remember to visit www.grieving.com or www.beyondindigo.com to find your message board thread. We’ll of course try to make this transition as seamless as possible. 

 

Our new board will seamlessly enable us to grow our community and provide you with even more ways to interact with one other, and for that we’re very grateful. Please feel free to email feedback@beyondindigo.com with any questions, and thank you for being a part of the Beyond Indigo online community.

 

Kelly Baltzell, MA

President/CEO, Beyond Indigo

 

 

[aquarius7]

I am not doing any better. It is not yet a week and each day gets worse and worse. Today we got an email from my brother saying we needed to get moving on the succession, etc.! For crying out loud, it has not even been a week since she passed away! And we have not even had the memorial service yet! What a JERK!

Here I am living in the house where my Mom and I lived, can barely function, cry in the night and in the morning and this JERK wants to get moving so we can wrap it up. This has only increased my suicidal thoughts and increased my grief and depression. Not only am I mourning the loss of my precious Mom, but also my house, lifestyle and way of life. Not to mention that I am scared to death of the impending future, have no job security and no steady living wage income.

Every night I am in this house and it will never, ever feel the same. It is lonely and empty without my Mom, even though our precious dog is still here. She knows my Mom is gone and greiving on her own. Waking up in the morning is next to impossible because the moment I wake up, I am immediately greeted with unbelievable grief and sorrow.

I simply can't take it anymore and am ready to check out. I sometimes wish God would just take me because I have come to hate my life at the moment. There seems to be no hope, no future and everything I have done in the past has led up to where I am now which is not a place I ever dreamt of being. I feel I am a complete failure and am not living the life I dreamt of as a child and a young man with hopes and dreams. In fact, it is very near the complete opposite. With the exception of my wonderful girlfriend who I love dearly and always want to be with, my life is simply becoming unbearable in these last 6 weeks. When my Mom passed away it was the beginning of the end. Everything is in a mess. The house, her possessions, my posessions, her taxes, my taxes, bills to be paid. And nowhere to move to and move all my things to when the house is sold. I am doing everything I can to fix things and it is not happening. 

All this and I am grieving my heart out 24 hours a day.

[butterfly13]

I am so sorry you are going through this very sad time.It hasn't even been a week since you lost your mom,believe me,everything you are feeling is so normal.I remember I couldn't function for a month after my mom died,I don't even remember that time,it is all such a blur.I do remember not wanting to wake up in the morning and face my new life without my mom.It has been 2yrs.for me,I never thought I could live without my best buddy,but somehow,we do.You won't always feel the pain as  raw as it is right now.You will be able to go on,your mom would want you to.You will see your mom again one day,but right now it is not your time.Can you and your girlfriend move in together?Or maybe you and your brother or any other family members until you are feeling strong enough emotionally to get back on your feet?I know it is sooo hard,but believe me,if I could do it,anyone can.I will say prayers for you-

[aquarius7]

[user=20463]butterfly13[/user] wrote:

I am so sorry you are going through this very sad time.It hasn't even been a week since you lost your mom,believe me,everything you are feeling is so normal.I remember I couldn't function for a month after my mom died,I don't even remember that time,it is all such a blur.I do remember not wanting to wake up in the morning and face my new life without my mom.It has been 2yrs.for me,I never thought I could live without my best buddy,but somehow,we do.You won't always feel the pain as  raw as it is right now.You will be able to go on,your mom would want you to.You will see your mom again one day,but right now it is not your time.Can you and your girlfriend move in together?Or maybe you and your brother or any other family members until you are feeling strong enough emotionally to get back on your feet?I know it is sooo hard,but believe me,if I could do it,anyone can.I will say prayers for you-

Thanks!

[soultwist]

I am feeling pretty positive this evening,and just wanted to share it with others on this board.I have no doubt that theres an afterlfe when we die,and indeed we will be reunited with our wonderful moms and the Lord when our work in this world is complete.So hang on guys,and know in your heart that they are waiting to greet us when our time comes to cross over.My prayers are going out to everyone here.Bless everyone here as well as the wonderful creators and moderators of beyond indigo.com.

[angel44]

[user=51344]aquarius7[/user]  i am so very sorry i went thru something similar when my mom past on also - i know its so hard i wish i had some good advice but i dont - just keep praying to god for help

[angel44]

this is me also i just cant get my head around the fact that mom is gone for ever it just doesnt seem possible at all

[user=8978]tonnii[/user] wrote:

Muffet,

There were many times when I thought that I was going crazy because everything seemed so surreal. I still have those moments very often. I have numerous times when I think to myself that I need to go visit mom, or call mom. I have never been able to get my head around the fact that she is gone, because it just doesn't seem possible. How can my mom be gone? I have had her my whole life and now I can't see her anymore. Like you, I feel lost and distant from what is going on around me. From the day my mom entered the hospital I was at her side day and night. I took nearly four weeks off work, and when mom passed away I became so sick that I was at home for another five weeks. I ended up with pneumonia. I have had this surreal feeling since the day mom died, I don't know if I will ever be able to shake it. I guess what I am trying to say is that all of what you are feeling right now, is perfectly normal. We all need to grieve and to deal with loss our own way, and if we don't I believe it could end up being very unhealthy. This site allows me to talk to people like yourself about a subject that only we could understand. You can't possibly understand what it is like to lose your mom until it happens, so it is often difficult for others to understand. Each day will bring you more peace in your life. I love all of your stories on the website because it truly is a wonderful way to remember your mom and share who she was. If I can help you in any way please don't hesitate to ask, because you have helped me over the past few days. You obviously want to remember the special times and the special person that your mom was, and I think that is the most beautiful way you can respect your mom's memory. Take care.

Lynda

[Kelly]

Dear Members,

We are excited to mention that we are moving to a more new and improved message boards on MONDAY MORNING AUGUST 9th! The boards will be done for a few hours while we are making the conversation. Remember we posted information about this move a month ago. For some of you this might seem a bit sudden,  but when we were reviewing the site we determined the current message board you are using is out of date and the company that designed it is no longer in existence. The good news is this new message board will have new features that have been requested in the past like more fields we can add to your profiles and a chat room up to 20 people at one time. If we find the chat room is bursting at the seams we will add additional room for extra people. All your old posts, private messages and such will be migrated to the new message board. You might have to put up your profile picture again but not sure. The new company will be doing the migration for us. Here is a short list of some of the new features on the board:

- Custom Profile Fields- Users can customize their profile pages by selecting a background color or background image, with tiling options.- Facebook and Twitter Integration- users can respond to multiple posts at once with "mini-quote"- Pinned discussion threads - like welcome to our board etc.- Announcements made across some boards or the entire message board- Search: Users can easily find all content generated by a particular member, by clicking the 'Find Content' button that appears on the main profile page, or in the Mini Profile Popup which can be accessed throughout the board. The results page allows content to be filtered by application, as well whether the member created it or merely participated in it. - Privacy: allows users to sign in anonymously, hiding them from the online users list. Users also have the option to disable personal conversations and user-to-user emails, as well as ignore other users if necessary.

The next exciting piece of news about the new message board is it will have a new domain name of www.grieving.com for search engine optimization purposes. It will still be apart of Beyond Indigo and can be found through www.beyondindigo.com. We will be redirecting your current URL's to this new domain name but we might miss a few. If that is the case simply go back to www.grieving.com or www.beyondindigo.com to find your message board thread. We will try to make the transition as seamless as possible. 

The bottom line is the new board will give us room to grow our community and more options to interact better with each other. 

If you have any questions please direct them to feedback@beyondindigo.com. 

Kelly Baltzell, MACEO/PresidentBeyond Indigo Family