Loss of a Mother

[imanisworld]

I appreciate your response! Yes my Great Grandmother was speaking from experience. She lost her parents when she was in her 40's and one of her children when she was in her 30's. She also lived to be 94 years old and eventually lost all of her children before she died. I have experienced death before the death of my mom last month. As you probably can tell, I grew up with my extended family in my home. I lived with my mom, great grandmother,grandmother, great aunts and great uncles and my mom's brothers (my uncles) and many cousins ( I was an only child). I started to experience the death of family members every couple years since I was 5 years old. Also, out of all of those people that I lived with, growing up, I am now the only one still living. So I am no stranger to death, but the death of my mom is the hardest to accept. I guess because it was a car accident while I was driving and it was so sudden. This is my first real experience with sudden death. My Grandmother's death when I was 5 was sudden to me only at the time, because it was the first death that I experienced, but she was very ill the last year of her life. Again, thank you for your response to my earlier question to the board!

[lifes1k]

I NEED TO VENT:

9 months have passed and I am still dealing with crap from my mother's death. I see everyone saying how wonderful their mothers were and how she was there best friend. :X

And all I can think is how I am so frustrated with mine how she could have made such decisions about her finances and her house and I could just scream!!!!! Ahhhh it seems to never end. Then she picks her boyfriend over her children to deal with her estate who does not even have his own checking account... so in turn we have to deal with it around his schedule and he is not making time for this, he does not want to move on.. he is stuck and I do understand we all grieve different but enough is enough.

For heaven sakes I feel like the worst person in the world for being so angry at her, but the only thing I have left of her physical items isn't really even mine. We can't even close probate and creditors keep trying to get their hands on an estate they can't even prove is theirs.... Will this ever end!!!! I just want to move on, this has affected my health, my relationship with my own boyfriend, it's just getting ridiculous now. A person can only take so much. Hiring a lawyer seemed like a great idea and I did until I recieved the first bill. Something has to give!!!!

I hope she can forgive me for being so angry!!!:?

Thank you for letting me vent!!!!

[jenniferc]

Hi all,

 

 

 

Imanisworld,  you have my deepest sympathies.  I know it's only been a couple of months since you lost your mom under especially tragic conditions.  However,  while you blamed yourself in your first post, I do not believe it's your fault.   I hope one day you will  be able to unload that huge and unnecessary burden you've been carrying around.

 

 

 

 

You wrote: " I don't have any children yet....I have now lost my mom and I think this is worse than losing a child. Just curious as to what you all think!"

 

 

 

 

Since you've put the question to us, the first thought that came to my mind was yet another question:  How can one suffer the pain of losing someone they haven't known yet?  It's seems natural you would feel  losing a mother is harder than losing a child for the simple logic you presenly don't have children.

 

 

 

 

How does one measure their own grief?   Personal experience would seem the likely answer.  When my dear ninety-eight year old grandmother died fifteen years ago, to me that was the worst pain ever.  That was until five years ago, my lovely twenty-nine year old only daughter died of breast cancer.  Two years after that, my best friend Mom died.  For me personally, the measure of sorrow between those two losses was very close, nearly equally painful.  

When Mom passed away, I felt like I'd lost the foundation of my past.  My daughter was a newlywed when she died, and I felt as if I'd lost of a big part of my future - the joy of having grandchildren, watching our family grow, etc.   And now, I'm just thankful I had my Mom and daughter for as long as I did.  I am a better person for having  them in my life.  They are still with me today in my heart, and in my mind.

 

 

 

 

I always keep in mind the wise words of my parents which carry a similar message as your great-grandmother's: "Our children are not supposed to predecease us.  It's not the natural order of things."

Those of us who have lost children found ourselves members of what is called "the saddest club on earth".  Now many of us are only too glad to help newcomers, just as there were hands held out to us at our time of need. We find helping others helps us.

 

 

 

Grief is defined as "inconsolable  sorrow  arising from bereavement or loss; sharp sorrow; painful regret.  Keen mental suffering or distress,  brokenheartedness" 

Each one of us in this forum has experienced our own individual circ**stances of bereavement. 

While I can empathize and sympathize with others, I cannot know the exact measure of their grief - only my own.

 

 

 

 Mikesmum,  I'm just like you; I never envisioned it could happen to me, either.  From my heart, I'm so sorry for your loss.

lifes1k, mofirefly and others, thank you for your kind condolences.  I've found much comfort in this forum of experience, strength, and hope.

 

 

 

Peace~

Jennifer

[solemate]

Hello everyone on the boards - today 25th March is the 2nd anniversary deaths of my dear Mum and Dad.  I have still a long way to go to accept their deaths but there are days where I feel OK.  Today I thought I would cope well however several hrs into the day, I became teary, snappy towards others and just numb.  I was hoping that given the distance of time, my only sister would return my contacts. Unfortunately this has not occurred.  I still find it very difficult to turn off from the bad memories of the day and see the precious memories that they have left me.  My dearest Mum was my soul mate and best friend.  I had always been very close to her and saw her and Dad almost daily. What was to be a happy romantic day for my husband and I turned into a nightmare from the moment the policemen arrived on my doorstep.  Looking back on the day, the policemen were very professional and let me adjust to my Dad's death (died at the scene) and slowly prepared me for the circ**stances of my Mum. Turning off her life support system several hours later was the worst moment of my life.  I know in my heart that it was the right thing to do, but the guilt never leaves me that I wanted so much for her to live and not go on to be with Dad. Loosing both hours apart on the same day takes its toll on everyone directly connected.  My thoughts today roam from being totally sad to a very small smile when I think of them both.  People tell me it will get better, and I know that with more time I will learn to adjust and learn to laugh again.  To all of my friends on the boards I wish you well and thank you so much for supporting me throughout my postings.  I am so glad to have found this site as it has been a savour when I just want to ramble on and on.   I have cut some flowers from my garden from the plants that belonged to my Mum.  I look at them and know that she (and Dad) are with me.  Recently I was thinking about my Dad and how he used to have Lotto draws each week.  I had an overwhelming feeling of him and immediately went to the Agency to buy a ticket.  The ticket given to me didnt feel right so I asked for another one.  To my surprise I won a prize.  I felt that he had a hand in me winning such a prize against  millions of odds. My Dad always thought he would win lotto, I wish I could tell him that I got a prize. I guess my prize is not the money but the love that my Dad had for me and the connection that we had on that day.   When someone you love becomes a memory, the memory becomes a treasure.  My dear Mum and Dad you are a treasured memory.  Thank you both for being my parents, I love and miss you both dearly.

Take care everyone and try to live your lives by being kind to yourself and let the journey take you to your own special place(s)

Unfortunately I am unable to attend the reunion this year but will save up to go next time.   Gayle 

[need2talk]

Gayle, your post was beautiful. Thinking of you today, from the other side of the world.

 Doesn't really get any easier does it? (16 months for me today) Stay strong

 ((hugs to you))

Jane X

[Guest cloudsaj]

hi everyone

yesterday was the 16 month anniversary from when i lost my mom.  i want to think that it gets easier with time, but some days are just better then others.  i'm glad i found this site and people that i can relate to that are going through the same things.  hope everyone is doing well. 

[Kelly]

Guess who is traveling the farthest to our reunion?

It's Trudi.

Trudi is traveling all the way from Australia to Minneapolis, MN for our Beyond Indigo reunion in August!

If Trudi can make it, so can you! 

Come check our reunion page: http://www.beyondindigo.com/reunion/

Hope to see you there!

[Kelly]

The family and friends of Beyond Indigo would like let everyone know that Dawn Fisher (moderator of the Beyond Indigo message boards) lost her husband on Wednesday morning.  JD's death was an unexpected complication of surgery to remove a tumor.  Our most heartfelt condolences go out to Dawn and her children.  We know that there is no better place for Dawn to receive support than through these boards.

The online obituary for JD is here: http://fisherfamilyfuneralhomes.com/obits/obituaries.php/obitID/307941

If you'd like to send her condolences, you could send her a private message on the boards, visit the above obituary and sign the guest book (starting on Friday) or send materials to

Fisher Funeral Chapel & Cremation Services

1801 Chase Road

Logansport, IN 46947

[Kelly]

Hi all,

We are getting down to five weeks to find out if we can hold the reunion or not. Could you please let us know if you will be attending and register online? We need 25 people total. This is an amazing opportunity to make something special happen. Just click the big banner at the top that says REUNION and follow the steps.

Love to hear from you.

Kelly

[bellachris1]

I recently lost my Uncle on Feb 25,09 and then lost my MOM on Mar 12,09. My life hasn't been the same since. This is the toughest thing I have ever had to go through. My condolence to everyone on this board that has lost someone in there life. I cry everyday, at times I wish I could hold her, talk to her, tell her how much I miss and love her. I wish I would've paid attention to the signs that she wasn't feeling to good. I wish I would've went into her room that morning and kissed her goodbye before I left for work.

I found her in her bed around my lunch break, something told me to go home and by the time I got there it was too late. I get so worked up at the fact that I didn't get home in time, or why didn't I tell her I love her before I left for work. My co-workers think I should find a therapist to talk to you. I need any of your opinions if you think that will help me. I just want to stop hurting and go thru a phase where I'm ok during the day

The one thing I will say is I find my strength thru my 7 year old baby girl. She is my everything, and I have to explain to her everyday that Grandma loves her and its okay to cry and let her feelings out. But Thank you for allowing me to express my feelings. God Bless all

[butterfly13]

I'm so sorry for your losses.You are still very early in the grieving process-I wish I could say something to make you feel better.I went for 2 sessions of counseling,for me I didn't find it helpful.I basically cried throughout each session,told my story and found that the therapist didn't really have much to say except-you have had alot of losses,I knew that already!!Maybe I was exspecting too much,maybe it will help you,the worst that could happen is that you stop going.In your post you say that something made you go home at lunch time and that's when you found your mom.The day before my mom died was the only day I didn't call her.I usually called her first thing in the morning,and than many more times throughout the day.For some reason I found myself afraid to call her the one day she needed me the most.My brother found her around 7 that night screaming in pain,really out of it,and her room was a mess.We don't really know what happened to her,she died the next morning from organ failure-she hadn't been feeling good but we never expected this.It will be a yr.in June and I can't get over the guilt I feel for not being there for her the one day she needed me the most,she suffered so much that day.Thank God you have your little girl to give you a reason to get up in the morning and get through your day.I will keep you in my prayers!!

[bellachris1]

Thank you so much for your reponse, and I will keep you in my prayers also. I was told instead of taking it 1 day at a time take it 1 minute at a time. I think I might seek therapy only b/c I feel guilt also. If I feel it's not doing anything for me I also will discontinue the sessions. I tell my Mother everyday in prayer I'm so sorry for being upset with her the night before she passed. And I hope she could find it in her heart to forgive me .Which I know she does but I just wish I could hear her say it, weither it's in a dream or through my thoughts. As long as I could come to terms with myself that is wan't my fault. I think I will hurt for a long time. But I wanted to say Thank you for your kind words. 

[libra1]

I agree. You are in the very early stages of the grieving process. I lost my mom 3 years ago very suddenly. She died of a massive heart attack, and like yourself, I wish I had paid more attention to her complaints of not feeling well weeks before her death. She had dizzy spells, and felt very tired, but he GP did very little about this. I wish I had researched into these symptoms a bit more. I felt guilty for months and months. Every day I would research heart disease signs on the internet, and every thing added up. My advice to you is to allow yourself to grieve. each day will be different. Keep yourself very busy, as only this will keep your mind off the reality. You're in for a bit of a roller coaster ride as far as your emotions are concerned, but for sure the first year is the hardest. Let me assure you, you will get through this...the pain never goes away...you just learn to deal with it better!

Focus in what is good in your life...it is very easy to get swallowed up in your grief...but one thing I learned, is that the world keeps going on around you, and either you shut down, or pick up (at your own pace) and move along with it. Keep going on this forum...it was the greatest help to me. Talk about your feelings to those who care about you.  Let yourself grieve...tell yourself its okay!..We all care for each other on this forum...and will be right there for you... Take care..

libra1

[lifes1k]

bellachris1,

(((Hugs))) I agree with what has already been said, but most important is take care of you. It is approaching the 1 year date of my mothers passing, although some days are as painful as the day it happened, I do feel there are more good days than bad... it took me a long time to get here. So be good to yourself and realize that what ever the sequence of events that happened on that sad and grey day, that is what was supposed to happen. May you find peace

 

 

 

[lifes1k]

Boy with all these Mother's Day commercials I am really feeling sad today, I think that is all I heard on the radio on my way to work! This is the first one without my mom! It is certainly harder than I thought... of course my kids wanna celebrate and I just want it to go away! (((HUGS))) to anyone else struggling through the weekend!

[Guest Webster]

I understand completely.  Most of this day was tearful.  I stopped by Trader Joe's for flowers (to place near my mom's urn) and the clerk asked if the flowers were for my mom.  I thought I would breakdown right there!  It's been two years and it still feels like yesterday.  I miss my mom so much.  I never thought that I could feel so bad and live through it.  No one should ever have to experience such pain. I don't know how to do this.

[tanmanmymagicman]

This is a short and lovely letter to my mother; Ruth Elizabeth Williams; Mother; no flowers this year, Mother, mo cards, this year and heavens no; no presents this year; I know you don't even need to tell me.  You were so deserving of much much more but you did not value yourself and much as Nancy and I did; especially now that we do not have you with us anymore; I woke up too late to realize what a wonderful mother you were; You did the best you knew to do and it was wonderful.  Thank you so much God for giving me great parents and grandparents; you have blessed my life; Mama; i know you left us because of Tanner; Our Tanner is with you know and I feel blessed knowing you were there to meet him.....I will understand all this someday when I die; just like grandma said; Happy Mothers Day Mama; I love you beyond words; your daughter Cynthia Denise; Love you; my baby Tanner Joseph;

[solemate]

Today is Mothers Day in Australia and once again for the second time I am without my beloved Mum (and Dad) I feel a little strange this year - being on strong medication seems to have effected my emotions. I am very surprised that I have not been able to cry today.  I had previously been in tears constantly but now (even on this special day ) I am sad but without the tears.  I miss my Mum terribly (& Dad) and wish they were back with me to share our family life.  Our daughter decided to announce her engagement today - this has brought some new life into our family and I am glad for her yet sad that her Grandmother was not here to see it.  I took time out myself to go to a local trash and treasure market, where I just wandered around and remembered the many times that Mum and I would go together and enjoy the day.  I remember my Mum as a loving, caring person who was the love of my Fathers life and the best friend to me. Dear Mum, Happy Mothers Day, love your darling daughter Gayle.

[mikesmum]

Gayle - Mothers Day really does hit home.  Mum died one week after all her family saw her for her last Mothers Day 2005.  She was 80.  I remember reading many of your posts and in away being thankful that I was never faced with the decisions you were at the time you lost your mum. 

The day alters once you lose your mum.  Losing Mike 2 yrs later adds another dimension, the day never the same. 

The meds do affect your ability to 'release' your emotions.  Have been put on stronger meds earlier this year, not 'coping' with the depression that comes with grief. 

They tend to 'equalise' the emotions. I am glad to hear your daughter has announced her engagement, like you say, new life into the family.

Take Care of yourself.  Trudi

[solemate]

Hi Trudi,

Thanks for your warm wishes and advices - Today was a very mixed day full of sadness and joy.  Your Mum and Mike would be watching you and smiling - thinking you are a special lady.  Although I lost twins during the early months of pregnacy (30 years ago) I can only image the pain you feel in also loosing your beloved Mike. Do you do anything special in memory of your Mum and Mike?  I cannot make it to the reunion this year but hope to next time - or a visit to Victoria so I can say hello.  Funny about the meds - I have had a range of them and now on Lovan (high dose) have some side effects but getting there. I hope you had a nice Mothers Day and were treated like a Queen. You are a special lady who has a large heart. Warmest regards to you - keep in touch Gayle

[butterfly13]

Happy Mothers Day mom!I miss you more and more every day!I remember last Mothers Day you had just started to feel sick,little did I know you would be gone in less than a month.You are in my thoughts every minute of every day!Thanks for being the best mom,and most of all-my best friend!!!I miss you so much,my heart hurts!!I love you!!!

[timesremembered]

I am slowing coming upon my mom's year passing and I can't definatly say I am not looking forward to it. I came back home from college and I was heistant to coming back, I really don't look forward to getting out of school due to what happened to me last year, the house has the summertime feel and it is an unsettling feel.

My dad has been seeing someone for a while and I'm trying my hardest to like her but it's extremely diffcult. I'm trying. I try to hold back tears everytime I see her with my dad knowing he will never be beside my mom ever again. She isn't anything like my mom, in a lot of ways she is completely the opposite of her.

 

Sorry if that doesn't make any sense, I had to get it out.

[lifes1k]

timesremembered,

What your feeling makes perfect sense! I remember when my mom dated after my dad passed I was soo angry! But that was about 20 years ago. I think maybe I can understand how your dad feels that no one could replace your mom so maybe he is looking for an opposite with out even knowing it (not sure if that makes any sense to you at all)!!!!

I just passed the year date and I did better than I thought I actually got out of bed! Whats odd about the whole thing was I moved on that weekend and she is the one who always helped me no questions asked (I have moved a lot in the past). That was really hard. But I tried to believe she was there helping just like always.

My point is, yes it is going to be hard but hang on to those good memories there will be a time when you can remember them and be happy!

All my best!!!

[Guest jeanne Pelletier]

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[Guest jeanne Pelletier]

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[Kelly]

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We look forward to seeing you there.

[Guest confuzzled]

I feel a little selfish. i just really need my mom right now. i need her to comfort me. I just started my first long term job, and it is a high-demanding one, one needing my heart to be fully into it. I feel lost because mom isn't there to call. I'm struggling to just keep going, but my heart is so broken. i picture hugging her, and her comforting me, even though i was never very good at letting her. She was good at comforting though, good at listening to me when i really needed her to let me cry.

Mom i need a hug! I need you to call and be mad you haven't talked to me in a while! I miss you and love so very very much

[Kelly]

Hello!

Could you take a moment out of your days and elect Beyond Indigo for the spotlight program for American Express? You have to register but then you can vote for us. We need 50 nominations by tomorrow night Midnight!! If we win then we receive 100,000 dollars which I want to put towards a site administrator for this website. Can you please help and pass the word to the others?

Just go to http://shinealight.ivillage.com/, click nominees and type in Beyond Indigo and our name will pop up. The direct link to the page is here at

http://shinealight.ivillage.com/nominees/?PerPage=10&Order=&x=0&y=0&Search=Beyond+Indigo.

Let's shoot for 50 plus nominees by tomorrow night! Thank you for your help.

Kelly Baltzell

Founder

Beyond Indigo

[gracerose]

It's been some time since I posted here or even visited this site. My beloved Mom passed away April 26, 2007. It's been a long, lonely time since she left. I feel for all of you who want your Mom, who are missing her more than it feels you can bear. I am in that place too. My Dad is now dying. He has end stage liver disease and for the past 3 months or so it's been a time of watching him deteriorate. I'm not close to my Dad. He left our family many, many years ago and because I cannot deal with his drinking, we have not had much of a relationship for a long time. We kept in touch now and then, saw each other now and then, but essentially, he has not been a part of my life for a long time. He made that choice. I see him suffering and wish him peace. I am at peace with him and I know he will pass soon. I love my Dad very much. I wish things were not this way but they are. I wish he had done something about his drinking but he didn't. Now we're dealing with this. I want my Mom so badly, I want to hear her voice, I want to hug her and get a hug from her. Since she's been gone, life has been so hard and lonely. I lost my best friend in my Mom and I know she would be here for me now if she could be. She understood the pain I have had over the years because of my Dad's drinking. I have the support of my son and my sweetheart and I'm so thankful for them. But I'm also trying to be strong for my son and it's hard.

[angel44]

Gracerose i am to in the same boat, my dad isnt dying as of yet, but is doing worse month after month. I also have a sister who as of late has pnemonia and will not go to the dr etc says she wants to end it all. Shes on drugs so theres nothing i can do. You have my sympathy.

[angel44]

[user=10005]bon125[/user] wrote: My mom was also the mom people dream of-- Hugs

My beloved mother died Nov 8, 2004.My was less than a month shy of 75 She was diagnosed August 8. She died of pneumonia related to brain cancer. My family took her off life support and watched her die. My sister and I never got to say goodbye. I am angry that the Drs. were not straight with us. Mom would have made different choices. The outcome would be the same, but her death would have been on her terms. She could have settled her affairs personally and said goodbye. Instead we had to do it all with her best interests and wishes in mind.

I just miss her so much. It was all so sudden, its still numbing to me. She was the mom people dream of. I was so lucky. I have no loose end, no regrets. She and I loved each other everyday. My parents are divorced. Mom was remarried 40 years to a very nice man. But..neither are the parent mom was. I feel like an orphan at 49. I have my own kids, 19 and 22. They are the light of my life, so I am so lucky. They keep me going. She loved them so much and accepted them completely. Its a huge loss for both of them. My beautiful son just fell apart. Cried in my arms.

I get grief counseling and just try to live each day. All I really want to do is sleep eat and read, and not go to work. Geez...those bills just keep coming in, don't they?

Thanks for listening. This seems like a really warm nurturing place.

[Guest Mr. Dana]

My "Ma" passed about 70 'daze' ago.  I miss her so much.  Her thoughts are all encompassing to my very being right now.   The world lost a jewel of a woman.

[Guest Guest]

I lost my mother three weeks ago today.  The pain I am experiencing is like nothing I have ever felt before including the pain I went through after my father died many years ago.  She was 69 and my best friend.  She would have turned 70 on October 31 and we were planning a big party but that won't be happening now.  I think many gay men like myself have very special relationships with their mothers and mine was no exception.   I dream about her most every night and when I wake up I think for a brief moment everything is okay then it hits me.  Sometimes I think she's calling me in my dreams to come to her.  I know that sounds strange but it's what I feel.  I am back at work but I couldn't tell you what I do all day.  Days go by and I feel like I'm in a fog.  I'm in the process of finding a counselor.  I cry all the time.  How does one get through this when nothing seems to mean anything anymore? 

[butterfly13]

I am so sorry for your loss.Today it is 16months that my mom and best friend died-she was 59.Honestly,I still feel like I just barely get through the days,sometimes waking up and realizing that this has not been just a bad dream is the hardest and loneliest time.Three weeks is so new,I don't even remember the first couple of months after my mom died,and I wasn't on any medication,just in another world.Having good dreams with your mom in them must be so comforting,maybe she is visiting you through your dreams.The only thing that gets me through my days is hoping that I will one day see my mom again,sometimes it is so hard to believe in an after life,but it is even harder to believe that their is nothing after this,my mom had so much love,personality,etc..I can't imagine it all just ending just because her heart stopped.I will keep you in my prayers!

[socal2010]

I'm sorry about your Mom. I know what you mean, it seems like there's nothing as painful as losing a mother, especially if you were very close. 3 weeks is a short time, I'm at 2 and half months and it feel like 10 years. Time goes by very slow. The only positive thing I can say is that I have met some supportive people who are helping me through it. I hope you find a counselor who helps you. I don't know how anyone gets through this but I think we all need to keep doing what we're doing here....open up, express our feelings and connect with people who understand. I've met people on this board who have helped me so much. It helps that there are a lot of us here who really loved our Moms and were so close. We all understand each other.

[socal2010]

Butterfly - I hope today went by fast for you. I'm not even at 3 months and it seems so long. I can't IMAGINE how long 16 months must feel.

 

[zaraide]

My mom passed away on September 30,2009. It still seems unreal that she is gone. I was holding her hand when she passed away. She had been sick for several years and I knew that day was coming but I wasnt ready. Not sure I would ever have been ready. I miss her so much and just wish I had more time with her.

[socal2010]

My Mom passed away in July. I still can't believe it either. I wish I could hug her one more time.

[Guest Troubled]

I'm 12. my dad died when i was six years old. its been so long yet i still cant get over it and keeps coming back and back and back and i don't know what to do. any advice?

[Guest maryguym@yahoo.com]

My mom has been gone for 1 year and every day i miss her just as much as the day before, she will always be in my heart.  I miss her so bad, some days it hits me out of the blue. i talk to her everyday it keeps me sane. i love you mom and miss you more then you can ever know.

[robinann202]

[user=0]maryguym@yahoo.com[/user] wrote:

My mom has been gone for 1 year and every day i miss her just as much as the day before, she will always be in my heart.  I miss her so bad, some days it hits me out of the blue. i talk to her everyday it keeps me sane. i love you mom and miss you more then you can ever know.

It is very hard dealing...My mom died 10 years ago this past may--and it is tough everyday, prayers are with you...

 

[socal2010]

[user=0]Troubled[/user] wrote:

I'm 12. my dad died when i was six years old. its been so long yet i still cant get over it and keeps coming back and back and back and i don't know what to do. any advice?

Hi - I thought I responded to you the other day but I guess it didn't get posted.

I'm so sorry to hear your lost your Dad at such a young age. It's really hard to recover from something very traumatic like that, but I think the best thing we can all do is live one day at a time and focus on all the good things about our loved ones. Maybe You have some photos of you and your Dad that you could put into a special book or create some nice tribute for him so you can always have that to look at. Are you close to your Mom?

[angel44]

i really miss my mom lately - some times at night i will be almost  asleep and then it hits me that shes gone and that i am without her and sort of alone in the world - i dont know know why but sometimes even though i am with someone i feel so alone. and when that hits me i feel so afraid and alone in the middle of the night.

i had wanted to take some classes early next year but i dont think it may be that good of a idea as i have super bad migraines and havent yet found any meds that help them. in college you cant miss any classes at all or you fall you so far behind and also they give you the boot.   or i am not sure if i should do this or not. if i could take them they last 5 months mon thru fri for 4 hours each day. i have lived on gov aid for so long now and just hate it so much so. my health has been to bad to do anything about it. but i want to try to so much so. still i know if my mom was here i wouldnt be so afraid to try. its like without her i know i will fail on some level.  i was thinking baout she treated her mom always with such kindness, and somehow it made me miss her even more. here her mom lived to be 80 something and mine died at 67. what a differance. so sad. i was just 33 when mine died. and mom mym om was in her 60s i think when hers died.

[cloudsaj]

Hi everyone 

I have been reading lately what has been written just wanted to say sorry for everyones loss  i know how it feels.  I have been real sad lately and thanksgiving is coming up and so not looking forward to that day as it will be the 2 year annversery of my moms passing. This will be a very very sad day.   I still can't believe she is gone and I think of her everyday and miss her so much.  Well I just wanted to write to let everyone know i'm thinking of you all.  Hope you all have a great day.

cloudsaj

[Guest Sad today]

Today is my mom's birthday, and two months ago we passed the 4th anniversary of her death. She was only 54 when she died unexpectedly. My world is a different place now, in some ways my life has blossomed as I have a wonderful partner. I have grown up very much since she died. My sister had the first baby in our family, whom my mother never got to meet. So much bittersweet! How sad my nephew will never meet his "cool" grandma (and boy was she a cool lady)...

I normally "keep it together" and put on a good strong face, but tonight, on her birthday... The tears are falling. I miss her and send up a birthday wish. I hope she is around out there, and happy looking down on all of us.

[jackson923]

[user=33643]angel44[/user] wrote:

i really miss my mom lately - some times at night i will be almost  asleep and then it hits me that shes gone and that i am without her and sort of alone in the world - i dont know know why but sometimes even though i am with someone i feel so alone. and when that hits me i feel so afraid and alone in the middle of the night.

Angel44, I lost my mom 3 months ago, and I feel the same way... I'll be okay during the day and then just when I'm about to go to sleep it will hit me that she's gone and I feel like I'm back to square one. I feel alone and scared. I just turned 24 and at night all I can think about is how she won't be there for the rest of my life... to be at my wedding... to see my kids.. to help me when I have questions about raising kids... stuff like that. I used to always call her on my way home from work, every day... and there are some days I forget that she's gone and I reach for my phone when I get in my car and then realize that she's gone.

I think this forum has helped me in some ways, at least in helping me feel not so alone, and when I read about how people feel or are dealing with their loss and it's similar to me, I do find comfort. There is no one in my life who has experienced the loss of their mother, so it's hard to talk to anyone since they don't understand. So this site, in a weird way, validates my feelings when I'm thinking about her, and feeling alone, which is pretty frequent since we're in the middle of the holidays.

I hope everyone had a good Thanksgiving.

[bluegrass]

[user=0]Troubled[/user] wrote:

I'm 12. my dad died when i was six years old. its been so long yet i still cant get over it and keeps coming back and back and back and i don't know what to do. any advice?

That is a huge loss for anyone, but especially for a child.  If you have never tried some type of counseling (or if you did, but feel it might be beneficial again), that might be a way to help resolve some of the feelings about your dad.

Another way might be, if there are family members who knew him well, to spend time with them talking about him and looking at pictures of his life so you can get a better sense of who he was.

[agnaq111809]

My dad/father never came back from a hunting trip in the Arctic Ocean.  I was born a month and 2 days later.

Throughout my life (I'm 57 now), I struggled with not having a 'daddy'.  This was especially hard when I was a child.  People seemed to always ask, especially since one was a child, who was their parents, sometimes asking specifically who is their dad. 

My mother was my mom/dad.  I also had a great extended family I grew up with, a grandma (mom's mom), two uncles, and eventually a younger brother.  Now there's only me and my brother.  Our grandma raised us when our mother had to work.  We learned a lot from her.

I went through stages of grief basically on my own.  We never really talked about my dad/father.  It was too hard.  See my mother lost a younger brother too that same time.  He had gone out hunting with my dad/father. 

What I'd like to tell you is that all my life, it was probably my dad/father who took care of me.  There's just too many things that happened in my life that I couldn't be 'that lucky'.  He was there all the time. 

So I can only tell you that your dad is with you.  He'll always take care of you.

[agnaq111809]

Helllo,

Thanks for sharing your story about your mother.  I'm not sure if you'll get this email.  I'm writing this because your story is so similar to what we all just went through with my mother.

She died November 18, 2009.  Her lung cancer (non small cell)diagnosis was on Oct. 14.  She had gone into a hospital with pneumonia on/about August 21.

She was basically talking/eating on my birthday couple weeks before she passed.  Then about Nov. 12, the pain was very intense.  I know there probably could've been better pain management by the hospital.  I did the best I could know how.

My daughter and son with other family were right there when she took her last breath.  I had just gone to lay down to rest some forty minutes before. 

I've cried alot by myself; visited her grave and cried out to the wind.  Then somehow I feel better.  I'm in the process of accepting the fact that I will not see her again here on earth.  All I want to remember her by is all the jokes/laughter we had together.  I think this is because we saw her in so much pain when the medication was weaning off.  She was such a vivacious and outgoing mother.   That's how I'll always remember her. 

[cindyjean]

How are you all doing that posted about moms and the holidays...IT is funny that no matter how far along you can be in the grief process, days, weeks, years...there are always things that come back.  At somepoint I have noticed however in my own journey that they become almost a good memory or a comfort rather than painful.  Someone mentioned that they used to call their mom everyday on the way home...my mom used to email everyday and when she had something she really wanted me to read she would put in the subject line "red alert"  that used to make me laugh.  Now I do it to my girls, it is like a comforting small thing that we shared as silly as it was.  It is helpful to think of things that were traditions, or little comforts and pay them forward to someone else and twisting that sadness of not having them anymore into a litle ray of joy in sharing them with someone else.  Just a thought for today.