Cancer Sux

[gag031958]

I lost my "little" brother, age 51 (I am 54), 3 weeks ago, on March 10th, to colon cancer. We lost our dad in 2008, a beloved uncle in 2009, our mother in 2010, and, three months after my mom, we lost another uncle. I thought losing my mom, my best friend, was going to be the worst I would have to deal with. But the loss of my little brother, the brother I grew up with, the sweet, kind, pure of heart and spirit, losing him has been the worst. Before he died, I couldn't stop wanting to protect him. In the last days when the end was near, I just could not believe he had friggin cancer that was going to kill him. He wouldn't see his teenage son graduate from high school, he wouldn't be there for his 28th wedding anniversary yesterday, he wouldn't see his son get married, be a grandparent, etc., etc.

I don't feel like I have recovered from any of these losses. Because I have my own core family, with 2 children who have blessed us with 7 grandchildren, I have pulled myself together and smiled and carried on with life. But I feel there is a hole in me. I have trouble focusing at work, I can't get motivated to clean my house, get out to go for a walk, and consequently, I have gained weight that won't come off because I am not getting enough exercise. I do take an anti-depressant which I started taking years ago when my husband was going through back surgeries which ultimately led to a medical retirement at age 42.

I have always been a bright and shining personality. I was the one who lit up the room with my presence. I was funny. I can't seem to find that part of myself and hope it is not gone forever.

I am very concerned about my sister-in-law and their son. I try to connect with her at least a couple of times a week to see how she is doing but I fear I may be making her pain worse by just reminding her by hearing from his sister.

Any suggestions as to how to get through this?

[hcastro]

Gigi bless your heart.

My family has also loss loved ones to cancer. Carcer does sux, it is ugly and it brings so much Pain to the whole family. But what cancer can never take is the essence of who we are, unless we let it.

You have a family as you mention, and you care for others as your statement reads. Hold on to Love and Hope and you will make it.

I am not qualified to tell you, how to help your sister in law, but all I can say is Love has a life of its own, and it touches all around us, love your sister in law and her kids, they will feel it and ultimately your love will help them thru.

God bless you Gigi

[gag031958]

Newbie - thank you so much for your kind words. I truly appreciate them. It has been almost 5 months since we lost my brother and, my prayers have been answered to help me get stronger. I started a diet in May and have since lost 20 pounds. I still have a long way to go but am now able to do some exercising that will help with my health and weight loss too. I think about my brother and mom and dad every day. I have talked to my sister-in-law a couple of times but she still avoids me -- doesn't answer text messages, etc. When I did talk to her, she told me she had signed up with an online dating service. Of course I told her that was great -- maybe she could find someone to hang out with that had similar interests. I pray for her and my nephew every day, but I don't let it eat away at me if she avoids me. I cannot control what other people do -- only how I react to it.

I am still wounded, but I am trying to celebrate every day. My family has always been so important in my life but now I cherish them and the time I spend with them more. Spend less time cooking for them and more time visiting with them. I am living my life with the thought it could be taken away from me at any time and I don't want to spoil a day with unnecessary stress or letting trivial things bother me.

Thank you again. P.S. - I had a colonoscopy in May and I am completely clean! Maybe this horrible disease has stopped attacking my family.

[josephtmacgregor]

Hi, Gigi. I saw your post and just wanted to say I'm so sorry for your loss. I am 53 and lost my "little" brother to cancer too. He died of brain cancer six years ago. In line with what you wrote, sitting back and watching my brother slowly waste away and die of cancer went against every protective, older-sibling bone in my body. I cannot believe that he would be 51 now! Immediately after he died and the services were over, I had to return to work, as I had already taken off 4 weeks to spend with my brother when it was clear that we were losing him. I never got the chance to really grieve and it has come back to haunt me now. I am in therapy for depression and PTSD--after all this time I still can't wrap my mind aroun what happened and I have flashbacks and dreams of him from the times when he was very sick. I don't want to remember him that way, but what I saw him go through was too much to forget.

My brother was not married but he left behind a young son, whom he never got to know. I, too, have a family of my own--a beautiful wife and 2 amazing children, now teens--but between the pain I feel having lost one of my "little" brothers and best friends of 40+ years, and the pain of watching my brother's boy grow up without his biological father, sometimes it just gets to be too much to handle.

Anyway, I don't know what else to write. Most of what you wrote is applicable to my and my brother's situation, I feel like I could have written parts of it.

Take care and know you are not alone. Write back if you feel up to it, or come in the chat room- I usually stop by in the afternoon/evening.

I am so sorry, once again, for your loss. I know that pain...and yes...CANCER SUCKS!!!!!

Joe

[Sonni Letner]

I'm very sorry for your loss, and I completely agree with you. It does suck. I lost my only sister, just 19 years old to a rare form of esophageal cancer.