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How do i grieve?


emmaline76

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Hi all,

Sadly i lost my big brother in January of this year, he had just turned 36 and it was very sudden. I was his carer as he had anxiety problems and spoke to him every day. It was a month after he passed away that we held his funeral, i attended but didnt take in what was happening. We had the post mortem results back and i still seem unable to get out of the denial that he has gone. I wait for him to call me as he always would, i cant talk to other siblings or parents because they are all grieving. I would like to know how to start grieving for him. Any suggestions please.

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Sweetheart, I am so sorry for your loss. You've made a big step here by reaching out. It's hard to lose a loved one and the feelings of being alone are tough. You are not alone, we all know the road you are on. I lost my oldest son Kevin (28yrs old) suddenly 6 months ago. Many of us came here not knowing where else or what else to do. We want to hear about your brother, Please come here to talk, vent, cry, or just read posts from others. We all understand and as is often said here I'm sorry you're here but I'm glad you found us, Welcome. Hugs and Prayers to you at this very hard time. Vivian-Kevin's Mom

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I am in the same boat. I lost my little brother in September 2011, I still cant except he is gone. He was 38 and it was also unexpected. I spoke to him the day before, he was fine. My son was with him until 1am and he was fined then too. Then the next morning he just didnt wake up. I was extremely close to him. We spoke all the time. I still wait for his calls. I walk into to my parents house where he lived and yell out to him. Now I feel the anxiety building because his birthday is coming up and Im not sure how to handle it. I wish I could help you but apparently I cant even help myself. All I know is what people and drs tell me... Its a process. There is no time limit and know right or wrong way. You have to do what makes you feel better. I cant speak to my family either. My mom, Im pretty sure she thinks Im losng it. My dad breaks down, I know my sister thinks Ive lost it. And she tells me Im grieving wrong because Im not doing what she does. My older brother called me a downer. I cant speak to my children even though they are older (19, 19, and 22 today) My husband says he doesnt think Im crazy but no and then I see him looking at me like hes just waiting for me to flip. I dont like to burden my friends, so Im basically on my own through this process. Except for a few people I talk to here on this site. They are very caring and understanding. They know what were going through because they are ging through it too. Im on every now and then if you ever want to chat let me know when youll be on. We all need to vent or just talk at some point..I miss my little brother soooo much. Im sure you miss yours too.

Kapet

Hi all,

Sadly i lost my big brother in January of this year, he had just turned 36 and it was very sudden. I was his carer as he had anxiety problems and spoke to him every day. It was a month after he passed away that we held his funeral, i attended but didnt take in what was happening. We had the post mortem results back and i still seem unable to get out of the denial that he has gone. I wait for him to call me as he always would, i cant talk to other siblings or parents because they are all grieving. I would like to know how to start grieving for him. Any suggestions please.

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hello

I am new to this site, my baby brother died 2-24-2012, just writing that feels unreal. that is how i feel not real. i can't believe it. i am the oldest i have 2 younger brothers they don't live in town and are dealing with there own grief. my brother name is Caleb he was 21 he lived a crazy life not always making good choice he had recently gotten out of jail on the 14th of February valentines day. he liked to smoked weed and party and dance he lived life on the edge. he always had "great ideas" and did them. he is one of the funniest people i ever met. he was starting a new path it looked like he was going to church with me he was working he was talking about how was going to make changes. well i guess he was trying out how to get high with out dropping dirty and he and his friends were doing whip its , this is compressed air that people use to clean there keyboards or dvd players . the drug replaces the oxygen and makes u high anyway his friends left and he got in the hot tub and took another hit. he passed out. he drowned. my mom usually gets home at midnight that's why his friends left she ended up working late she didn't get home until 4am he was gone. she pulled him out. she was too late. i was at work, i work nights at a local hospital. i got off at 730 am my husband picked me up and said we are going to my moms he packed me clothes he said something is wrong but he didn't know what. i started praying please God let Caleb be okay please i got to my moms house there was a car i did not recognizes in the drive way i open the door they were victim witness people i screamed and screamed and screamed i though i was dying.NOOOOOO ITS NOT REAL! i wont believe it i cant believe it my baby brother he was like my kid there a 12 year difference between us I FAILED HIM. why ? I talked God about how i know he was making bad choices and if he went to prison or jail for a really long time i be okay but not if he died i am not okay with this. i have 4 children and 2 other brothers to care for my mother my father. i had to go tell my dad his son was dead. i arranged the funeral i did the funeral i comforted his friends who were with that night do that drug and then left him. i called the pastor i called the rest of family i comforted his ex-girlfriend i comforted his best friend. i spoke about him in front of 300 people i shook hands i said thank you for being there .i took care of my dad i made sure his family was here i fed my mother made sure she ate made sure she money to take time off work. then every one left i went back to work , i take care of my kids my husband is a recovering alcoholic he relapsed i took care of him. now more than month latter my body hurts , when i sit too long i feel the scream trying to come out it scares me. i am lost. i can't grieve i have to much to do yet there are moments that maybe i could but i then i don't want to scare my kids again and my husband thinks it good that i keep busy. i am so scared so lost.

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