Still feeling lost and empty

[agaston1231]

Hello Everyone,

I am new to this site and it has taken me a long time to actually talk about my mother. I lost my mother on June 21, 2011 at the age of 51 from lung cancer that metastized to her brain, she was only with us for a little over a year. She tried one run of chemo and radiation, it was too much for her. I told her in the beginning of the treatment if it was too much for her just let me know (even though I did not want to hear that). I also have an 8 year old daughter, her and my mother were inseperable (that was her MiMi). During the year we were able to enjoy with my mother, I cried with her, laughed, was silly with her, whatever she wanted to do; we did it. I made sure that her final days here was enjoyable and we enjoyed her. I am an only child and so is my daughter, it has been even harder for me because of my daughter, she is taking my moms death very hard. I do have in counseling and she will attend a weekend camp for grieving children. It has only been 9 months since my mother left us; sometimes my heart drops at the thought of her being gone. I have good days and bad days, I cry, shout, laugh, and scream. I sometimes just want to wake up from this awful dream. I never imagined life with my mother, she was the rock of our family; she has 5 sisters and four brothers and everyone thought my mother was the oldest. I miss her dearly and I would give anything to hear her call my name or my daughter's name. I try to think realisticly sometimes; I say to myself; she is no longer in pain and she is not suffering anymore and I have to ask myself, would I want her here that way (no). People say to me the days will get better; I don't feel that way now. I just sit and ask why

Thank You for letting me express how I feel

[ModKonnie]

Agaston,

Thank you for sharing your story. I am so sorry about your loss. If you'd like, there is a forum up nearer to the top of the page for people who have lost their parents. It is called "Loss of a Parent." There are many there who have experienced similar tragedies. They will be able to offer you support and encouragement.

The loss of a parent is difficult at best. It takes time to be able to begin to move forward. Grieving is an individual experience. I can tell you, however, that things will get easier. Talking about your loss will help. We will be here to listen to you. Do you get to talk to others in your family about your mom? Do they share with you?

ModKonnie

[agaston1231]

I only talk to a couple of my family members because I am angry with them and I am trying to work on forgiving. The whole time my mother was sick, I only received support and help from two family members and they were my cousins, not my mother's sister's nor her brother's. I am angry because if it was the other way around, my mother would have been there hands down, like she always used to be. I am still hurt and angry and I do not speak to them now. I know if my mother was here, she would not like they way I feel because she held no grudges and had an open heart but I just can not help how I feel.

Agaston,

Thank you for sharing your story. I am so sorry about your loss. If you'd like, there is a forum up nearer to the top of the page for people who have lost their parents. It is called "Loss of a Parent." There are many there who have experienced similar tragedies. They will be able to offer you support and encouragement.

The loss of a parent is difficult at best. It takes time to be able to begin to move forward. Grieving is an individual experience. I can tell you, however, that things will get easier. Talking about your loss will help. We will be here to listen to you. Do you get to talk to others in your family about your mom? Do they share with you?

ModKonnie