Overwhelmed

[chananga]

4 months ago I received a phone call that changed my life. My sister, who was 23, was dead. I had just texted her a few hours earlier telling her that a friend had surprised me with tickets to a Christmas concert and we were getting ready to leave. 30 minutes before she died, she posted on Facebook that she was going to have dinner with a friend and watch a movie.

The thing is, I am the fixer of my family. If my siblings had a problem, I was the one that they came to and I fixed it. This was and is something that I couldn't fix. My mom is a travel nurse and I had to make the phone call to her and tell her that we needed her to come home and that her daughter was dead and I had to call my dad and tell him that he his little girl was gone. I had to write my sisters obituary, which is probably one of the hardest things I have EVER had to do.

This brings me to where I am now. I have gone to counseling and I know that grief takes time but I can't seem to fully cope. In the past 4 months I have had to deal with the "1st's". Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years and her birthday. All I can think is how it is not fair. I protected my sister her entire life and the one time that she truly needed me, I wasn't there. I couldn't even tell her goodbye and that I loved her. Now I am afraid that people will forget her. 23 years is not a long time on this earth. I don't know how to respond when people ask me if I have any brothers or sisters, people are visibly uncomfortable when anything is said about it, etc.

I have been told that there is not a rule book on how to grieve but it is so hard to grieve when society says you have 2-4 weeks to learn how to cope and return to normal.

I feel completely overwhelmed.

[gag031958]

"Newbie - I am a newbie too! Just found this forum today. I feel so bad for you. I understand what it is like. I lost my "little" brother just 3 weeks ago today. The main message I got from your words is that you feel responsible for your sister's death because you said you were not there for her when you needed her. You have to first of all get it out of your head that you could do anything to prevent that tragedy. Try to think with your head and not your heart. Having said that, I too, feel overwhelmed--it has been very difficult for me to accept my brother's death -- colon cancer at age 51. Lost my dad in 2008 and my mom in 2010. Steve was the last of my growing up family. Every day now I still just can't believe my little brother is gone. I cant focus -- work is hard, I am so easily distracted, etc. I was searching today for inspirations and I came across a suggestion to set up a website or a facebook page honoring your loved ones. Since you are worried that people will forget your sister, maybe you can do that, and post photos of her and she can be remembered and honored. Hope this helps and not made it worse

4 months ago I received a phone call that changed my life. My sister, who was 23, was dead. I had just texted her a few hours earlier telling her that a friend had surprised me with tickets to a Christmas concert and we were getting ready to leave. 30 minutes before she died, she posted on Facebook that she was going to have dinner with a friend and watch a movie.

The thing is, I am the fixer of my family. If my siblings had a problem, I was the one that they came to and I fixed it. This was and is something that I couldn't fix. My mom is a travel nurse and I had to make the phone call to her and tell her that we needed her to come home and that her daughter was dead and I had to call my dad and tell him that he his little girl was gone. I had to write my sisters obituary, which is probably one of the hardest things I have EVER had to do.

This brings me to where I am now. I have gone to counseling and I know that grief takes time but I can't seem to fully cope. In the past 4 months I have had to deal with the "1st's". Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years and her birthday. All I can think is how it is not fair. I protected my sister her entire life and the one time that she truly needed me, I wasn't there. I couldn't even tell her goodbye and that I loved her. Now I am afraid that people will forget her. 23 years is not a long time on this earth. I don't know how to respond when people ask me if I have any brothers or sisters, people are visibly uncomfortable when anything is said about it, etc.

I have been told that there is not a rule book on how to grieve but it is so hard to grieve when society says you have 2-4 weeks to learn how to cope and return to normal.

I feel completely overwhelmed.