Very strong feelings today

[shaggydo7]

I lost both my parents within the last 2 months, 3 weeks apart from each other. It;s been quite a jolt to say the least. I haven't written on this site in about a month. I thought maybe I was getting past the trauma of it but I'm seeing now that I'm having a delayed reaction and that finally my emotions are kicking in, The two death's came so suddenly that I just sprang into action, dealing with doctors and hospitals, then the funerals and the burrials and all the financial issues. I didnt realize what a shock I went through at the time. It is only now that the reality of what happened is starting to set in, and it is huge, I'm now realizing how devasting it is. I am reluctantly realizing now that not only are they gone forever and not coming back but that the person I was I will never be again, I realize now that I must be responsible for myself, and no longer someone's son. I suppose that these are the growing pains you experience in becoming a true adult even at the age of 57. I am also realizing that by necessity I am forced to live in the moment because if I dwell on the past there is pain and if I start doing "what ifs" (living in the future) also causes paiin. It's very interesting all the stages and emotions I'm going through but it's real tough. I'm trying to stay open and in a 'yes' mode, I am taking care of my health, meditating, and going to start a yoga class. But this stage of my life is scary and really tough. It's as if I'm walking in the dark all the time, and only gray shadows appear but no light yet. We will see. God bless .

Ruben

[vivkib]

Ruben, Iam sosorry for your loss. I lost my dad almost 2 yrs ago and my oldest son 51/2 months ago. I could never imagine loosing both so close together. When we loose a family close family member we re-examine our place in the family. Lossing my dad made me come face-to-face with the whole getting older thing. I knew it would happen "someday" but it was always later. With my son gone it's the whole "I was suppose to go first" thing. My daughter said she was having a hard time becoming "the oldest" and didn't know how to do it. Her brother Kevin was her example and she always followed in this path, now she felt lost. Keep taking care of yourself. You sound to me like a very strong person. Hugs and prayers to you. Vivian-Kevin's Mom

[debbie8800]

Ruben I think i remember you from another post. I am 53 and feel the same way, alone without mom to protect me. My mom was a strong solid individual. I am not crying as much but sure do miss them. My heart aches sometimes and i feel so alone.

Yes its scary we have to take care of ourselves which is not my strong point because my mom always had her safety net out. No matter where i was she was there for me. I go to the gym, church, etc and just try to get thru it.

I moved to my childhood hometown, where the memories of her are so real, grammer school, high, her job, etc, it feels right being here for a while so i can find my way.

I do yoga also..

Prayers for you for healing, blessings and strength to tackle the future.

[Jeff's Mom]

Ruben, Iam sosorry for your loss. I lost my dad almost 2 yrs ago and my oldest son 51/2 months ago. I could never imagine loosing both so close together. When we loose a family close family member we re-examine our place in the family. Lossing my dad made me come face-to-face with the whole getting older thing. I knew it would happen "someday" but it was always later. With my son gone it's the whole "I was suppose to go first" thing. My daughter said she was having a hard time becoming "the oldest" and didn't know how to do it. Her brother Kevin was her example and she always followed in this path, now she felt lost. Keep taking care of yourself. You sound to me like a very strong person. Hugs and prayers to you. Vivian-Kevin's Mom

Vivien, I lost my son two years ago and my mother-in-law this past May. She was diagnosed with cancer a month after our son died. I find that I have absolutely no feelings about her passing whatsoever for some reason. I am very grateful that her suffering is now ended, but I have not shed a single tear for her. Yet I find I think of my son constantly. I can't help but wonder if there is something wrong in that I have so sense of loss about her. We were not close... but close in that I was her caregiver for many years after her husband died. I simply feel nothing. And that concerns me. I wonder if others have experienced this as well.

[vivkib]

Kate, when I lost my dad it was hard but he was 82. He had been in the hospital for about a month and we were told after his second surgery he was going to be fine. His heart gave out 3 days later and he was gone. It was hard because we thought he was coming home. One of the things that made it easier was he had told my mom a few weeks before that if he died he wanted us all to know he had a full life and regreted nothing, he was happy. It was hard but I had known his time was not long for this world. I had seen changes in him over the past 2 yrs. Maybe that helped me prepare for the end, I don't know. When my son passed it was unexpected and sudden, He was only 28. It shattered my world, it's not supposed to happen this way. I didn't cry for my dad much but I still have a bad time with the loss of my son, I always will. I miss him so much.