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[pamhadfred]

Hi everyone,  My name is Pam.  My Husband, Jimmie died 8-13-07 from a heart attack.  we were at home, he had chest pressure and then just fell into his chair.  I revived him 3 times but he didn't make it.  I'm just so lost without him!  He was my whole world and now it's just me and our dog, Roxie.  I am lucky because I have my family and a couple of close friends but sometimes I just rather be alone.  I want to feel his arms around me, smell him, touch him, look at him, kiss him.  It hurts so badly knowing that I can't.  We were together 24 yrs.  Married for 22 of them.  I can't remember my life before him.  He was my soulmate.  We never had kids and I'm glad because I don't know how I would be able to comfort a child.  I here people say it will get better with time  but  I'm just existing, like being on auto pilot. I don't think I'll ever be truly happy again and I damn sure don't want anybody else.  Life as I knew it is over and  I guess I just keep going on because there's nothing else to do.   Thanks for listening, Pam

[armaiti]

Pam, I'm so sorry for your loss.  For me it's been eighteen months today.  It does get easier, but the pain never goes away completely.  I've really been missing my partner, Ishaq today. 

I usually put out this advice:  don't let anyone tell you how to grieve, or what to do. It's your process.  I decided I didn't want/need to see a counselor and I got a lot of flack about that from a few friends, but it was my decision.  My spiritual teacher/guide told me to try not to make any big changes for the first year, the first full walk around the sun, and that's what I've done.  I even left Ishaq's clothes in the closet for one year, and I never gave anything away to the Goodwill or anything...only passed some things on to his family and close friends. 

I have done several things that really helped...I set up what I call an "ancestor altar" with Ishaq's picture on it, and also other items - a box with a lock of his hair in it; his ashes; other special items, feathers and such.  I kiss his picture every morning when I get up and each night before I go to bed.  Ishaq and I were together for 10 1/2 years, and I still celebrate our anniversary on February 18th.  He is my soulmate, and I know I will see him when I cross over. 

I post on the "I Miss Him So..." board as well; there are a lot of women on that board, all ages and experiences and spiritual traditions, that post there.  I find it really helps to have folks to talk to that understand what you are going through.

Blessings,

Anna Armaiti

[qubert]

A letter to my husband

Today has been one month. Well it still feels like day one. You my dear were larger than life. The things you taught me over the last 25 years. First the friendship, trust and unconditional greatest love. Wow I think of that song The Dance. To quote “ I could have missed the pain but I would have had to miss the DANCE. You gave me the dance of a lifetime. So much to remember our first kiss, roller skating on our first date, the night I called you to tell you that you would be a father, the days our sons were born you could not have been happier than with two sons to carry on your name, the day we found our lake lot and built our dream house it was only right that the lord took you from that place, Watching our boys walk across that stage during high school graduation looking at your face and watching how proud you were of them the tears that filled your eyes, the way you would know how I was feeling without me ever saying a word, your soft and gentle touch, the way you never lost your temper. The things you will miss watching our sons make their way through college, the day they find the woman of their dreams if they take you advice they will also find in that wife there best friend and then there life will be fulfilled. Maybe grandchildren I will be sure and tell them of the wonder man that they will never know. Bruce it’s a good thing you will never have to feel the pain that I am going through. I don’t know how to live in this world without you.

You brought out the best in me. Thank you for all the years, thank you for our wonderful sons. I know the place that you are at there is no time. For you it will be like tomorrow for me it will be another lifetime. It is so quite and lonely here without you. You will be forever it my heart and in my soul good night my dear I love you so.

Your soul mate in this life and after

[rodless]

Pam and Qubert,

I feel your pain. I reached 18 months on January 7 and as Anna said the pain softens (I know you can't believe it now) but it's still there. I have longer periods of peace and what I call "neutral" and then I will have a bad day again. Stay with this board. You will find others who understand. Mary Jo

[pamhadfred]

Dear Mary Jo,    Thank you.  I have read some things that all of you have been saying and it is very comforting to know that others understand your pain.  I will definitely keep up with this website.  Thanks Again, Pam

[pamhadfred]

Dear Anna,   Thanks.  I too have not touched a thing of Jim's except for family & friends to have momentos ( if that's an ok word).  I also don't see a councelor.  I'm not paying some knucklehead to tell me to do what I feel  HA!   My one great asset is my sense of humor.  And I use it all the time to get by.  I really am amazed at how many people are going through what I am.  I mean, I know I'm not the only one to have lost the love of my life but it really helps to see it in words if that makes sense.  Thanks again.   Pam

[grannyc]

Hi everyone,

I am reading a very simple easy book I was just given by my Grief Group.

Please look it up, its the story of our lifes, especially in those early months.  It is:  I'M GRIEVING AS FAST AS I CAN by Linda Feinberg

Really worth everyone's time

Sincerely, GrannyCheryl

[ruby1983christine]

[user=18244]grannyc[/user] wrote:

Hi everyone,

I am reading a very simple easy book I was just given by my Grief Group.

Please look it up, its the story of our lifes, especially in those early months.  It is:  I'M GRIEVING AS FAST AS I CAN by Linda Feinberg

Really worth everyone's time

Sincerely, GrannyCheryl

Granny i lost my best friend march 06,2008 and he suffered from cancer and the cancer won he tried so hard to not give up but he couldn't hold hold he was my lover, companion, my protector, strength in this world how do u cope ? i feel like i am dieing inside and a lone. i hope the pain stops soon?

[armaiti]

Melissa (that was the name on the picture, so that's you right?) I am so sorry for your loss...you are so early in this...the pain will be there for a while.  Maybe a long while.   It may come and go, but it's natural to feel this pain after you loose your love like this.  It's over nineteen months for me, and i still have bad days and nights...I've gotten more "even" I guess, but I still miss my beloved Ishaq every day.  I talk to him all the time, and I know he hears me - sometimes he answers, by coming in dreams or giving me signs.

Take this one step at a time...baby steps one of my close friends and spiritual guides told me.   Don't let anyone else tell you how to grieve or what to do.  I kept all of Ishaq's clothes, leaving them in the closet for one full year.  I have an altar with his picture and flowers and candles, and his ashes. 

We are here for you.  Come and post whenever you need to...we have all been through this.

Blessings,

Anna

[rodless]

Melissa,

Everything Anna said is true. I wish I could tell you the pain will go away soon but all I can say is it gradually gets manageable. I lost my husband 7/7/06 and I can function now day to day but I still miss him soooo much. We all understand what you're saying and have been where you are so keep coming and we'll try to help.

Mary Jo

[laquinn]

Mellisa I also lost my best friend the love of my life to cancer October 12,2007. He had only been diagnosed since Febuary of 07. I do understand what you are going through. I am at 22 weeks and yes now I can say that I have some good days but there seems to be more bad days. There are days that I can smile and laugh but they are few and far between. But I do have friends and family that are there for me. I am finding I am working alot more just so I don't have to be home alone all the time. But so many have told me One day at a time and right now that is all that I can do. I used to be the one that planed out everything but not now. I feel if something needs done it will get done when I am ready to do it no one else is gonna do it for me. Come back often if not to post at least read. I just moved and was without internest for 2 weeks and they seem so long away from here. But we are here for you.

Lela

[grannyc]

(((Hi Melissa)))

Glad to meet you, wish it wasn't here! Love your picture!   My husband died July 10-06

It was just the 20month mark, I'm not sure why I just had some ruffer days!?  But, I am feeling abit better.  I keep myself VERY busy, maybe too busy. 

As everyone said so far; this is your grief journey and it will be like no one elses.  We go through alot of the same, but none of us can tell you exactly what it'll all be like and none of us should ever tell you how or what to do next.   BE Good to yourself!  Do what you feel like doing.  Sometimes it is just one breath at a time and Do Not worry about tomorrow, next month or anything in the future; that'll all take care of itself!

Visit other threads at this site also, there is alot of help here by people who are or have been right where you are.

Praying for you!  GrannyCheryl :?

[ruby1983christine]

I don't feel as a lone now since i have ya'll thanks for the help, being there for me .

time it will take, as u said no one can tell u how to greive i have never dealed with something like this before in my life, it has messed me up a bit

i am scared , don't know what to do?

but i guess in time i will be okay it just seems endless when u are use to someone being with u

i knew he was dyeing but i just didn't want to except it , i knew he wasn't going to survive and i just don't want to let go i loved him so very much i don't want to be selfish but i guess it goes with loven someone. thanks all for being there.

[grannyc]

THOUGHTS AND HOPES

THE GRIEVING TREE

The emotions you may be feeling at this moment

if you are grieving a loss are like the grieving tree.

The grieving tree has many branches and stages of emotion.

One branch may be the shock that is felt when you first receive

the news of the death; other branches may include denial, anger

or guilt. Others, like despair and helplessness, are the

beginning of the healing process and will lead, eventually,

to the branch of acceptance. The emotions of grief grow like

the grieving tree until all are experienced and conquered.

Embrace these emotions with all your heart, and don't let go

until you have experienced every branch. Each one is another

step toward recovery.

NOT AS EASY DONE AS WRITTEN IT IS WORK,

GRIEVING IS A HARD JOB. grannyc

[ruby1983christine]

thanks Granny C for the poem that was really

nice .it made a lot of since. it touched home.

thanks again.